Forums » Suggestions & Development Discussion » Clear divisions of 18+ and under 18 RP Ads.

I understand and 100% support having boundaries, acknowledge that there are people who fail to properly respect boundaries, and believe anyone who's had their boundaries violated or encroached on absolutely has every right to be upset about that and to take measures that allow them to feel more safe. I also want to reiterate that it is highly common for those who use "optional" to not have any expectation of anything sexual and even to prefer not to include it. Obviously, this doesn't mean you're in any way required to give them any more consideration that you may have been already. I'm repeating it only because of your continued assumption that anyone willing to consider it in any way possible (whether actually writing things out or just open to possibly implying something happened) is automatically expecting/wanting it. Avoiding those posts is entirely fine, but the way you've been putting things comes out sounding like you think people who choose "optional" are just trying to lure people in to sex traps. Even if that might be how it really feels to you (and I'm very sorry you've had to deal with enough crap to make you feel that way, if so), it simply not true and saying/implying it is also harmful.

I hope the further updates to how things work are able to dramatically improve your experience here.


I'm not sure if this was directed at me, others, or simply a general statement. In case it was at or included me, I'm sorry what I said came across that way. It was not my intention to imply that all people who would want such a filter even have the same reasons, let alone experience the same levels of distress over it; nor did I mean to imply anyone is a prude, especially simply for having and wanting to keep their personal boundaries. I only meant to mention an example of more extreme cases as a point of how such a filter could be considered pretty important.

What I said may have sounded hyperbolic, and I can understand that that could make it sound that much more critical. It was not hyperbole, though. I'm actually asexual, and am in multiple fairly large asexual communities. A full range of attitudes towards sex is represented; sometimes this creates small conflicts, but we try very hard to validate the varying experiences people have. Among those are individuals who are legitimately triggered by certain sex-related things; any discussion of it makes some immensely uncomfortable, others react to more specific terms or concepts (and RP ads even here tend not to have any warnings about the content of the ad itself, and I know I've been pretty startled at some of the things I've occasionally stumbled onto), others still are frustrated by the sheer prevalence of sex being pushed everywhere all the time and occasionally that frustration might boil over. There's also a lot of folks with trauma to deal with. I don't consider any of these folks - however big or small the impact it has on them, whether or not there's any clear "reason" for it, etc. - to be prudes. They're fellow people who deserve to have their boundaries respected, and if needed to feel safe, deserve to be accommodated. And because these are people who don't exclusively exist in the context of those groups, and none of these issues are exclusive to aces, that fact remains true anywhere.

People are going to have wildly different experiences, and thus, wildly different viewpoints. As a gay woman, I fall under what might easily be the most sexualized and fetishized groups possible on the internet; you would not believe the number of times that I deal with people, men especially, telling me that they write smut, yes - but don't worry! 'It's optional. We don't have to.' Only for them to turn around thirty, forty posts down the line and demand I write that scene out with them because obviously I should have known they'd expected it. One time is a miscommunication. Multiple times, over and over again, is a pattern. I even dealt with this when I was a minor, on this very site. That is, clearly, going to leave a bad taste in my mouth and make me upset when I'm told that I'm overreacting to a simple issue that the 'majority of adult RPers are fine with.'

For me, it's like asking someone why they can't just ride in a car with no seatbelt. It's the equivalent of going "welll, it's only a small chance that you'll crash and die. There's no need to make a fuss about that 5%, yeah? Everyone else can ride with no seatbelt!' And just like preventing a car crash - perhaps less dramatic, but it gets my point across - this update was needed for many people like myself to actually feel safe and not have to worry about harassment over our preferences. Similar solutions, like over on RPN, have been proven to stop sexual harassment before it even starts; I mean hell, over there they don't let anyone write any smut at all and I've never had a single problem. It keeps the people who don't want any sexual content what so ever separate from those who might even just be okay with it. When it comes to making RP a safe space, these updates are just as important as content warnings or giving adults and minors the option to stay separate.

