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- - - (played anonymously)

I'm not very sure whether or not this is the right place to post this but I doubt I'm the first person with this feeling and even though it sounds like a rant, I'm genuinely looking for some sort of advice or anything like it on how I can better my feelings about this.

I've been roleplaying for years now. I've always loved it and I haven't struggled too much with having writers block. Some people have been really nice and helped me with stuff that had nothing to do with roleplaying - and others have helped me with just about everything that has to do with roleplaying.

Through these years, I've been ghosted and ignored many times - like I dare to assume most other players also have - but it still hurts every time. During the last few months, I've been ghosted a lot (yes, I mean ghosted not just that the players I roleplay with have been busy during the holidays). This, along with being ignored when I try to start new roleplays (along with seeing the players who do this to me getting applauded by their friends for always giving them updates and never ghosting them; which is what they've done to me) really just makes me want to quit. I remember somebody told me that about 60% of all roleplays don't end up going anywhere. I suppose now that the person who said that was right. I don't know what to do anymore because I'm tired and scared of getting my feelings hurt by people here but I also want to continue doing what I love without the fear of getting ghosted.
nightmqre

If you feel as if "quitting" RP is the best way to go, that's really something only you can decide because no one truly knows how you're feeling about the situation.

I can't offer much advice because I'm on both sides; I have been ghosted many times and on some occasions I have ghosted a few people. It hurts, and I hate when I accidentally ghost someone, or just leave; it does hurt people, but it's always good to remember that the people who have ghosted probably had a reason. Communication is a massive part of this, and unfortunate as it is, some people ghost because they're too uncomfortable to speak up, or suffer with social anxiety, or are simply too shy. It does hurt and that won't change.

Perhaps something that might help you, if seeing people applaud the people who have hurt you (intentionally or not), is blocking this said person? Even if they don't really realise how much it's hurt, it's your decision to detach yourself from said person. I have blocked people in the past for this exact reason, and I've had people block me for the same reasons; and for me, it has helped me feel a little better and less like quitting.

There's nothing you can really do to "stop" people ghosting you. There's no way to tell if someone will or won't until if the time comes where they do ghost you. In my experience, the only thing you can really do is find better ways to cope with the hurt feelings that come with ghosting. :)
*hugs* I'm sure that's hard to see kudos flying around for people who have hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you're going through that. However, I do think you shouldn't let the people who don't have good ooc communication abilities and/or people who are inconsiderate stop you from doing the hobby that you love.

Maybe you need a screening process. I don't know what such thing would like, but maybe have an ooc conversation in advance about ghosting and see their feelings/stance on it first before committing? That might be unrealistic, tho.

It IS a hard topic, because one of the nicest people I've met on here originally ghosted me, but then we clicked over another plot and had a bunch of successful RPs. So I know that what Static is saying is true, that sometimes it's just social anxiety.

However, I think if ghosting is becoming a deal breaker issue for you, maybe you should have some kind of screening or conversation at the beginning.

I'm sorry you got hurt. I've been there.

Me, my philosophy on it is if there's ooc communication then it's not ghosting, so although I've kept a lot of people waiting for a long time through career changes and personal calamities and periods of writer's block, I usually either wait and write when I can after sending an OOC message explaining what's up or setting a profile message, or I end an RP very politely if I'm too overloaded...but I don't generally ghost anybody (although it might have accidentally happened a few times).

So my recommendation is, don't give up what you love, just do more work up front to find people who aren't as likely to ghost, like people who will talk to you ooc. Now this is no guarantee, by any means, as I've had people I was very close to delete before, but I think it does help. Although, sometimes a break helps get a little objectivity or detachment from the situation that hurt your feelings, in my experience.

