Forums » Smalltalk » Mental Health Rant

Dear Reader,

I'm writing this post because I feel unbearably overwhelmed. These past few months have been incredibly tough, but instead of asking my roleplay partners for their patience and understanding I just disappeared off the face of the earth and left them in the dark. For that, I feel incredibly guilty, and it's been eating away at me for a while. At any point, I could have gone online to explain to them what had happened but I didn't. I was selfish and hid away in my little bubble.

I have never felt so isolated and alone, with so little motivation to do anything or talk to anyone. So many people have reached out to me to see if I'm alright, and their messages have remained unanswered. I can't express how bad this has made me feel, but I can't bring myself to pick up my phone and respond, even though it would only take a few seconds.

The thing is, reader, I have so many issues and they're all going off at once. Anxiety, depression, PTSD. It's one ugly mess that I can't escape. Sometimes I have days where things are tolerable, but most days I can't get out of bed. I want to, but it feels like there's something holding me back and stopping me from getting on with my life. I feel trapped in a cage that isn't locked. I want to be alone, but I'm afraid of being lonely. It's all so confusing, and it's slowly breaking me apart.

I'm sorry to everyone whose been trying to reach out to me these past few months. And I'm sorry for any worry or inconvenience I may have caused. I can't say for sure when I'll be back. I'm trying, but it's hard to write at the moment.

But thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this, I wish you all the best Reader.

Take care.

Auxiline, the first thing I want to say to you is you should never feel sorry about stuff like this! I know full well how hard it can be to get out of bed some days, let alone log onto a social media platform and try to explain to someone how you're feeling when sometimes, even you can't make sense of what's going around your own head and that's ok! The important thing for you to do during these times is to take care of yourself before you worry about anyone else! Get yourself back to a place where you're happy and content, and then when you're ready to come back take those steps and not before! No one in the right mind would be angry at you for taking a break due to mental health, no one with a soul at least.

While I'm relieved you've reached out, I probably know better than most what you've been through and how it affects you. So do not feel pressured or obligated to force yourself into writing or responding until you're ready to do so. I will always be here to talk to you if you need it, but I won't demand you tell me what's wrong if you don't want to. Just make sure you're eating, drinking and getting plenty of rest, that's all I ask. I'm more than content to wait for a response for as long as it takes. My friendship with you is far more important than any roleplay could ever mean to me.

We are all here for you, whenever you need us. I hope you know that, and there will always be people backing your corner. So honestly, do not feel bad, guilty or sorry about taking time for yourself. Just take one day at a time.

Hey.

I first want to say, you will never have to apologize to me about putting yourself first. You and I have been writing together and friends for quite a while now. Long enough that you know I have times where life gets the best of me and I tend to be gone for a period of time. I am in your corner. Your real friends will always be in your corner and want you to put yourself first. Don't worry about us, just worry about getting better. Your real friends will still be here when you return. If you lose a few from your absence then you were probably better off without them, anyway.

Please know that I am here for you. I know I typically am not super chatty OOC but please know I would always be willing to talk to you if you needed an ear.

Take care,
Doom.

Trust me when I say I completely understand what you're going through. I suffer from several mental health issues and have completely disregarded all messages and people extending their best wishes in the past. You should never feel awful about something you have no control over. That's like saying I'm a bad person because I was born with a certain skin tone, or because my nose looks a certain way. Please, take all the time you need to heal. You are very important, and you need to think about what's best for you and not other people. I wish you good luck. And if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. I know you don't know me, but sometimes you need to talk to someone you don't know about things.

I'm sure they all appreciate the effort you put into sharing thing. It can be really hard sometimes.

If you think it might help having a dedicated place to talk about things, just to ease some of the pressure, there's a group on RPR called Here For You, as well as a "feels-an-venting" space on the unofficial RPR server on Discord.

Otherwise, go ahead and take whatever time you need. The RPR community will still be here when you're ready, and it's okay if you never return in the same capacity you might have had before. Goodness knows I think it's nearing a year since I accepted any RP requests.