Forums » Art & Creativity » help with a poem

so I'm writing this poem for a bard character of mine ( not from RPRepository sadly.) He is an Aasimar for those of you who play D&D, and for those of you who don't it's kind of like an angel, except he only sometimes has wings. Otherwise, he use to be a soldier and his name is Merlin Pseudonym( and yes, it is a pseudonym, I just haven't worked out his real name yet.) So, the poem is about his history, and why he uses a pseudonym. I've got the basics down, he use to be just a fun ol' bard singing around the country,but then he learned his brother had joined the army. He knew that his brother was rather accident prone, and so he went with him as a healer. During a battle his brother got hurt, and Merlin was trying to heal him, but instead he grabbed the wrong salve and poisoned him on accident. His brother then bled out in his arms as Merlin cried out to his angelic guide for help. Yes, I know it's kind of dark and depressing but...-_('')_-

Anyway, here are the first few stanzas:


You wonder why I sing my songs?
That's quite the tale to tell,
I promise that it won't be long.

This will be your warning here,
You may well shed a tear.
This is a story sad,
Of troubles that I've had.

When I was young and green,
Not much of life yet seen.
I loved my life and brother too
Swordfights and laughter soon ensued.

Life was good, but then we grew,
I chose to sing and soar,
Eager to explore somewhere new.

On other hands,
My brother slipped away from me, like so many grains of sand.
He took to ale and whiskey
even though he knew that with his work it'd be risky.



That's all I've got at the moment, if you could help that'd be appreciated. For those of you who are wondering the rhyme scheme is a bit odd. So, every third stanza is aba, while the other two are aabb.I thought it would spice things up a bit

Hey-o.
This seems like an interesting project. I usually use the ABAB rhyme scheme because I'm not as creative with that. This seems like a nice change of pace. Pasted a sample below.


Perhaps there could be more variation in the rhyme scheme? IDK.
If you are open to suggestions, I'll drop them here or in a DM whenever my muse strikes. Good luck!

I'd love suggestions on anything!Loved your poem, although it's a bit sad ( not that I'm one to judge). Hm...Will definetly consider a different rhyme scheme, but I kind o' like what I got goin' on.Not saying that that's a no, just a probably not. But, you never know!

No, I understand wanting to maintain the same overall pattern. Just slightly worded the suggestion wrong. Good luck anyways.

Maybe the next verse can be about the brother doing to a path of drugs and crime? While the protagonist was too busy with their career to notice the brother passes away due to drug violence?

That’s what came to mind as to what happens next while I read the poem.

okay, so I love the idea of shifting the attention to the brother, but I'm not so sure about the drugs and violence as it doesn't work well with the background, but perhaps getting addicted to rum or alcohol in general could work. Thank you very much!!!!

This is just my own take on it...I don't know if I'm hearing it right in my head, but here's how I'd change it if I was gonna edit it. I don't know D&D so I wouldn't know how to extend it.


You wonder why I sing my songs?
That's quite the tale to tell,
I promise that it won't be long.

This will be your warning here,
You may well shed a tear.
This is a story sad,
Of troubles that I've had.

When I was young and green,
Not much of life yet seen.
I loved my life and brother too
Swordfights and laughter soon ensued.

Life was good, but then we grew,
I chose to sing and soar,
Eager to explore somewhere new.

heyo! I think I like that! and i understand, at some point i will edit my post to be more friendly to peeps who don't play D&D but right now I'm really busy, so I can't do that right now. I will edit my post with that as the poem ( or atleast pieces parts of it😊) but making it more non dnd friendly will have to wait another couple weeks. Sorry!