Forums » RP Discussion » Thoughts on romance RP

I think there is something in general about Romance roleplay that’s inherently more complicated then other forms of roleplay. If your anything like me your characters are their own person whether they are 20 years old or fresh off the press… that means all their likes, dislikes and personality quirks are completely their own. That being said I have never deliberately started a roleplay with the intention of it being romance based because oddly character chemistry is just important.

There are many times another player and myself have tried for romantic relationships between a set of characters and it just felt *forced* like a real life bad tinder date. There are also times where my version of romance differed dramatically from my partner’s who pushed rushed, more sexual based encounters. This can make romance roleplay a roll of the dice and for some reason you’re always getting 1’s.

It doesn’t help that the slow-burn, hopeless romantic roleplays seem a little more difficult to come by without some additive to it that makes it fanfiction. I feel like this is more like try to re live that *awesome* scene from a movie that makes our chests flutter more then trying to really ignite a romantic story (no offense to fanfiction writers out there, its just not my cup of tea).

I think the difficult part is its easy for romance roleplay to move to quickly and then get dull fast. The truth is the most *fun* part about a romance roleplay is the growing tension between characters. The longer it takes for someone to make a move the more tension there is and for some reason the more on the edge of seats people are. Lets face it, romance is about the chase not the relationship. Its that initial thrill of getting to know each other and feeling out that spark. The moment it becomes a “how was your day honey”/smut or Fade-to-black only is the moment people begin to *yawn* (unless of course smut is your thing then this post of thoughts is probably not for you). There needs to be something happening around the romance story to really drive it with drama, intensity, action and competition.
So, how do you get around it? Honestly, stepping out of the genre is a great way to do it. I find that some of the best romances spark on their own without any prompt. Or as I call them “accidental romance”.

The best way to get that natural spark is to start a storyboard through an adventure, event, tragedy, war, or politics. Don’t put restrictions on what kind of character you want yours partnered with, some personalities you want might come off dry. Don’t be afraid of confrontation and ‘character development’. By character development I mean pain – this can be an injury, a broken heart, a loss of limb, a near death experience.. or maybe your character DOES die and gets resuscitated.. either these character developments can help build motivation, pulled characters apart, push them together, create tension or push for moments of closeness and comfort that spark romance where normally one wouldn’t be.

Not every story has a happy ending – but everyone wants a perfect story. I am honestly a huge fan of romantic tragedy. Sometimes love sparks, the tension is held.. maybe there is a kiss, maybe something more.. but at the end of the story the characters go their separate ways because of life choices. Maybe they have conflicting sexualities, maybe one of them sacrifices their lives to save the open they loved.. maybe they have a significant other back home so the romance isn’t possible. Maybe the characters end up dying together because it means they save the world. That doesn’t make the stories any less touching. Sometimes they spark so much emotion I cry.

My suggestions are always forcing characters into odd predicaments. Some of the best storyboards I have found are:

1. Investigation/hero roleplays where two unlikely characters are forced to work together to solve a case or stop an event
2. The Beauty and the Beast stories. There is a reason these stories end up cult classics. We all love the monster who hates everything but loves us. That one character forced into one-on-ones to tame the powerful or beastly character to prevent the destruction of their family/town; to acquire something; or to escape imprisonment.
3. Adventures: Not everything has to be enslavement or the end of the world. Sometimes two people just end up traveling together whether it be through space and time like Dr who, down the yellow brick road.. or lost in the labyrinth.. danger, excitement always leads to precarious situations that pull characters together as friends.. or much more.
4. Politically arranged marriages – right of the gate your characters don’t have to like each other. But maybe over time, trying to evade a war and dealing with assassination attempts and other competition might drive them together? Maybe. Either way they are stuck together in the throws of unexpected love.. or trying to figure out how to tolerate each other in more rival based romance.
5. Speaking of assassinations – being a person of power in certain genres has its issues. Marked to kill, tries to kill.. but in the process of trying to get close enough to do so? Unexpected moments of finding out not everything is as it seems? Sometimes these can result in interesting romance sparks.

Oddly one of my most successful romance roleplays happened between two side characters in an adventure roleplay that were designed to back frill a sci-fi crew. Neither were interested or designed for romance.. and through their hatred and kill attempts they ended up falling madly in love and got their own spin-off role play.

Whats your thoughts?

• What is your thoughts about romance rp?
• Difficulties you’ve faced?
• Some of the best romance roleplay that were sparked?
• What was the worst romance rp you tried that didn’t work out?

(no need to mention names!)

I am curious to hear other people’s take on romance roleplay.

What an awesome topic! You really put a lot into this thread!



