Forums » Smalltalk » Self Love..or trying to learn how

Hello!
Ahhh... it feels like im home! I did miss this place, and yall on here. I want to bring to light a topic... Self love. Life gets busy and hectic and we often forget to care for ourselves. I know i did. I recently went though a series of breakdowns that led me to self harm. Im not proud of it, and i do regret it. However, it made me realize that i wasnt living how i wanted to. Im a full time college student that has a part time job and has a bunch of responsibilities at home caring for my family. Little by little i was loosing touch with my own needs and got to focused on other stuff.
I stopped playing video games, stopped rping and even just writing stories.
The rp posts i did do? They were lackluster, inconsistent and had little effort. I cheated my partners by not giving them enough and spacing out to much until i eventually dropped offline. That hurt them, and i felt horrible for it but i always thought id make it up and "itll be fine. Im fine"

Truth was, I wasnt. I hid the truth from my family, and my closet friends- 5 i met on this very website! I slowly locked myself up until i broke.

Self harm can come in many forms- physically, mentally and emotionally. You beat yourself up until you start believing the lies your saddness or anger tell you.
"Youre not good enough"
"Look at what you did!"
"Really? You really want That??"
"Youre such a bother!"
"Dont annoy them-theyll hate you"
"Stop trying so hard"
"Maybe you dont belong here"
"the worlds better without you"

Thoses thoughts can run through your mind and sometimes you cant stop them. I know i couldnt. If im honest...sometimes they still run through my mind even now. Difference is, that now Im starting to learn that they are just thoughts. Im going to be okay. Maybe i wont be tomorrow, maybe ill still fail sometimes, but I wont give up. If i fall, ill take a minute to process and get back up. Facing my fears, doubts and dealing with my emotions is not easy, but with support Im learning I can do it.

So why did i just unload all this? Maybe theres someone out there, feeling how i felt, and they are looking for help . Well heres someone who knows how you feel, and itll get better. You might not feel it right now, but if you hang on i can promise you will feel strength again.
You are wanted
You are loved
You are amazing
You are smart
You are fun
You are valued
You are worth it.

Next time you feel alone, just think of a random 19 yr old in Texas, wrapped in a blanket, is believing you will make it. If i can, You can.
Much Love, my dears.

- Rosa

hehe if u ever need someone else to talk to, feel free to contact me!!