Forums » Smalltalk » AMA: Self taught artist with health issues

I wasn't gonna do this but I see ssssoooo many people who have done it and I realised what a great opportunity it is for people to get the info they want and need, so here ya go!!

I am a self taught artist and have done it seriously for I think...a little more than two years now? Time goes fast, wow. If anyone wants to take a look at my instagram where I post some of my artworks to see what I do, here it is; https://www.instagram.com/chocolateicecream101/

Long story short I became crosseyed at the age of 5. I only see with one eye at a time which means my eyes don't collaborate, I guess you could say, so I take turns using each eye. It's not something there is noticable unless you watch me do it, luckily. Before my surgery in 2013 it worked like this; I liked using my left eye more. Always been "my favorite eye." But as mentioned I shifted between them and still do it. So back then if I used my left eye, it would be "active" which means it moved when I looked around, and meanwhile my right eye would be still. It would rest in the inner corner of the eye. If I then switched to my left eye my right eye would be the one to rest in the inner corner of the eye, while the left eye, the active one, would move as I looked around. I can see with the eye that is not active but I don't use it, what I see through it is blurry until I switch my focus to it.

I think one of the worst things I experienced was the bullying. As a woman with red, curly hair and glasses because of my sight issues, I was the main subject for ugly comments, and I looked "different" than everyone else. No one had eyes like me. I didn't even see anyone back then who had hair like mine, that first happened years later when it became popular. Do note I love my hair and always have and will never change it.

Then in 2013 I decided I wanted something done abt my eyes, especially because a doctor told me that if nothing was done one of my eyes could get "stuck" so I couldn't use it at all. A part of me has regretted it and another part of me is happy I did it. After the surgery I had SERIOUS pain issues and the sewing in my eye - I have abt 3 luckily not noticable scars from the sewing in my eye - moved and ripped several times. It's supposed to be one of the easiest surgeries to do and I was on the operation table for abt two hours but have never been told why it took so long.

After the surgery I have gotten double vision and extreme headaches that often turn into migraines. I've been told the headaches/migraines are because of the fact that my eyes don't work together and the double vision. I still switch between my eyes but because of the surgery my right eye is somewhat in the middle. Not completely, but my glasses help and make it look like I have no issues with that at all. For some reason, since I got the surgery in my right eye, I can almost not use that eye anymore. I switch to it when I need to, but it just feels extremely uncomfortable. Which means I'm basically left with almost only my left eye to use now. On top of that, this year I was told by an eye doc that I have extremely dry eyes which I will have to live with for life, and nothing can be done abt it, I can only try to do different things to see if smth helps and what helps the best. Extremely dry eyes means I have constant blurry vision in some way and warying degree, as well as burns, tear flow, or a cutting feeling in my eyes. I was also born with strong allergies and asthma. I also suffer from extreme tiredness which means I'm tired 24/7 and have no energy or motivation. I have to force myself to find motivation to do things. 45 minutes outside, come back home; done for the rest of the day, and most of the time I can't even sleep. When I sleep it often makes it worse, wierdly enough. So I'm basically a walking zombie, haha This also means social media is a big part of my everyday life because...well, I have no energy to go outside and talk to ppl. Then it's easier for me to sit at home talking to my friends that way, or paint, or write which I love to do as well, or whatever I wanna do.

So ask away!! Wether it be abt art or health or whatever it may be!

First of all, your art is beautiful. That's incredible progress for just two years' worth of practice!

What would you say is your favorite subject to paint?

True inspiration. Continueing to make art despite how hard it must be. I mean, I guess I don't know how hard that specific thing is for you.

Do you have to take a lot of breaks with your art? Do you ever get suuuper frustrated by it?

I feel like I would do this, so I'm sorry if it's a rude question, but have you, or do you still try to make both eyes focus at the same time, or does it just make it worse, too.

How does sleeping make 'it' worse. It makes your energy worse? Your eyes ability to focus, your headaches?

Also, I'm sorry for your trials in dealing with it through life, but as said, it is inspirational that you just continued to do your best anyway.

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate that

Uhmm....gosh, that is tough to answer It's hard to explain but I paint what I feel like painting, wether it be portraits or landscapes or anything really. But I have always had a strong connection to...I guess what is human but at the same time not human. I like doing people, I guess what you would call portraits, but not necessarily realistic. I rather like to give it a twist. For example I'm currently working on a piece of a doll-like woman where her neck is split into three pieces so it almost looks like her head is floating. So I take the human form and twist it, and mostly from the chest and up. It's very rare I do full on human bodies, but I want to practice it more and get better at it.

There's a difference between for example doing a landscape and then doing what I just told you abt. The landscape is usually followed by a reference picture. (reference pictures are very important for an artist, haha). But those more...I guess you could say "out of the box" works come from my own head. I might find a reference for the hair I want or the angle of the face, but that's it. The rest is created in my brain so it gives me the true feeling of this is mine. It's something that my head thought of. Just like other artists have their own styles and favorite works

I hope that answered your question

Waking up to your words today made me really really happy. Thank you so much

To answer your questions, YES I do get frustrated by my art, haha I think all artists get frustrated sometimes, at least that's the info I've gotten from the other artists I talk to. I'm the kind of person who constantly gets new ideas for new works, so I end up with a BILLION sketches laying around that will never be painted which makes me feel bad. My health of course also plays a role because even though I wanna do it all or paint every day I cannot. If I didn't have the issues I have I would definitietly do much more. There are also times where a sketch just dosen't work out or you completely butcher the painting which sucks even more because you use so much time sketching and painting a piece. I usually take between 2 and 7 hours to complete a painting depending on how detailed and big it is. And I have a very bad habit of wanting to finish a piece once I've started painting it. This means I am pressuring my body to sit for 6 hours in a row, and then when I'm done my vision is even more blurry, headaches are worse, and my shoulders are killing me, and I feel like a truck has run me over. So I'm currently teaching myself to relax more and try not to stress, and take more breaks for the sake of my own health and enjoyment So that aspect definitietly makes doing art harder. I've had ppl who didn't understand how I could make art with a double vision, but I think it's because I've had it for so many years that I understand it better? It's easier for me to ignore the double vision if I focus on one thing. However there is something wierd that happens almost always when I focus a lot on something, for example when I'm painting. I have never gotten an explanation as to what it is, but what happens is that both my eyes quickly move to each side at the same time. When that happens it only lasts for like a second. It happens and it's gone. But it completely confuses me so once it's over I have to blink and find my way back to what I was doing. It's very hard to explain and not even I know why it happens. I'm guessing it must be because my eyes are focusing TOO much that they can't figure out where to place themselves so they "freak out" for a second before they relax again. It can happen several times in a row, also sometimes it's rare. It depends.

It's not rude at all, believe me! It is literally impossible for me to use both eyes at the same time. It's not possible. Believe me, I've tried I would wish I could though. I don't know how it feels to be able to use both eyes at the same time. The more I try to make my eyes "do things" the more headache and blurry vision I get, so all I can do is accept it and take things as they come.

OH, I'm sorry haha, sleeping during the day like when I'm taking a nap makes my exhaustion and tiredness worse which I don't understand. Sometimes when I wake up after sleeping I have a headache as well but that can come anytime during the night, morning, day, you name it.

Thank you sm It is hard to live with every day. There are times when I just wanna throw everything away because I feel like I have to fight with my own body to get to do anything. So that's terribly frustrating. But I try to brighten up my day and my mood by doing things i like, like my art There are things in my life that make me happy and give me a reason to get up in the morning and be creative which I love to be, so I'm never gonna give up those things