*Hugs* good luck. <3
ChebaBeesting

I don't think you should give up, despite the complications you're having. I myself am going through this so I know how you feel. My advice is: keep looking for potential roleplay partners, no matter how many times you have to and no matter how difficult it is. It's something you love, as you said, yeah? And also try not to stress about it too much, as much as you can. That's also difficult I know, but I believe you will find partners eventually. :)
I'm sorry that you're struggling with so many people ghosting you as well as the frustrations of getting new RPs going and off the ground.

As Static said, only you can decide if quitting RP is the way you want to go or how you want to handle this.

Sometimes, a break is needed, though. Taking a step back can help in so many ways, such as giving yourself time to muster up energy to tackle the task of looking for other RPers once again, or figuring out a way to set up what Abigail suggested of some sort of screening process to ensure that you're finding the people who fit your RP style and desires. I always come back teeming with more ideas after taking small breaks from RPs!

Also, the great thing about role play is that it will always be there, so you can always come back to it whenever you want. So don't feel like it has to be an end to everything.
I'm very sorry to tell you this but I think the idea of preventing ghosting is probably an unrealistic goal. The sad truth is a lot of people have difficulties communicating their problems to others and feel safer just disappearing from an rp than to actually discuss the issues in any given rp with their partner. In addition, there are times where peoples RL problems preclude them from accessing RPR, perhaps for a long time even. A death in the family, participating in a car accident, or even the loss of internet at home might cause them to ghost even if they vey badly want to get back on.

The truth is ghosting is kind of something that just goes hand in hand with rp. While I don't agree with that and certainly would prefer that we all communicated and nothing bad ever happened, it's most likely ghosting will remain a part of rp for the foreseeable future.

What we can do, however, is take it upon ourselves to not ghost othere in an attempt to minimize the amount of ghosting going around, and more on topic, learn to deal with being ghosted in an attempt to reduce the emotional impact it has on us. A user I greatly look up to posted a topic about this subject here which helps us to work on not ghosting and perhaps dealing with it better.

I'm very sorry because I know this isn't the reply you were hoping to read, but certainly a realistic view should be healthy. I'd say if you've been roleplaying for years and have dealt with ghosting this long then writing is probably a passion of yours, and it'd be a real shame to give up on something you're passionate about because of the emotional impact ghosting has had on you.

The only real advice I can offer is to just try and let it go....don't let it bother you. I realize that's hard to do, but it's really not worth driving yourself crazy over. Perhaps recycle ghosted ideas into a reused version and focus on that instead?

I sure hope my point is coming across well, because I'm meaning only the best intentions here ^_^ I'd certainly be willing to discuss things more if you'd like to, also. Wishing the best for you!
- - - (played anonymously) Topic Starter

StaticNightmares wrote:
If you feel as if "quitting" RP is the best way to go, that's really something only you can decide because no one truly knows how you're feeling about the situation.

I can't offer much advice because I'm on both sides; I have been ghosted many times and on some occasions I have ghosted a few people. It hurts, and I hate when I accidentally ghost someone, or just leave; it does hurt people, but it's always good to remember that the people who have ghosted probably had a reason. Communication is a massive part of this, and unfortunate as it is, some people ghost because they're too uncomfortable to speak up, or suffer with social anxiety, or are simply too shy. It does hurt and that won't change.

Perhaps something that might help you, if seeing people applaud the people who have hurt you (intentionally or not), is blocking this said person? Even if they don't really realise how much it's hurt, it's your decision to detach yourself from said person. I have blocked people in the past for this exact reason, and I've had people block me for the same reasons; and for me, it has helped me feel a little better and less like quitting.

There's nothing you can really do to "stop" people ghosting you. There's no way to tell if someone will or won't until if the time comes where they do ghost you. In my experience, the only thing you can really do is find better ways to cope with the hurt feelings that come with ghosting. :)

I have considered blocking people who have hurt me to avoid that situatio but at the same time, I'm very hesitant to do it because I have this small hope that they will send me a message and either apologize for ghosting me or at least try to work things out. They can't really do that if I block them but at the same time, it hasn't happened yet.

