Forums » Smalltalk » AMA Surviving Domestic Violence and the Aftermath

Hi! My name is Elizabeth! You may also know me as TarukiHatake28 on RPR.

I am a single mother of 2 beautiful children, a son who is 6 and a daughter who is 2. Last September, I finally had the courage to leave my daughter's father who had been abusive to me and my children after being with him for nearly 2 years. It has been a little over a year now and I am still on my healing journey. I'm learning to cope with and process the trauma I have now as well as learning to cope with depression, anxiety and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It isn't easy and I am in no way an expert on these things. My abuser used many different forms of abuse and in that I have learned to recognize the red flags. It is my hope that my experience with Domestic Violence will help others whether it's just more of an understanding of what Domestic Violence is or what to look for.



Due to the sensitive nature of this topic, I will be careful and particular with the way I answer any questions. This is a difficult topic for me to talk about but I want to share my story and experiences. If you or anyone you know is in a DV situation, please do not come to me for help. I can and will give out resources that I know of instead.

Thank you for your bravery, and for speaking about such a difficult topic. I wish you all he best in your healing and your future life
I truly admire your strength.

Are you focused on keeping with a daily routine in these new, healing times, or do you prefer to take each day as it comes?

Thank you so much for your kind words. Every time I have had someone express their admiration of my strength, I am blown away. Most days I don't feel that strong, especially emotionally.

In answer to your question, I'm mainly just taking it one day at a time. There is somewhat of a routine but only in regards to my kids with their basic needs, schooling, and day to day activities. Because my ex abuser was so controlling, I've been struggling to balance what I can or need to be in control of versus what is out of my control that I shouldn't try to control if that makes any sense.

As another struggling with PTSD I understand how tricky this must be. What are some things you do to cope with PTSD?

That's a good question. I'm not really sure, honestly. I'm still learning to recognize what my triggers are and the ones I have identified I've been avoiding. Outside of that I haven't quite figured out yet what works for me.

So um uh I just got out of an abusive relationship about a month ago and u um my ex-girlfriend really did a number on me and I'm really trying to cope without her but I really loved her




should I go back to her?

Fitst, I want to tell you that you are so brave and strong to leave her. You may not feel that way, but you are. It took some time for me to believe it. Heck, I still struggle to believe it. You are a survivor now.
Second, no sweetheart, you should not. If you go back, it'll only be worse. I know it may be difficult especially since you loved her, but please don't go back. Cut off all contact with her. It'll be difficult at first but it will get easier in time. Seek out counseling. Look online to find out what DV services are in your area. Your ex never truly loved you. Love doesn't hurt. Remind yourself why you left. I know it's difficult but you will be fine without her. You deserve so much better. Do you have a support system? Friends or family who you know will be supportive of you as you heal? It helps to have one but I know not every Survivor has that. Look to see if there are any DV support groups in your area. Look at https://www.thehotline.org/ . This is the website for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. There is a number you can call to speak to someone. You can also chat with someone. You can look up DV resources in your area. DV legal aid in your area. They have all kinds of information on DV. I also want to say that I would be happy to be your friend and someone who you can talk to if you need to. You will learn to cope without her but it will take time. Feel free to reach out to me if you have any more questions or just need someone to listen. You can do this. I believe in you.

Do you have a support system? Friends or family, who you know will be supportive of you as you heal?


I do have a support group I go to I'm also the youngest there considering I'm 17 and My family knew all the signs whenever they were around me and my Ex I just didn't take their advice as soon as I saw the first sign and I've moved back home to my family in texas leaving my Ex in Florida...................is it wrong of me to hope she dies of the corona so I don't have to ever think of her again????

I'm so happy to hear you have a support group and supportive family. I didn't listen to anyone either- family, friends, coworkers. It's hard not to feel guilty especially if you've recognized the signs yourself. But when you love a person like that you hope that your love can fix them or heal them. Unfortunately they can only do that themselves. Most won't even admit that they are abusive. Living in a different state will help too. I'm hoping to move out of Illinois myself soon. In answer to your question, morally it can be wrong but I do understand why you would feel that way. For me, I wish Karma would catch up to him and give him what he deserves. I too wish mine would die. In the meantime though, I intend to heal and move on with my life. I can live my life without him and the hurtful things he said to tear me down. I will show my ex that I am much better off without him. You can do the same over time. You are a Survivor. A Warrior. You can do this

My response to your question is above. I responded to the forum instead of directly to you. My apologies.

Hello Elizabeth,

I think you are a very brave person and very generous for having the courage to do what was best for yourself and your children. My brothers and I were older, but we convinced our mom she didn't have to stay in a marriage where she was mistreated.

What are the little things that you do that help you get through stressful moments or moments of anxiety?

Hello Falyn,

Thank you so much! It's hard to remember those things when I'm overwhelmed with guilt for putting my babies and myself through so much pain. I'll admit though that it wasn't all me. I had needed some convincing and a good push by a coworker.

In all honesty I haven't been coping very well with my stress or anxiety. A lot of times I get so caught up in everything that I don't realize that it's my anxiety until I'm stuck in an endless circle. And that was because I wasn't ready or willing to face my traumas. Now that I have and will be starting that process with my therapist, I feel as if the world has been lifted on my shoulders. Now when I'm not in a full blown anxiety attack, I try to make time to read or watch a show I really enjoy. Everyday I also try to make time for my role plays as well. I've also been relearning to enjoy my favorite music artists and bands. Especially the ones I have been fans of long before my ex. One thing my therapist just told me to try when I'm having an anxiety attack is to fill a bowl with ice water and stick my face in it. This will shock my brain to where it doesn't know what's going on and will allow me to calm down. Another thing my therapist told me about is the T.H.I.N.K. acronym.. Each letter is a question I ask myself about my thoughts that are causing my anxiety. Most of the time I try to keep myself busy and spend time with my kids. They've been through a lot of changes and they both have begun showing me signs of insecurity lately.

Thank-you

I know music really helps me deal with stress and anxiety as well. Taking walks and being close to nature whenever I can. Definitely take care of yourself, you sound like you are doing all the right things.

You're welcome

Yes I agree. A lot of times, I find myself listening to certain genres depending on my mood or the strongest emotion I'm feeling. Other times I'll try to choose something that's the opposite of what I'm feeling. I love being close to nature and the fact that my parents live out in the country helps. I'm hoping that once I can start working again, I'll be able to have the motivation to take walks again. I know my kids will love the fresh air too. My biggest goal is to prioritize more self care for myself and to let my parents help out more with my children (I hover A LOT) so I can have those self care times I need. I'm just doing everything I can to heal and be the best mom I can be.