- What is your thoughts about romance rp?
I quite enjoy writing them. I’ve had more than a few RPs in my years writing, and they ranged from a ‘happily ever after’ to ‘explosive angst and anger’. In short, I find the dimension added to a story when a good relationship comes along adds depth and believability, with or without the sexual aspects of it.

- Difficulties you’ve faced?
RPs where one or the other writer tries to force a relationship. I’ve always managed to write my character out of such situations, and for my part, I learned long ago not to try forcing it. Even then, sometimes I find myself wanting to see a relationship work and may try and nudge it along to see what happens


- Some of the best romance roleplay that were sparked?
Ive had a few good ones. One was a Middle Earth rp where the two characters were childhood friends but lost connection as they got older and life led them on seperate paths. They meet later at the beginning of a civil war and find an attraction to each other as they find themselves on opposite sides of the rift. It’s still in progress.

Another is one I started here and wrote it to a sort of conclusion. The relationship started as a random strangers meeting, then they moved together since my character was at her place all the time anyway, they had moments of disagreement, they fought, they cheated on each other, and they broke up. The RP has the two with other characters now and the rp has split into two new ones, but they still have reflective moments and longing for each other.

And the strangest romance RP I’ve been in tracks sort of opposite of the formula. It started as the characters being a married couple very much in love. So the sensual erotic stuff started out right away, which usually spells doom for the rp, but in this case both writers are handling it well. The progression is they fall out of love, meet and cheat on each other, and end up falling in love with another character and eventually breaking up. The rp is still going at snails pace, but we are wrapping it up with the end game.

- What was the worst romance rp you tried that didn’t work out?
Hmm.. there are a couple that come to mind. One is a recent high school one with one of my characters. He kind of got stalked IC and had a bit of an attempt at romance. It was clearly not meant to be and the other writer refused to let it go and has an issue with separation of RP and RL, so I’ve brought it to an end.

The worst one was similar that happened years ago. The other writer decided she would try and LARP by moving to the city where I lived. Anyway, it didn’t end well.

What is your thoughts about romance rp?

I don't seek out romance-specific games for pretty much the same reasons you already discussed. It just doesn't feel right. I do accept it if it goes that way, though, but I prefer to focus on adventure and more general sorts of bonding. A close bond does not have to be a romance, and non-romantic bonds can be amazing. (As an aroflux asexual, those might come more naturally to me anyway?)

There was a time that an arrange romance worked out pretty well, though. A friend I've been running a continuity with decided it was about time for one of his characters to finally settle down, so we had a chat about what sort of woman might actually win him over. Turns out I had an old under-developed character who was so far a pretty good match, at least at face value, and it felt pretty natural and right to develop her into a better match (which includes tolerating this big ol' manchild being a big ol' manchild) through RP. More quirks and traits and flaws developed, and she turned into a pretty fantastic sex-positivity figure.

Difficulties you’ve faced?

Poor matches, groups not having room for my romantic subplot (but having room for others?), people not being so great at keeping IC and OOC separate (even if they initially seem to do fine)... Oh, I once lost a friend because after my character and his character broke up, and his character hooked up with his IRL girlfriend's character, she got insecure about the fact that I was still playing with him too much, I guess? He was cool about it and all, but it was clear I was not welcome to be his friend.

Also weird things where someone's character will just... randomly get googly over mine for no reason? Like... please stop staring, it's a little creepy.

Some of the best romance roleplay that were sparked?

A friend and I have a couple of mentally/emotionally unhealthy characters in a relationship that is frequently rocky and pretty codependent. It's super unhealthy. But it's also amazing to observe. I'd be totally against it in reality, but as fiction, the drama is much too entertaining. An image we've agreed it pretty representative is the pair passionately kissing while also holding knives to each other's throats. Somehow they managed to raise a pretty healthy son who would honestly typically qualify as a ridiculous Mary Sue with too many powers, but that boy earned it. (To be clear, the pair are actually usually very supportive of each other, they just both have some serious issues. He patiently helped her overcome a drug addiction, for example.)

Incidentally, that one was partly planned. It wasn't forced or anything, more of a "let's try it and see what happens." And it worked. Instead of getting married, they shared personal details that would allow either to completely ruin the other.

What was the worst romance rp you tried that didn’t work out?

Mm... anything I attempted on GaiaOnline, I think. And anything I attempted before that. I was a kiiiiid. I was duuuuumb.

I feel like you and I watched the same movie about RP and had the same issues with plot holes and character development lol. Well said! Forced relationships have always fallen flat for me. I always felt if a character needed a romance to carry their story, then there wasn't enough of a story there to begin with.



What is your thoughts about romance rp?