Finding ways to cope with it sounds like a good idea, I just really am not sure on where to start doing this. In the past I've tried to start new roleplays but along with that, also comes the fear of being ghosted again.
- - - (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Abigail_Austin wrote:
*hugs* I'm sure that's hard to see kudos flying around for people who have hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you're going through that. However, I do think you shouldn't let the people who don't have good ooc communication abilities and/or people who are inconsiderate stop you from doing the hobby that you love.

Maybe you need a screening process. I don't know what such thing would like, but maybe have an ooc conversation in advance about ghosting and see their feelings/stance on it first before committing? That might be unrealistic, tho.

It IS a hard topic, because one of the nicest people I've met on here originally ghosted me, but then we clicked over another plot and had a bunch of successful RPs. So I know that what Static is saying is true, that sometimes it's just social anxiety.

However, I think if ghosting is becoming a deal breaker issue for you, maybe you should have some kind of screening or conversation at the beginning.

I'm sorry you got hurt. I've been there.

Me, my philosophy on it is if there's ooc communication then it's not ghosting, so although I've kept a lot of people waiting for a long time through career changes and personal calamities and periods of writer's block, I usually either wait and write when I can after sending an OOC message explaining what's up or setting a profile message, or I end an RP very politely if I'm too overloaded...but I don't generally ghost anybody (although it might have accidentally happened a few times).

So my recommendation is, don't give up what you love, just do more work up front to find people who aren't as likely to ghost, like people who will talk to you ooc. Now this is no guarantee, by any means, as I've had people I was very close to delete before, but I think it does help. Although, sometimes a break helps get a little objectivity or detachment from the situation that hurt your feelings, in my experience.

*Hugs* good luck. <3

I'm sorry that you can relate to how I feel but at the same time I'm happy that you understand it, so I don't sound too weird.

I think the screening idea would be a good thing; I myself really have no other suggestion as to how I can sort of stop it from happening more often.
- - - (played anonymously) Topic Starter

ChebaBeesting wrote:
I don't think you should give up, despite the complications you're having. I myself am going through this so I know how you feel. My advice is: keep looking for potential roleplay partners, no matter how many times you have to and no matter how difficult it is. It's something you love, as you said, yeah? And also try not to stress about it too much, as much as you can. That's also difficult I know, but I believe you will find partners eventually. :)

Thank you for the kind and encouraging words.
- - - (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Somnom wrote:
I'm sorry that you're struggling with so many people ghosting you as well as the frustrations of getting new RPs going and off the ground.

As Static said, only you can decide if quitting RP is the way you want to go or how you want to handle this.

Sometimes, a break is needed, though. Taking a step back can help in so many ways, such as giving yourself time to muster up energy to tackle the task of looking for other RPers once again, or figuring out a way to set up what Abigail suggested of some sort of screening process to ensure that you're finding the people who fit your RP style and desires. I always come back teeming with more ideas after taking small breaks from RPs!

Also, the great thing about role play is that it will always be there, so you can always come back to it whenever you want. So don't feel like it has to be an end to everything.

Initially, I didn't think there was any other "way out", so to speak, other than completely quitting to roleplay or continuing it. I didn't give one thought to that it actually is possible to take a break. I suppose it just makes me happy in a way that I don't think about that it will still be here in a week, a month and even longer.
- - - (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Voldarian_Empire wrote:
I'm very sorry to tell you this but I think the idea of preventing ghosting is probably an unrealistic goal. The sad truth is a lot of people have difficulties communicating their problems to others and feel safer just disappearing from an rp than to actually discuss the issues in any given rp with their partner. In addition, there are times where peoples RL problems preclude them from accessing RPR, perhaps for a long time even. A death in the family, participating in a car accident, or even the loss of internet at home might cause them to ghost even if they vey badly want to get back on.

The truth is ghosting is kind of something that just goes hand in hand with rp. While I don't agree with that and certainly would prefer that we all communicated and nothing bad ever happened, it's most likely ghosting will remain a part of rp for the foreseeable future.

