Thank you for saying it. It needed to be said. 
If there was a means beyond just posting to show my appreciation for a thread like this, I would give it. (Thumbs up, like, vote up, etc). Alas there is not so this post will have to suffice. 
It at least makes me glad to see all the folks on the same page about this, and I appreciate those who have shared their side of why the block for their courage in coming forward to help better show and express it.
And oh snap, admin approval! ^^
And oh snap, admin approval! ^^
I got blocked from someone and it really hurts especially since I know I didn't do anything wrong. I was actually trying to help them. They were getting too close to the line regarding the rule that must not be broken and I was trying to ensure that they didn't step over it. So I very reluctantly asked for the help of a staff member since I figured they could do a better job explaining it then I could.
Well later they asked me why I did it explaining why they thought it wasn't a problem, while their explanation still had a problem because I had asked about the exact same thing to Kim once before. I wrote a response detailing why I reported them and that my intention had been to help them avoid getting into trouble. I did this as soon as I saw the mail, but I guess they thought I had ignore them since it had been two hours since they sent that mail and it said I was online, so they blocked me which I found out when I tried to send my explanation. I hadn't actually been online sadly as I am the only one who uses this computer so I never bother to log out. I just wish I could have explained my actions to them, I really do. X.X
Anyway my story aside, sometimes people get blocked for no reason, bu you never know what their reason may be when someone talks about being blocked. They might have had a good reason for it, so it's best not to assume that they were the one's in the wrong.
Well later they asked me why I did it explaining why they thought it wasn't a problem, while their explanation still had a problem because I had asked about the exact same thing to Kim once before. I wrote a response detailing why I reported them and that my intention had been to help them avoid getting into trouble. I did this as soon as I saw the mail, but I guess they thought I had ignore them since it had been two hours since they sent that mail and it said I was online, so they blocked me which I found out when I tried to send my explanation. I hadn't actually been online sadly as I am the only one who uses this computer so I never bother to log out. I just wish I could have explained my actions to them, I really do. X.X
Anyway my story aside, sometimes people get blocked for no reason, bu you never know what their reason may be when someone talks about being blocked. They might have had a good reason for it, so it's best not to assume that they were the one's in the wrong.
I'm sorry to hear that, Katia, but this thread is not meant to be a place to discuss how it stings to be blocked and especially not to place blame (no matter how justified it may feel) on someone for blocking. The goal is to help the community become a place where more people feel more comfortable trying other things before we push to try to make anyone block less. It's a little unfair to ask them to stop doing what makes them feel safe if the rest of us aren't going to better try to help them feel safe.
And there was still a reason. People tend to feel betrayed when "tattled" on.
I am glad that you do your best to support the rules, though, especially since our mods are pretty awesome with how they handle things.
And there was still a reason. People tend to feel betrayed when "tattled" on.
I am glad that you do your best to support the rules, though, especially since our mods are pretty awesome with how they handle things.
My apologies Novalyn, the whole incident had festered a bit and I guess I just really wanted to get it off my chest. Also I know that they had a reason for blocking me, just that I didn't feel like it was a case where I did anything.
Anyway I'm not saying that people should stop blocking as it is an important feature and if people feel the need to block, especially if someone makes them feel unsafe, then they should.
Anyway I'm not saying that people should stop blocking as it is an important feature and if people feel the need to block, especially if someone makes them feel unsafe, then they should.
Honestly, it's kinda like everyone has said on here. And I only just noticed it due to Kim lol! So thanks Kim ! But man...it is just amazing to see how you FULLY understand BOTH sides. I've been blocked. I've been lied about. And honestly? I deserved that block so long ago.
I'll admit that. I grew from it, and thusly why I don't regret it happening. I grew from every circumstance that has happened to me OOCly when I was blocked. So I'll never say I wasn't at fault. Normally, if someone is hurt in a relationship, either both or one person did wrong. Period.
