Forums » Smalltalk » AMA: Living with aspergers

Hello, I'll be a living book for y'all this year. I have asperger syndrome, a condition on the spectrum of autism which affects the way I communicate with others, how I perceive the world, and how I behave in my day to day life. So, let's begin with some basics. as per the oxford languages Asperger syndrome is "a developmental disorder related to autism and characterized by higher than average intellectual ability coupled with impaired social skills and restrictive, repetitive patterns of interest and activities." (Oxford languages)

No question (yet) just - ❤

So does Gary Numan, and we share the same condition.

https://www.irishnews.com/arts/2018/02/16/news/gary-numan-having-asperger-s-has-given-me-a-different-view-of-the-world-and-i-d-never-wish-it-away-1254426/

My eldest son has also been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.

Thank you for sharing.

Hello!

What are some things you'd like people to know about having Aspergers?

Well, I suppose the first thing is spoken communication. People with asperger syndrome might speak in a flat monotone voice, I've gotten better at this but sometimes i catch myself putting no inflection on my words so i sound as though i'm reading from a card, which may come across as rude. at times I actually have to think about inflection and tone while I'm speaking. people indicate emotion or intent with inflection and pitch in their words, when that isn't present it can cause problems. I could actually be excited for something but the way I say it makes it seem like I'm not, for example.

Hi! One of my roommates has Aspergers. One of their traits is that they get extremely involved into knowing all about their hobby and are very detail oriented.

My question would be that, if you also share this, do you ever find it difficult or overwhelming to complete what others would consider simple tasks?

I do actually. I feel really uncomfortable making phonecalls for example. I have to talk myself up to do so. Or vacumming. I have to talk myself up for that too

Thanks for sharing! And for what it's worth, many people I know hate making phone calls unless they need to.

of course

Thank you for sharing. I have a few questions.

Do you usually tell people about your condition up front or only if it becomes an issue?

Do you need special accommodations at work like lower lights or less noise?

only if it becomes an issue, otherwise it's none of their business in most cases. As for work. I work from home, but usually I wear some headphones to 0lay music or mufflers to reduce sound so i can work. Lought usually isnt an issue

How do you personally cope and interact with your neighbours, family, and friends? I know it can be overwhelming to talk to people and also difficult to listen to what they say when you're affected by anxiety.
Also, what activities do you restrict yourself to that have may have originated from childhood? And do you consider this behavior as therapy, or is it hindering you?

so i've found that I have a select few people i interact with in a normal fashion. friends and family, My neighbors tend to keep to themselves save for a nice European woman who shares brownies. love that woman she's very kind. otherwise, I kind of, only speak when I need to.

As for activities, I make little dioramas of battle scenes with terrain and warhammer 40k minis. which I now 3d print. its relaxing to make something and take a photo. or painting minis and terrain for example, I've been doing that since I was... 12 or 13. I find it to be a therapy really.

I discovered Warhammer when I was 17. I was fascinated with the Witch elves, then I delved into the Skaven and began to collect a large army that tended to cause more chaos with themselves than the enemy.
Taking your attention away from the world does help. Thank you Thatnerdychick for sharing.

of course, I play a lot of krieg or admech myself

My wife has Aspergers and before we were married I thought she was different from the get go. She was insanely reserved and did not interact whatsoever with anyone. I worked with her then when I met her in 2003 and still work with her to this day.

I wanted to understand more of who she was and why she was the way she was, so I introduced myself and my interests right away. She couldn't believe someone was speaking to her. It took her several times of asking me if I was addressing her and I just laughed and said, "yes!"

I asked if she liked anime, and it was like the flood gates had lifted. She started pouring her interests out all over the place, and I just stood there and listened with rapt attention.

From then on we learned more and more about one another -- me with my severe ADHD, anxiety, PTSD, and major depressive disorder and her with Aspergers. We clicked and were married way on down the line in 2016 long after we discovered our very similar pasts coming from abusive and negligent families.

Overtime I have learned to be her official mediator. I make absolute certain to pick up on her cues which, most of the time, go unnoticed by her, yet I know what to look for. I know when it is time to step in and take over, pull her away from a situation, how to read how social experiences are going for her, and when and where I need to be at any given point and time.

We still currently work the same job and thankfully I have a position of power to be able to continue to monitor her in that environment as well.

I think the best thing ever is the fact that she knows my cues as well. When my depression is in high gear or I am having a particularly overwhelming moment with my anxiety or ADHD or whatever it is, she steps an for me as well. We really compliment each other well.

I think we all benefit from mediating and picking up on cues for people and should never punish ignorance. Explanation goes a long way. When people get confused by her social ineptitudes, I mediate -- I explain to help spread awareness. I want to keep sharing that knowledge with everyone because it is worth it to know just how different and uniquely wired we all are!

Thank-you to Thatnerdychick and everyone who has shared in this thread, it has been very insightful form me. ❤️

Made me tear up. good on you.

I myself struggle with Asperger's.

I am happily however, three years marriage. Having my first kid and currently am holding my first state job ever.

So it is possible to be successful and have this issue. Mostly my issues are online interactions surprisingly LOL. I guess most people aren't used to our word usage? I haven't gotten much therapy for it tbh and atm am not likely to take any due to my incoming child unless my insurance might cover it (post partum and all). I also struggle with Anxiety and ADHD.

I tell everyone I know because I feel like it's helpful for THEM to know that hey. This person struggles with communication. If they know that off the bat, it's less likely to cause future issues down the road on communicating with anyone.

Surprisingly, I rarely have issues with sharing this upfront. Most of my issues stem online from being too excited in chatting and spamming the shit out of someone which comes across apparently, aggressive.

Learning takes time. Just be patient with us you know? Definitely tell us where we went wrong. And knowing that not everyone is perfect is a great way to really interact with people with this issue! Because in reality even people without Asperger's make mistakes. In my honest blunt opinion, we should all be willing to forgive.

Because we all aren't going to be perfect!

Also that's an amazing thing to learn about you Atheist. I'm so glad you are such a supportive person.

My husband certainly isn't as insightful on my cues, but definitely is at least understanding of it and can and will mediate at times.