Forums » Smalltalk » local roleplayer complains about his boyfriend

so. boyfriend. i love my boyfriend a whole lot! he's really sweet and I'm usually really happy when I'm with him, even after the 7+ months we've been together. The key word here is usually... because sometimes, he gets in these really bad moods. For days at a time. In which he will ignore and avoid me or even be actively rude to me. And it can be blamed entirely on his bad communication skills.

Sometimes he'll tell me that he's okay with something when really it's bothering him a lot. Or maybe he has a problem with something but he just avoids me instead of actually telling me what the issue is. Oftentimes this is caused by a miscommunication.

But it's seriously wearing me out. He's never apologized, except for this last time when he was particularly nasty. Even then I had to ask him to apologize and then explain to him why an apology was needed. But once his "mood" is over he'll just go right back to normal, being chatty and affectionate. It gives me whiplash. I don't want to hold hands or joke around with him after I was treated that way! I give him space when he gets like this, and allow him to keep me in the dark and wonder what the hell I did wrong and feel endlessly guilty every time he's anything short of being at 100%. So I don't understand why he can't do the same for me. If I express these feelings it just upsets him again.

He's great. Fantastic. One of the best partners I've ever had. But, like... is it worth all this? I don't even know.

I just wanted somewhere to complain. It's seriously been weighing on me.

Not to be presumptuous but honey.

What you've described here doesn't sound like just bad communication. It sounds like bad communication used as an excuse to be emotionally abusive.

My personal experience from relationships like this, where you constantly wonder if the "up" parts of the cycle make the down part of the cycle worth it: No, it is not worth it, and I have always regretted not leaving sooner. Ymmv, but please be safe and treat yourself as having the value that you do!

Everyone's already said it but honestly, I have similar experiences with someone who sounds a lot like this. They were a fantastic person otherwise, and are part of the reason I am able to create art as well as I can, but after they exited my life, I realized overtime how toxic they were and how much they took from me.

We deserve friends and partners who respect our emotions and have the common decency to apologize when they hurt us. This is not a high ask for anyone worth your time.

update everyone.

he broke up with me. over text. wow.

You deserve way better anyways, especially since what you described, as everyone else has said, seems more emotionally abusive more than anything else. You’re such a sweet and genuine person, I hope you recover well from this. If you need to talk, I’ll always be here

You may not know it now, but it'll be for the best. 💙 Let yourself grieve and move on.

This ^

I knew my gal was going to eventually kick me to the side when I stopped putting up with her stuff, still hurt when she did and I had weeks of knowing that freight train was coming. Grieving is going to be important, very important. An integral part of healing is to accept you got hurt.

I also find music helps a lot, Alanis Morsette was my jam for like two weeks, Straitjacket was my theme song and still is having gotten rid of that little gaslighter. It will get better, I promise, it is just going to hurt like crazy before it does. Wishing you all of the hugs, pal I hate he broke your heart, but after hearing how he treated you it is relieving to know you ain't stuck in that absolute mess anymore, no one should be.

You should never be with somebody who gets upset with you for expressing your emotions. Him ending things is honestly a blessing in disguise.

Agreed here. It sounds like he needed the last word. Let him have his silly last word. You’re free from his abuse now! No one should ever feel like they have to walk on eggshells around their partner.