Forums » Smalltalk » Ghosting

Do people get ghosted often on RPR? Someone I had been RPing with hadn't answered in at least a week and I was beginning to get worried so I tried to message them via their profile and ask if everything was okay. I got an error page saying I couldn't message them, and that one reason for this might be them blocking me. I thought that was a bit odd and decided to try sending a message on the pre-existing IC chat, only to get the same error page. I thought the RP was going well, and the other person never said anything to me about not wanting to RP any more. I'm not sure what happened.

I can't tell you what happened unfortunately. But its occurred to me too, or just had someone stop responding.
To tell the truth, it seems like its usually because people don't know how to communicate, so choose to block or stop talking instead.

As of the past couple of months I feel like a lot of people have complained about ghosting being an issue. Can't give you a definitive answer as for why the person stopped responding, but it could be because they lost interest in the rp, or life stuff happened and they had to stop. As for lbocking you, I'm not sure. Maybe like iolhantheX said, mayeb they just didn't know how to say it and were worried about your reaction so they just blocked you? Best answer I've got aside from potentially accidentally blocking you.

That makes sense. It would be nice to just be able to communicate with people, but I know that some people don't know how or are too nervous to. That's alright, though. Different people have different ways of handling things. I can't really fault someone for not dealing with something the way I would, they aren't me.

That's a very thoughtful and mature way of seeing things Balor. Its nice to meet others with a similar mindset.

Thank you. It's difficult sometimes, but I try to take other people's feelings or perspectives into account as much as possible. Not to say I'm perfect at it, there have been plenty of times in my life when I've been too stubborn or upset. But I've been working to improve, and make myself a better person.

That's good! And admirable
How long have you been on rpr, if you don't mind me asking?

I joined RPR on April 20th of this year. I really like it so far, and almost everyone I've met is really nice, as well as fun and engaging to RP with.

Well, welcome! Right! Its a nice place, I'm glad you like being here.

Thank you I appreciate it

No problem fam~

Balor, would you mind if I quote some of what you said here over in another topic? The focus is on communication to avoid ghosting, but as you point out here, sometimes communication can't be done, and I also think you're taking that really well and expressed yourself well about it.

I don't mind at all, use whatever you like I apologize for taking so long to reply

I've been having a lot of unintentional ghosting happening lately too. It ends up resulting from people biting off more then they can chew and losing things in their inbox. Folders are a great way to stay organized in that regard. I have 4 folders myself. Active RPs and OOC, Inactive OOC and RP, then the inbox is the main stuff.

Otherwise, yeah, anxiety plays a large part in how other ghosting stuff ends up happening. They find it easier to just stop responding, and while that's true on their side, it's irritating on the other. I find a good thing to do just to reduce any heartache or annoyance is to have yourself a few ground rules to personally follow. I've seen a lot of people posting actual rules on their pages, but let's be honest. No one's going to follow your rules of engagement just cause they're written out on your profile. Communication's a give and take.

Personally, if after 2 weeks (or more depending on situation) I usually bump a conversation if there was no word of business or issue. If a week after that with no answer, move it to an inactive status and stop waiting. I have a big issue where I don't do things because I'm patient to an almost irrational degree. I have waited a year for a post once before finding randomly on my partner's profile that they were quitting the site completely, so the system at least lets me stop waiting around for a reply. Even if I talk to the person, after a month or two, I quietly assume that the RP is dead until a reply is made just to keep hopes down. Would much rather be greatly and happily surprised rather than lightly disappointed over a long period.

You could actually find this thread by Novalyyn to be very useful. There are some tips regarding this very issue, so I wanted to direct you there. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I'm going to post here, but it's more of a confession.

I ghost people sometimes, simply because I can't bring myself to explain the why. They could have terrible prose or awful, mean characters, but to just say it to their face makes me incredibly nervous.

It feels terrible too, because that advice could help them improve. Ghosting my friends is terrible, and usually due to a lack of a "mood"

Its complicated, but if someone ghosts you, there may be a reason behind it, more often than not

I used to have that kind of mindset, so changing it helped my own situation a lot. I don't consider my partners "friends" as my role plays are just collaborations. Still, I see it as courtesy to check up on them once in a while if their response is delayed. There are times I lose my own muse as well, so I hit them up to let them know that I'm still alive.

Keeping in mind that people differ on what they feel is good writing (or a comfortable style) and how characters should be handled, this is a good circumstance to go with "Our styles don't really mesh." If you feel up to it, you could also ask if they would like any input from your own point of view (or they might ask), but it's generally good not to just throw criticism at them out of the blue. Still, just acknowledging different styles is a polite way to let your partner know why you're backing out, so they have closure.