Edit: Since I hadn't fully realized that I wasn't making too much sense with my post, here's the explanation simplified by Lucretire.
Hello all, Winter here.
So. It's come to my attention, again, that a trend has picked up again for me. And not in a good way.
It seems as though every time I get something really good going on in rp, then something happens in my rp partner's rl to take them away.
Now. Before you say anything or remind me of stuff: Yes I AM aware people DO have a life outside of rp and the like. Bare with me please.
I just had to force drop five rp's with someone, because their rl was consuming them so much and they keep leaving me hanging. I'm not going to go into further detail, out of respect of privacy for my former rp partner.
What REALLY gets me, and it's NOT the first time this has happened...two of the rp's with two different male muses of mine...were father's to be.
Short gist of what I'm getting at is: I find a good rp partner, things take their time to develop, relations in rp happen, the couple are expecting kids the first time, have kids already and expecting more, suddenly rl kicks my rp partner in the teeth so hard that I have to call it quits in rp since my partner won't do it.
Rl seems to always find a way to make a mess of rp stuff.
It's disappointing and frustrating for me, and most likely others, to have stuff going good, only to then have rp stuff be (basically) destroyed due to things happening outside in the real world.
Again. I know stuff is more important than rp. But people...for the love of rp...if you aren't able to fulfill the promise of responding, please consider, if nothing else, putting stuff on hiatus after working that out with your rp partner.
My bff Krispy and I have our rp's on hold. They are on an indefinite hiatus. But she said that if things go good for her at times, she'll post to an rp of ours. And I'm fine with that.
In short: Please try to have common courtesy for your fellow rp partners. Because while rl happens and mostly is out of our control, when you leave people hanging and such, it's not good. Especially because then people like me, wind up wanting to avoid romance n all that jazz in rp forever. And that's saying something coming from a Hopeless Romantic Idiot that is me.
Lucretire wrote:
But I think I know what you're saying, Winter: if things are too busy in real life, there's no shame in calling a hiatus and replying when you can. Don't give out hollow promises and/or time limits to continue a roleplay when even you know you can't keep them. Am I close? If so, I think that's very reasonable to ask for. I've since stopped doing that and am still on hiatus as of now. It doesn't mean I won't work on ideas; I'm just not ready to commit in full right now.
Hello all, Winter here.
So. It's come to my attention, again, that a trend has picked up again for me. And not in a good way.
It seems as though every time I get something really good going on in rp, then something happens in my rp partner's rl to take them away.
Now. Before you say anything or remind me of stuff: Yes I AM aware people DO have a life outside of rp and the like. Bare with me please.
I just had to force drop five rp's with someone, because their rl was consuming them so much and they keep leaving me hanging. I'm not going to go into further detail, out of respect of privacy for my former rp partner.
What REALLY gets me, and it's NOT the first time this has happened...two of the rp's with two different male muses of mine...were father's to be.
Short gist of what I'm getting at is: I find a good rp partner, things take their time to develop, relations in rp happen, the couple are expecting kids the first time, have kids already and expecting more, suddenly rl kicks my rp partner in the teeth so hard that I have to call it quits in rp since my partner won't do it.
Rl seems to always find a way to make a mess of rp stuff.
It's disappointing and frustrating for me, and most likely others, to have stuff going good, only to then have rp stuff be (basically) destroyed due to things happening outside in the real world.
Again. I know stuff is more important than rp. But people...for the love of rp...if you aren't able to fulfill the promise of responding, please consider, if nothing else, putting stuff on hiatus after working that out with your rp partner.
My bff Krispy and I have our rp's on hold. They are on an indefinite hiatus. But she said that if things go good for her at times, she'll post to an rp of ours. And I'm fine with that.
In short: Please try to have common courtesy for your fellow rp partners. Because while rl happens and mostly is out of our control, when you leave people hanging and such, it's not good. Especially because then people like me, wind up wanting to avoid romance n all that jazz in rp forever. And that's saying something coming from a Hopeless Romantic Idiot that is me.
Some people use their "real" lives as an excuse to treat you like you matter less.
Me, I talk people into doing things even if they have a life. Because I value myself enough to ensure good things happen. I also want to make sure the other person is having fun.
