Forums » Smalltalk » Feeling small and judged

I never do this, but after an experience on the site this afternoon, I felt the need to reach out to the community for comfort and advice.

I saw a post on the forums that interested me and sent the user a message. In planning the roleplay with them, I almost instantly found that there was a minor communication barrier, but I didn't let it scare me away - I always, always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I realize that I personally do not always express myself accurately in written text. Some of my best roleplays are with people that I didn't initially mesh with in OOC.

The roleplay started, and we clearly had different styles, but not enough for me to immediately stop it. I did send a message about one of my concerns, and the other user responded that it wouldn't be a problem to adjust their responses in the future. And yet, in their next IC message, the same concern persisted.

Recognizing that there was nothing really wrong with their writing style, but knowing that it was something that would continue to personally bother me, I sent a message conveying my continued concerns and amicably telling them that I didn't think it would be best for us to continue, given the clash in our writing styles. I was met with a very confrontational response, calling me immature and rude when I had done nothing but try to be honest and straightforward while still respecting others' preferences.

I expressed that, to me, roleplaying should be fun and easy, and asking this person to rewrite their post that they had worked on seemed to defeat that purpose - I never want to be that demanding roleplay partner - so finding new partners was best for us. Instead of "Okay," or "I disagree, but best of luck," or anything polite along those lines, I was met with an accusation that I was immature and naive to want things to be 'easy' with a message that concluded, "WOW. Bye!"

When I tried to respond to some of the accusations made, still trying to remedy the situation, I found that I had been blocked.

Different people have different opinions on and styles of roleplaying, something that I have learned well being a member of this site. But I personally have always tried to respect those styles that are different from my own. And yet, in this situation, I felt that my own opinions were devalued. I felt attacked, belittled, and unnecessarily judged.

My question is, what could I have done differently to amicably end things? I had no intention of hurting anyone else, but continuing the roleplay when I knew I was going to end up wanting to drop it seemed to be the worse option.

I realize that without posting the actual message chain it's difficult for anyone to answer that, but out of respect for this other user's privacy I do not wish to do so. I just - tried to do what I thought would be right given the circumstance, and as dumb as it might be, I feel hurt and small - like I literally still feel a pit in my stomach and a bout of depression that I can't quite shake. It makes it hard to find the motivation to respond to my other roleplays that are going well, and for that I apologize to my partners.

I just ... needed to reach out. And if you read all of this, I'm seriously surprised, and I apologize for unloading on you.

Long distance hugs. I know how this feels. So i conpletely empathize with your plight.

oooooh boy, is this a lot. but it's okay, it's always good to ask others, since everyone is different! getting one person's opinion, and maybe even more than one, is always good! I always think a second or third optinion helps clear the mind and properly settle the matter.

now, on this case....i really dont think you're in the fault at all. you reached out to them for the RP, and when a problem arose, you decided to push through it and see if you could still RP. when the problem persisted, and got worse eveb, you spoke to the other party, and told them about your problem.

them lashing out and calling you immature was...well....immature of them. you are very welcome to tell someone that 'hey, your grammer needs to be cleaned up a little, i have problems understanding your post sometimes' or 'hey, there was a few typos, i just wanted to know if you meant xyxyx or yyyxxx?'

it's constructive crit, after all. them blocking you is just as immature, it just proves they don't want to work the problem out with you, and resort to blocking someone instead of trying to work through the problem.


at the end of the day, everyone comes across someone like that at least once in their RP lifetime. what matters most is that if they clal you names and belittle you, do not let it get you down. if you know you going to them was the mature thing to do, then you are the last thing from immature.

i'm sorry you had to go through that here, on one of the best and most friendliest RP sites I have ever had the honor of being on. but please don't let it get you down, okay? if you need someone to talk to about this in further detail that you're not comfortable with the public seeing, feel free to DM me, and i'd happily talk you through this horrible mess you were put into.

Any form of confrontation or ill emotion on this site is always... odd... to deal with.

Especially with what Kamui said. RPR is the friendliest place I have ever settled down into and conducted my RPs and writing... So, finding any form of Toxicity can sometimes come across as a huge downer...

By everything you had outlined though, Crimson, I could honestly not picture anything wrong in your approach. Telling someone that there might be a style clash, or just an over all incompatibility, is just how it goes sometimes. RPing is a dance, and not everyone is meant to be a partner with one another. With taste and style, and so much more, all such individual things to take into account... finding any sort of functional RP is honestly a blessing sometimes!

The best thing to do is to not let it eat you up... Not gonna beat the dead horse so to speak... but... if someone blew up and called you immature... then blocked you and anything else? Well, yeah... nothing more needs to be said.

Id take a deep breath...
...Let it out slow...
...Smile and face what ever comes next.

You have your friends here at your side, always! Me included
And im sure we're all always willing to lend an ear!

