Forums » Smalltalk » I'm getting worried 3:

One of the guys I know hit me tonight. He's been joking about it for a long time but tonight he actually did hit me.
I was sitting down talking with a friend of mine and he came over and sort of Gibb-slapped me- not hard or anything, but it was enough to startle me and I ended up slapping him on the back. He walked away laughing about it and I thought that was that but maybe ten minutes later he came back and as he was walking by he hit me right between the shoulder blades. It wasn't hard, but it wasn't just a pat either. Idk if its just psychological or not but my back is a little sore now.

I'm getting worried. He seems to be coming more and and more unhinged as the school years progress... Idk what to do, cuz sometimes he's somewhat nice, like at the school square dance, and other times he's mean, like one time before when he hurt my feelings really badly and jammed my finger by accident.

I just wanna talk to someone about it. Don't tell me to go to my mom cuz I already did xD I just want to talk about it more and get a third opinion...

I've been threatened by guys before but none of them have actually followed through.

If you're worried, even just the slightest bit, don't let him be around you anymore. If he's not a wonderful friend all the time, and if he doesn't understand that he's making you uncomfortable or hurting you (whether physically or emotionally) then he doesn't deserve you as a friend.

Even if he doesn't let it progress any further than that, think of it this way: do you really think it's healthy for a relationship, whether friendship or otherwise, to include physical pain? If it's accidental, that's different.

Darlin', you have every right to get worried. You have every right to be skeptical.

But growing up in abusive households has made me cynical and weary of people... and I am very quick to say "let go of the things that cause you harm." Even if it's a little. Even if they think it's playful. You're not pleased with it, so you shouldn't deal with it.

Take care of YOU. Don't let those sorts of things in your life. Keep yourself safe and happy. .

What I do when someone does something that I find mean or rude is that I tell them that it really bothers me and to please stop it. By their reaction it's quite easy to tell if they care about me (and my boundaries) or not, and I don't really know why I should speak with people who seem to be OK with crossing my boundaries.

When someone is both nice and mean to you, never mind the nice part, that doesn't mean anything. Everyone is capable of being nice sometimes, especially if it suits them. Sure, everyone is mean once in a while, no-one is a saint, but there's a difference between doing it rarely because you're in a bad mood and between doing it on purpose - and you'll be able to tell the difference if you confront them about it.

So, what I'm saying is, you don't want to be friends with anyone who hurts you on purpose, ever, whether that's verbally or physically. Just be sure to tell them that you really, seriously mind to avoid misunderstandings - some people think being mean and stuff is actually friendly - but after you tell them and they still continue, well, it's time to say goodbye.