Posted by Kim on December 7, 2020, 9:00am
It's hard to have solid connections when you're not well. When we're not at our best, we can be snippy, thin-skinned, too-tired to pay attention when it matters, or just plain absent. That can take a real toll on our relationships.I want to acknowledge clearly that sometimes, not being well is utterly inevitable. The health of our own body and mind can be totally outside of our own control. It's okay to not be okay.
In my own life, I know that I have had to learn and re-learn some lessons about self-care that feel like common sense, but sometimes that sense just wanders away and spending time taking care of myself seems like a misuse of time or a bad ranking of priorities. Go to bed now? With these goals unmet? Or when my friends need me? What kind of failure and/or monster would I have to be???
Like so many things in life, caring for ourselves in order to care for others is about balance. Sometimes a night spent awake with a friend who has just lost someone dear to them is the right thing to do, for everyone involved. At other times, you may find yourself tempted to stay up until dawn drawing a picture of your friend's favorite OC to quell your own anxiety about how much they like you. Maybe in this later case, it's time for a hefty dose of self-care instead.
Self care isn't all candles by the tub, bath bombs, smoothies, and green face masks. Maybe sometimes it can be those things, but much more commonly, self-care is pretty mundane.
Real self care involves remembering to take your medication. Forcing yourself to eat the ingredients for a sandwich when you know you need to eat but you don't have the energy to actually assemble that sandwich. It can be dry shampoo when you feel too rushed to take a shower, or summoning up the will to call your doctor when you feel too down to get up off the floor.
If taking care of yourself for the sake of yourself doesn't feel like enough of a reason for you sometimes, it's okay to use whatever reason works: take care of yourself so you can be around for the people you care about. Heck, if you need to take care of yourself out of spite toward your old highschool bullies, that's okay too.
This year especially, the loss of routine and additional stress of a global pandemic has caused a lot of us to really let our self-care slip, to float through our days an unmoored ball of anxiety that occasionally remembers to nibble some deli meat and then eating every gallon of ice cream in the house in the middle of the night.
As we consider taking care of the relationships that matter to us during this Festival of Being Excellent to Each Other, don't forget to consider refocusing on your own care as well. Try to take a step toward creating a sustainable “new normal,” so you can be your best self for yourself - and for your friends.
Resources:
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Comments
Rinny_Howler
December 7, 2020
1:54pm
T-This means a lot. Thank you...
@Sin-fonie I agree entirely that we should always try to care for ourselves, and it's perfectly okay to use any energy you have left over on just yourself still! This is much more aimed at people who feel guilt about caring for themselves even on a basic level when people around them are having trouble. I think we are in agreement that is very possible to overdo being excellent to others! Trying to acknowledge that being excellent to others needs to be done in a healthy balance is why it showed up in FOBETEO 
Self-care to care for others? Sorry, I almost thought this title to be a little bit misleading 
While I do totally understand what you mean and completely agree, I don't think people should care for themselves to be in the right mindset and mood to care for other people so that those feel well. I think people should actually care for themselves so they feel well themselves even if others don't care for them. Maybe not really fitting for the festival of being excellent to each other, but I myself think taking good care of oneself is always needed and important, even if you don't use that newly gained energy to spend it on others.
While I do totally understand what you mean and completely agree, I don't think people should care for themselves to be in the right mindset and mood to care for other people so that those feel well. I think people should actually care for themselves so they feel well themselves even if others don't care for them. Maybe not really fitting for the festival of being excellent to each other, but I myself think taking good care of oneself is always needed and important, even if you don't use that newly gained energy to spend it on others.
This is targeted, I feel accused .-.
Rogue-ScribeDecember 7, 2020
3:19pm
It's too easy to fall into 'bad' routines especially with this pandemic and lockdowns and such. Since things have pretty much opened up here, I'm emerging from the dark cave with hesitant steps as my eyes blink to get used to the light. It was nice to actually go out to dinner with my wife yesterday.
A healthy you is a key ingredient in being excellent to not only each other, but to yourself as well. Stay happy and stay well everyone!