Forums » Smalltalk » AMA: Living in a Domestic Abuse Shelter

Hey! So, picking something to do an AMA about myself is very difficult, but I landed on this one as I don't see very many people talking about domestic abuse shelters/homes, and I have so yeah! Ask me anything.

A note that this topic may be triggering.

Hey Mercy! How long did you live in the shelter? Did you feel like people judged in a negative way for 'ending up in that situation'?

What was your experience with the staff like? Were they helpful / not helpful? Why?

Myself, my mother and little brother were there for 3 months, but it felt much longer. We didn't have much contact with outside people, but phone calls that were had, there was a little bit of judgement there, especially as I was the one who called the police and reason we ended up there. My mom didn't seem to get judged as much. The other people there were a varied bunch of understanding and judging based on their own severity compared to ours.

The general staff, (cafeteria, security, ect)was friendly but overall stayed in the shadows, but were definitely helpful in what they did. Feeding us and making sure we were safe. Once a week I saw a therapist in the building and they were definitely helpful in helping me understand I didn't deserve to be hurt.

May I ask what was the straw that broken the camel's back? You don't have to answer if it would be too painful.

How Would You say you shelter helped with the whole helping your mental state after the abuse

Also how do you feel that a lot of men are turned down from abuse shelters.

1. I do think it helped me feel like things would get better and made it so I wasn't blaming myself, unfortunately I ended up back in the same situation for several years after leaving at a choice that wasn't my own.

2. It is sad that some people end up not getting the help they need. The shelter I was at was a womens only shelter, this is done for safety. There are a lot more shelters than there used to be in the past now, including more mens shelters that from what I have heard don't often turn people down, but I know in the past it was more common.

The main reason I have heard people getting put out of shelters is not following the rules of finding a job within a certain amount of time while living in the shelter, this tracks as we had to leave for that reason.

My mother and step-father were in a bad fight, I ended up getting in the middle of it and also hurt, and called the police. This isn't the first time it happened, nor the last, but the only time any help was actually received. Ironically enough, years later, I ended up having to escape from my mother as well and not just my step-father.