But I've also been a bit "block-happy" as you put it. However for GOOD reasons. I have long learned that trying to change someones OOC habits that hurt me in a game is POINTLESS!!! You CANNOT control people. That's the first lesson I think we all need to try and remind ourselves about. So If I cannot control people who hurt me intently or unintentionally; then I need to be able to at least control the situation. AKA blocking them. It's a necessary wall at times as well that I've put up when arguing with someone, to gain control of my emotions and look at a problem logically, not emotionally. No it's not fair, yes it hurts. But you've already hurt me if you've got me to this point as well. So in my opinion, it's a two way street majority of the time.
There was in fact, one instance recently as you mentioned Nova, where I was told straight to my face why they were angry at me. and I felt BAD but it wasn't anything I was intentionally doing however. I was strong and mature enough at this point to go. "Well I'll never bother anybody in your circle ever again if that's how it's effecting you." and I've stuck to it really.
If you are causing anyone pain, your first reaction should be to never repeat it. Blocking is a sign you hurt someone, so whatever you did? Don't repeat it. Look back LOGICALLY not emotionally on the convo, and see where they started to show signs of discomfort or pain. Just a thought ^-^
I'll admit that. I grew from it, and thusly why I don't regret it happening. I grew from every circumstance that has happened to me OOCly when I was blocked. So I'll never say I wasn't at fault. Normally, if someone is hurt in a relationship, either both or one person did wrong. Period.
But I've also been a bit "block-happy" as you put it. However for GOOD reasons. I have long learned that trying to change someones OOC habits that hurt me in a game is POINTLESS!!! You CANNOT control people. That's the first lesson I think we all need to try and remind ourselves about. So If I cannot control people who hurt me intently or unintentionally; then I need to be able to at least control the situation. AKA blocking them. It's a necessary wall at times as well that I've put up when arguing with someone, to gain control of my emotions and look at a problem logically, not emotionally. No it's not fair, yes it hurts. But you've already hurt me if you've got me to this point as well. So in my opinion, it's a two way street majority of the time.
There was in fact, one instance recently as you mentioned Nova, where I was told straight to my face why they were angry at me. and I felt BAD but it wasn't anything I was intentionally doing however. I was strong and mature enough at this point to go. "Well I'll never bother anybody in your circle ever again if that's how it's effecting you." and I've stuck to it really.
If you are causing anyone pain, your first reaction should be to never repeat it. Blocking is a sign you hurt someone, so whatever you did? Don't repeat it. Look back LOGICALLY not emotionally on the convo, and see where they started to show signs of discomfort or pain. Just a thought ^-^
Moved the previous post here to a more appropriate forum so as not to detract from the original purpose of this thread.
Michonne wrote:
See more
Honestly, it's kinda like everyone has said on here. And I only just noticed it due to Kim lol! So thanks Kim ! But man...it is just amazing to see how you FULLY understand BOTH sides. I've been blocked. I've been lied about. And honestly? I deserved that block so long ago.
I'll admit that. I grew from it, and thusly why I don't regret it happening. I grew from every circumstance that has happened to me OOCly when I was blocked. So I'll never say I wasn't at fault. Normally, if someone is hurt in a relationship, either both or one person did wrong. Period.
But I've also been a bit "block-happy" as you put it. However for GOOD reasons. I have long learned that trying to change someones OOC habits that hurt me in a game is POINTLESS!!! You CANNOT control people. That's the first lesson I think we all need to try and remind ourselves about. So If I cannot control people who hurt me intently or unintentionally; then I need to be able to at least control the situation. AKA blocking them. It's a necessary wall at times as well that I've put up when arguing with someone, to gain control of my emotions and look at a problem logically, not emotionally. No it's not fair, yes it hurts. But you've already hurt me if you've got me to this point as well. So in my opinion, it's a two way street majority of the time.
