Forums » Smalltalk » How to not be "THAT Guy"(Closed)

(Not exactly sure what I'm asking, or if I'm not asking anything and this is a rant. Or maybe it's both.)

How to not be "THAT GUY" when it comes to grammar and spelling. How do you manage helping people who aren't that good at such stuff? Is their a point where if you correct them, you're going too far?

Yeah, y'all know who I'm talking about. The spelling Nazi's who will have a conniption if you spell something wrong.

Now, I totally make mistakes on grammar. I probably do it without realizing. I feel like my sentences are easy to read and aren't awful with grammar, but I make mistakes. I honestly wouldn't mind if someone told me that I had a comma in a wrong place, but I guess if I'm being constantly reminded by it, I wouldn't find RP fun anymore.

Now, there are grammar/spelling pet peeves of mine:

Absolutely no commas whatsoever

Constantly spelling the same word wrong

Super long run on sentences that don't have a point other than to fill space.

Unnecessary capital letters in the middle of a sentence

Clumping everything up so I can't read it....




NOW, I write as if I'm talking. I take dramatic pauses and probably use one too many commas, but that's how I imagine myself speaking.

But some people write just to write. Like, yeah, this is supposed to be fun, but if you list stuff without having any room to breathe it makes me want to cry.

I sound probably a little rude, so I'm sorry. I probably have like a form of OCD or a need to be correct about everything always.

Sometimes, I browse forums and want to yell at people because of these (probably very trivial) pet peeves. I'm not sure if I'm just stressed or I'm honestly concerned about this.

I guess I do have some questions though.

What do I say to people who haven't asked for help with their RP skills, but need some help in a specific area? Do I say something? Is there a way to do it so I don't sound really rude?

Now, about my peeves. (I probably have more, but I can't think of them).... Are they reasonable? Should I be bothered by this stuff?

And like finally, general questions...

How are you?

Do first impressions of a possible RP partner matter?

Do you have any pet peeves? And, if so, do you think they are reasonable?

Lacking commas bugs me, but I tend to over-use them, so maybe that's why

I think having pet peeves is absolutely fine. My huge one is when people spell "etcetera" as "ectcetera", like that seriously bugs the bajeebuz out of me.

I've also had a partner who didn't have the best writing skills, but so long as I understood what they were going for, I could either look past it, or sort of re-word it in my head, as much extra work as that took. For that one scenario, the writing wasn't bad enough to outweigh the excellence of the character and of the story itself, so I was fine with it.

I think it's just about figuring out where the line is drawn.

I feel like I very much do this too. I try to write as open as possible. Having to write with other characters who have a very rigid "Obviously a writer, not a character being written" feel to their speech always sort of drains me. If the writing is good, then great. But if it doesn't flow well, if it comes off as too robotic, I have a big issue with having fun writing back to people.

I'm fine! Bored...


First impressions definitely matter. I actually make sure, before I start an RP with someone, to read the entirety / as much of their character profile as I can, and their profile page too if it's available. If they don't have any rules / preferences and/or their writing on these things doesn't immediately strike me as something I'd like to write with? Then I'll turn that RP down because I know, from these things, whether a person and I will get along from a writing standpoint.

If I'm still on the fence, I usually ask for a "Writing example" that's something akin to what they'd get out on a regular response. Something they can copy+paste to me from another RP they have going ideally. And at this point, I can definitely decide if I do / do not enjoy their writing style. I definitely suggest this practice if you're having a hard time finding people you enjoy writing with.

But yeah, first impressions definitely matter to me, personally.


Pet Peeves: I have quite a few. Like I said previously, 'etcetera' is one. I can't judge too harshly on run on sentences, considering how awful I am with them myself, but so long as they fit into the context of the reply, I'm usually fine with them; It's when they absolutely have no reason to be there that I get sort of mad about them.

Honestly the only real pet peeves I have are 1st/2nd person PoV... I just can't get into my partners if they don't write from a 3rd person point of view...

