hey, so, this is only my sixth public character on my account, name of Ryuu Takeshi...
if some of the terms or words confuse you, yeah, he's not 100% human, so... be aware of that.
ANYWAY, what do you guys think of Ryuu? I think, for a brand new experimental character he's ok as a rough draft, but I wanna know what you guys think, thoughts or suggestions are appreciated.
if some of the terms or words confuse you, yeah, he's not 100% human, so... be aware of that.
ANYWAY, what do you guys think of Ryuu? I think, for a brand new experimental character he's ok as a rough draft, but I wanna know what you guys think, thoughts or suggestions are appreciated.
Henlo Lycanhoth! I've seen Ryuu's profile and thought to give my two cents on it, if that's alright?
First thing I noticed for Ryuu is some confusion, for me at least, about his general information; "the opposite counterpart to Axel Van Deriz, meaning Ryuu was born to a human woman who, during a lonely night, had a night with her pet Draco, once he grew a bit to handle himself, he was released in the forest.", though focusing mainly on the last part here, on who exactly is being mentioned after "during a lonely night". Is it Ryuu or whoever got the human woman pregnant with Ryuu?
An easy fix for that would probably be to clarify who either by name ( Ryuu or a random name to the father ) or stating 'son' or 'father'- but that's completely up to you of course!
Second thing I found a bit odd was in the Draco-Sapien specific general information where it starts off with saying, "another example of unusual circumstances in the new world,", which is a bit strange since it's the only mention of unusual circumstances in Ryuu's ( or Axel's ) profile.
It's nothing wrong obviously, but just stating "Two unusual and/or rare circumstances found in the New World,", and then continuing with the rest would fit together a bit better! Once again though, it's up to you!
Everything else I want to point out is most likely due to it being a rough draft- so that's all for suggestions from me!
Though I, personally, would like to see more of what that world might be like somewhere; like if there's other breeds, or how society functions as a whole, or how the government/laws have changed, basically just world-building stuff but that's entirely my own curiosity wanting to know more!
( and a side note for Axel; there's next to no story connected to him, though I'm not sure if that was intentional or not- just thought to mention! )
I hope these suggestions/notes help in some way and I hope you take no offence of any of it! Good luck with Ryuu being an experimental character!
Thank you for your time, your consideration, and for reading!
First thing I noticed for Ryuu is some confusion, for me at least, about his general information; "the opposite counterpart to Axel Van Deriz, meaning Ryuu was born to a human woman who, during a lonely night, had a night with her pet Draco, once he grew a bit to handle himself, he was released in the forest.", though focusing mainly on the last part here, on who exactly is being mentioned after "during a lonely night". Is it Ryuu or whoever got the human woman pregnant with Ryuu?
An easy fix for that would probably be to clarify who either by name ( Ryuu or a random name to the father ) or stating 'son' or 'father'- but that's completely up to you of course!
Second thing I found a bit odd was in the Draco-Sapien specific general information where it starts off with saying, "another example of unusual circumstances in the new world,", which is a bit strange since it's the only mention of unusual circumstances in Ryuu's ( or Axel's ) profile.
It's nothing wrong obviously, but just stating "Two unusual and/or rare circumstances found in the New World,", and then continuing with the rest would fit together a bit better! Once again though, it's up to you!
Everything else I want to point out is most likely due to it being a rough draft- so that's all for suggestions from me!
Though I, personally, would like to see more of what that world might be like somewhere; like if there's other breeds, or how society functions as a whole, or how the government/laws have changed, basically just world-building stuff but that's entirely my own curiosity wanting to know more!
( and a side note for Axel; there's next to no story connected to him, though I'm not sure if that was intentional or not- just thought to mention! )
I hope these suggestions/notes help in some way and I hope you take no offence of any of it! Good luck with Ryuu being an experimental character!
Thank you for your time, your consideration, and for reading!
Wait this woman got impregnated by a lizard?
He seems really fun to RP with, great job with him!
10/10
10/10
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