Forums » Smalltalk » I saw something I wish I didn't

I haven't even posted in this section of the site before, and I can tell this is going to be different from the other stuff, so I apologize about that. I don't think this breaks any rules about disturbing/graphic content, but if it is feel free to get rid of it. I just saw something that really struck me. And I don't know what to do except type it out and post it. I guess if I feel like other people will view this, it means something for what I saw? Recognition of its pain? That it deserved better? For some reason I always feel like if I just randomly yell into the void that "HEY I FEEL WHACK" it'll make me feel better. I don't know if it really does, but that's my compulsion.

I was driving home from a movie with my best friend when we came across a deer lying in the median on the road. it was super weird off the bat because there were no forests around. I have no idea how the poor thing got there. At first, my friend thought the deer was fine, but I could instantly tell something was very wrong. It was lying down on its side- She, I guess, the deer was a doe. Anyway, she was lying down and kicking and thrashing, like she was trying to get up, but couldn't. I can't get the look on her face out of my mind. She looked scared and desperate and tossed her head up at us when we drove by, probably out of fear, but I felt like she was asking for help. We circled around, and when we got to her she was lying still. I don't know if she was gone or not, but if she was still alive she either needed help, (or more likely, sadly) needed to put out of her misery.

I called my police department. Long story short, they weren't willing to drive out to my area to put the animal down. Which, while understandable, made me really upset. I feel so helpless and awful, knowing that as I'm sitting here in my warm house, comfy and safe, while she's out there, possibly still alive. I don't own a gun to do anything myself, and even if I did, I know I wouldn't have it in me to shoot anything. I feel like such a hypocrite, because I drive by roadkill all the time! And I usually just cringe or mumble an apology, avoid looking at them. Then I stop thinking about it. And what about the meat I eat? The animals that suffer for that, living short lives in crowded cages? What's my excuse, even? I have no right to get all sad about seeing that deer when I ignore suffering in other places all the time.
Sorry this is so long. I can't get it out of my mind. I feel sick, and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for the long post.

Aw. I'll scream into the void with you.

That's messed up that they wouldn't come euthanize the deer! Well, I think so, anyway.

I relate to your hating seeing an animal suffering -- I hate that too, I particularly hate that.

I don't know if it's hypocritical to feel bad for an animal you encounter up close and not as bad for the animals you don't see, but, I think it's only natural. But then, if you think about it, isn't everyone hypocritical in the same way? I think it partly comes down to just doing what we can do, and what we can't do, has to remain distant.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I think we should let ourselves care about people/creatures within our little sphere of influence and experience even if other people and creatures that we can't practically help are in similar situations. But I see why you're wrestling with the question.

It's one of those philosophical question that has been wrestled with by people with the smartest minds for eons, you know?

The answer is different for different people. I hate the idea of factory farms, but I eat eggs. I drink milk. I don't want to get into the weeds of that question because it would skirt politics but everyone -- everyone is in some way or another part of a system that is less than ideal (whether it's farming, or clothing manufacture, or the use of fossil fuels, or what have you). So I guess what I'm saying is, we do the best we can in a flawed system and with a flawed, but beautiful, world.

Nature has a lot of suffering, and I hate that (and am shielded from that because I've never lived in the country), and though it has a lot of beauty too, the suffering in nature bothers me.

My comments really don't have a direction, it seems...but yeah, aaaaarghhh! (into the void)

It's sweet that you care, and if I saw that, I would be upset too, regardless of what's going on anywhere else in the world.

But you did all you could -- literally. Some people wouldn't have made that call. You should be proud that you did everything you could do. *hugs*

Yep friggin sucks.

I hope you're feeling better tho.

Thank you! I'm feeling a lot better today. I felt intensely about it for awhile, but I'm doing fine now. I agree, I thought it was messed up too, but I guess I understand why they wouldn't euthanize her. Thanks for your response, seriously. It had some logic I think I needed to see, I really appreciate it.

Oh good. Yw. And glad you're feeling better!