There was in fact, one instance recently as you mentioned Nova, where I was told straight to my face why they were angry at me. and I felt BAD but it wasn't anything I was intentionally doing however. I was strong and mature enough at this point to go. "Well I'll never bother anybody in your circle ever again if that's how it's effecting you." and I've stuck to it really.
If you are causing anyone pain, your first reaction should be to never repeat it. Blocking is a sign you hurt someone, so whatever you did? Don't repeat it. Look back LOGICALLY not emotionally on the convo, and see where they started to show signs of discomfort or pain. Just a thought ^-^
I'll admit that. I grew from it, and thusly why I don't regret it happening. I grew from every circumstance that has happened to me OOCly when I was blocked. So I'll never say I wasn't at fault. Normally, if someone is hurt in a relationship, either both or one person did wrong. Period.
But I've also been a bit "block-happy" as you put it. However for GOOD reasons. I have long learned that trying to change someones OOC habits that hurt me in a game is POINTLESS!!! You CANNOT control people. That's the first lesson I think we all need to try and remind ourselves about. So If I cannot control people who hurt me intently or unintentionally; then I need to be able to at least control the situation. AKA blocking them. It's a necessary wall at times as well that I've put up when arguing with someone, to gain control of my emotions and look at a problem logically, not emotionally. No it's not fair, yes it hurts. But you've already hurt me if you've got me to this point as well. So in my opinion, it's a two way street majority of the time.
There was in fact, one instance recently as you mentioned Nova, where I was told straight to my face why they were angry at me. and I felt BAD but it wasn't anything I was intentionally doing however. I was strong and mature enough at this point to go. "Well I'll never bother anybody in your circle ever again if that's how it's effecting you." and I've stuck to it really.
If you are causing anyone pain, your first reaction should be to never repeat it. Blocking is a sign you hurt someone, so whatever you did? Don't repeat it. Look back LOGICALLY not emotionally on the convo, and see where they started to show signs of discomfort or pain. Just a thought ^-^
It's a lot harder to learn from your mistake if you don't know what your mistake is, and often the best way to find out what our mistakes are, is to ask an honest friend. Just thinking logically about a situation won't always help, because as important as logic is, it can't provide you with one important piece of the puzzle--the thoughts behind the person who blocked you.
EDIT: To clarify, I am not saying that blocking isn't a thing that should be allowed. I do understand that sometimes the person can't deal with the issues, and has no other recourse available to them, and in some cases it's the healthiest thing to do out of the options available. This post is merely an attempt to clarify some of the issues that naturally come along with being blocked.
There was a thing or two said in this thread that I wanted to express agreement on. the main one being--likewise, if I have ever hurt someone by piling on where I shouldn't...I too apologize. I have a tendency to take most things at face value, at least initially, and I realize this is at least to some degree, a failing of mine. The flip side being, it's easier to gain my trust, but that's a thing for another time.
EDIT--removed part of this to keep the subject on topic
EDIT--removed part of this to keep the subject on topic
@Michonne - What you described doesn't sound "block-happy" to me. It sounds well-reasoned.
@Abigail - A bit of honesty first - I think I read most of your post, but I admit not all of it.
It sounds like you already had some thoughts about the whole pile-on thing, and I'm glad this thread could help you to better work things out.
@Abigail - A bit of honesty first - I think I read most of your post, but I admit not all of it.
It sounds like you already had some thoughts about the whole pile-on thing, and I'm glad this thread could help you to better work things out.
Still to Abigail
Even though this post is not meant to be about account deletion, I still wanted to address what you said a bit. It's clear that you are still hurting from the loss of your friend, and that is valid. It hurts to lose people we care about, whatever the reason or method, and it's not unusual to feel anger about it. Anger is, really, one of the standard stages of grief.
One thing I wanted to note was that you acknowledge the value and importance of being able to just vanish, and there is a point where you seem to imply that some of it might even apply to this case, but you go on about this case as being an exception to those without ever giving a reason why it is an exception. It seems to be an exception only because you are still aching over it, when it could, for all you express that you know, apply to multiple instances of when you think it's okay to just vanish.
