I've had a few other RPs with people who are not from here and most don't go so well. Recently lost an RP buddy to a fair argument, they claimed my stories were too complex and cerebral. I won't deny that my thought process is chaotic. You'd be swept away by the storm of endless ideas! Anyway, in following much advice posted here in an attempt to to improve writing and characters, perhaps the worlds, stories, and more have grown too complex? I did try to work with the person to work out better scenarios and understand the simplicity they were looking for but in the end they just quite talking...
These are the rough ideas of the world and story they were trying to merge their world and story with. (This is a fandom AU) They were presented to another who also is on RPR sometimes and they did see the complexity but said it was good. The mysteries they could uncover during the RP and exploring would have kept them interested while stripping from it would just diminish the life of the characters. They do have some extra lore and background info that won't be posted here. Other views are welcome though! Is it too complex and if so any suggestions on how to simplify it without destroying it?
Again, if it's too complex, it would be nice to know how and where besides "cerebral". Suggestions on how to make it better would also be greatly appreciated! I know there's still so much to learn. If more info is needed about the lore, I will add respective to the question.
These are the rough ideas of the world and story they were trying to merge their world and story with. (This is a fandom AU) They were presented to another who also is on RPR sometimes and they did see the complexity but said it was good. The mysteries they could uncover during the RP and exploring would have kept them interested while stripping from it would just diminish the life of the characters. They do have some extra lore and background info that won't be posted here. Other views are welcome though! Is it too complex and if so any suggestions on how to simplify it without destroying it?
Very rough overlay of world and story.
Rhith's story rough overview. Based his true Backstory off Orochi and Amaterasu. Dog fighting serpent and both are eventually sealed away. With it, all power is lost in the world except the power gems.
One concept followed an illusion path where all in the world are trapped in an illusion. Rhith is split in three fragments in this illusion as Dark, Light, Neutral, and live their lives until they unify as Naberius. The Illusion is shattered when he eventually fights himself and is shown the truth of what happened to him. In this he creates a weapon to "destroy" himself and end the illusion, since he's the vessel for all their minds. This occurs after fighting a Babylonian who shattered him to begin with.
Real world, he dies as a result of what he did but his Anima has not. (The dream/illusion was kinda like a representation of what he would face in the real world) The Anima is split from this and Chaos shackles one fragment to do her bidding. Naberius has been a pain for ages (Orochi is her champion) and she wants him dead. Many attempts to be rid of him have failed and Amaris and Helios are created to end him. Helios has a good bro who keeps him good. Amaris isn't quite as blessed but endures a chaotic world and is placed between Ukuri(the shackled fragment) and Rhith to make her face truths and illusions of herself and the world.
She's able to restore Naberious again and refuses to kill him when Chaos demands due to the bond built between the two. Chaos is angry and sets new pawns on the board to try again. Avatars. They are used to resurrect Orochi(Helios unintentionally ends up a part of this) who they must face before he puts the entire world under harsh order and rule.
Now, Orochi and Naberius are old foes fighting for Chaos and Phantom, Control and Freedom respectively. Chaos has been hunting Naberius down since he defeated Orochi.
Altair, the Blue Falcon, works with Rhith and Chaos to create the Avatars in an attempt to restore his race to "godhood". The Emeralds are destroyed in Ukuri's chaotic world which allows the Light Avatars to come into being.
Eggman will use these Avatars to wake Orochi again and he dies in doing so. Rhith and Amaris work together to end Orochi again and seal him in the sky as the Hydra constellation.
The other concept was based off the idea they presented. They suggested the illusion never exist and the battle with the Babylonian is where the story starts, splitting Rhith into 3 fragments and 3 differing timelines. Some bond (which I couldn't figure out and they had no ideas for) kept her exploring these 3 timelines to locate, heal, and restore the fragments as Naberius. After restoring him, they would defeat the Babylonian and the story would end.
I used that base(it did help mellow some of the chaos) which also shifted the timeline but I kept Naberius/Rhith being hunted by Chaos and would continue the story to Orochi's end instead of the Babylonian. which they didn't like. To explain why I did that, Helios and Amaris are of Chaos but the question is why would they exist to begin with when Chaos' goal is to be rid of him so chaotic events can rule on the world and a grudge for Orochi's defeat so...what could be another purpose for Amaris and Helios' existence? I couldn't find a good answer for that and they were done offering their input.
Rhith's story rough overview. Based his true Backstory off Orochi and Amaterasu. Dog fighting serpent and both are eventually sealed away. With it, all power is lost in the world except the power gems.
One concept followed an illusion path where all in the world are trapped in an illusion. Rhith is split in three fragments in this illusion as Dark, Light, Neutral, and live their lives until they unify as Naberius. The Illusion is shattered when he eventually fights himself and is shown the truth of what happened to him. In this he creates a weapon to "destroy" himself and end the illusion, since he's the vessel for all their minds. This occurs after fighting a Babylonian who shattered him to begin with.
