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I've seen a couple of threads like this so I thought I'd put my own spin and spiel on it (just on the off-chance anyone gives a good gosh-darn what I think) I love writing and reading profiles on here, I feel as a marketer I can help you gain traction and interest with a quick few tips and tricks.

Just some quick rules:
> Link me to the characters you want a review of!

> These may be written or vocaroo'd!

> Indicate what you'd like reviewing. Is it the character? The layout? The execution? A general overview?

> Doing one per person atm but d/w highlighted secondary characters will be reviewed in time too!

> You guys are welcome to critique too! Characters that recieve a review from myself or a fellow player will be moved under done.

Done:
Ragna
Ericc
Kai
Adam
Lilyth
Calliope

To Do:
Olivia*
Abbie
Djanira
Angeliq *
Liliath
Aydin
Bluebell
Damian
Lexi
Torchic
Alessa
Aston

* = reviews for these after everyone else has been done for fairness ☺💙

I would gladly offer Ragna for general overview

I love being roundly punched in the teeth with strong, matriarchal original characters - Ragna did just that.

This character feels like a wonderful love-letter to female tropes currently dominating manga franchises
I really enjoy the way you've accentuated the profile too, using both the template and additional kanji to flirt with her origins.

Where I might make suggestions to get more traction with this concept is through visual story-telling: I like to think of RPRs as the blurb - the cajoling few lines that ask people to take the plunge and get to know the character more firmly. for reader's like me that eat with their eyes, even small tweaks to the blocks of content here will make a world of difference to how much information is absorbed.

We know from studying the minor saccades of people's eye movements we tend to read and absorb information in an 'F' shape (think Google search results). Make it a feast for the eyes, an intrigue for the mind and I think you'll find the profile becomes more balanced and receives more traction. You don't need to necessarily cut copy or overhaul to minimalism, just try playing with the space and see what you come up with!

In terms of characterisation, she seems fairly balanced and well-rounded though it surprised me she has no scars or imperfections as I tend to think of dragons (especially with names like Ragna) as an inferno personified - the epitome of destruction, a tank with a shipwreck maw. I'd say don't be too afraid of flaws, we think they'll deter but in actual fact we see ourselves in misaligned septum, in little nicks and scratches and snaggletooths.

All in all, I think she's wonderful. Thank you for kick-starting this thread friend! 🍻

First of all, it's all my pleasure also I think this thread needs some recognition since I doubt two(three?) threads won't allow everyone to be critiqued, besides creators of this topic might have some irl issues or simply they don't want to critique characters which is completely understandable, however I can also understand people impatiently waiting for their character to be critiqued, it's in our nature to be impatient but we can exercise it like muscle.

Okay now I will add small tidbits to your overview.

Oh boy we're starting with big bang. Shounen as it's name suggest means Boy, so it's manga genre/demographic aimed at teen men, so it wouldn't be far off too assume that would be centred around males, which would make women secondary characters and give them less spotlight in effect, sometimes writer doesn't know how to write female characters(which is understandable to certain extent) and makes them not contribute much or be nuisance to put it lightly, sure they may have their moments of shine but it is scarce compared to lets say other secondary characters, they may be exceptions but they're rarity and definitely not seen in top battle-shounen mangas, although they start to be more frequent(Black Clover, MHA, 7 deadly sins)
Actually It was chosen on trial and error method, also I wanted to be rather bright so some colors could be seen unlike in her previous blue moon template, so I chose it purely from aesthetic point as I didn't put deeper thought into.

That looks amazing . Although I understand your point, I concentrated on sharing info about her rather than the text format. I'm single-minded person or at least I think so

Before I will refer to your point, I like making strong characters either mentally or physically(mostly the latter one, since I'm working on first one) but I don't make it easy, as their path is often thorny or demanding. In Demonic version she wanted instant rise in power, she paid the price for it by losing part of herself, in Celestial version she had to go through certain trails before obtaining her power which she needed to practice before mastering it and her Queen version or rather what she becomes is effect of all her adventures and efforts since she wouldn't be even considered as a worthy.

She doesn't have scars because of partially of her healing factor and her chaos magic which helps her to regenerate from most of injuries except dragon-slaying tools and Senjutsu, of course she can keep those scars if she wants to or they remind them of important events/ battles. Actually I'm not afraid of her flaws, I would say I despise perfection since it's epitome of the end as there's no room to grow. even if she was most powerful being in universe she would have personality flaws and flawed judgement.

Funny thing is that she's my first really developed character(and second on rpr, first being my boy August) also I choose her name because it sounded cool, not because it's related to Ragnarok and Ragna from BlazBlue. Then I thought about giving her second name which was Rea (from anime about boy fascinated in zombies) it came to my mind but I didn't liked the way it was written so I tried rewriting it and gave her name Rhea, which other people said that's reference to Rhea the Mother of gods, which is right now relevant. because she's mother of 12 Zodiac themed 'demigods'(really strong humans or aliens didn't decided that yet. Although their design would stay mostly the same)


If it wouldn't be a trouble I would suggest picking the day in which you would review characters, not many 2 or 3 sometimes even not doing review, I would think if you keep it going you would keep the traction and with time other people would critique and help others with their characters.

Also you said that anyone is free to critique fellow rp-er's chosen character, it quite sad that nobody did that yet maybe this time you would break the mad loop since third time is considered lucky.

