Forums » Smalltalk » I need friends....

So I think my life is kinda messed up, a question to anyone. If you find out your only friend, is only friends with you to get in your pants what would you do? How would you feel...?

I hate to sound like an ass, but you shouldn't really call them a friend anymore or even talk with. If that is all they want from you, then you shouldn't let them think they have a chance. I would normally suggest to talk with the person to find out what is going on, but with the topic like this I would think it th be safer to cut ties and protect yourself.

Ya, and don’t worry it’s the truth so I prefer that than others trying to sugar coat it. I honestly just found this out for myself, my ‘friend’ well let’s call him MB. His BFF started telling me about this, and I really didn’t wanna believe them.... I mean MB have been friends for five years, and I knew for a while he was in to me. Mainly because he would confess to me once a year, I never fell for him.... and had been hurt in the past because of a relationship where we both didn’t share similar feelings, so I kinda rejected him.... time & time again, this year I guess he got bored of trying, or something. Because he just kinda all together stopped coming to hang out with me and my family, -he was a family friend- anywho when his BFF came to talk with me, she explained to me that he felt like I was annoying and clingy for a friend. Saying that I never let him do his own thing, but I don’t really know why he said that..... that’s when she told me he just wanted to ‘get in my pants’ and was just annoyed that I wouldn’t give in. So ya, I’m no Christian or anything -no offense to those who are!- however I’m not one who is good with relationships. Meaning even if I was in one, kissing is just to much for me. At least right away, so ya I don’t see the point in even trying.... sometimes people can be really confusing....

{sorry it’s long, and I know this isn’t your problem. And I toltally understand if you don’t wanna reply, just having someone to talk with is nice.}

Well if there is no love then he honestly should respect that. His friend though also has no right to come to you in that way. I understand trying to look out for one's friend, but it also sees like he spun the tail in his favor to his friends and what not to make you sound like you are the one at fault. Look, if he wants to cut ties like this because he cant get something from you of that nature, he was never truly a friend inn the first place.

Ya, just now what? I really have no one else to turn to, if I did I think I’d be talking to that person. Not just a few strangers I’ve never met..... no offense by the way, just not sure what to do now...

No offense taken of course, but sometimes an outside view help. This sort of thing is hard to deal with no matter who you are or what you have been through, I am sorry it had come to this though.

Thanks, and it’s true and outside view does help. Thanks for speaking with me about this, it helped!

No worries, I am happy to help where and when I can.

I promise there are lots of wonderful people out there who'll be your friend! Don't be afraid to strike up conversations or find people who share your interests and take it from there. Deep connections with solid trust take a while to develop so don't be discouraged if you don't have that right away.

I'm sorry your former friend was only using your friendship to try and persuade you into something you didn't want. Even though I'm a stranger, I'm really proud of you for sticking to your guns and not giving in to pressure. (Tip: nobody is supposed to 'chase' you and 'keep trying' after your initial 'no'. Popular culture has just normalized very toxic behavior and this is one of those behaviors. If someone says no, the right thing to do is to say okay and move on, NOT continue to try and persuade them.)

Your 'friend' wasn't being a very good friend for not taking your no as an answer and then ditching you when he realized his persuasion wasn't going to work out for him. You're both better off this way, even though it sucks. You're worth being respected without any other conditions applying, and I promise you there are people out there who will love and support you platonically without strings attached. You'll have to reach out or let people in to accomplish this on your end, so getting involved with communities with similar interests to yours can help you connect well.

Hmmm. I will offer a counter perspective. If y'all have been friends for 5 years, and he keeps trying to be your boyfriend and you are not into that and say no (which, by the way, kudos to you for being true to yourself and I think you should keep that up ), and then he suddenly gets distant and says a bunch of stuff to your mutual friend that will hurt your feelings...after not having done that before...my feeling is that maybe he's just pouting/sulking over the rejection of the dating thing and he's acting out. Which isn't a nice thing to do, and if that's what he's doing, he's wrong to do it. However, I think if it was me, if I still liked this person as a friend, I would talk to him (maybe with the mutual friend present or maybe by phone... obviously in a safe, neutral environment), and find out what his deal is, why he said those things. Whether a friendship is salvageable. And set clear boundaries, be like, " we will never be boyfriend/girlfriend because I'm just not into that with people, however we've been friends for five years, and if you want to be my friend, without creating drama, then let's do that."

But either way, if it's time to just move on from this, like Sanne said, there are plenty of people on RpR who will happily be your friend, and there are ways to make IRL one's too...usually getting into an activity like sports or a writing club or something like that where you see the same people regularly. Then friendships are bound to form.

Good luck to you, I know it's hard when your best friend does something hurtful like this. Much love! Xxxx

Thankyou for all of the advice everyone, it helps a lot.

I've got nothing to add, as everything every one else has said is spot on. Time, caution, and reflection.

That being said...

I'LL be your friend. On here at least. I'm not the greatest of people, with my own baggage and all, but if you want some one who will at least listen (I'm apparently good at that), then I gladly offer my shoulder for you to rest your head on.

There is nothing, and mean NOTHING worse than loneliness. Not in this life at least.

I can agree with that, loneliness is something I don’t wanna deal with especially now.

Loneliness is a terrible burden and it is not always easy to deal with that which afflicts us. I have seen this happen so many times and each time my heart breaks for that person that is being manipulated by those that are obsessed with the flesh and materialistic things. I could offer my hand in friendship on here I could offer words of advice but the real power comes from you it comes from within you you must find the will and strength to cut this person off and I know I am late to the subject but if they were your only friend then I am so sorry but it would be best to refer to them in the past tense. It is disgusting that their end goal was simply sex and nothing more. Keep searching though I know you will find a circle that you can rely on in reality. It may take awhile but I know it is possible to find that till then I am happy to be your friend if you so wish. I also know the pain it will cause not having them as a friend anymore but sometimes it is best to let go and hurt like hell than hold on and continue to ache and be hurt.

I used to be that guy when I was your age, I wasn't a good person, I went after girls because they were physically appealing and that's it. I changed, maybe he will change, but that would take time

my suggestion is to get him out of your life asap, while some may say something is better than nothing. But in this case, you don't want this kind of person as a friend, find new friends, and get him out of your life

Like I said, I used to be like him, I got what I wanted, I regretted it because they just didn't have a personality that clicked with mine. So in time maybe he will change, but for now just distance yourself from him

It’s not a problem that you were late to the convo Shadow, once again thank you for all your guys advice, despite him probably messaging me through messenger I’ve remained offline. I’ll be honest when I say I don’t have the balls to straight up tell him I don’t want him in my life, so I’ve just kinda been refusing to answer any messages I know that’s rude however I struggle with being the up front type of person. So at least I’m limiting any communication I have with him.

Best be careful with that way of action or inaction as it would be cause that could lead to a very very messy conclusion it's not about having the balls to be straight up it's not about having a spine to do so it's about doing what is right by you not by him not by me not by anyone else but by you. You owe it to yourself to be upfront and to put distance between you and him and to cut him out of your life. It's your choice we all have free will but I personally see no good coming from inaction.

Ya, I get that.