It doesn't kill people to focus when they can do it. This also involves things like peoples attention spans, the assumptions they make, how consistency (very important) leads to happiness. In and out of RP alike. etc.
People will make the same excuses online as they do IRL. You'll see it more on Second Life though. I have a life too. But I don't use it as an excuse to never make the time/effort.
As for how to do things (like RP) then that's where you talk about things. But in order to do that you might have to talk about other things. That affect your whole life. Yet also makes RP fun once understood. Being understood in the first place can take the energy/fun out of things at first. Until you actually DO more. To have more fun. People tend to get stuck in ruts/slumps. But constantly worrying about that won't get you out of it.
Case in point, what works in real life also works with roleplay. "Put in the time/effort". If there's other events then find a way to balance things out. Personally I keep talking to people until that balance is obtained. And I push hard for what's fair.
Beyond that it's a matter of making sure you don't stall/hesitate with making each other happy. There's ways to "work things in" so to speak. Depends on what specific RP/kink concerns their are.
There's also other things then RP to take into account even when you're trying to get good RP going. This is what a lot of people lose sight of. That it has to be about a realistic balance. No one is actually IC all the time. Because everyone will have OOC concerns. And we have to consider our real mental well being as well. etc. Even those that pretend "It's just a game" have to acknowledge that. Not when people have major concerns that threaten sanity it's not.
Me, I talk people into doing things even if they have a life. Because I value myself enough to ensure good things happen. I also want to make sure the other person is having fun.
It doesn't kill people to focus when they can do it. This also involves things like peoples attention spans, the assumptions they make, how consistency (very important) leads to happiness. In and out of RP alike. etc.
People will make the same excuses online as they do IRL. You'll see it more on Second Life though. I have a life too. But I don't use it as an excuse to never make the time/effort.
As for how to do things (like RP) then that's where you talk about things. But in order to do that you might have to talk about other things. That affect your whole life. Yet also makes RP fun once understood. Being understood in the first place can take the energy/fun out of things at first. Until you actually DO more. To have more fun. People tend to get stuck in ruts/slumps. But constantly worrying about that won't get you out of it.
Case in point, what works in real life also works with roleplay. "Put in the time/effort". If there's other events then find a way to balance things out. Personally I keep talking to people until that balance is obtained. And I push hard for what's fair.
Beyond that it's a matter of making sure you don't stall/hesitate with making each other happy. There's ways to "work things in" so to speak. Depends on what specific RP/kink concerns their are.
There's also other things then RP to take into account even when you're trying to get good RP going. This is what a lot of people lose sight of. That it has to be about a realistic balance. No one is actually IC all the time. Because everyone will have OOC concerns. And we have to consider our real mental well being as well. etc. Even those that pretend "It's just a game" have to acknowledge that. Not when people have major concerns that threaten sanity it's not.
*Points up to Taramafor's post* This. We need a like function.
Even when I'm exhausted and it would have been easier to simply go to sleep , considering all the craziness going on outside in the world today and in my life and that I have little control over., RP with the people I've come to trust is the time where I can take some moments to sit down, get some good music going, drink a good beverage and regain some control and balance even if it's during my pretend time. It's my break from reality to help keep me sane.
Even when I'm exhausted and it would have been easier to simply go to sleep , considering all the craziness going on outside in the world today and in my life and that I have little control over., RP with the people I've come to trust is the time where I can take some moments to sit down, get some good music going, drink a good beverage and regain some control and balance even if it's during my pretend time. It's my break from reality to help keep me sane.
Fantastic points, Taramafor! And I couldn't agree more, Falyn!
My friend who I had to stop rp's with, she told me that she's too nice of a person. So because of it, certain things in her rl took precedence and made it very difficult for her to not only have energy but to actually respond.
I don't need a reply to rp's all the time, but even a "I'm alive!" now and then would work.
I guess with past patterns kicking in again, it's not helping me really.
Like if an rp is good and my partner and I agree to an rp family for later down the line, I would like for the rp family to not be torn apart so horribly due to a person's rl. Basically if rp's need to end, or even pause, okay fine we can do that and things end calmly. But when it's forced stopped like I had to do those five rp's of mine, then my poor muses are left confused since everything was fine in rp it's the rl that took over. Thus resulting in my having to give my muses a clean slate, so they don't remember stuff and they aren't in a slump.