Honestly, I have a love/hate relationship with it. I'm such a huge sap, I love cuddling and sweet words and tenderness, but in rp that so rarely is a thing! People crave DRAMA for their romance! I really don't. I think in my mind I have trouble separating the bad stuff I've experienced enough to enjoy writing stories where horrible things happen to good people who love each other. Or even mildly moral people who kind of tolerate each other...

I love romance. I don't love complex semi abusive relationships for entertainment so...


Difficulties you've faced?

Making sure people keep RP separate from RL. If our characters are fighting, or my character is being obstinate, it doesn't mean I hate you. Probably more of the 'separating bad rl experiences from feelings of bad IC situations' for both writers. And I have a really hard time pursuing any kind of rp with others when we aren't able to simply say what we want or need or more often AREN'T ENJOYING. Communication is so important.

Some of the best romance roleplay that were sparked?

Hands down in LOTR roleplay. Another character and mine both lost their spouses early on into the relationship and ended up after thousands of years alone, finding a bit of solace in the bitter edge and ego they'd both developed. Around everyone else they were egotistical, rude and brash but together passionate and unconditionally accepting. It wasn't a love connection as they'd already given their hearts to their spouses, but the respect and desire were super satisfying to write out. That is some complexity I can get behind!

Also a close second, a relationship in star wars rp between two Jedi who over the span of years came to understand they loved each other deeply but ultimately chose to honor their vows as jedi to refrain from attachment. Then, through a storyline collaboration with a sith character, one jedi was cloned(EU style) in order to be used as a bargaining chip. It worked, as the other Jedi very nearly traded the universe to spend the rest of their time with just the clone of their dead love. Heartbreaking stuff and maybe a little out there, but I loved it.


What was the worst romance rp you tried that didn’t work out?

A LOTR story where a ranger was with a character of mine who was one of the Maia and ridiculously above their level of even comprehending. My excuse is I was very new to novella RP and long term writing period. My character was placed in charge of a city after their spouses death and when the ranger came along and the romance happened and eventually they were engaged...the ranger's writer had the ranger take my character's military and start a war somewhere else without seeking any kind of permission or communication...so...that didn't end well. But I learned A LOT.

This is a really good topic and what you wrote was really well thought out. I will start by saying I agree with you on a lot of your points.

Personally, I'm not against romance RPs in the right situation or right character combination. I think it's cute and it also leads to a lot of hilarious OOC joking between me and other writers.

It really is a tricky situation when writing out romance for RP. And I think the biggest issue that complicates it most of is a lack of communication. There needs to be conversations had OOC about the IC relationship, where it's going, why it's happening, if there are outside influences that are forcing them together, etc, etc, etc. And I've tended to find that if you don't communicate or aren't very clear about things, then someone builds up an expectation of it being more than it is or should be...or they read the signals completely wrong. While some people argue that talking OOC about what might happen IC would ruin the story or writing, I think a conversation about anything could/should happen at anytime. People are writing a story together, it's not one brain with the same thoughts creating it, and to ensure everyone is happy with it, talks need to be had.

One difficulty I've faced is when someone wants to RP out every little thing once characters finally get into an official form of a relationship. Every single date, every single text message/phone call, every single day and night that they've spent together, and every little cutesy relational development along the way. For me, personally, that gets really boring really quick. It gets tiresome to write the daily lives and every hour of characters who don't have to experience time the way we do in real life. We can skip ahead a week, we can skip to important events, we can do things moving it forward, we can say XYZ happened in a month and pick up from there. And that circles back to the communication thing. If you're with a good partner, you should be able to talk about things that are assumed to have happened without actually having to game all the little details that ultimately won't affect the outcome of things. I'm not saying that gaming all the details is bad, some people really like it, but it's not my personal preference.

Another difficulty is when things happen IC and the characters grow apart, leading to a break up. I think people tend to forget that just because it's fantasy writing, that doesn't mean there aren't IC consequences for IC actions. If my character is with yours and yours suddenly goes on a murder spree and confesses to my char, they would be outta there and probably go to the cops and probably go into a witness protection program (unless my character a secret murderer too, but that's a whole other story). Also, just like real life, people drift apart and characters can to - it happens, break ups happen, etc. Again, communication is key...and while it might be sad that the IC romance has broken up, it shouldn't affect your friendship you've formed with the other writer. By all means, be bummed out, but it's not the end of the world. And just because that storyline might've ended, that doesn't mean you have to stop writing with that person completely. There are other stories you could write!

