Forums » Smalltalk » Need Advice

I normally would go to friends with this but I don't want to this time. So I'm in a group chat (off RPR) and I really like the people there, they're amazing friends and people. But I'm scared. I'm scared one day I'll be alone again. I've never had good luck with people and my childhood didn't help, probably the reason why I have BPD to begin with, and I just never seemed to be able to keep any friends so I keep my guard up around people, I don't want to be hurt anymore. I was in a different group years ago and I let my guard down, and I ended up losing so many friendships because someone disagreed with what I said in an innocent conversation and I was put through so much for a week over it. Now that I'm in this group, I've been losing my guard for a while now and a recent event made me realize that if I'm not careful it will happen again. I don't want to tell them because that'll make me lose them for sure and I don't want to tell my real life friends because I feel like it could happen with them too. It's getting a bit too much with the stuff I'm dealing with because of family at the moment but this is more important to me than my family issues. This group has been better to me for the past three months than my family has my whole life and I want to save my friendships. I just don't know how to do it. I'm falling into a dark pit of depression and I just started doubting the potential of saving it. And I'm thinking, maybe I should just leave? Would it be better to save myself before it's too late even though it hurts to even think about doing it?

It's hard to know what to say without knowing specifics but just from what you said here, it sounds to me like you're feeling insecurity about the friendships. It might be different for you, but for me, when I feel insecurity about online friendships (and I do! I often think I'm saying something wrong or not being interesting enough or saying too much at once, etc, etc), it's usually "all in my head," and later I found out that the people in question weren't thinking critically about me at all; that was just my insecurity talking.

Again it's hard to know without knowing what kinds of things your saying that you worry will cause a problem, but if they're anything like my worries, then maybe you're over thinking it. If there's some members of the group you get along with more than the others maybe you could PM them and either get some reassurance or confirm or deny the likelihood of the things that worry you.

*hugs*

First off, I may not know the situation however I have been in a similar situation where I was afraid I'd lose people in a group and I almost did but fixing it all took a lot of time but it was so worth it to get them back. It is so much more than apologizing because if we are being honest, it sounded like you were trying to be yourself and they took it the wrong way. That being said texting can be misunderstood in many cases and if not explained well it will forever be taken as the way they took it.

What you should know is the ones who stay are willing to make things work out. My group now has been together for 2 years now and we open up to one another bc we have all opened up and trust one another deeply. Personally I think this conversation is something we should take in DMs mainly bc I feel talking to a stranger who you feel comfortable enough around can help a ton.

You dont know me this I understand but I have been through alot in my 22 years of life and if you get a 3rd party view it may be helpful. I just want you to know that you are not alone and if you EVER need anyone or if you ever feel lonely you can always come to me.

I dont know you and you dont know me but I would love to help if I can and maybe become friends ourselves.

Hang in there love and remember, life is hard but its also beautiful. We often only see the rain and look down but we never realize the rainbow right above our heads.