Now I want to thank you for that thread, it has helped me next objective which I can work on, it might not be perfect but it will be better for sure.

Here's hoping! 🍻 Thank you for clarifying on those details, it's been a treat to read about her. Everything clicks into place nicely for me now! I'll do them as they come for now as there doesn't seem to be too much traffic! But if it comes to that I'll 100% take your suggestion on board and nominate a day.

Hello coward it is me the lawyer.

Give Ericc a review so I can immediately ban you from my life this is exactly what I needed.

Love u.

I already replied to another such thread with this character, but the OP of that thread hasn't responded to it since early this month and is still getting bombarded with requests, so I may as well jump in here.

Could you review Kai for character and execution? I already know she's lacking in the personality and history departments, I'm just at a loss as to what I should add to improve upon what I have. Thank you!

Review him first please~

Offering Lil cause she’s one of my favorites. I would throw in Olivia as well if I can volunteer two.

General overview of Lilith, Olivia, or both, por favor.

Hello hello! Do you mind reviewing my Calliope?

General overview whenever you get the chance.

I'd appreciate so much if you could do a general/everything review of Abbie? Character + aesthetic if that's cool!

DARLING

please review either djanira or anjeliq! i need your in depth perceptions in my life 😩

Love u too.

Oooh Ericc. Now see this is my bread and butter - I know so many lawyer jokes, but I genuinely think it's a credit to you that I've never seen a lawyer who could spin this cosmic crackerjack barrel joke of a world around his fingers and weave magic like he's playing cat's cradle -- only devil's and prides fools, I think you've subverted both archetype and stereotype beautifully.

I'm inclined to assume given his age he's only passed the bar within the past five years and I totally think you should run that ego through the spine-breaking, soul crushing mandle of a law firm - he seems cocksure enough to bite off more than he could chew, I'd love to see how things pan out for him in a much bigger case and what gravitas that might inflict on his character.

Because he's subversive and still young, do the more experienced lawyers (and sometimes WASPs) take him seriously? Is he often stuck on paralegal tasks by them? Are they threatened by his success and keeping him under their spitshined leather loafers?

In addition, where did he major - is he criminal or contract? Did he attend harvard or study while working? Minute details but ones that will impact on his life and career for as long as he lives and trawls the courts.

We know criminal lawyers are worked to the bone for pennies and that, although much more lucrative, commercial lawyers often suffer ennui from something as finessed and conservative as finance or employment law. Is he helping people? Is he defending people as twisted and sick as they come? Does he ever fall out of love with his work? Has he ever failed a client that wasn't guilty?

What would he do if he was disbarred for inappropriate conduct?

You might already be ahead of me here (in which case 🍻) but I see that Ericc's a strong character and I think if we understand how his personal life and his ambitions coincide and how it affects him on a day to day basis, we'll see some faultlines come through in his soul and mounting tensions with his father. It's a strong and compelling career and I'd love to see how it impacts his narrative.

In short: I love your caribou-wolf familiar lawyer. 🐶

Thank u lovely I hope this helps!

I’mma hella interested in what you’d have to say about one of my babs but it looks like you’ve got so many already! Great feedback!

Okay, I think there’s a little Sylvia Plath in every woman - as sharp and whetted as any vampire’s teeth, so I'm super psyched to see a classical vampire waxing off Bram Stroker and Whitby's salt.

Right off the bat, Kai Merril is a whimsically cute name when you pair it with the archetype she’s fulfilling and I love it; the monster girl rising trope is wonderful, trending and I’m curious to see how it develops!

You've done an excellent job with her so far: indeed, I think your theory and reasoning behind Kai is wonderfully thought out, the tell of a strong foundation and a strong writer. Where I might work on is in terms of how you're presenting the information for the audience - that's your execution, your branding.

In terms with personality, I think although she's a new monstrous being with many sharp teeth, she was as human as you and I before that, that's one of your key weapons in this: the more I can relate to her the more power and traction she'll gain. I'd think about what she enjoyed - her favourite foods, this might still be an element that plays on her mind as a vampire and bleeds into her characterisation.

I think by potentially looking at fleshing out her human side and bringing her closer to home as possible: hobbies, interests, quirks -- anything that humanises a monster will make it more powerful and bring it closer to your audience's throats and hearts, the rest should fall into place naturally.

Pairing some visual cues to go with your information might also offer more an impact to people like me that need to feed their eyes and enjoy a good visual storytelling. Pexels has some wonderful free imagery that might work for you! I'd love to see some gothic graphics on there.

Thank you so much! This is all good advice, I'm definitely gonna save this for when I next have an opportunity to sit down and work on her. Her current profile is definitely lacking in human aspects. As for sprucing up her profile with images, graphic design isn't my strong suit, but I'll consider that too. I did find this lovely guide for making profiles pretty without custom templates and the Epicness they require, and I've been meaning to try out some of the tips there...

I'm so glad 🙊

Jane's guide is fantastic! It's one of the core resources I relied on when I joined rpr.

https://www.rprepository.com/c/beebee There's this resource too for help with coding and layouts. If I find any more friend I'll drop them here for you!

Feel free! I'd love the chance to look at one of your creation in depth. ☺

Could you do Liliath please?

well if you get a chance, i'd love some feedback on https://www.rprepository.com/site.php?char=98270

there's actually three characters there but i don't have a huge amount of info on any of them. Well, not as much as I often throw into sheets lol.

Aydin or Lysander would be my preference if you could. thank you!