Forums » RP Discussion » Don't compare your writing with that of others.

Here's a friendly reminder if you feel bad about your writing when roleplaying with a certain someone, or are scared to approach that one roleplayer you've been itching to write with.

Holding yourself to the standard of other people's writing is the worst kind of self-bashing. It's detrimental to your creativity and development, and doesn't make any sense. If your partner clearly says they enjoy roleplaying with you, that's enough validation- instead you should use them for a source of inspiration, a spur, to improve and outdo yourself with each post. Not necessarily for their entertainment, but for everyone who will ever have the pleasure of writing with you, and more importantly yourself. We're in constant metamorphosis, evolving and becoming what we were always meant to be with every sentence, word, syllable and letter, and that's ultimately because you enjoy making stories unfold together with fellow writers. It's not about anyone being superior; it's a matter of giving what you can to those who want to accept it, and making the best of what you receive in return.

People also easily forget that aside from the obvious, there are other desirable qualities that makes a good roleplayer. Are you easy to communicate with? Do you contribute with your own ideas, and are you willing to compromise when your interests don't align? Can you step out of your comfort zone if it really comes down to it in favor of cooperation? That's worth more than two hundred or five hundred or a thousand words in my book.

Tl;dr: Improve because you want to improve, and not to impress. Stop obsessing over your post length. Believe in yourself.

Wow Spook what you wrote touched me on few levels.
Although in my case I compare myself with other rp-ers and I'm like "Wow, he/she is incredible"
I agree fully with what you wrote especially desirable qualities part.

I would have said something to add to it, but you've covered the bases pretty well. I have to say that I agree here.

The only thing I can think of to add is that an apple is a horrible knife, but you can't make boxcutter pie.

From "The Perils of Comparing Ourselves to Others", an article by Juliana Breines:
"It’s normal to wonder how we measure up to other people. According to social comparison theory, this drive is part of our basic desire to understand ourselves and our place in the social world. But dwelling too much on these judgments has a cost.

Psychologists divide social comparisons into two main categories—downward and upward. Downward comparison involves comparing yourself to someone you perceive as worse off than yourself, and upward comparison involves comparing yourself to someone you perceive as better off. The comparisons may be based on appearance, health, intelligence, ability, social status, wealth, or any other attribute.

Upward comparison can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can provide inspiration and hope, motivate us to improve our own situation, and provide useful information about how to overcome an obstacle. On the other hand, upward comparison can fuel envy, low self-esteem, and schadenfreude. ....

Research suggests that we’re more likely to make downward comparisons when our self-esteem is threatened—for example, if we’ve just received negative feedback—because these comparisons give us a boost, enhance our own perceived standing, and reassure us that things could be worse.

On the surface, downward comparisons may seem harmless, even healthy, but they have several drawbacks. First, to the extent that these comparisons form a basis for self-esteem, it's a fragile one because they depend on the continued misfortune of others. Downward comparison can also put a strain on our relationships. When we focus too narrowly on others’ negative attributes, we may miss the complete picture of their strengths and successes, which limits our ability to empathize and support them in good times and bad." (This counts with ourselves, too. It's important that we empathize with ourselves and take time to recognize our own strengths.)

On some fluffier notes:

"Every minute spent wishing you had someone else's life is a minute spent wasting yours."

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
While that one might sound self-depreciating to some, my English professor gave a great example: when someone is waiting to do a presentation in front of the class, they're barely analyzing the person up front because they're too busy worrying about their turn. They don't realize everyone else is thinking the same thing.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

I like this topic, and it would be nice for us to strive to accept each other in spite of our perceived strengths and weaknesses. It’s usually an unpopular view, but considering your audience and adjusting your style to better suit them is a skill I feel is often overlooked. A writer without an audience (for me) just makes for a lonely soul with nobody to hear their voice. Writing styles often have a duality too, so a writer who looks lovely may not be so, and one who looks simple may be very talented:

Post length – Verbose/fragmented.
Lofty style – bombastic/simplistic.
(Etc. I’m not great at listing things on the fly)

Anyway, I’m with spook, but the reality is we will get rejected from time to time just based on taste or preference, and it’s almost never a good experience. Just try to remember that there are some out there who truly value what you write, and that someone may just be waiting eagerly to hear your unique voice as an artist.

This 100%. I have had some people feel intimidated by my writing and be nervous to rp with me, or end the rp because they don't feel they are on 'my level'. Which just surprises the ever loving crapoli out of me. Like me?! ME?! Really??? I'll be perfectly content with their posts, even feel they are better at some things than I am, and just be taken really aback when people tell me they're nervous they aren't as good as me.