I've lost count how many times I've had to do that.
My friend who I had to stop rp's with, she told me that she's too nice of a person. So because of it, certain things in her rl took precedence and made it very difficult for her to not only have energy but to actually respond.
I don't need a reply to rp's all the time, but even a "I'm alive!" now and then would work.
I guess with past patterns kicking in again, it's not helping me really.
Like if an rp is good and my partner and I agree to an rp family for later down the line, I would like for the rp family to not be torn apart so horribly due to a person's rl. Basically if rp's need to end, or even pause, okay fine we can do that and things end calmly. But when it's forced stopped like I had to do those five rp's of mine, then my poor muses are left confused since everything was fine in rp it's the rl that took over. Thus resulting in my having to give my muses a clean slate, so they don't remember stuff and they aren't in a slump.
I've lost count how many times I've had to do that.
Honestly Winter, I understand. Every time an RP of mine stopped with a long time RP partner it was due to OOC reasons. I never recant on what has happened to them even when it is a very painful break up or worse. I place them on hiatus or RP them past it. It is also why I have become so protective of my OCs and will let few people get near them IC beyond a friendship.
Falyn wrote:
Honestly Winter, I understand. Every time an RP of mine stopped with a long time RP partner it was due to OOC reasons. I never recant on what has happened to them even when it is a very painful break up or worse. I place them on hiatus or RP them past it. It is also why I have become so protective of my OCs and will let few people get near them IC beyond a friendship.
Yup! I'm protective of my OC's as well! Heck even some canons I portray, I get protective of them too just because!
My first ever muse, and her twin sister, I've rped since the start of my rp career. They've gone through the most bs, I don't know how they still talk to me. Then again the hiatus's in between help, plus a partial clean slate, might make it easier on them to talk to me. They are part of the hiatus with my bff. And they are fine with it.
Honestly I wonder if this is part of why I want a more evil-like muse to try and rp as for grins and giggles. Wouldn't put it past me.
I've turned to marrying one of my OCs with one of my other newer OCs to kind of solve the problem. It lead to some fun interaction, even with other people I RPed the two of them with causally as my OCs relationship developed. That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and them not ending up alone.
That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and them not ending up alone.
Falyn wrote:
I've turned to marrying one of my OCs with one of my other newer OCs to kind of solve the problem. It lead to some fun interaction, even with other people I RPed the two of them with causally as my OCs relationship developed. That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and not end up alone.
That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and not end up alone.I had thought about it now and then. But usually I end up with dissatisfied people that they can't have romance and stuff. I didn't know romance was the "only" thing to rp...
Winters_Fury wrote:
Falyn wrote:
I've turned to marrying one of my OCs with one of my other newer OCs to kind of solve the problem. It lead to some fun interaction, even with other people I RPed the two of them with causally as my OCs relationship developed. That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and not end up alone.
That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and not end up alone.I had thought about it now and then. But usually I end up with dissatisfied people that they can't have romance and stuff. I didn't know romance was the "only" thing to rp...
To me it isn't, but that's one of the main reasons why I enjoy group RP so much vs only 1x1 unless minor characters are brought in. Building various types of relationships, family, co-workers, especially friends is what will keep me RPing that character. I also tend to have characters that are very goal or career oriented and they can always fall back on advancing that aspect of their lives. Romance is fun, but it is one of many facets of my OCs.
Falyn wrote:
Winters_Fury wrote:
Falyn wrote:
I've turned to marrying one of my OCs with one of my other newer OCs to kind of solve the problem. It lead to some fun interaction, even with other people I RPed the two of them with causally as my OCs relationship developed. That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and not end up alone.
That might be another option if you want them to keep their family and not end up alone.I had thought about it now and then. But usually I end up with dissatisfied people that they can't have romance and stuff. I didn't know romance was the "only" thing to rp...
To me it isn't, but that's one of the main reasons why I enjoy group RP so much vs only 1x1 unless minor characters are brought in. Building various types of relationships, family, co-workers, especially friends is what will keep me RPing that character. I also tend to have characters that are very goal or career oriented and they can always fall back on advancing that aspect of their lives. Romance is fun, but it is one of many facets of my OCs.THANK YOU! As you say: Romance is nice, but not a main focus. But to some people if it's not involved, then it's a deal breaker. -shakes head-
Of course and no worries.
Hopefully things will look up.
Hopefully things will look up.
Winters_Fury wrote:
It seems as though every time I get something really good going on in rp, then something happens in my rp partner's rl to take them away.
Winters_Fury wrote:
RL seems to always find a way to make a mess of rp stuff.
Over the years, this has been my experience as well. It happens, unfortunately. I think only 1 in every 4 games I ever start see any kind of conclusion or survive for multiple years. The longest was 7 before it finally fell apart and we were only halfway through the story. Sadly, it just comes with the territory.
Rogue-Scribe wrote:
Winters_Fury wrote:
RL seems to always find a way to make a mess of rp stuff.
This, and I have had at least one RP end because my partner no longer had stable living arrangements.
RP is not a marriage. Most people do not commit to hobbies for years on end if they face RL challenges. And everyone faces RL challenges periodically. For people who mind this, I wonder if it would work to discuss everyone’s preferences beforehand when starting an RP - at least it would ensure that people know each other’s expectations.
Alecia wrote:
Rogue-Scribe wrote:
Winters_Fury wrote:
RL seems to always find a way to make a mess of rp stuff.
This, and I have had at least one RP end because my partner no longer had stable living arrangements.
RP is not a marriage. Most people do not commit to hobbies for years on end if they face RL challenges. And everyone faces RL challenges periodically. For people who mind this, I wonder if it would work to discuss everyone’s preferences beforehand when starting an RP - at least it would ensure that people know each other’s expectations.
...Thank you Captain Obvious, and Captain Obvious Jr. I'm aware that rp is a hobby/not marriage. I just simply was expressing the disappointment/frustration that I've experienced a lot throughout my rp career that hit me again...
It seems my post is NOT fully read. For IF it was, you'd have noticed I stated that I AM aware of people having a rl, and rl is more important than rp...
AgentMilkshake wrote:
Over the years, this has been my experience as well. It happens, unfortunately. I think only 1 in every 4 games I ever start see any kind of conclusion or survive for multiple years. The longest was 7 before it finally fell apart and we were only halfway through the story. Sadly, it just comes with the territory.
Winters_Fury wrote:
...Thank you Captain Obvious
Winters_Fury wrote:
...Thank you Captain Obvious, and Captain Obvious Jr. I'm aware that rp is a hobby/not marriage. I just simply was expressing the disappointment/frustration that I've experienced a lot throughout my rp career that hit me again...
It seems my post is NOT fully read. For IF it was, you'd have noticed I stated that I AM aware of people having a rl, and rl is more important than rp...
Maybe I took your post differently than you intended, and your subsequent posts where you were agreeing with the points made by others. May I ask, what is the difference for you between force-ending an RP, and (force-?) agreeing to put it on hiatus? And why one of those affects your willingness to do romantic RPs, but the other does not? I generally have an issue with being ghosted, but don’t see a big difference between being left hanging where the partner does respond if I ask, and openly discussing a hiatus.
Alecia wrote:
Winters_Fury wrote:
...Thank you Captain Obvious, and Captain Obvious Jr. I'm aware that rp is a hobby/not marriage. I just simply was expressing the disappointment/frustration that I've experienced a lot throughout my rp career that hit me again...
It seems my post is NOT fully read. For IF it was, you'd have noticed I stated that I AM aware of people having a rl, and rl is more important than rp...
Maybe I took your post differently than you intended, and your subsequent posts where you were agreeing with the points made by others. May I ask, what is the difference for you between force-ending an RP, and (force-?) agreeing to put it on hiatus? And why one of those affects your willingness to do romantic RPs, but the other does not? I generally have an issue with being ghosted, but don’t see a big difference between being left hanging where the partner does respond if I ask, and openly discussing a hiatus.
Force ending is when your rp partner keeps declining to end the rp, because they want to keep it going without accepting a hiatus. They keep insisting that they will get around to posting, say that their muses are upset with them (the writer) for not posting to the rp's. Yet nothing ever happens thus you are the one who has to force things to stop since your partner doesn't want to.
