Forums » Smalltalk » no motivation

disclaimer: firstly, i want to make it very clear that i won’t be talking about a specific person and that this isn’t me lashing out at a group of people or holding grudges; i’m simply asking for advice and help. i’m not taking my feelings out and this isn’t meant toward specific people on here

so, like many other people, when i want to start a roleplay with somebody, i reach out to them (usually some compliments and why i would like to roleplay with them, which character i wish to use, yada, yada). recently, i went out a handful of those messages and very few replied. now, of course real life comes first so i don’t expect anybody to reply quickly to my message, at all. if i see them replying in forums, i don’t hold that against them; sometimes you don’t have energy or time to reply to multiple pm’s, but you do have that for the other thing. i do it myself once in a while, so i’m fine with it

the point where it starts to hit me, is when i haven’t heard from them in multiple days or weeks; sometimes they’ll respond something like “hey, sure, let’s roleplay!” and we discuss a plot, then it just seems like they vanish into thin air. i know that we sometimes need a break but it becomes a problem for me when other people are obviously ignoring me, without it being my own fault

thank you if you’ve read this far. i hope somebody has some advice (or anything, really) on how to cope with this and find motivation for it because i love roleplaying but i’m questioning if it’s actually worth it to attempt to start new ones when these things happen

You are not the only one to have experienced this. When I am looking to start roleplays, I message several people at a time after looking on the forums or if I just happen to see a player that interests me. In the past, I've noticed that only so many roleplays will last. I think people lose interest, or sometimes don't want to send a message rejecting another player because they think there will be backlash or it makes them uncomfortable.

I do understand it's discouraging, especially when you've gone through the trouble of coming up with some plots and taken the time to look at their characters. There are times when I have arranged to roleplay with someone, sent a starter to them, and they never replied. Or they just never replied in the middle of a roleplay. I've learned not to hold grudges over it, as I took an unplanned hiatus myself. I just move on.

My advice is to start as many new roleplays as you can, and to continue to try and find people that are active and match your interests. When you feel like it's not worth the effort, you can step back for a time or focus on why you wanted to roleplay in the first place and keep looking. It's natural to feel kinda bummed when you are ignored, I have felt that way before and continue to feel that way from time to time.

Putting yourself out there can be hard. You're offering up a concept or character you put effort and imagination into, so when it seems like there aren't any takers, it's difficult not to start doubting yourself. You might start to think that the lack of response means your idea isn't interesting enough. You made this, it IS very personal!

I know it's way easier said than done, but my best advice is: instead of taking it personally, try to "assume with empathy". Instead of doubting yourself, give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the people who didn't respond are going through things. Maybe they don't want to turn your RP down, they're just full-up. There could be any factor preventing the other writer from accepting, but they might be the type of person way too anxious to tell people "no", even if it's over something simple like a scene. They don't want to hurt you, they just need to act in their own comfort zones, and for some folks that means not saying anything at all.

Maybe they aren't interested, and that's alright! We're all allowed to have our preferences. But you need to remind yourself when you start to feel that way, you have nothing to blame yourself for. You're coming up with characters, planning stories, reaching out to people, all the things RPR was designed for. You might not always get a response, but I hope that when you do, it's worth the wait 😌👍

Alright. Let me get my soapbox here...

Ghosting. It sucks. It's the epitome of being a poo-head. To me, roleplaying takes time and communication, resulting in trust between you and your partner. You're literally weaving a story together, sometimes with twisted, well-thought-out plots and whatnot. So whenever you go POOF into thin air, it's rather insulting.

I understand that yes, talking to people is rather terrifying. Having some anxiety issues myself, I relate to this. But if you trust a person enough to fabricate an entirely different world, you should be able to trust them enough to say, "hey, I know we were interested initially but... (insert yada yadas here)"

Okay, rant over. Let me put away my soap-box...

You are definitely not the first person to be hosted and you will not be the last. It's frustrating whenever I have a really good roleplay going and then there's nothing on the other end. I see them post in forums, advertizing for more roleplay partners while I'm sitting in the dark corner with the flashing neon sign pointing to my head.

TL;DR - Ghosting bad. Talking good.

EDIT: I went off on a tangent. I guess I feel rather strongly about this topic.

My advice is to not be like me. Don't take it personally like I do. You'll be miserable.

i think that there’s always the risk that any roleplay will end because of unforeseen circumstances; maybe somebody loses interest, they get busy, etc. maybe it’s easier for some to ignore others or ghost them instead of saying “hey, i can’t keep up with this”

i’ve taken a hiatus in the past, which was also very unexpected but i don’t remember if i let my partners know or not

it seems like we can’t avoid it and you’re right; it sucks every time. i’ll try to take your advice, thank you for your input!

thank you for your understanding; i’m not worried about the time i’ve taken to come up with something, for me it’s more about the action of sending a message to somebody because i’m a bit shy and quite introverted, hahah

your best advice sounds pretty good! i haven’t thought of it like that before but it sounds a lot healthier to think of it like that, instead of “is there something wrong with me or how i approached them?”

i really appreciate all of your words and i will most certainly take them to heart

i agree with most of your views; i really think it’s insulting to just disappear instead of taking a few minutes to write a message, saying that you don’t wish to continue it for whatever reason

yes!! i’m always scared to approach them again (after having been ignored) because i’m naive and think they might have just forgotten to reply to me. it hurts a little when you see them post lfrp topics and such while they don’t reply to you at all

well, it already seems i take it very alike to you, hence why we’re here