Posted by Kim on December 7, 2013, 3:32pm
I hope you're all having a very merry season of being excellent to one another, and perhaps even seeing the early benefits of tending to your RP friendships. Here's to you!Today I'm going to address a common problem that we hear about here at the RPR. It goes a little something like this: "Since you guys have that be nice rule, I never confronted so and so about how they treated me." Or sometimes it goes, "Since you guys have that be nice rule, I never talked to so and so about how their powergaming drove people out of the thread, because I didn't want them to feel bad."
So let me put it on record, once and for all: That's not what that rule means. Letting people push you around, hurt your feelings or ruin your game aren't what "being nice" is all about, and you're not going to be punished for nicely telling your friends when their behavior is a problem.
After all, we're also the same people who published the anti-drama guide for RPers. We're all about talking it out like reasonable human beings.
Even though it sometimes feels as if we can either be nice by turning the other cheek or be rude by opening our mouths, there is always a polite but firm way to express your thoughts and needs.
There's a difference between picking fights and letting someone know if you're really bothered by something.
Not sure how to tell? Here's some handy guidelines:
- Don't include swear words of any kind.
- Do not name call, accuse or insult them.
- Be honest. Don't embellish. Acknowledge any part that you've had in the problem, as well.
- If at all possible, have the discussion in private to avoid embarassing your friend, or tempting others to "dog pile" on with less well-thought out messages.
- Never, ever write your message while angry. If the process of writing it makes you angry, get up and walk away from the computer for as long as you need to calm down, as many times as you need to.
- Pick your battles. Decide whether something is really important to you or your community. Sometimes, people are just different, and those different customs turn out to be harmless. If you are "that guy" who complains constantly, it will weaken your position when something that really matters comes along.
- If you're not certain whether your message is reasonable or rule-violating, the moderators are a resource! They can help by reading a message before you send it to help you edit it to get the right tone.
If you're worried about being a bother, just imagine how much more of a bother it is when things aren't discussed properly and then later explode! THAT'S much harder and less fun for the mods to help with.
Also remember, most minor issues that occur on the public forums, like posting in the wrong board, should be reported to the moderators so that they can help fix the problem and teach the person about our local customs. Please do refrain from simply responding with mini-modding posts such as "Wrong board."
The moral of the story: You can speak out about someone wronging you or bothering you and still be within the "Be nice!" rule.
HAPPY FOBETEO everyone!
Robert
December 9, 2013
10:49am