Posted by Kim on December 9, 2012, 10:05am
It's RPR's special holiday festival. A Festival of being Excellent To Each Other! Every year, we focus on topics to tune up our friendships and our community, to keep our gaming fun and drama free for the rest of the year.So far this year, we've been discussing ways to approach other people when they're giving you trouble. Today, we're going to talk about approaching yourself when you give YOU trouble.
If you've been in a lot of RP communities and consistently had the same problem in all of them, that might be a clue that there's something about you that needs addressing. It's possible that you've had a run of bad luck, but it's even more likely that you've got some habit that's triggering people's worst selves instead of their highest selves. I know, it sucks to think about, because you rock. And that's not sarcasm. But let's entertain the idea for a minute and face some hard stuff.
Luckily, breaking these patterns is often deceptively simple. Start by getting curious. It's easy to be angry, feel like a victim, or complain about people being petty, but table that for now. You can come back to it later if you feel you need to, promise.
First, find someone you trust, and who has strong ties in your RP community. They'll know what's up.
And then you're going to work some serious magic, and you're going to ask. Observe!
"Hello (person), I'm writing to you because I admire and trust you. And I know I can trust you be honest with me. I keep having this issue wherever I go. I always feel like I'm being (excluded/looked down on/attacked/mocked/your issue here) every time I join a new RP group. It happens so often, I want to do something to make sure it doesn't happen here.
Since you are a good friend of mine, please tell me directly, is there something I could change to get better reactions from people? I promise not to be upset with you!"
Then there's the hard part. You have to make good on your promise not to shoot the messenger! Just keep telling yourself, it takes a real friend who loves you to be honest with you. The social stigmas against honesty are enormous, and it's something that people only do when they trust and adore each other. If your friend says something that's hard to stomach, they are probably demonstrating a very deep level of trust and respect. They're showing you that they think you are strong, smart, and capable of being even more excellent. Even if it stings, that should give you some warm and fuzzy feelings at the same time.