Also, short replies. Not that one liners or concise RP is bad, but it's definitely not my personal cup of tea.






I'd say so long as you're not hurting people, then having preferences isn't a bad thing. RP is supposed to be fun, and if that means you have to be a bit more picky about who you do or do not RP with? Then so be it! It's about having fun and finding stories that you love.

But, thanks for the reply DarkCrow. Do you ever consider helping your RP partner with their grammar so it's at least more coherent?

I personally have yet to have to do this, honestly. I've had to cut off a few RPs for length issues, but not for grammar.

As said in my previous reply, I try to gauge a possible partner's RP before I even start writing with them, in every way I can; If I get too annoyed with their writing once the RP has started, then I'll just cut off the RP. Honestly, above all else, RP should be fun, in my opinion, and at the point that it stops being fun, it's not worth doing anymore... even if that's cutting off a single RP, or taking a break from it altogether, whatever.

Sadly as for talking over grammar issues with partners, I can't give any advice

I've only skimmed a little yet (limited time), but want to try offering advice.

First, you can make a thread to announce if you are willing to help random people with that, but do not approach random people just to offer that help. Irksome though it may be, it's best to just click back away and ignore that user as much as reasonable if their writing bothers you to read. Lots of folks are comfortable with the level they are at, and even more instinctively get defensive when told they are doing something "wrong" - even those who do want to improve!

Now, if you are in an RP or in-depth conversation with someone and their style bothers you, you could let them know, "Hey, I'm having some trouble reading your posts. Are you willing/able to type in a more academically 'correct' manner/take more time with your spelling/grammar/punctuation/etc?" I'd suggest not making too big/numerous a request and remaining patient. I can't say whether posting in the thread (which could be more embarrassing if it's public) or in a separate private message (which could feel more like a personal attack) is better, and I imagine it varies from person to person.

I don't suggest offering to help unless you really feel you have the time and patience to work with them. If you do decide to offer, perhaps after they have expressed that they aren't sure how to write at a higher level or keep having the same troubles, again, keep it polite. Something like, "I'd be willing to help you work on it or find resources to help yourself, if you'd like."

The the person declines (the offer or the request), it's okay to politely step out of the conversation. If it's an RP, that might involve a little discussion about how to say it ended without playing it out, or even just explain," I've found this plot interesting, but I think our styles are too different at this point for me to properly enjoy it. I'm afraid I'll have to bow out, but I hope you find someone else to have fun with!" Or, if you feel it's still worth it... just keep playing and modeling the sort of writing you favor. In time, they may start picking it up.

Of course I wouldn’t actively seek to change someone’s writing style, especially if they aren’t in a RP with me. But when it comes to being in an RP with someone whose style has something that peeves me, I was wondering how to approach something. Because, I always only have the best intentions when doing so, but I don’t want to overstep and make someone upset. I guess, I’m asking what is the limit in your opinion?

I don't really like the term 'grammar Nazi' in general, especially with how heavy handed the word Nazi actually is, in the past and even in this day and age. So I try to avoid that term in general, but I do know what you are talking about.

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What do I say to people who haven't asked for help with their RP skills, but need some help in a specific area? Do I say something? Is there a way to do it so I don't sound really rude?

If you're RPing with someone and their grammar and punctuation is difficult for you to understand, read, or enjoy, then I'd say the best idea if you do enjoy the theme is to say something along the lines of 'I'm finding your posts a bit difficult to read, may I give you some advice?' and if they say yes, then tell them that they could improve on their grammar and punctuation, if they say no, then...well, if you can't continue the RP as is, then it's best to end it.

My pet peeves; they reasonable? Should I be bothered by this stuff?

Everyone has pet peeves, I think that grammar/punctuation is a common one, and is less of a pet peeve more of just how mot people would prefer to read something. As for the generalization of people, whether race, origin country, body type, sexuality, gender, ect, that definitely makes sense. I don't like it much either. You're free to tell someone you think is making unnecessary generalizations based on their characters, race, body type, sexuality, gender, that you are uncomfortable but you can't really make them change it, if that's what they want. Telling them it makes you uncomfortable and moving on is the best idea.

