Forums » RP Discussion » When OOC Bleeds into IC. Words to the Wise

This is an issue that I don't think people talk about enough. I mean sure there are the really obvious versions of this, like when someone develops feelings for someone based on their roleplay, or if someone gets really pissed off at you because they don't like how you portray your character or the way the story goes.

But I wanted to draw attention to one of the more passive aggressive, honestly kind of pathetic ways this comes up.
You guys ever been roleplaying something and the person you're replying to is mad about something, either they are mad at you, or the way the roleplay is going, and they decide to take it out on you through the roleplay? Like they are using your roleplay as a punishment against you?
At first you just think they're causing some drama, or something, but it becomes pretty obvious, no they are trying to "hurt" you through a play pretend written exchange...

I've dealt with this a few times and it's incredibly childish. Like, obviously, I don't actually have to accept the "punishment" you enact on my oc, they are mine and just because you wrote it, doesn't mean I have to engage with it.

The problem I've noticed though, when talking to some folks was that they would play along and use it to fuel drama in the RP. I know it's tempting to do this, but I told them, "Hey man, they don't see that as just fueling drama, they literally see that as you fighting them back. You are returning the OOC aggression to them IC."

I know that seems silly, but it's true. When people do this, they already have crossed that IC/OOC line, and anything following will be seen as both a slight at them IC and OOC. I was saying the best plan of action when you notice this happen with someone is to not enable, or encourage the behavior, but to actually disengage with the RP entirely, and have an OOC discussion.

"Hey, I noticed that you are really upset, and it seems to be seeping into our game IC. I'm not comfortable with dealing with OOC issues in our roleplay, can we talk this out instead?" And go from there.

I dunno, this is a matter that really ruffles my feathers, because it's both pretty sad and pathetic when someone lacks the communication skills to just talk about what is bothering them, and even more passive aggressive and kind manipulative to use that against someone in an RP. Always remember to ask yourself, is this RP even worth the stress and upset the player puts me through?

Anyway, I just needed to vent about that, and kind of see if other people have dealt with the same kinds of issues. Or if maybe hearing about this makes you more aware that this does happen. I know people sometimes don't even realize they do this kind of stuff until someone else points it out, and then they work on it. If that's you, good on you, always getting better is a blessing.

I've definitely dealt with this before in an old rp long before I came to rpr. My partner got upset over something that escapes recollection though I do know we talked about it and I apologized profusely over it then suddenly our rps started to get very passive aggressive then it kept escalating till a relationship established over at least a year of rp got split up fully spurned on on their end. It was upsetting and confusing. The whole while they would tell me everything was fine but I could just tell they were using the rp to vent frustration at that point. It ended up with me blocking them and walking away because it just got so upsetting.

Yeah, I've dealt with this a number of times, though I think usually on a pretty small scale, fortunately. Like, in some cases the person would even realize what they were doing and apologize for it. Which could be pretty impressive, thinking about it, since in at least some cases, they apologized while still upset over whatever the (usually IC) thing was that upset them in the first place.

But I seem to also pick up a lot of false-positives with stuff like this (probably because of RSD, at least in part). Sometimes, certain ways the other person's character behaves make me wonder how much of it might be coming through from the player, whether that's aggression, discomfort, and apparent disinterest, etc. If the vibe continues, I'll usually try to check in with the person just to be sure, and yeah, usually all is fine. (It does get kinda awkward/uncomfortable if it turns out the person was just auto-assuring or something, though, and actually was feeling any of those things, which I have also run into before.) I'm sure there are plenty cases where I totally miss it, too.

And I'm aware that I'm kinda prone to taking it in the opposite direction, sometimes, especially the less familiar I am with someone. My character's negative actions/reactions might get dulled down, things made more accommodating, even just generally kinda backing off a bit if I have some sense (accurate or not) that the other person might be getting frustrated or uncomfortable or something, or if I'm worried that I might have blundered over some social boundary that went uncommunicated simply because it's just, I guess, such an expected standard. The habit partly comes from a fear of actually just checking in with the person, but I've been working on breaking it instead of letting it interfere with the RP - especially since, again, usually folks tell me that yeah, s'all fine and they're having fun.

Anyway, yeah, checking in with people is good. Communicating is very good. Nerve-wracking sometimes, but extremely valuable.

And for those worried about checking in too often, to where it becomes annoying? The chances of getting there are actually pretty low, and you can actually lower it even further by communicating that that is also a concern you have. People tend to be more understanding of issues when they're made aware of which things are issues, and you might even be able to work out some method of balancing it to suit everyone involved.