Real world, he dies as a result of what he did but his Anima has not. (The dream/illusion was kinda like a representation of what he would face in the real world) The Anima is split from this and Chaos shackles one fragment to do her bidding. Naberius has been a pain for ages (Orochi is her champion) and she wants him dead. Many attempts to be rid of him have failed and Amaris and Helios are created to end him. Helios has a good bro who keeps him good. Amaris isn't quite as blessed but endures a chaotic world and is placed between Ukuri(the shackled fragment) and Rhith to make her face truths and illusions of herself and the world.
She's able to restore Naberious again and refuses to kill him when Chaos demands due to the bond built between the two. Chaos is angry and sets new pawns on the board to try again. Avatars. They are used to resurrect Orochi(Helios unintentionally ends up a part of this) who they must face before he puts the entire world under harsh order and rule.
Now, Orochi and Naberius are old foes fighting for Chaos and Phantom, Control and Freedom respectively. Chaos has been hunting Naberius down since he defeated Orochi.
Altair, the Blue Falcon, works with Rhith and Chaos to create the Avatars in an attempt to restore his race to "godhood". The Emeralds are destroyed in Ukuri's chaotic world which allows the Light Avatars to come into being.
Eggman will use these Avatars to wake Orochi again and he dies in doing so. Rhith and Amaris work together to end Orochi again and seal him in the sky as the Hydra constellation.
less relevant concepts for a continuation of the story. Very rough. Can ignore
Jump ahead in time. A hybrid is born and reminds Chaos of how her and Phantom created the world. She backs up for a time to leave the world in peace.
This hybrid is the first besides Rhith to hold the Anima power. His aspect is death. Curse of holding Anima is being rejected by others as "chosen". I have 2 tiktoks to explain that. He must endure this and the challenges will determine if he will become a fearsome death or death to gently guide souls into the after life.
Further concept was power hungry fools later turning to Ichor to try to ressurect Orochi. This is similar to Grima from Fire Emblem
This hybrid is the first besides Rhith to hold the Anima power. His aspect is death. Curse of holding Anima is being rejected by others as "chosen". I have 2 tiktoks to explain that. He must endure this and the challenges will determine if he will become a fearsome death or death to gently guide souls into the after life.
Further concept was power hungry fools later turning to Ichor to try to ressurect Orochi. This is similar to Grima from Fire Emblem
The other concept was based off the idea they presented. They suggested the illusion never exist and the battle with the Babylonian is where the story starts, splitting Rhith into 3 fragments and 3 differing timelines. Some bond (which I couldn't figure out and they had no ideas for) kept her exploring these 3 timelines to locate, heal, and restore the fragments as Naberius. After restoring him, they would defeat the Babylonian and the story would end.
I used that base(it did help mellow some of the chaos) which also shifted the timeline but I kept Naberius/Rhith being hunted by Chaos and would continue the story to Orochi's end instead of the Babylonian. which they didn't like. To explain why I did that, Helios and Amaris are of Chaos but the question is why would they exist to begin with when Chaos' goal is to be rid of him so chaotic events can rule on the world and a grudge for Orochi's defeat so...what could be another purpose for Amaris and Helios' existence? I couldn't find a good answer for that and they were done offering their input.
Again, if it's too complex, it would be nice to know how and where besides "cerebral". Suggestions on how to make it better would also be greatly appreciated! I know there's still so much to learn. If more info is needed about the lore, I will add respective to the question.
As someone who wasn't interested enough to read the whole thing, here's some advice on keeping things simple.
More isn't always better, sometimes it's better to just take a step back and slow things down.
You don't need to dump everything all at once, people might get bored and lose interest, details might be lost in the long passages.
It is not bad, but it can be very dissuasive if the other person didn't intend to read long passages or didn't have the intention to keep track of a bunch of small details.
Sometimes it's better to introduce things slowly and overtime, try to introduce them naturally. Allow people to get use to them and then once they are more interested and invested then you can draw things out more. They'll be more interested in actually reading a few extra paragraphs is they care about what is written. They will also be more likely to keep track of details if they care about them.
Put simply: If you hit someone too hard too quickly they may likely lose interest because they have no investment.
More isn't always better, sometimes it's better to just take a step back and slow things down.
You don't need to dump everything all at once, people might get bored and lose interest, details might be lost in the long passages.
It is not bad, but it can be very dissuasive if the other person didn't intend to read long passages or didn't have the intention to keep track of a bunch of small details.
Sometimes it's better to introduce things slowly and overtime, try to introduce them naturally. Allow people to get use to them and then once they are more interested and invested then you can draw things out more. They'll be more interested in actually reading a few extra paragraphs is they care about what is written. They will also be more likely to keep track of details if they care about them.
Put simply: If you hit someone too hard too quickly they may likely lose interest because they have no investment.
RoundTableKing wrote:
As someone who wasn't interested enough to read the whole thing, here's some advice on keeping things simple.
More isn't always better, sometimes it's better to just take a step back and slow things down.