In reading your post, I’d say the one who was immature was the ‘Wow-Bye’ person. You and I have had an ongoing, if erratically-moving RP for a few months now and we may of had some stylistic concerns early on, we talked it out and got on with story. I will say, for me at least, the RP is quite enjoyable. You are a really good RP writer and communicator, so don’t let this one incident shake you up too much.

I’ve had a couple ’wow-bye’ types take it hard when I said the rp wasn’t doing it for me. On the other hand, I’ve had a couple where it wasn’t doing it for the other writer, and we amicably ended it. At the end of the day, the ‘wow-bye’ types aren’t worth my time and effort to bother with after I give them a middle finger after they finish their tirade and walk out.

The fact you posted this shows us your heart and speaks highly of the kind of person you are (((Hugs))) I don’t think you could have done anything differently to change the outcome.

I also have to agree with Enkeli, Kamui, and everyone else. You did the best that you could with communicating your issues in a polite and sensible way, and they were the immature one here for lashing out at you.

What baffles me is that they belittled you for wanting what most people would ask for while roleplaying: for things to be easy for everyone that's involved. It's not naive of you to want roleplay to be easy; I think a majority of people would want something like that too, you know? I know I would, anyway. If I wanted a roleplay to not be easy, I'd take up novel writing again. *badum bum chh*

Even so, I understand that writing is a challenge to some and they love it. Heck, I encourage pushing the envelope and testing your writing skills if you have the patience and the energy for it. But I think a good amount of players just want to relax and not have to force themselves through mental hoops and writer's block on a constant basis. Again, that's what solo writing is for. //shot

Sorry for the rant there, but that made absolutely no sense to me. I wish it could've worked out better for you, but hey! That just means you have time to find a player who will respect your wishes and mesh well with you!

Ugh.

Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am on whoever-what-person’s behalf. Unfortunately I have been through something similar quite a few times, and although RPR is a wonderful community, some people do have their share of neurotic Rpers.

All I can say is that I think you did good in trying to be polite and make peace to this person, and you did nothing wrong. You were looking out for yourself and trying to break things off for the both of you.

I’m gonna reiterate this again. You did nothing wrong. It’s the other person who should be ashamed of themselves.

I would say this issue has been pretty well tackled by everyone else. You did nothing wrong, they are the immature one, yadda yadda.

What I want to contribute is two-fold. First of all, if you're still shaken up, it's okay to take a quick break. The rest of your friends understand, and would rather you be at your best when next you respond. Second, and kind of related, it's important not to let that other person rob you of your joy of RP. This is, honestly, my first RP sight ever, so I don't know how bad things can get elsewhere. What I do know is that this is a good place to be, and we all have our joy of the art of collaborative storytelling in common. I know it would break my heart if someone's immature words compromised that for you.

Take all the time you need. Know that the rest of us are supporting you.

(((hugs)))

Yep, I agree with everyone else who's posted before. They were wrong to react that way. It's understandable that maybe they were feeling rejected and therefore defensive, but the more mature thing to do would have been to express those feelings in a positive way, instead of with accusations. And at the end of the day, you handled it the best you could. I can't think of a way you could have handled it better, if the goal is to be honest. And most peoples' goal IS to be honest, and that's a good goal to have. IRL, I catch myself telling white lies, plenty of times, to avoid conflict and I think it shows your internal fortitude that you were able to be honest about your concerns. Maybe someday, years from now, they will even be greatful for it that someone told them what was bothering them, giving them an opportunity to fix it with the next person, instead of just ghosting or something.

Some people handle constructive criticism really well, and some people don't. That's not your issue or your fault...that's their issue to work on as they grow as a person and hopefully they will. Maybe it was projection when they called you immature, because they were acting in an immature way. I think you made the right decision not to post the thread for privacy reasons, too. Good on you.

Take care!

You did well, just don't let it bug you and find someone you click with.

I just want to say that I agree with everyone else and that you did nothing wrong.

What a wonderfully supportive community we have. I'm so proud of you all. Thanks for helping someone out.

Thank you all for the positive reinforcement and support. I'm feeling much better today, it was just one of those straw-that-broke-the-camels-back moments, and I needed to reach out. I'm grateful and humbled that so many people were willing to give me a virtual hug!

You all are awesome

Hey Crim I just want to say I understand what you’ve gone through. And wanted to say your not alone People like that need to understand that not everyone clicks. In honesty you did nothing wrong but be polite. So don’t beat yourself up some people will be grumps and some people well need to understand Roleplay is for fun. But I wanted to say I’m proud on how you handled the problem and am Proud to have you as apart of our community. And if you want someone to share a story with or vent to I’m here for ya just like these wonderful supportive people here.

I'm going to toss out there that it is possible that specific phrasing can be more or less likely to be misunderstood. If you're willing, you might try asking a mod or someone to suggest some phrasing or work with you to ensure you minimize less helpful phrasing.

Overall, though, from what you describe, you did all that can be expected of a reasonable partner.