Forums » Smalltalk » 'stressy, depressy' and needs hugs (vent)

It's kind of been happening for the last two months I think. Slowly I just am exhausted, have no energy or motivation for editing. I take a break because that's what people say I should do but then when I try to start working again...nothing has changed; because it not really about my book or me loving my book or not enjoying writing. It's my mental health.

Up until this week even if I didn't have motivation or energy to work on my book I could still get RPing done fairly quickly and enjoyably; but this week there's only maybe two rps that I have the motivation for every other day. I have the energy to make new characters some days, but not write posts, not really do much but lay down.

Now don't take this the wrong way - I am not unhappy with my life, I want to be alive, there's tons of things I want to do on this earth. I'm just low-energy and sad for no apparent reason which is... depression and it's something I've dealt with my entire life, it's just that I thought I had found a happy place where it was being managed and now that might not be so true. Which means I need help again like in the past.

I need to find a therapist again, even though my insurance runs out after this year - which means I only have a few months. My depression wants me to not try because of that, because I'll only have a few months. It tells me that it won't help - but I know it will. Even a few months will help, I have to try. Though the idea stresses me out; but honestly in a sense writing this and opening a tab to search therapists in my area has already helped me feel like things are on the upswing.

I feel like I do a 'good job' of appearing fairly happy and upbeat and what not in the forums and even in private messages but I am struggling pretty hard lately and putting on a face is also exhausting.

So, I could really use some hugs, words of encouragement, anything.

I do apologize to people I have maybe been ignoring or seemed like I ghosted or something. I'm here, a little discombobulated at the moment. Feel free to bump our PM if you want since I have a lot of messages and tend to open them and then forget I read them.

My dude.

If you take comfort in this, know that you're not alone. Since I started school, not only have I been kind of in a funk, but my motivation and creativity have nulled a bit. There are only a few roleplays I am currently carrying out where the other person and I just click well enough that I am able to respond with ease, but... I don't know.

My current goal is to just respond to everyone at least once a day. That way, I don't have to focus on feeling like a horrible RP partner all while pulling myself out of my funk.

As for seeking a therapist, I know how hard it is to. It took me... oh, from April to November to get into see an evaluator, and another few months after my initial to actually be placed with someone. Best of luck, my friend.



EDIT: Re-read, and wow that wasn't very encouraging. Honestly the wait time varies from place to place, but I'd also seek grants. At my behavioral health facility they offer what's called the CHAT grant that pays for all behavioral health costs for a six month time period (with therapy and psych appointmetns, it adds up). So I'd definitely investigate.

*pulls you close, hugs you real tight*

Hope you feel better!

I hope everything gets better for you soon ❤❤.