Posted by Kim on December 5, 2020, 9:00am
It's Saturday, and I know that this is the day that many of you have set aside time to write kudos for those who enrich your lives on the RP Repository.I also know that some of you will put off writing the kudos to the people that mean the very most to you, because as much as we all love writing, sometimes the most meaningful, most truthful words are the hardest to find.
So, let's talk about how to give a great compliment/kudos!
A lot of kudos get stuck at the “generic positive adjective” stage -- “You are cool! You are awesome! You are great! You are my favorite!” I think this is often because we are so full of positive feelings about our friends, that it's hard to choose just one or two things to focus in on. The task of describing the Awesomeness of our pals can be absolutely overwhelming, and so we short-circuit and simply don't go further. What if they think that the one thing we were able to fit into the kudos is the only thing we like about them, when really they have hundreds of good qualities?
Rather than feeling like our other good parts are being excluded, specific compliments make us feel seen, appreciated and understood as individuals.
But take a deep breath, and let's make the time and space to pick out at least one specific, good quality that you appreciate about your friend.
Be as specific as you can, rather than (purely) hyperbolic. “She is the funniest person in the universe!!!” vs. “Her sense of humor is so witty and pitch-perfect that I am constantly smiling when we type together. It's only been three months, but we already have so many inside jokes together that it feels like we've been friends for years.”
Specific compliments, even small ones, can feel more real and meaningful than grand, over-the-top ones.
To expand on your compliment, now take a moment to consider why you appreciate that chosen quality. How does it make you feel? What does it demonstrate about them as a person? Can you think of any examples you could share? Show them that you see them.
Whenever possible, compliment things that are under the person's control. “He has the bluest eyes,” vs. “He has an incredible sense of color and style, and always looks put together no matter the occasion.” (If you find yourself out in the world complimenting a stranger, this rule about complimenting things that are under their control goes double! “That blouse compliments your skin color so well! Great choice.” is way more likely to go over well than “You look hot today.”)
Still stumped? Here's some writing prompts to get you started
- One of my favorite things about (friend) is how ______ they are. It makes me feel _____.
- He/she/they are _________ at ______________. Every time they do it, I ____________!
- When I see I have a new RP reply from (Friend's name), I ____________ because ___________
- From the moment (Friend's name) first ____________, I knew we were going to be friends, because ___________.
- One of my favorite things about (friend) is ________. For example, ___________.
Go forth and give heartfelt kudos!
Want more hints? Check out Darth_Angelus' guide to writing awesome kudos
Let them know you care
Part of the tradition of reflecting on how thankful we are to the RP partners of the past year is giving the gift of public recognition!
Write your RP Partners a kudos to tell them how much you appreciate their time, their brilliance, the effort that they put into creating story hooks and plot twists and special moments. Tell your friends how much you've seen them improve and that their hard work has not gone unnoticed. Tell those who were there when you were going through a hard time what a difference it made. It doesn't have to take a long time, but it's sure to mean a lot!
Every five kudos you write this week will earn you a special winter candle accolade to display proudly on your profile, available only during FOBETEO.
Remember, to be eligible, a kudos needs to contain a clear "why" explaining what makes your friend so special! Don't just say "He's awesome!", tell the world what makes your friend so awesome. Click here for the complete kudos guidelines.
Next: FOBETEO 2020: Keep the Peace, or Keep the Relationship? »
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Comments
I would love to support your list by giving an example of my compliments! For example, when giving kudos, put down something like this:
"I have to give <Friend> some credit. They did amazing this rp, and helped out with _____. I would never have thought to do that! I think <Friend> would be better at _____ than I personally would! They feel special. If I could, I would RP with them again! They mean so much to me, and I would like to thank them! Please check them out!"
This is probably the best kudo I ever gave to anyone! So far I did it to two people, and they really meant a lot to me! I'd love to thank them, and you for providing these examples!
"I have to give <Friend> some credit. They did amazing this rp, and helped out with _____. I would never have thought to do that! I think <Friend> would be better at _____ than I personally would! They feel special. If I could, I would RP with them again! They mean so much to me, and I would like to thank them! Please check them out!"
This is probably the best kudo I ever gave to anyone! So far I did it to two people, and they really meant a lot to me! I'd love to thank them, and you for providing these examples!
Rinny_Howler
December 5, 2020
9:35am
Thanks for the info Kim!! Have a nice day!
DeathandtheMaidenDecember 5, 2020
10:04am
So I will do it for him.