Forums » Smalltalk » Soggy Brain Meats, Closets, and Fish: An Update

Wow, there's a store, now! Way to go, Kim! And woa, there are so many new usernames. I really have been gone a hot minute. WELL, at any rate...


Sorry I missed the introductions.

But no, I've been floating in and out of literally everything these days. I think I posted something about my declining health and whatnot? Well, that's been taken care of. Turns out the medical professionals I was angry at for suggesting it was an accumulation of external factors weighing on my mental health that developed into a physical manifestation of sad brain meats were actually right! Who would'a thunk? It's called somatic symptom disorder, and it's a real pain in the [redacted].


Well anyways, I took a semester off of school because I literally flunked everything and dropped my GPA to a 1.0. Mental illness + med school = a pain in the [redacted]. If someone told me that med school was this difficult I would have focused on other points in my life before making the attempt, but that's what I tried to do after I failed. I made a list of all the things that have made me miserable; going from the very point of my first memories to stuff that happened a month ago. I analyzed that list and separated it by things that I could change and things that I could not by order of impact and severity. My theory is that if I focus on the items I can tackle then I can put forth enough energy to handle those that I cannot and improve the overall quality of my life. So, I started with the biggest one of them all.

I finally confronted those around me (and kind of myself) about my gender identity.

So, henlo world, I'm coming out of my (second) closet while waving my pale pink and blue flag.


Since that point, I've made some other big changes in my life. With that information, I've begun to begin repair on my marriage, my relationship with my son, my family, etc. I've changed therapists, and I'm looking at starting HRT soon. I've joined a support group, made new, like-minded friends, and just feel the happiest I've ever been in literally my entire life. It's kind of freeing, emerging from a spot you've forced yourself into since the dawn of your existence. Life is looking up, but I know the honeymoon euphoria stage of breathing fresh air will be tainted by the underlaying polution and my issues shoved under a rug will resurface. I'm ecstatic, not naive, but I am seeking the right kinds of help to assist for whenever those things slap me in the face again like a rogue fish.


But anyways, this is a roleplay site, right? I'm not sure if I'm going to be ready to take up any new RP anytime soon. I do apologize to those I kind of left hanging for literal months. I didn't intend to up and vanish without a trace. That was pretty terrible of me, but my mind and body were not in the right place.

Anyhoo, love you all, hugs and kisses, yada yada, sugary bits.

i'm so happy for you that you seeked out treatment and that you're doing well! it's really brave of you to share this with all of us and i admire you for that. i'm really happy for you (i know i've said it twice now but i genuinely am) and i hope things continue to look this bright for you. i can't wait to see you in pms again when you feel up for it!

I'm so glad you're back friend! I've missed you and our RP but you're the most important! I'm so proud of you and I am so grateful to be talking to you and know you. 💕

I know the strain of mental illness and it making you so sick you're pretty sure you're dying. It really is a pain in the ass.

Regardless, welcome back Nov!

Hey! Thank you for the warm welcome back, and thanks for being so understanding.

Thank you, Mercy! I've missed my friends here, but my brain meats were not happy therefore the rest of me was not. But you know the story.

of course! while i loved seeing you in my inbox often, your health is what is most important and i’m glad you were able to prioritize that c: