Forums » RP Discussion » Partner Issues

Hello there. I preferred to write this on an anonymous simply to avoid any controversy. But before I begin, this was completely off-site on an MMO, no relation to RPR.

Basically, I had this person, Ill call him Aaron. Aaron is a pretty okay guy OOC, at least sometimes. I only knew him for a few months while we were RPing regularly, but he initially approached me with the intention of possibly working towards a romance for our characters, which I said was alright, we just need to play for a while and see how they match up. Slow burn kind of stuff. You can get married in this game too, so whomever my character chooses, I'd prefer to be good friends with OOC as well as an IC level. We agreed on this.

So a few weeks pass, Aaron mentions he cant find any lasting relationships for his characters, and he was really upset/depressed. Things... apparently dont work out well for him often. Which, I told him at the time to just take it slow and manage expectations a little less solidly. I myself have had people dip out on RP relationships for various reasons (jobs, no money to play the game, loss of interest or change of RP style). He also, at the time, had his character that he played with me, dating my character. So, I was trying to console him/etc. Gave him some space, but every day it seemed like he'd complain about it, and when I asked him to RP with my character, he wouldn't because those other people ruined his mood.

Now, I understand not everyone wants to RP all the time, things can ruin your mood, etc. but this was a regular occurence, and it started to get a bit annoying, and kinda made me feel like I didn't matter much as an RP partner. I dont expect his attention all the time, but its kinda like... he wants RP, but mine wasn't enough. At least, thats how it felt when he was complaining and refusing RP on his moodswings.

Aaron also had this other friend he met on the game who, Ill call Dave, who's character mentored his. Dave also helped him with certain IRL amenities because he was low on income due to losing a job/trying to find one. Suddenly however, Dave ghosted him, removed Aaron from discord, all contact he had with Aaron. Aaron couldn't pay for the game subscription and he was scraping by with what he had.

So I stuck with him even after all the complaining/etc. I always listened to him, tried giving advice, comforting, etc. I advised that, maybe he should quit the game and focus on taking care of his RL priorities first instead of prioritizing fictional romances--and perhaps once hes stable, return and see how things are.

So Aaron took my advice, and returned almost a half year later. He messaged me randomly recently (the point of this post) and we sorta casually talked on COVID, etc. One night he asked me about bringing his and my character together again. My character has been dating another for a little while, so I turned him down as politely as I could.

He immediately begins to freak out about how its 'so unfair' and how he didnt even want to split them up to begin with because he was afraid it would happen and goes on about how he always tries and fails/etc. and how he absolutely LOVED the characters together.

And I apologize, yet again, explaining RP is fluid and we cant always control what happens in our lives IRL, and RP is purely for fun.

All Aaron does is complain more, about how he's tired of this and that, being low-key passive aggressive toward me with "Mhmm" at the beginning of his sentence toward my apologies. And then he pretty much ends the convo with him saying he has no more reason to play his character because he doesnt have me or his mentor friend.

After that, I just stopped replying.

My question here: I assume I should probably avoid this person from here on out? I feel bad for him, but from the moodswings early on and the freakout when I declined putting our characters back together, I dont think I even want to extend the olive branch anymore than I have. Or am I in the wrong and should I be more understanding?

Sorry for the lengthy post.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. RPing is supposed to be a fun time-off type of hobby, and it's always a shame to see people turn something enjoyable into a living hell with their misbehavior. I could deliver you a 50-page essay about my view on it, but in short: I do believe you should stay out of this person's way.

From what I've been able to read here, this guy is kinda taking you for granted (as evident in the fact that his RP with you clearly 'wasn't enough', like you said). In friendships, there's always be room to share your feelings with your bud, but at the end of the day, no one is entitled to having a stranger on the internet put up with their shit 24/7. You have already done a major good deed by offering Aaron your sympathy and advise in the beginning; the whole fact that you even talked him into getting his priorities straight shows that you got your heart in the right place. You treated him like good friends treat each other, even if you didn't have to.

But judging from your story, he doesn't really see you as such. He doesn't seem to respect the fact that you have, y'know, your own life and choices- talking about how he threw a tantrum about you declining his romance request because your OC was dating someone else's and attempted to guilt-trip you into giving him what he wants. That as a stand-alone case is incredibly toxic on his part and reason enough to steer clear of him.

I don't believe Aaron is evil incarnate, though he does strike me as someone who will never be satisfied and will never treat you with the same dignity that you've been so kind to treat him with. By all means, not the type of guy who you'd want to have skulking around your online environment.

You're not being harsh on him here, you've done the right thing. You've treated this dude as a good friend and offered him comfort, and all he could muster up in return was thankless, immature, selfish behavior. I understand why this might seem like a dilemma from your POV, I've been there too, but as an outside 'onlooker' with no emotional investment in neither the guy nor the RP, I can tell you here and now that you did a wise thing stepping away from Aaron. Even if you'd given in and let him have his way, I doubt he'd stop being a terrible 'friend' to you.

Do with my two cents on this what you wish, my dude- I wish you all the best in dealing with this situation, and I hope that soon enough this issue will have become history. Good luck with everything! 💪💪

I agree with everything that GarnaalProductions said. You did your best to help Aaron, who in return behaved in such a horrible way. Keep in mind you aren't in the wrong here and it isn't your fault for hanging out with him. People eventually show their true colors the more we spend time with them. As much as it sounds harsh, I believe it's for the best to cut off all of the contacts you have with him. It isn't worth spending time and energy on someone who is passive-agressive, immature, disrespectful and toxic overall. It's also very important to know and tell when enough is enough and to stand your ground with these kind of folks.

I hope things will be sorted out for you. And take good care of yourself! O/

Thank you both for your kind responses; I haven't responded to Aaron since, and I agree that I think its better that I leave him go. I do feel that he has IRL issues he needs to sort out, unfortunately I'm not the one who has the patience (anymore at the very least) to deal with him. I feel bad that I can't, and do wish things could be different, but it seems they cant. I did hope that maybe they could just be friends IC (the characters) but it seems there's no interest there either from him. *shrug*

Thank you guys again.

Really glad I could be of help! And yeah, at the end of the day this whole issue does seem to stem from a rather tragic situation, or person for that matter, but I think you did all you could. I know it's not easy to let go of a partner like that, especially if they seem like they need help, though it's not always within our power as online contacts to give it- I feel like you did the right thing, though. Best of luck in your further RPing endeavors, my guy. Cheers!

Exactly; I feel he's desperate for an actual IRL love, he cant find one so he puts all of that into a fictional one. It seems that, when his characters were denied, he took it personally as 'he' the player was denied... at some point I recalled he mused about not having confidence/self esteem since he'd been denied often things in life due to financial issues, ethnicity, etc.

It is very tragic. I hope things eventually turn around for him.

But, I feel that at least I'm beginning to look for certain red flags a little clearer than before. Like I mentioned in my post, I myself have had to let quite a few people go because they end up changing a bit as we RP. Sometimes they end up similar to Aaron, other times the person is looking for pure ERP-based play and sleeps around (despite OOC communicating prior that the characters are faithful and lying OOC about it. Lying OOC is a big one I hate.) Or the person suddenly changes their character so much that it seems OOC (also, without communicating on their end--I dont mind character changes or even if someone changes their mind). Communication tends to be paramount for me, but I suppose it would only always happen in a perfect world lmao!