If you can make some emotional room for it (it's okay if you still need to process more, first), I'd like you to put yourself into another's shoes for a moment. As an example, imagine that you've been fighting with yourself for awhile about staying. You know it's important to leave, whatever the reason, but you try to hold out anyway. Eventually, you have to just do it. But...
If you need to unload more about it, I'd recommend taking it to HFY. If you feel up to it, I'd even encourage you to move most/all of the stuff about deleting there, since the focus of this thread is blocking.
Again, I'm sorry you are having to deal with the loss of a dear friend, and I know that the mysterious circumstances make it harder.
One thing I wanted to note was that you acknowledge the value and importance of being able to just vanish, and there is a point where you seem to imply that some of it might even apply to this case, but you go on about this case as being an exception to those without ever giving a reason why it is an exception. It seems to be an exception only because you are still aching over it, when it could, for all you express that you know, apply to multiple instances of when you think it's okay to just vanish.
If you can make some emotional room for it (it's okay if you still need to process more, first), I'd like you to put yourself into another's shoes for a moment. As an example, imagine that you've been fighting with yourself for awhile about staying. You know it's important to leave, whatever the reason, but you try to hold out anyway. Eventually, you have to just do it. But...
- If you don't just do it, right now, you might never. There is no time to say goodbye.
- You don't know who all would want a goodbye. You underestimate. Maybe your brain has even convinced you that no one does, that everyone is only pretending to like you and will be relieved when you go.
- Saying goodbye to everyone is just too painful.
- Add to any of these: Your account will be gone, so you can't put a notice there, and you know that AFK posts (which a "farewell post might be misconstrued as) get deleted from the forums. Some internet communities delete all "I'm leaving" posts (since they can often be angry and toxic). There appears to be no option for a one-shot, general farewell.
If you need to unload more about it, I'd recommend taking it to HFY. If you feel up to it, I'd even encourage you to move most/all of the stuff about deleting there, since the focus of this thread is blocking.
Again, I'm sorry you are having to deal with the loss of a dear friend, and I know that the mysterious circumstances make it harder.
Subtleknifewielder wrote:
Quote:
Abigail_Austin wrote:
Before this article, I had never considered the possibility that one of the blockers being posted about might be one of my friends and that by making assumptions about or criticizing an unknown blocker, I might be unwittingly hurting the feelings of said friend. I don't like that idea at all.)
(And if I've ever unintentionally done that to anyone--fallen into the pile-on mentality, and throw shade someone's way out of ignorance of their side of the story, I'm want to say I'm sorry. Sincerely.)
I also answer forum posts like that based on the premise that what the poster is saying is true -- so it's like I'm saying "if this is true, then..." I feel like that's implied, even when it's not said.
(And if I've ever unintentionally done that to anyone--fallen into the pile-on mentality, and throw shade someone's way out of ignorance of their side of the story, I'm want to say I'm sorry. Sincerely.)
I also answer forum posts like that based on the premise that what the poster is saying is true -- so it's like I'm saying "if this is true, then..." I feel like that's implied, even when it's not said.
Thanks, Subtle. My post got a bit off topic so I moved it to HFY. Thanks, though.
So probably people reading this will be like, "This is the internet. People come and go as they please. Dramatic goodbyes aren't a Thing now. The people that get all bent out of shape about it are the ones with the problem...they should chill." And maybe you're right, if you're thinking that, like I'm right about not needing to bake pies for neighbors anymore.
But I don't care if I'm wrong, I still think it's bad manners for someone to just disappear from a platform where they have good friends out of nowhere and never say goodbye. I think it should be normal to send goodbye messages, that's all.
Second...this one is directly to you Abigail. I agree wholeheartedly on your statements regarding manners and courtesy. Admittedly, I myself am also in my 30's, albeit my early 30's, so take my words with a few grains of salt when you judge them, but, there it is, that is my thoughts on the subject, too.
