Forums » Smalltalk » Could I Have Some Advice..?

So, I'm not exactly sure if this is the right place to post something like this, but here goes nothing;

So, recently, I've been having trouble with my sibling. We never really got along in the first place, but it still bothers me nonetheless. And I feel like our relationship has been getting worse the more time we spend with one another. Maybe we're just going stir-crazy from being in lockdown for seven weeks, but I don't know.

Well, King, what's causing you to think this?

For starters, I completely understand we are total opposites, and we just don't mix. But it's like she thinks of me as some sort of enemy or something. This morning, for example; I attempted to help her get the dog out of her room. She threaten to slap me if I came in there. So, I thought 'Oh, please. She wouldn't do that' and got up to help. As soon as I entered her room, she shoved me and started yelling at me, as if I had done something to hurt her?

I mean, the relationship between my sibling and I is just falling apart. She taunts and insults me, and the only thing I can do is ignore it and act as if it doesn't hurt me. But it does. Have I told her this? Yes. Multiple times. Yet she hasn't thought to change the way she acts at all. I asked her if I've done anything wrong personally, and she said I did. Then she began listing things. I called her names, I lied to her, and I didn't act like I loved her. It downright caused me to break down in tears. I tried to tell her I haven't done any of the things she accused me of, but she didn't listen.

So, if anyone has read this far, is there a way to get a better relationship with her?

It's really hard to say without having both sides of the argument what exactly is going on, but if I had to make a generalized guess, I'd say that because you're 'safe' she might be using you to take out all of her larger frustrations on? It's a big leap, so it might be worth it to ask someone she knows who feels like a safe middle-ground, if you have someone like that.

It also sounds like you're having trouble with boundaries. She's eroding your mental health, so it might be time to set some boundaries up similar to those listed on RPR. You shouldn't have to fawn and pretend/act like you love her and bury your own feelings, if you're experiencing strong emotions.

It sucks that you're having trouble. It might be worth it to arrange some proper 'alone' time where you can say that shared spaces are 'yours' for an hour a day, or are 'hers', and that neither of you will get in the way of the other during those times. A bit of space where you know you don't have to be on eggshells can help start the healing process. Finding a way to chat with her objectively and prove that you're not going to take on her burdens while also being open to understanding that she's having strong emotions, too, may have to be a process you work out over time. (If you run out of other ideas, a counselor might be worthwhile, but those can cost a bunch and they generally take several sessions to get anywhere. You're not going to them for a quick fix, so much as to get clarity and some tools to talk to one another without triggering one anothers' sore spots...)

I hope that once folks are allowed to be out and about a little more, you two will be able to hash things out. 6.9