Forums » Smalltalk » Is it ethical?

I have a roof over my head, I have more than just basic needs met (I'm on the internet, I have a phone, etc), but I still usually turn down requests for this reason. I can't often afford to give without risking ending up in a much worse situation myself, and I haven't worked out any sort of system to safely give to panhandlers, so I tend to quickly default to "no."

Instead, I'm able to build up a little money that I can sometimes throw at friends when they have some crisis come up, or even just spread a little happiness by getting them a thing they'd really like but can't budget out the money for.

It's still important that there are people who can give to those out on the streets for so long as there are people stuck out on the streets, but it's still best to meet your own before giving to anyone else, and it's totally great to find other ways to help where you can.

Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and help you can afford to give them, and when wandering around I always make sure I have enough dollar coins to give out to those who ask, no matter if a person has a pitch or is rude or whatever. The only exception is if they approach me somewhere I can't get away from them such as on a train or in line for something, in which case they get way less, usually five cents; I know it's wrong to impose principles on people who may be desperate, but targeting someone whose back might literally be to a wall creates an element of pressure I won't reward.

The only time I'd say it's appropriate to buy food/supplies for someone in need is if you're behind them at the checkout, in which case it probably isn't a scam. You can easily tell when someone makes a living taking advantage of others anyways because they have yachts.

One thing that I've learned is that by seeing drug and alcohol addiction as a symptom of suffering and as a form of self-medication, instead of a personal flaw or bad choice or lack of willpower, it makes it easier to help people and give them money.

Being homeless is hard. At the end of the day, you have next to nothing to comfort you. If a drink or a drug fix can help them get through another day, who am I to deny them their one and possibly last remaining coping mechanism? If I'm really that concerned about their addiction, instead of deciding they're not worth my money I should invest my energy into helping them with their addiction by helping them fix the issues that are keeping them addicted in the first place. If I'm not willing to do that, then I'm essentially just being judgmental and narrow minded. The issue is not them getting money from people to fund their habit. Whether or not I give them money is not going to change their addiction or reason for being addicted, so I'd rather give them money and let them spend it however they see fit, than to judge them and keep them from feeling comfort.

I don't want anyone to be addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I also don't want people to suffer. Medication and healthcare are inaccessible or inadequate to far too many people. Self-medication isn't the devil, and if I can give money to someone I will, even if they end up buying booze or drugs with it.

There's nothing wrong with not giving money. I might give someone a granola bar or an apple if I have it, but I don't feel like a bad person if I drive past someone. There's only so much you can do in that situation. There are definitely other options to help out; volunteer at a shelter or food bank. Every area and city is different. I volunteered at a literacy center a few years ago after learning a large number of high school students in that area graduated without knowing how to read. I'm glad I did it and it opens your eyes to the lengths people will go to better themselves.

You aren't responsible for changing someone's life. Having a savior complex can come close to being an insult and there seems to be a fine line between helping and assuming. Its ok to feel bad I guess, but don't let it change how you feel about yourself.

Also wanted to say, I read that some of the things homeless people need most are socks, and foods like peanut butter and crackers or tuna fish. I can imagine having a giant bag of socks in your car, and someone gets in. "Whats that giant bag of socks for," they say. "I use them as currency," you say. Your guest is confused. You say nothing else sock-related.

Although I have been in some situations where I've not been able to help myself, first, having been in the situation before - I give where I can. I don't care what my money might go towards, if I can offer it at all.

However, there's a saying I've heard many times over that goes "You can't help someone if you can't help yourself." So, in my opinion, it shouldn't make you feel guilty choosing to help yourself before someone else. If you are able, and feel like you won't miss it, then great! However, if you feel pinched and unable to do something at the consequence of putting yourself in a bad or harmful situation, there's nothing wrong with refusing. You have to consider your own needs, too.

Personally, I can whole heartedly agree with the opinion Mercyinreach's father had. I didn't think anyone that refused to assist my situation was bad. This is because I know that others have needs to provide for, for themselves. I never cared for the why of being refused, I never asked. It's not my business why. I never thought of those being as bad, greedy, selfish, unethical, ect. They're people with needs, just the same as me.

In my time when I was homeless, I discovered that other homeless individuals are most commonly some of the most understanding and thankful people you might meet. Though, not all of them are like this, I believe it's because of the situation they are in that makes a lot of them humble. I know it was an incredibly humbling experience, for me.

I tend not to ask for help for myself, even if I might desperately need it. Someone else might need that help more than I do, and I can always figure something out if I'm in a bind. One way or another. Having been homeless has taught me how to be incredibly resourceful. More often than not, because as someone else pointed out... Affordable living isn't so affordable, I tend to sell a lot of my possessions in times where I need to scratch up extra money in a pinch for one expense or another. They're just material, and something else will come along eventually. I might miss it at first, but it can be replaced when I'm able.

There was one homeless Veteran and his dog that I met when I was on the streets that would always assure I had what I needed, before himself. I would try to help him when I got some extra food, or had gotten a little money, and he would always refuse and tell me to keep it. No matter how hard I tried to insist. I told him frequently that he needed to take care of himself, and he always told me the same thing. "I'm too young to be in the same position and there was still hope for me, don't worry about him. He'd be ok." It's truly heart breaking, especially for the ones that sacrificed themselves to serve their country. It's also eye opening, in it's own sense.

In short, if I have some change or a couple dollars laying in my cup holder, I never mind giving that to someone begging. As long as my dependant has everything he needs and I have gas in the car to get to work, it was change or a couple dollars well spent that I'm not going to miss. I don't ever question what it might being going to, because in the end I know it's something that they consider is needed. While I also feel slightly guilty when I don't give anything, I also know that its not because of a specific reason regarding that person - but because I simply don't have it to give.

Sorry I got a little off topic, this time.