Novalyyn wrote:
@Michonne - What you described doesn't sound "block-happy" to me. It sounds well-reasoned.
@Abigail - A bit of honesty first - I think I read most of your post, but I admit not all of it.
It sounds like you already had some thoughts about the whole pile-on thing, and I'm glad this thread could help you to better work things out.
@Abigail - A bit of honesty first - I think I read most of your post, but I admit not all of it.
It sounds like you already had some thoughts about the whole pile-on thing, and I'm glad this thread could help you to better work things out.
Still to Abigail
Even though this post is not meant to be about account deletion, I still wanted to address what you said a bit. It's clear that you are still hurting from the loss of your friend, and that is valid. It hurts to lose people we care about, whatever the reason or method, and it's not unusual to feel anger about it. Anger is, really, one of the standard stages of grief.
One thing I wanted to note was that you acknowledge the value and importance of being able to just vanish, and there is a point where you seem to imply that some of it might even apply to this case, but you go on about this case as being an exception to those without ever giving a reason why it is an exception. It seems to be an exception only because you are still aching over it, when it could, for all you express that you know, apply to multiple instances of when you think it's okay to just vanish.
If you can make some emotional room for it (it's okay if you still need to process more, first), I'd like you to put yourself into another's shoes for a moment. As an example, imagine that you've been fighting with yourself for awhile about staying. You know it's important to leave, whatever the reason, but you try to hold out anyway. Eventually, you have to just do it. But...
If you need to unload more about it, I'd recommend taking it to HFY. If you feel up to it, I'd even encourage you to move most/all of the stuff about deleting there, since the focus of this thread is blocking.
Again, I'm sorry you are having to deal with the loss of a dear friend, and I know that the mysterious circumstances make it harder.
One thing I wanted to note was that you acknowledge the value and importance of being able to just vanish, and there is a point where you seem to imply that some of it might even apply to this case, but you go on about this case as being an exception to those without ever giving a reason why it is an exception. It seems to be an exception only because you are still aching over it, when it could, for all you express that you know, apply to multiple instances of when you think it's okay to just vanish.
If you can make some emotional room for it (it's okay if you still need to process more, first), I'd like you to put yourself into another's shoes for a moment. As an example, imagine that you've been fighting with yourself for awhile about staying. You know it's important to leave, whatever the reason, but you try to hold out anyway. Eventually, you have to just do it. But...
- If you don't just do it, right now, you might never. There is no time to say goodbye.
- You don't know who all would want a goodbye. You underestimate. Maybe your brain has even convinced you that no one does, that everyone is only pretending to like you and will be relieved when you go.
- Saying goodbye to everyone is just too painful.
- Add to any of these: Your account will be gone, so you can't put a notice there, and you know that AFK posts (which a "farewell post might be misconstrued as) get deleted from the forums. Some internet communities delete all "I'm leaving" posts (since they can often be angry and toxic). There appears to be no option for a one-shot, general farewell.
If you need to unload more about it, I'd recommend taking it to HFY. If you feel up to it, I'd even encourage you to move most/all of the stuff about deleting there, since the focus of this thread is blocking.
Again, I'm sorry you are having to deal with the loss of a dear friend, and I know that the mysterious circumstances make it harder.
Sorry Novalyyn. I moved my post to HFY. This topic is really valuable and it's important and I agree with being careful not to villify blockers, or anyone. And thanks for the comments over here.
Alright, fair enough, I will make attempts to move my reply on the subject as well to that more appropriate location. Is it a publically available forum?
Subtleknifewielder wrote:
Alright, fair enough, I will make attempts to move my reply on the subject as well to that more appropriate location. Is it a publically available forum?
Nah but you can PM me and I'll give you a link or talk in PM.
