Forums » Smalltalk » Asexual definition (help please)

I remember in biology in like 9th grade, we defined asexual as a creature who is capable of reproduction without a second member of their species. Basically one creature can reproduce on it's own generally with certain environmental settings.

When I first joined this site (back on Nov. 1) I got into an RP with a guy who had asexual tagged on his profile. My initial thought was, haha thats funny. As time went by I noticed maybe one or two other profiles with the same, and began to wonder why everyone was making the same joke. It wasn't until I saw a post, the topic of which I forget, that mentioned being asexual in such a way I started to think these individuals were not making joke. In fact it was probably rude of me to laugh about it. I did this inwardly so no one was offended, but in my defense it's not intentional malice on my part....it's ignorance.

Can someone please help me to define what exactly Asexual means when relating to the Human Being? It's something I'm sure has a lengthy state of being description that I am simply unaware of, and while I could certainly ask google, I feel like the information I can get here on rpr will be far more enlightening for me and help me to know this in a much more intimate and personal way.

I apologize if any of this came off as rude or offensive, or if at some point I have in the past. It's not that I am judgmental of this state of being or disagree with it....it is literally that I don't know what it is and for a long time now have assumed it's definition in the scientific state (from years ago). So hopefully you all can forgive my ignorance, and instead of being angry with anything I have said, help to educate me on the subject so I can better know what I maybe have done wrong.

When relating to a human being, asexual is a sexuality.

When a person is asexual, they have a romantic attraction to them. But have no SEXUAL attraction to that person.

So this girl may have a crush on a boy, loves him, things like that. But she is NOT interested in his sexual male anatomy nor having sex with him. She doesn't feel any need to do dirty deeds with him, and simply would like to just have a Romance- not sex.

*waves* Hey there, I'm an asexual person! Thanks for asking and being considerate!

So yeah, separate from the biological term asexual, there is the sociological term asexual. It's a sexual orientation, just like homosexual, heterosexual, etc, although some describe it instead as a lack of sexual orientation (sort of like how atheism is a lack of religion rather than being a religion itself).

At its core, like Static said, an asexual person is a person who does not experience sexual attraction. Past that, we vary wildly from each other.

We separate sexual attraction from libido. Libido is an urge for sexual acts; orientation is the direction that urge is pointed. Asexuals usually (but not always) still have a functional libido, but it doesn't point anywhere. (Yes, I am willing to answer the questions that statement probably leads to, but for the sake of decency, I'll say to please PM me if that explanation is important to you.)

We also separate sexual attraction from other forms of attraction. Most aces still experience romantic attraction, but some are also aromantic (there are also people who are aromantic, but not asexual). Most aces still experience some form of aesthetic attraction, but what draws them, of course, varies from person to person. Sometimes we'll also talk about platonic (friendly) attraction or sensual (relating to the senses, mostly touch, but without sexual connotation) attraction.

When my aunt was trying to understand, she asked, "So you don't find Jason Momoa hot?" (Which, yeah, that kinda cracked me up.) I explained that I found him attractive in the same way I found a highly detailed pencil drawing of an old man attractive (aesthetic attraction) - fascinating to look at, but I don't wanna do anything with it/him.

But! Asexual folks aren't necessarily against sex. Myself, I'm sex-positive (I view sex as a completely fine and normal thing for consenting adults to safely engage in) and sex-indifferent (I have no specific feelings about participating in sex, and more specifically for me, usually am just a "nah"). There are aces who are sex-averse (dislike it), sex-repulsed (strongly dislike it), and even sex-favorable (enjoy it and may even seek it, because most aces still have functional parts even if we don't react to anyone).

Infodump aside, asexuality.org has a wiki you can dig through. I also try to make myself available to answer questions, so long as there's an honest desire to understand.

wow that's enlightening but I find myself with a lot of questions now with this information given. As I would agree some of them would be inappropriate for public forums, and even for my own comfort level, I would like to still pm you about this further if you're still willing to answer my questions.

I did just offer. (But again, thanks for making sure it's okay. A lot of folks just dive right into inappropriate questions or just straight up assumptions and accusations.)

If it helps, you can pretend you're talking to a doctor. No, I don't have that kind of degree, but for most things, I answer in terms of what I have learned about the community overall rather than in personal terms, and that's the sort of mindset I'm in when discussing it.

No. You did get the first part correct, but this part? Absolutely not.

As said: Asexuality is a sexuality that simply means lack of sexual attraction.