And like finally, general questions...

How are you?

Good. Just woke up a bit ago, about to get breakfast and excited to RP today after work.

Do first impressions of a possible RP partner matter?

Very much OOC and IC. If someone seems aloof, short, and not all that interested in their OOC replies before the RP starts, and doesn't have any ideas to talk about before the RP starts with me, usually I find myself not interested in even starting with them. If someones first couple IC posts don't really match up with my writing style or preferences, then unless I really like the theme, I'm not likely to go much further.

Do you have any pet peeves? And, if so, do you think they are reasonable?
I'm not a fan personally of 1st or 2nd person POV.

Uh, God Modding, though that's a known 'no-no' people still find ways to do it and sneak it in.

Long time jumps in the RP without being let know beforehand in case I have something I planned on happening before that time jump. a couple days time jump is fine without warning usually, but a week or more? I need to be told beforehand.

Little to no exposition. I am big on exposition and characters thoughts, so it bothers me when there's little to none of that in posts I receive. Usually this falls into the 'writing styles don't mesh' because it's not a bad style, just not for me.

Biggest 'pet-peeve' but the fetishization of people. Espeically when it comes to characters of color and fat characters. As a fat person it makes me wildly uncomfortable to read someone fetishizing fat characters and I cannot write my fat characters with people who do that and make it obvious within the RP. The same thing goes for my characters of color too. It's just too upsetting and causes me major distress.

Some would say my pet peeves are unreasonable, but...in the end they are mine and based on what makes me uncomfortable and comfortable.

I'd say it's up to you to determine your limit. There is no hard rule or standard. It's when it's enough of a bother that you're thinking about the writing more than the content, when it's too distracting and in the way of enjoyment. This is going to vary for everyone.

There are a few things that bother me, but maybe not quite as much as they bother you. It doesn't make me wanna scream, but if it's like...over and over again...it can grind my gears.

I also do make spelling and grammar mistakes too.

Some people write "then" instead of "than." I caught myself doing that once, even. That doesn't bug me that much, but I notice it. No commas would bother me too.

I'm non-confrontional, but if was going to confront then I would use the suggestions people have already said here.

I agree with you Mercy, the term Grammar Nazi is not something I like to use but I didn’t know how else to describe it.

I will start by apologizing for any mistakes made ... given English is my third language.

What do I say to people who haven't asked for help with their RP skills, but need some help in a specific area? Do I say something? Is there a way to do it so I don't sound really rude?

A word of warning...

Be careful in making assumptions about other users' level of English and your "ability" to be able help them out.

Running groups, you encounter a variety of users, many with different pet peeves.
Yes, a perfectly written sentence, with pristine grammar, is one of them for user X.

Without giving any names, user X kept complaining OOC about another user's lackings. They kept pointing out grammatical mistakes, spelling mistakes, sentences that were understandable but a little confusing... causing delays in the RP IC story, posts to be rewritten on quite a few occasions.

Tension escalated about the lack of improvement (according to player X this was lack of attention to detail from player Z or carelessness, perhaps even on purpose to annoy player X) and it turns out that the person affected (player Z) is actually dyslexic.

Player Z struggles a lot with written English (words and letters get confusing for them). They come to RPR to distress from the real life pressure caused by this, and no matter how hard user Z tried to please user X, their English will not be to the same standards, given their condition, which cannot be helped.

Learning the truth caused player X to actually feel awfully guilty about making player Z feel so out of comfort zone and belittled about their written English.

Lack of perfection in written English (grammar, spelling, punctuation...) can be caused by many different reasons: dyslexia, using a mobile device instead of a full keyboard (with word replacement enabled), English not being a native language, lack of an opportunity to learn English properly (when they have disabilities or did not get taught English at all) or simply tiredness

A kinsman of mine is deaf. English is their only language yet their written English can be extremely poor at times. He explained to me that at school he never received sufficient support and help, time and dedication to learn properly and what little he learned, was exhausting for him. They would feel hurt and upset if someone tried to remark that their effort and output was not good enough, since they always try their best.