What we can do, however, is take it upon ourselves to not ghost othere in an attempt to minimize the amount of ghosting going around, and more on topic, learn to deal with being ghosted in an attempt to reduce the emotional impact it has on us. A user I greatly look up to posted a topic about this subject here which helps us to work on not ghosting and perhaps dealing with it better.

I'm very sorry because I know this isn't the reply you were hoping to read, but certainly a realistic view should be healthy. I'd say if you've been roleplaying for years and have dealt with ghosting this long then writing is probably a passion of yours, and it'd be a real shame to give up on something you're passionate about because of the emotional impact ghosting has had on you.

The only real advice I can offer is to just try and let it go....don't let it bother you. I realize that's hard to do, but it's really not worth driving yourself crazy over. Perhaps recycle ghosted ideas into a reused version and focus on that instead?

I sure hope my point is coming across well, because I'm meaning only the best intentions here ^_^ I'd certainly be willing to discuss things more if you'd like to, also. Wishing the best for you!

While you are right in terms of your reponse not being one I was hoping to get, it is very realistic. I can't do much to prevent other people from ghosting me (I also would like to add that when I say ghosting, I don't mean that my partners haven't replied to the latest message I have sent them but that they haven't replied to any, despite having reached out to them more than once) so I guess there's not much to do beside just trying to get over it and move on when it happens, even if it sucks.
This is the internet, where people feel far more comfortable with behaviors that they'd never perform in real life, behaviors like sexual harassment, bullying or just ignoring you. If we all went to a face-to-face roleplaying club, ghosting and just outright ignoring people wouldn't happen as much, but on the internet it's a lot easier to pull off.

I have been roleplaying on and off since I was in middle school, and I'm 33. I have a ton of experience, a variety of characters, and I do my best to be a good roleplayer.

People still ghost me or they just ignore me altogether when I send them a message. Or I make a post about looking for rp, and it's ignored. Or I post in the IC forums, and it's ignored. I have to message people one on one to get their attention, it seems. It's not just you.

It might be helpful for you to block people who were hurtful toward you, but still have lots of things to say to other people on the site. That way they can be out of sight, and out of mind.

I understand the urge to quit, I've had it before as well. You could take a break, distance yourself, think it over. Or you could go and look for another website to roleplay on and see if you have these same experiences.

Or you could disregard those people, just like they disregarded you, and continue your search. There are thousands of people on this site, and some of them are bound to share your interests, to enjoy your writing style, etc. When I've been ghosted or ignored, I move on. There have been times when I've lost my muse and stopped responding to everything on RPR, but I tried to catch back up with my rp partners to apologize, and find out if they wanted to continue our rp or start up something new. There have been times when I've ghosted people by forgetting to reply, and I thought it was there turn to reply and that they ghosted me.

It's up to you, what you decide. Other people have left the site over ghosting or being ignored, and I don't think they did the wrong thing. Others have stuck with it, and I don't think they did anything wrong, either.
My two cents:

It's generally not about you, even if it feels like that sometimes. Maybe someone doesn't feel a character or a story and they hope the muse will come back, so they wait instead of replying. Others may agonize over a reply. Sometimes they had some expectations about how the story will go that they don't necessarily know how to communicate. Sometimes it's RL getting them down and uninspired.

Also, people don't have the same perceptions about ghosting. Is it a week, two, three, or even a few months? While the longer the gap, the fewer chances are that the story will pick up again, that's not necessarily ghosting.

Finally, as much as RP is collaborative writing, the joy doesn't always come from the story. It can come from making and adding to a character, or creating original lore. It can come from learning some new things by reading other people's creations or opinions. Giving up roleplay because of bad experiences would mean, for me, throwing all that.

I am playing mostly in a group now, although I still have a few PM stories also. Ghosting in a group happens less (but it still happens), and it may be a solution to explore. RPR has plenty of groups which are open and looking for new members.

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