However: Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't actually mean 'not interested in sex'. Plenty of asexual people still have sex lives that they enjoy. It's honestly a very harmful stereotype that every asexual person doesn't have personal needs and desires too and it's absolutely incorrect that they aren't allowed to and/or just don't do something about that if they like and are comfortable with just like allosexual people. (Nonasexual people)

Because of this misconception that has become common place, many asexual people I've met and even myself struggle or struggled with guilt about have a libido and having desires. Like something was wrong with us, like we aren't being asexual correctly. There is a huge stigma around asexual people and sex.


Another big misconceptions is that aversion or repulsion to sex is automatically tied with asexuality. Not true. You don't have to be repulsed by sex to be asexual, and plenty of allosexual people also experience sexual repulsion and aversion.

Secondly:

There is an asexual spectrum.

Asexual: no sexual attraction at all, ever.

Greysexual: very rare sexual attraction, but possible.

Demisexual: sexual attraction only after romantic connection and romantic attraction.

These are all three on the 'Ace spectrum'.

But again, with all three of these sexualities, none of them mean 'doesn't have sex/doesn't want sex'. That is a person to person preference.

(Now that you know this: Please stop spreading incorrect and frankly harmful information about asexuality. Thank you - an asexual person.)

I never said that they didn't enjoy sex, or repulsed by it? All I said (I apologise if it came off in another way) was that a person doesn't need sex. Of course they can have it if they want. But, a lot of women can have a thing people call 'in heat' where as someone who is asexual may not experience it (or they may do.) Since they don't feel the need for sex, and don't feel any sexual attraction to a person.

Yep! Although a slight adjustment on demisexual: usually the preceding connection needs to be romantic, but occasionally it isn't. I've met demis who developed sexual attraction to a friend, and I recall one sharing that they'd somehow ended up being sexually attracted to someone they disliked. They were, naturally, super confused by that.

So a pre-existing bond is necessary for sexual attraction in demisexuality, but it's only usually romantic in nature.

Your original explanation did come across like all aces are just "nah" about sex, but I also get you were trying to give a simple answer. In the future, it might be good to encourage people to look up the differences, so they know there are differences but you don't have to infodump like I did.

Your explanation here also, I think, isn't quite accurate, but I think I get where it's coming from. The "heat" idea would tie more into libido than sexuality, but I'd recommend not using such terms since it's usually associated with animals. (I mean, yeah, people are animals too, but they usually don't like thinking about it like that.)

I know exactly what you said.

You said 'doesn't feel any need to'

Like I said; that's incorrect. That is still based person to person and shouldn't be be the automatic assumption

I also really don't appreciate the ridiculous term 'heat'. Were aren't wild or domesticated cats. We don't go into heat. Please refrain from using such a term to speak about people in general.

so far I think I am more confused than I was before I asked about this

That's why I suggested the wiki on that one site, but not the forums. Lots of different people with different ideas trying to explain similar things in very different ways. And plenty who just straight up disagree.

Still I value all the input I have gotten here so no regrets on making the thread. I have been and will be actively reading about this on wiki and other information sites I can find too thanks a lot!

asexual- not interested in/not attracted to sex
aromantic- not interested in getting into any relationships

(I know that the character used for this no longer exists, but I just felt I needed to do this...)
You do realize that it was just an example that was being given and not an overarching description of aces, right?... I mean, I get it that you are passionate about making sure false or even partly true information gets corrected, but perhaps maybe not be so aggressive about it? (At least, it came off as a bit aggressive to me. Sorry if this reply comes off as slightly aggressive itself...)

Jesus Chrysler.

Let’s be nice to each other. Static gave her definition. It may not have been your definition or an accurate one according to yours but it came from a helpful place. Sexual orientation is confusing sometimes for the person questioning as well as the people witnessing that person discover themselves.

Everyone’s experience is vastly different. And sometimes, that cannot be put in a spectrum. For example, personally, for a time I considered myself to be Demi but I was also dealing with mental illness. I am in no way connecting the two so don’t misinterpret this.

I’m just saying that my childhood leading into puberty was difficult for me because I was manically depressed. At 14, my definition would probably be off too.

Advising that someone “stop spreading harmful information” is huge overreaction. Especially when the internet is full of great information.

Some excellent community self-moderation going on in this thread.

It's perfectly fine to correct other users and even to indicate that certain ideas are potentially harmful, but let's try not to make one another defensive.

On the other hand, when informed that certain language is potentially hurtful after we've used it, it is important to recognize that fact and understand why we might have drawn out an aggressive reaction.

Novalynn, kudos on your excellent tone here.