This is why myself and others were so vocal about trying to get this change implemented earlier in the thread. In my own personal experience, I fall under the 'greysexuality' umbrella in addition to having extremely negative experiences with anything relating to smut. It was an issue that - especially for those people who are too nervous to speak up about it - walks a very, very thin line between 'mildly inconvenient' and 'extremely uncomfortable'. There are some problems that it is necessary to dig your heels in the dirt, solely because I know there are others who didn't want to cause a scene. It's similar to my astigmatism thread in which if you want change, sometimes you have to be the push that gets it started.

I feel it important to note this isn't intended to be argumentative, just informative.

Sacrilege didn't overreact or even share anything special, I deal with the exact same stuff from (gay) dudes constantly, and as a fun bonus also get the prejudice they earn all guys in RP spaces. Harassed and guilty until proven innocent, best of both worlds, long story short the distrust is very well-founded and to #notalloptionals it is unkind, and the same centrism that got us here.

That is: RPR tries very hard to welcome all styles of play, but equal isn't always equitable and in practice non-sex-driven roleplayers have much more looking out for themselves to do than those who test the boundaries anonymously. (I wonder if this and the frustration are at all related.) Luckily, the staff listen. There's been a few equitable changes lately thanks both to Suggestion thread rumbles/Office Hours as well as reports/PMs from the didn't want to cause a scene crowd; hopefully the desires for more protections/fewer support tickets stay aligned and the trend continues.

As the OP who started this thread, I'm glad it has gotten so much attention and I believe Kim and the other mods have responded extremely well. I have been and am currently in their shoes to a lesser degree. It is not an easy job and it is a job that is voluntary, please remember this.

My concern has come as a teacher who has students or former students that are pre-teens and teens. I am also the aunt of two teenage boys and in no way would I want to see a young person exploited by an adult or even another, perhaps older teenager who wants their "little fantasy sexy time online" This is where very strong initial concern came from when I posted.

There are very troubled individuals online and unfortunately I have been exposed to them IC and OOC more than once. It is simply a reality of online media. I agree with Kim and the mod teams that the best way, after what they do to help, is to report and block. I do so and will continue to do so to help ensure that this stays a safe environment for people to RP in.

And as for those who try to give people grief over not wanting to interact with a certain group or person because of sexual RP I will share this story. I had someone emote branding one of my characters with no IC or OOC consent straight out of the blue during an online RP session IG. I was shocked and stunned, not knowing how to react at the time I did not screenshot. When I tried to discuss this with the person I RPed with the person tried to brush it off as not being a big deal. There had been other red flags before with them, but nothing like this. They were seen in the community where we RPed as someone fun overall and sympathetic. It was how I got sucker into trusting them. I, a grown adult had not been wise enough at the time to see the red flags and listen to them. I felt guilt, until stories from other women and other people in the community started to come out, but many tried to silence them under the pretext that they were "killing their fun" with these accusations. Thankfully I listened and started to screenshot not only in game IG but also through Discord. Because I was not one for having a reputation of crying "foul" at every little thing, people did listen to me.

It turned out the person who emoted branding one of my characters without any consent had done worst to other women. The person was a catfisher and had scammed lonely people online, mostly women. Thankfully I had them blocked after a month of RP. It can cause trauma and it did for those who were exposed to this individual who used gaslighting as well as other manipulative tactics on his victims. Be aware that both men and women are capable of being catfishers.

All this to say, report and block and do NOT let anyone try to guilt you for doing so. Better safe than sorry!

Again to Kim and the mod. team, thank-you!

Falyn, I feel naive even asking... but what does "emote branding" mean?

It means exactly what it sounds like. The person RPed a nephilim and used their powers to burn their character's name onto my character like one would brand a cattle without any kind of IC or OOC warning. You cannot have any idea how distressing that was or the implication since my character was a First Nations women and they RPed a white male.

Emote = Role Play. Huh. Learn something new every day.

It's a term I learned with in game Role-play. There are already made emotes; actions or displayed emotions that one can do in many games by typing "/cheer" for example or it can be fulling written out as "Jane cheers for ________. "

Branding is obviously not one.
Even adult games, MMORPGs will not have more than; /flirts or /blows_a_kiss