You don't need to dump everything all at once, people might get bored and lose interest, details might be lost in the long passages.
It is not bad, but it can be very dissuasive if the other person didn't intend to read long passages or didn't have the intention to keep track of a bunch of small details.
Sometimes it's better to introduce things slowly and overtime, try to introduce them naturally. Allow people to get use to them and then once they are more interested and invested then you can draw things out more. They'll be more interested in actually reading a few extra paragraphs is they care about what is written. They will also be more likely to keep track of details if they care about them.
Put simply: If you hit someone too hard too quickly they may likely lose interest because they have no investment.
More isn't always better, sometimes it's better to just take a step back and slow things down.
You don't need to dump everything all at once, people might get bored and lose interest, details might be lost in the long passages.
It is not bad, but it can be very dissuasive if the other person didn't intend to read long passages or didn't have the intention to keep track of a bunch of small details.
Sometimes it's better to introduce things slowly and overtime, try to introduce them naturally. Allow people to get use to them and then once they are more interested and invested then you can draw things out more. They'll be more interested in actually reading a few extra paragraphs is they care about what is written. They will also be more likely to keep track of details if they care about them.
Put simply: If you hit someone too hard too quickly they may likely lose interest because they have no investment.
That was kinda a dump of accumulated time and effort. Did try to introduce things slowly but they didn't like the shorter posts and chewed me out for not giving all the info. So...I gave them the concepts I was working on. (Some were too rough to be shared)
Short Example
Multiple times a strange, impassible barrier was encountered. The Dark Anima even stated he looked through it, touching the forbidden realm, and saw the truth of the world and himself. The Neutral Anima followed later with another comment about how the Dark Anima had more power than he should and wondered what the dark one had found. When both met later on, they had a flashback of the fight which shattered them.
Instead of looking further into the mysteries, the person got annoyed with the clues (rarely got past one set of clues) and canceled the RP to start a new one. This occurred multiple times when all the answers weren't given or they would just kill my characters/destroy the world before anything could be shown. In starting the new RPs they stated I needed to explain what was going on and why. Tried to leave some mysteries until they asked for the whole story.
Posts did get longer as a result...and complexity became more apparentWill keep that advice as I may have become too keen to share info in dealing with them.
Is it a GM and single player kind of set up?
Juls wrote:
Is it a GM and single player kind of set up?
It was more freeform if that's what you mean and their chars came to my world.(I guess GM?) Definitely single player.
LunarValravn wrote:
Instead of looking further into the mysteries, the person got annoyed with the clues (rarely got past one set of clues) and canceled the RP to start a new one. This occurred multiple times when all the answers weren't given or they would just kill my characters/destroy the world before anything could be shown. In starting the new RPs they stated I needed to explain what was going on and why. Tried to leave some mysteries until they asked for the whole story.
Posts did get longer as a result...and complexity became more apparentThis bit makes me think your partner simply doesn't like this style of play, which, even if there is no dice rolling involved, harkens more toward the table-top style approach. I've learned that I don't enjoy being a solo player, even though I enjoy playing table top games as part of a group (and the group problem solving pieces).
Since I don't know the player, no idea if this would help, but ... maaaybe could add some optional dice rolling? Or something like 'Luck' tokens? Something to "spend" or fall back on when the player feels stuck?
LunarValravn wrote:
That was kinda a dump of accumulated time and effort. Did try to introduce things slowly but they didn't like the shorter posts and chewed me out for not giving all the info. So...I gave them the concepts I was working on. (Some were too rough to be shared)
Short Example
Multiple times a strange, impassible barrier was encountered. The Dark Anima even stated he looked through it, touching the forbidden realm, and saw the truth of the world and himself. The Neutral Anima followed later with another comment about how the Dark Anima had more power than he should and wondered what the dark one had found. When both met later on, they had a flashback of the fight which shattered them.
Instead of looking further into the mysteries, the person got annoyed with the clues (rarely got past one set of clues) and canceled the RP to start a new one. This occurred multiple times when all the answers weren't given or they would just kill my characters/destroy the world before anything could be shown. In starting the new RPs they stated I needed to explain what was going on and why. Tried to leave some mysteries until they asked for the whole story.
Posts did get longer as a result...and complexity became more apparentWill keep that advice as I may have become too keen to share info in dealing with them.
Okay at that point I feel like that's more of a compatibility problem.
Sounds like you two are looking for two very different types of roleplays or have different styles.
Sometimes you just gotta drop someone and try another table.
Luck tokens...will have to remember those for the next time.
Sucks having to end something but perhaps you're right. Gives more time to fine tune the world before trying again. Thanks you two for the advice.
Sucks having to end something but perhaps you're right. Gives more time to fine tune the world before trying again. Thanks you two for the advice.
You are on: Forums » RP Discussion » Advice/suggestions on Complexity and Simplicity?
Moderators: Mina, Keke, Cass, Claine, Sanne, Dragonfire, Ilmarinen, Darth_Angelus