Learning requires a lot of time and effort and energy and, many people who come to RPR, come to relax rather than be taught English grammar, punctuation, spelling.... which can be a burden for some people.

My pet peeves; they reasonable? Should I be bothered by this stuff?

It is very normal and natural to prefer proper sentences rather than figure out what others are trying to explain or the message they are trying to convey.

If it bothers you, which seems to be the case, it is better that you state in your profile (and at the beginning of the RP via OOC) what your expectations are from your partners in regards to this pet peeve rather than try to "help" them along the way.

It may save you the annoyance of enduring your pet peeve and save the potential partner the embarrassment at being singled out as not good enough.

How are you?

Rather sleep deprived but role-playing away

Do first impressions of a possible RP partner matter?

Yes, when a writer approaches me to roleplay with my characters I tend to give them an opportunity, given their current interest, where I may not have considered them as potential RP partners out of the blue.

Do you have any pet peeves? And, if so, do you think they are reasonable?

Godmodding and over powered characters as they make any RP impossible to develop, last or enjoy.

Fortunately, godmodding is a reasonable pet peeve, to the point that it is an RPR rule already so I can point them out to the page and ask them to stop controlling my characters or the environment.

Well, I believe it’s best that when you start with new partners. You make it clear that you want well done grammar but also, you should say to yourself that you can not expect that the person you are rping with will have a perfect response like it came out of a published book.

You have no idea who is on the other end of the chat screen, like myself. I have dyslexia and I messed up all them time with little things, like ‘there and their’.

But you shouldn’t bottle up your frustrations so that you would yell and scream at the person in frustration of poor grammar or spelling.

Maybe they have eye sight problems, learning disabilities, they could have been rushed or tired. You don’t know.

If the same thing keeps popping up, just gently correct them and ask them to do their best and not spell it wrong or use the improper grammar.

Gotta let water roll off your back a little, I understand OCD is a struggle. I like things to be perfect too, but things I can control.

You can’t control other people, so having a rule and making sure the person knows the rule is the best thing you can do.

And if they do something that annoys them, just gently correct them and make sure they know it’s not that big of a deal to you, even if it is. Because that’s when feelings get hurt.

So people can’t write perfect books. But they will try if you ask. Just be kind about it, that’s all that most people want is kindness.


And if they don’t listen to you, and refuse to fix the problem without a good reason. Just stop talking with them. Again, You don’t have to be rude about it, but putting your foot down will always be a good idea.

I understand that there is a wide range of people on this site, with a wide range of talents, so I’m not trying to say that someone is bad at RP if they aren’t necessarily the best at writing and such. It’s just those little nit picky things that I need to learn to understand that they happen.

(This is not meant to brag or anything)

I’ve always kind of been a person who was pretty advanced in English for my grade level, and it’s sometimes hard for me to comprehend that not everyone is like me. I feel like lots of academic stuff comes naturally to me, and I feel like I’ve always been the type of kid who wants everyone to be happy. It’s a part of my anxiety and depression, I believe, that brings out these stronger emotions about things. As a child, I had a very annoying habit of assuming people want help, when they don’t need it. I’ve never tried to pursue this in talking with people in my RPs, but I appreciate the commentary on whether I should help Tusitala!

I want to be clear. This is not supposed to be a thread to degrade people who have dyslexia/don’t speak English/ etc nor is it claiming for me to be perfect. This thread is here so I’m aware of other people’s thoughts on such matters.

I’m not going to lie, I’m over dramatic and I can overreact, but I just want to make sure I’m being the best RP partner I can be.

Thanks everyone, I think I got the answers I was looking for! I want you to understand where I’m coming from and whether it’s reasonable because this has been itching at my brain for a bit.

(Also I’m not claiming to have OCD, nor do I actually physically scream because posts have a lack of commas. Like I said, I’m dramatic.)