Ok everybody, back to talking about being compassionate and considerate of both sides when someone needs to use the blocking feature. Which is a really thoughtful thing and definitely helps. I know I don't want to have a "picking sides" type of vibe on RpR or a "piling on" to one person vibe on RpR so I think it's really something worth talking about. This thead is amazing, getting the views of people from all sides.
I have blocked only four people ever, and been blocked by 2, and I kind of regret the whole incident. But at the time, it really was a safety feature that helped things not to escalate and allowed both sides to just...coexist...without arguing.
I have blocked only four people ever, and been blocked by 2, and I kind of regret the whole incident. But at the time, it really was a safety feature that helped things not to escalate and allowed both sides to just...coexist...without arguing.
NOTE--I have edited my last couple of content posts in this thread to keep on topic. Apologies to any who felt like I may have helped push things off-course. Ehem, now that that has been said...
I would like to clarify that to the best of my knowledge, I have never been blocked by anyone on RPR, nor have I ever felt the need to block someone, so this may be part of why I seem less emotionally charged on this subject--because I am. It probably also means I am less qualified to judge when it happens in either direction, and this is ok, too--I acknowledge that as well, and that anyone at any time may take my words with the appropriate grain of salt when examining them through that lens.
PS. (If you are someone I have blocked on accident, I sincerely apologize, please let me know here if you see this post, and I will rectify the mistake immediately).
I would like to clarify that to the best of my knowledge, I have never been blocked by anyone on RPR, nor have I ever felt the need to block someone, so this may be part of why I seem less emotionally charged on this subject--because I am. It probably also means I am less qualified to judge when it happens in either direction, and this is ok, too--I acknowledge that as well, and that anyone at any time may take my words with the appropriate grain of salt when examining them through that lens.
PS. (If you are someone I have blocked on accident, I sincerely apologize, please let me know here if you see this post, and I will rectify the mistake immediately).
I want to thank everyone for being respectful.
I'll admit that my own experience with blocking is limited.
I'm the sort who tries my durndest to avoid it, and so I have no one blocked on RPR at present, and can only recall having blocked two or three people over on Facebook (long after I probably should have). I personally don't like how it feels to shut myself off from someone, and honestly, how long I'll avoid it is probably enough to damage my mental health. I don't feel it is wrong for me to do so, just risky, and I don't feel it's right to force that risk on others.
And I know I've been blocked at least once on RPR. My biased opinion still insists that it was an overreaction, but I know what I did, and I do not blame the person. And one of the weird things about that is I know so many people who would believe me if I claimed it was unfair or uncalled for, because I've managed to build a pretty solid reputation here and I could see some folks insisting that I wouldn't have done that, or that there was some mistake, but yes: I acted like a jerk and got blocked before I could backtrack. And I knew I was being a jerk when I did it. I deserved what I got. So I just keep that in mind to try to help me remember to better monitor my tone and intent, and to pause before responding if I'm in a bad place mentally.
I'll admit that my own experience with blocking is limited.
I'm the sort who tries my durndest to avoid it, and so I have no one blocked on RPR at present, and can only recall having blocked two or three people over on Facebook (long after I probably should have). I personally don't like how it feels to shut myself off from someone, and honestly, how long I'll avoid it is probably enough to damage my mental health. I don't feel it is wrong for me to do so, just risky, and I don't feel it's right to force that risk on others.
And I know I've been blocked at least once on RPR. My biased opinion still insists that it was an overreaction, but I know what I did, and I do not blame the person. And one of the weird things about that is I know so many people who would believe me if I claimed it was unfair or uncalled for, because I've managed to build a pretty solid reputation here and I could see some folks insisting that I wouldn't have done that, or that there was some mistake, but yes: I acted like a jerk and got blocked before I could backtrack. And I knew I was being a jerk when I did it. I deserved what I got. So I just keep that in mind to try to help me remember to better monitor my tone and intent, and to pause before responding if I'm in a bad place mentally.
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