Yet another difficulty is unrealistic expectations from the other writer....Examples:

• Them expecting my char and their char to be together in a committed relationship after just meeting each other in ONE game/scene. They're still strangers! I have a hard time shoving them into a romantic relationship immediately!
• Since one of my characters is paired with one of theirs, they have a claim/are able to be in a relationship on ALL my characters...including dibs on any new characters I make.
• The expectation that I will want to write the paired couple all the time and not want to write any other game or characters ever again.
• If our chars are together, that means I have romantic feelings for the writer as well.

Some of the best romance roleplays that I've been/am a part of started by just going into writing with chars, seeing how they get along, and suddenly - BAM, they're a great fit for each other. No intentions of them being together, no hint of it possibly happening. It just works out that way and it's incredible. When I write my chars, I never go in with the mind of this could potentially lead to romance - I'm not saying it's off the table either, it's just not a goal. And if they have amazing chemistry with another character and it works out that way, then why not?

I don't wish to discuss the worst romance RPs I've been a part of, but if you've read what I've already written, you can kind of assume the various things that went down.

And that's my two cents.

Hmm this is very interesting... I seem to be in a little bit of a minority here with my own thoughts, so lemme share those!


What are your thoughts about romance rp?

I adore it. 95% of my RPs have romance as the main plot or sub plot, and are all actually planned.

Planned but not necessarily forced. I plan on the RP being romance centered or romance as a sub plot. Look at the characters that expressed interest in the RP with my character, if there's one that I can tell my character would be interested in and make for a good story together, I pick that one - then the RP starts. We put the characters together via the other plot events and plot conflicts. They interact, bond. If at any point it feels forced or my character just doesn't like that character and vice versa, then usually the RP ends. Since I prefer that romance element.

I also don't think romance gets boring in RP after the beginning 'tension' is over. I actually adore and am quite excited for a lot of my characters and their partners in RP to eventually get married and for the ones who want children to have children and raise them. Even having plans with some partners to write out their children's love stories. I love writing out everything, and don't find the RP less boring when the tension and beginning drama stages are over and they are together. I love tossing in accidents/injuries, family drama, realistic life drama, between the stretches of fluff and what not, but I still love the fluff. Having characters go on vacation, honeymoon, to other peoples weddings, dinner parties, go on their own dates. eeeee!!!

Long story short: I love romance rp, almost all my RP's have romantic pairings in them; and it's no surprise that all my novels have a romance sub plot or main plot either. Definitely my preferred genre.

It's all so much fun to me. I love the character development as individuals, as a couple, the fluffy sappy stuff, the steamy stuff, the sad 'help me through this' stuff, just all of it.

Difficulties you’ve faced?

I'd say the only difficulties I've faced is other people just not enjoying plotting as much as I do. I love coming up with ideas, talking over those ideas with partners. Sometimes I'll get an idea for a cute romantic scene and really want to share with my writing partner and see if they think it's good too and we could try and ease the characters towards that. In the past I've had partners who just didn't care about my ideas, didn't bring up any ideas of their own, didn't want to plot, and I found myself fairly bored and like I was keeping everything I was excited about and wanted to talk about inside.

Thankfully I haven't dealt with that for a while. All my partners are super great about gushing with me about our couples, the plot, ideas both of us have, sharing music, I've even made videos and photo edits of our characters face claims and they are super supportive.


Some of the best romance roleplay that were sparked?

Well since all of my RPs (20-25 right now) have romance in them whether side plot or main plot, and I adore them all, it's difficult to say; but I do really adore an RP between a museum curator and a gun for hire that has been going on a while and is just dramatic, adorable, tense, fluffy, sexy, even hilarious at times.

Along side a College Professor/Student, a half Angel Half Demon/Cross Roads Demon, a Librarian/Businessman, ughhh all so great. There are so many more, I could go on forever and ever and ever.

They are so perfect for each other and the plot conflicts we have planned are also very exciting.

That said I love all my rps so much and my partners so much ahhhh.

What was the worst romance rp you tried that didn’t work out?

Eh, not many that I can talk about in public - but one where a character kept repeatedly trying to sleep with my character after knowing her for two days, making her wildly uncomfortable to the point where she eventually pushed him off the horse they were sharing and rode away effectively ending the RP lmao.

Wow! I am a bit surprised how inciteful this topic has become ^^ Its very interesting to see many people have had the same experiences. I see most of you mention issues about separation of IC and OOC. I have experienced this myself, but not nearly as much as I think others have. I think I have witnessed other friends have this use more then I have personally had to deal with it. but im a terrible example of this since me and my husband to be oddly met through a roleplay campaign through mutual friends 8-9 years ago. But it wasn’t a romance genre-based campaign? ; so I got that going for me.
In my case, I have a difficulty with smut RP for that reason of lack of separation. I have explained to a few people, because of how my relationship was born.. what I do in roleplay matters to my real-world relationship. Now I have to take into consideration how my significant other feels about my romance roleplays or if im writing out smut (which to him is a lot like sending sexy texts to another real-world man). For the most part that’s why I don’t engage in it unless there is a pressing reason for it to be relevant. So you can imagine how I feel about those moments when the roleplay partner starts pushing sexual content fast and heavy.

