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I have a lot of really weird dreams that I often don't often have the ability to make complete sense of, as is the nature of dreams. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with it exactly when they stick in my mind and constantly gnaw at the back of my head, honestly I don't really have a good reason for sharing this at all. I guess it's just my way of coping with them.

The most recent dream along these lines that leave me with a sense of dread happened maybe three months ago, I don't exactly remember when it happened but the when doesn't matter. The dream starts rather simple, I'm getting off the school bus and ready to start walking home, a dream I found weird since I graduated school a long time ago.

I began walking down the road and seeing all the familiar paths and buildings, but not familiar in the traditional sense. My dreams have a very strong sense of internal consistency and often times I can memorize things. I sometimes meet reoccurring characters who I can remember in vivid detail, often times they seem to have this same comprehensive ability to remember past dreams as if they were really there. In my dreams there were no street signs or anything, you had to navigate off landmarks and pure memory, although it was an easy task because the buildings had a unique look to them that never changed, on top of that they never moved or altered themselves, just like buildings in real life they were these unchanging monoliths.

I began walking around even knowing a short cut to get to home quicker, I was joined by my older brother and younger sister, on our way home however we came across a weird shape. A massive beige colored octagon was sitting in the shade under a tree, it was about maybe five and a half feet tall and besides its color was a detailess shape. What was one to do when encountering such a thing? At the time the answer seemed obvious, I produced a knife and began carving a face into the shape. It was a simple carving, just a smily face. although by the time I had finished it had already become night time. Worried about not wanting to be out late me, my brother, and my sister all continued on our way home, it wasn't until we were coming close to our home did we actually understand what was happening.

We had found another one of those weird rouge shapes sitting in the shade, my brother took his knife and decided he wanted to carve this one this time, but this time people watched it happened. In their shock and surprise the police were called and only then did we learn the shapes were actually people we had violently stabbed and carved into, the police had apparently been called to investigate the last murder and happened to already be close. My sister and I pinned the murder on our brother to absolve ourselves of any crimes, we simply turned him in knowing he didn't know he did anything wrong but now having to live with the knowledge of what we had done.

I stepped into my home and walked into my room, there I saw my mother talking to a man in black who seemed to be wearing a large smiley face mask. I was confused but the two seemed to be getting along rather well speaking to each other in a friendly manner and laughing with each other, in spite of this it looked at though the man in the mask was attacking her. Or was he? I saw him attacking her, but what they were saying and the sounds they made heavily implied nothing wrong was happening at all, and yet I was aware that either one of my perceptions could be false. I could have just watched a man attacking my mother and did nothing, just as likely they weren't doing anything at all and maybe I attacked him. It was impossible to tell since I don't remember what actually happened.

All I remember was suddenly the whole world going black as I sat in the middle of a room illuminated by a single light covering my face with the hood of my jacket apologizing to my mother and asking for help. Self aware enough to know I didn't know what was going on around me, but unable to tell the difference between reality and the false illusions. Eventually I decided to close my eyes and speak into the void unsure if there was anyone there to hear me at all, or if my tittering madness was doomed to echo through the void eternally. Ultimately I never got an answer, but eventually I woke up in my room and continued on with my day like it never even happened, though I still remember that dream vividly.

I was always curious what it was like to see the world through the eyes of the damned and mad, and through my dreams I feel as though I have caught small glimpses of madness and insanity, and although they do not interact with my waking life (as far as I'm aware) my dreams linger deep within my conscious and unconscious mind. To an extent, I got exactly what I wanted and I have no regrets. I just hope this is not a sign of something worse to come later down the line with my own mental health.