Forums » Smalltalk » Thoughts On Harassment

This is a little bit of a PSA on the word Harassment:


Firstly, if a person, any person, feels they are being harassed please, I implore them to contact a mod. I ask that you speak out and not let it go on and effect your life IRL or Online in any way shape or form. You deserve to get help, and there is help available. Do not be afraid to reach out to someone who can assist in resolving issues. People care, you are not alone.

That said, lately I have been hearing the word ‘harassment’ misused and I would like to say a few words in correction. This is not directed at anyone or even specific to RPR, but all RP (or even just online) communities people might be a part of. It is not meant to say that individuals do not have the right to how they feel. It is meant to inform (not judge) anyone who may not know or may like assistance in determining if they are being harassed. Being annoyed is not being harassed. Having a person ask politely to RP is not being harassed. Respectfully answering or having someone respectfully answer a LFRP is not harassment.

Harassment is a term that has real meaning, something that is there to help define a bad thing that happen to real people. The definition of harassment is to face aggressive pressure or intimidation. This can come in the form of abuse, insults, bullying, or even indirect behavior which directly affects a person who has voiced a desire to stop. As well as many more examples not shown here.

Please note, if you feel uncomfortable in conversations online it is your RIGHT to remove yourself from a situation, or have it ended through mediation. But I request that for anyone who uses the term harassment when speaking on their experience with others, please ask yourself. Was this person polite and respectful when they spoke to you? Were they understanding when you voiced your discomfort? Did they stop when you asked them to? If not, please seek help, or use the tools provided to remove yourself from such uncomfortable situations. Only you can voice how you feel, and you have every right to feel that way. However if the answer was yes, the misuse of the term harassment devalues a word that for many people carries a heavy weight.

We are lucky on RPR to have the resources available to make our corner of the internet a safe space. Mods who care and a user base who is kind and, as a whole, understanding. There are going to be misunderstandings, hurt feelings, disagreements and people who just don't like each other. Recognizing the signs of harassment helps to seek to prevent it, to create that place where people can feel safe, garner the ability to talk out misunderstandings, and prevent making others feel uncomfortable yourself. But, harassment still exists, as sad as it is. Understanding what it isn't is a key factor to seeing what it is, and thus seeking help before it escalates.

Linked here is a video on harassment (LINK) It may be triggering to some as it covers some more drastic forms of escalated/targeted online harassment, so watch at your own risk.

P.S. I am aware this is a sensitive topic. I reiterate the statement above that I am not judging, nor am I indicating anyone uncomfortable in any situation has no rights to their feelings, to having a safe space, or to getting help when they need/want it. The purpose of this post is to voice my own discomfort at the misuse (or hyperbolic use) of the term harassment it RP communities.

The staff and moderators of RPR are always supportive, caring, and wonderful people all around. I love that this is a reminder that we shouldn't be afraid to approach them about things.

Thank you, Kruhee.

Thank you, Somnom

If anyone feels they are being harassed (even if they are unsure), they should never be afraid to speak up. Mediation is a good way to resolve situations.

I appreciate this... Its good to learn to set boundaries. Sometimes I even forget to do this. Its a pleasant reminder we don't have to engage with people who aren't healthy for us. and be able to get help when appropriate.

Thank you, Mipps. It's so easy to forget when online that we have the right to say no, block others from interacting with us, or ask for help.

I appreciate how careful you were in expressing this. I've learned that it can be painfully easy to misunderstand things that actually well-intentioned, and I'd like to think you've expressed yourself pretty clearly.

It can be difficult sometimes to understand that just because something cause you to feel bad, does not mean that that thing was harassment. Harassment has intent behind it (although sometimes it can be well-hidden). At the same time, no one should feel obligated to put up with something that makes them feel bad - and should be free to leave the situation.

There are times when feeling bad is necessary to improvement - but it still should not be forced (with few exceptions for certain extreme cases, and even those need a good balance). Those improvements will come much better when a person is ready to willingly tackle it.

As a moderator/admin (not on this site but on others such as many discord servers and other things) I would like to give my thanks to you for expressing what we all think but sometimes don't know how to say