It does sound like most of you have had more successes! I think that’s rather exciting to see. More so that you have all let things happen naturally for the most part. I think its amazing when a character is fully developed enough that they decide who they fall in love with.

I know one of you mentioned Gaiaonline – I have been there before but never to roleplay. I know the forums were hugely popular for a number of years. I tried to get into some forum rps in the past but they always fizzled out.
One other mentioned someone larping their way to the real city you lived in? SCARY!! Gotta protect your information from some of the crazies out there. You never know who is going to take things too far until they take things tooooo faaaar.
You must be a hot commodity with two stalker cases 😉

While I personally agree that, so far my favorite part of romance RPs is the lead up tension, I'm also pretty new to long-term romance RP, so getting past that point and to a serious level of a relationship isn't something I have much experience with. That being said, I'm quite excited for my long-term RPs to get to the soft fluffy 'established relationship' stage. Just because the absolute beginner tension isn't there doesn't mean they aren't adorable and super fun to write.

TL;DR Tension is great, but that doesn't mean it gets boring after, imo



Thoughts: I personally absolutely adore romance RP; There was a period there when I first joined RPR where I avidly avoided romance as much as possible, wouldn't even touch it with a ten foot pole... But after a bit of a break (an admittedly very long break), I came back and realized that, oh man, I live for characters being sappy and adorable and sexy around each other. I absolutely LIVE for it. I love romance RP.


Difficulties: Eh, nothing major I suppose. I guess the most difficult issues I face is my muse fading in / out and/or my partners ending up losing interest / ghosting, which always sucks. I'm always patient as I can be, but at some point, I just know to put an RP in my "No longer replying" folder. </3 In that same vein, getting too excited has bit me in the butt when I've gotten two replies in, am excited for the chemistry between two characters, and then never get another reply after only 2-5 replies from the other person... That always sucks.


Best RP: Well two I have going on right now are absolutely fabulous One is a professor/(college)Student that I absolutely cannot get enough of - I will love this couple until the day I die. Another is an absolutely sappy ranch-based RP between two absolute nerds whom I love. I've definitely had plenty of other lovely ones, but those are my current favorites.

I have a sort of slow/inactive one that I'm still holding out for right now with an Anti-Human AI / human; It's a one-shot RP, but with the premise that the two characters have been together for a while, and oh jeez their dynamic is phenomenal.

As for past favorites, one that sort of fell through was a Robot / Alien RP that was super cute and adorable and hhhhhh I loved it, but my RP partner ended up having life to deal with, so we had to cut it off. </3


Worst RP: Ah, hmmmm... I mean, I don't think I've had any super bad ones, at least none that come to mind...? There's never been an RP where I had to cut it off because "Wow these have no chemistry" or "Oh jeez that's A RED FLAG" or anything. I guess the worst communication I've ever had dealing in romance RP was when someone messaged me with a very "Well, if you can't find anyone else, I guess I'll play with your character," and when I politely said no, they replied in a very snippy confrontational tone and I was not having that lol

Gross. With an attitude like that, I wonder how they ever got people to write with them. There are people on the other side of the screen, at least use SOME social skills and politeness instead of coming off as a jerk.

I bet they didn't mean for it to come off like that. Some people dont communicate well and everything in text can come off differently. Obviously lacking context is hard to say, but there are times that my RP que is full and its difficult to take on another so we can come off more reluctant.
I know I have kicked myself for saying things wrong many many times.

Whats your thoughts?
* What is your thoughts about romance rp?
I love it so much - all of my roleplays have some elements of romance in them, some more than others but it usually isn’t the focus point of the roleplay
* Difficulties you’ve faced?
Sometimes, characters just don’t click well together. There’s no point in forcing them to be in a relationship, no matter how you and your partner want your characters to be together
* Some of the best romance roleplay that were sparked?
I would say a few of those I have going on right now, which are in the very early stages and barely contain any romance yet. They’re so great because our characters have this wonderful connection and they just work very well together!
* What was the worst romance rp you tried that didn’t work out?
I think I’m lucky in saying that I haven’t had any rps where the romance just didn’t work out between the characters. Though, I suppose an answer to this would be all of my previous partners who either ghosted me or completely vanished from the site. That always sucks