I wouldn't call the other way, the hiatus part, as being forced. I would suggest/offer to have rp's put on hold. If people turn it down, I wait a bit before bringing it up again. I'm understanding of people, honestly I am.
My thing is that when people don't want to take the hiatus, but continue to keep me waiting, thus in a sense forcing me to act when they won't, just upsets me that rl is the reason rp stuff that you put a lot of effort into goes down the drain.
Example: One partner was with me in rp and rl. Everything was going fine in both rp and rl with my then gf. Until I found out in rl she was lying to me and a mutual friend of ours, along with cheating on said mutual friend with me without my being aware till I talked to the mutual friend about stuff. So I had to end things with her in rl, due to her lying and cheating. Which then in turn ruined the rp couples and happy families we had, because I no longer was with her in rl.
Now. It hasn't always been a case of me being with my rp partner in both rp and rl. This person I forced stopped rp's with, was just a friend as they in rl have a SO. So while it was not as upsetting to loose what we had, it was disheartening enough.
Rogue-Scribe wrote:
AgentMilkshake wrote:
Over the years, this has been my experience as well. It happens, unfortunately. I think only 1 in every 4 games I ever start see any kind of conclusion or survive for multiple years. The longest was 7 before it finally fell apart and we were only halfway through the story. Sadly, it just comes with the territory.
Winters_Fury wrote:
...Thank you Captain Obvious
Shadow...Ugh. I'm sorry. Just having a bad time lately in rl, not trying to be a jerk. It's not an excuse, and I am sorry. -headdesk-
Winters_Fury wrote:
Force ending is when your rp partner keeps declining to end the rp, because they want to keep it going without accepting a hiatus. They keep insisting that they will get around to posting, say that their muses are upset with them (the writer) for not posting to the rp's. Yet nothing ever happens thus you are the one who has to force things to stop since your partner doesn't want to.
I wouldn't call the other way, the hiatus part, as being forced. I would suggest/offer to have rp's put on hold. If people turn it down, I wait a bit before bringing it up again. I'm understanding of people, honestly I am.
My thing is that when people don't want to take the hiatus, but continue to keep me waiting, thus in a sense forcing me to act when they won't, just upsets me that rl is the reason rp stuff that you put a lot of effort into goes down the drain.
Example: One partner was with me in rp and rl. Everything was going fine in both rp and rl with my then gf. Until I found out in rl she was lying to me and a mutual friend of ours, along with cheating on said mutual friend with me without my being aware till I talked to the mutual friend about stuff. So I had to end things with her in rl, due to her lying and cheating. Which then in turn ruined the rp couples and happy families we had, because I no longer was with her in rl.
Now. It hasn't always been a case of me being with my rp partner in both rp and rl. This person I forced stopped rp's with, was just a friend as they in rl have a SO. So while it was not as upsetting to loose what we had, it was disheartening enough.
I wouldn't call the other way, the hiatus part, as being forced. I would suggest/offer to have rp's put on hold. If people turn it down, I wait a bit before bringing it up again. I'm understanding of people, honestly I am.
My thing is that when people don't want to take the hiatus, but continue to keep me waiting, thus in a sense forcing me to act when they won't, just upsets me that rl is the reason rp stuff that you put a lot of effort into goes down the drain.
Example: One partner was with me in rp and rl. Everything was going fine in both rp and rl with my then gf. Until I found out in rl she was lying to me and a mutual friend of ours, along with cheating on said mutual friend with me without my being aware till I talked to the mutual friend about stuff. So I had to end things with her in rl, due to her lying and cheating. Which then in turn ruined the rp couples and happy families we had, because I no longer was with her in rl.
Now. It hasn't always been a case of me being with my rp partner in both rp and rl. This person I forced stopped rp's with, was just a friend as they in rl have a SO. So while it was not as upsetting to loose what we had, it was disheartening enough.
I’ve never had a situation happen like the one you have described under force-dropping an RP. I didn’t even know that people do that! So your initial post’s request that people have common courtesy may perhaps not have the impact that you intended. Especially if it relates to the RL situation you have described (BTW sorry that you had to go through that, it sounds really harsh).
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