I've had the same thing happen a few times, but I try not to think that way. It's one thing if two peoples writing styles and preferences truly don't match up and work well, but one thing I definitely try not to get caught up in is matching post length. If my post happens to be 5 paragraphs but yours is 2-3, there's nothing wrong with it, I'm completely content, If your post is 6 paragraphs and mine following it is 2-3 paragraphs, it's fine.

Granted, usually during dialogue and what not I try not to be too wordy and long so that the interaction feels more natural and flows well - but basically, the gist of what I am saying is, don't force yourself to match someones post length and don't be afraid to rp with someone Giving something a try can never hurt, and communication is key.

Note: One thing I will say, is it's never a good idea when you're not a multi-paragraph rper, to attempt to RP with one, without telling them it isn't something you usually do. I have no issues with concise roleplayers; but it can be frustrating when I make a post that says paragraphs are required, and I get 3-4 sentences in a reply. It doesn't mean your writing is bad, nor that it's not as good as mine - it just means you are not specifically who I am looking to write with.

I don't personally find it fun to write concise, or read concise, and forcing myself into that, just would make RP an unpleasant experience. However, not everyone feels that way - if you are concise, and want to RP with someone but they are a multi-paragraph RPer, I'd say take the chance, message them and ask them nicely why they prefer multipara over concise, and if they would be willing to do a concisely written RP with you because you enjoy their characters so much.

You might be rejected - but that isn't a negative thing, you tried, and you know what the outcome was now - and it says nothing about your writing, doesn't say it's not good - that person doesn't prefer your style of writing.

This has happened to me a few times. After the roleplay they even deleted me as a freind. I write with everybody. And accept their writing. The forum pledge is treat each other with kindness and respect. I work with the other roleplayer so make sure we both turn out great in the roleplay. Appreciate each other's talent and writing.

Sorry for the silly, overwhelming enthusiasm here, but you've all put this subject into words better than I've ever been able to, and I've been trying for years. I don't have anything to add, but honestly I think the content here should be somehow converted to an article on the RPR help topics. This message needs as much exposure as it can possibly get and GOOD GOD is it great to finally see people talking about it.

This is all excellent advice. I think it's also important to note that you always have the capacity to be your own worst critic. I couldn't even begin to count the number of times I've written something, thought it sucked, obsessed over finding every flaw, then sent it anyway because I didn't want to keep my partner waiting, and been told it was great. Not that you should always post something you think sucks without revising it to make it better, but just be aware that your own thinking may be distorted if you have high standards for yourself. As far as post length goes, length matching isn't for everyone and some people just don't enjoy writing super long posts while others don't enjoy writing short ones. Both are valid. And anyone who says otherwise can fight me. There's also the fact that some scenes, or even some moments within individual scenes, call for longer replies while others call for shorter replies, and it can vary from post to post what length is most appropriate.

Gosh I admit, I sometimes have a partner and I get nervous every time I get a reply thinking "this is them breaking it off, telling me i'm not up to scratch or making some lame excuse to spare my feelings because i'm not up to scratch really"

eugh... I hate that feeling. I mean on the one hand it's like "omg I love this person's writing" but on the other it's like "nghhh I feel inadequate!"
so it's always nice to get some validation from them that they're also enjoying the rp.

I had a situation a short while back where that wasn't the case. I was LOVING it but the other player was finding it a chore and I could tell after a while they were really just not into it and it kinda hurt because I felt like it was my fault.
it left me a little more paranoid to be honest.

I think it's very difficult not to compare yourself to others, even when you know full well it's not fair to do so.

However, I will say this: in rp, the main thing isn't flowery prose or length or anything, it's THE FUN FACTOR. I've had rps that have been literally one liners and they've been such fun and rps that have been novels that have honestly been a bit of a chore and fizzled out. and vice versa.
Rp shouldn't be a contest, it should be about enjoying the act of telling a story with another person.
so, if you're in an rp with someone, make sure you remind them every so often that you're enjoying yourself yeah?

I admit to sending "argh it'll do!" posts sometimes to keep the flow going, and hey, imo that's honestly better than having things stall. I'd rather my partner was enjoying themselves and felt comfortable and casual enough not to have to give perfection every time and just wanted the story to progress.
Does that make sense?

Rp shouldn't ever be a chore or an obligation, it should be a JOY. And maaan, obsessing over post length or perfection is really not fun at all. I admit I do it sometimes because I feel bad sending a single paragraph but maaan, sometimes in a scene there's just nothing more to say. So long as there's something to respond to, sometimes in writing, I personally think, you genuinely can get away with occassional one liners. Heck, sometimes they're quite effective.