Forums » Smalltalk » Have you ever fallen for someone you can't have?

I’m just curious but I know that I’m not the only one who has when I ask. Have you fallen in love with someone you know you can’t be with? Because I know that I have and it has broken my heart millions of times but it’s okay, especially since I came to a realization that love just isn’t for me and that I’ll never be enough for anyone ever in my life

You are not the only one.

I did fall in love with someone I cannot have. For me, she was exceptionally beautiful and smart. She does have a quirky personality I find to be adorable. Really, I find everything that she does to be adorable. We were good friends for a long time but there came a moment where she did not accept my heartfelt feelings. It's no doubt that I felt sad but you know what? It's okay. Time passes on and so did I. Took me a while to get over her. Now admittedly, I don't have girlfriend but I cannot find time to date especially if I have to work on myself, my responsibilities, and my outlook towards life overall. I'm not really looking to find someone and I'm a strong believer that people I encounter will be life lessons.

TL;DR don't be that edgy person and don't bring that pessimist energy over here. There will be someone whom you can vibe with, can be yourself with, and be there for you in your darkest moments. Just believe in yourself.

I don’t want to be that negative person but when it comes to trying to find the right person there’s nobody there and even if I think that I found the right person I just get my heart broken so I’ve given up on love for almost forever especially because yesterday I asked out my best friend whom I’ve known since fifth grade and unfortunately she rejected me saying that I’m not her type and that she doesn’t want to ruin our relationship as friends and that really hurt so I’m officially done with love

Don't give me that. I'm sure she said so because she saw you as a friend and nothing beyond that. There is nothing wrong with being rejected because you already have that strong friendship established since fifth grade and it does sound like you have been friends for a long time. If you do start avoiding her, she will think that you're guilt tripping her and its her fault for rejecting you. Not that I'm saying you are. Just saying. I know it hurts, since you probably harbored those feelings for a long time but right now, she needs you as a friend. I know it is hard and its not something you can just forget shortly. You should take your time, maybe even treat yourself out or hang out with some of your pals, or just go on a grind. It's only a temporary setback and I want you to some back stronger with a smile on your face.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to love anymore. I feel like a lot of people associate not falling in love with negativity, and honestly it isn't a negative subject at all. Now, if it's something as trivial as someone didn't accept your feelings, then I personally don't think you should give up love just because someone you've known doesn't see you as a significant other. For example, a friend I have has stopped having intimate feelings towards others because they can't see themselves wanting to reproduce, and they can't picture themselves in a relationship. In that situation I can understand that they've stopped trying to love because they physically don't feel, or have ever felt, intimate feelings for another anymore.

I think just about everyone has, in one form or another. That's kinda just part of life. *shrugs* And honestly, "never again" feelings are pretty standard when feeling hurt.

Oh, if I may ask, are they aroace? A lot of folks forget they even exist.

Oh, if I may ask, are they aroace? A lot of folks forget they even exist. [/quote]

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Yep!

Yeah, I had that mind set a while back but its only a stepping stone towards a better self.
I am today years old when I found out they exist, ngl.

@luvss - Awesome, glad they were able to learn to better understand themself and good to know they have a friend like you who gets it.

@mericosine - Yep, that too. Heck, I was 26 before I realized I'm ace, just because awareness of it (and understanding of what it actually means) is just so bad.

Thanks! I try to be as understanding as possible because we never know where kindness will get us.

Sure. All the time. I'm really bad about getting crushes that I can't act on, actually.

It takes a while sometimes, but once you finally find someone you click with and can get along with, you'll find that it was worth it. People say you often find that person when you're not looking. Getting frustrated for a while and giving up for a while is an understandable feeling. But don't become jaded by this one experience, if you can help it. You'll be ok. *hugs*

Actually no I didn't fallen for someone who I can't have, although I did had crushes but that was way back in kindergarten and primary school(Years back) Sometimes I might be attracted to person that has qualities, I'm looking for in my potential partner but that's it. I don't feel anything to that person besides attraction, no romantic feeling.
Currently I'm not looking for partner, not because I'm hurt from past relation that I didn't had with female but because I'm pretty uninterested in relationships so far. if it happens it happens I won't act against it.

I wish that you would be better and maybe rekindle your friendship if it goes the way you two don't want.

Yes. Zac Efron, Tom Holland, and Chris Hemsworth.

Sorry, thought I'd lighten the mood.

But, seriously, don't give up on love! It may be hard, but you'll find the right person someday!

I adore my friends, it would devastate me if they decided to give up on love and started thinking they're unlovable because I rejected them. It sounds like your friend cares about you. She still wants to be friends, you simply aren't her type.

Think about some of the people in your life who you can't see yourself dating. Are they unlovable? Do you think it's impossible for them to ever find love? Why don't you love them? I'm willing to bet that they aren't "broken". It's possible that these people are very likeable but maybe they want children and you don't, or they're super passionate about something you dislike. Maybe they have different views of how relationships should work. Some people are really traditional. Some people want to spend every day of their lives with the people they love (me, lol) and some are easily smothered and like their space. It's a matter of compatibility.

Also, I don't know how old you are but if you're young it's important to keep in mind that people change, a lot. It took me awhile to realize that I like girls, and then it took me even longer to figure out that I like both girls and guys. Plus, my tastes have changed. I used to really like people who were kind of edgy and "hate the world" because I freakin' love everything punk/goth/metal/alternative. Still do love that stuff, but I've come to realize that I don't like violent, angry people and I'd rather associate with the loving, respecting metal heads than the ones who solve problems with fire. I've also learned that I actually like some sports, so now jocks aren't completely out of the question!

Yes I have, but don't worry, like mentioned by many of these wonderful people, time goes by, and things get better. If you don't feel ready for a relationship because of heartache, thats totally ok, take your time till things feel right.

I would just caution that you be very careful not to ruin what is a good friendship due to your feelings, and don't be angry with your friend... but it is ok to tell someone you need some space from them, doesn't mean you're not friends, or won't be, just means you need to deal with your emotions. And only time can tell how you truely feel about these kinds of things.

Just be you, take care of yourself, and enjoy what you can in life, sometimes love shows up unexpectedly.

@Bunny
Metal heads are great, I usually feel very safe at rock concerts, those big tattooed guys or punk goth gals, are really pretty sweet and respectful, usually

I usually don't talk a lot on here, but allow me to share my Life Question with y'all - oh holy spirits of the ol' worlde, tell me..

WHY DO I KEEP FALLING FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS ALL THE TIME?!?!

Thank you.

I don’t think I was clear on what I meant. I mean it’s not my friends fault for rejecting me and I’m ok with that as a matter of fact I’m just cool with rejection but I mainly kinda blame myself for most of it so that way it’s not entirely the other persons fault. I just don’t want them to feel bad for rejecting me even if deserve it which is why I said I gave up on love

Blame yourself for what? You shouldn't blame yourself for something you can't control, it only causes negative vibes. There'll always be bad times, and you shouldn't carry all of the sadness on your shoulders because of the other person. I'm going to say this not trying to be mean, but in the hopes of teaching you that you can be better for yourself. You're not responsible for anyone else's happiness. I'm not saying you can't help cheer them up when they're sad, but don't let them push their problems over to you to solve for them. Take the steps to make yourself a better person. Not for anyone else, but for you.

Haha

Yeppp. This could be a life question for me as well!