Posted by Kim on December 9, 2020, 9:00am
I've been sharing a lot of musings about maintaining excellent friendships over this past week of FOBETEO, but I know that most of us here are actually quite experienced with excellent online friendships.So, today, I want you to tell ME: What are your best tips for keeping online relationships healthy over the long-term? How do you work through things? Keep the fun alive? Cope with changes in schedules? Compensate for the lack of body language and expression? Keep OOC separate from IC, and just as fun?
I can't wait to hear from you wonderful people what your FOBETEO advice would be. 
I hope you've all had a merry Festival of Being Excellent to Each Other! Remember that today is the last day to earn your candle accolades for kudos.
Comments
I agree that communication is definitely important in... Well, communicating. I just try to be myself, and not offend anyone as much as possible. I do a silly amount of emojis, and I write with weird captions and such some time, and I usually try to correct a mistake if I make one. I also try to balance express communication with less focused and intense conversation? Because sometimes it feels like I'm only in a friendship for the sake of it, and I end up asking people, like, "do you ever feel sort of disconnected from the conversation? Am I being rude?" And they might say "I know just what you mean!" Or "No not really... Are you alright? You seemed fine to me when we were talking" so it's just the anxiety getting to me sometimes. So I think it's important to take breaks, too. Like "I'm going for a sandwich, I'll be back when I can focus on our conversation better!" Or maybe sometimes "Isn't this a beautiful sandwich? It's delicious", so it all depends on how focused we are as a pair, or a group, I suppose. Maybe.
I hope this has come out coherent! Or something! But anyway, that's a bit how I feel about it, I guess. 
I hope this has come out coherent! Or something! But anyway, that's a bit how I feel about it, I guess.
Don't enchanted wardrobes go on sale during the Festival of being excellent to each other? It came and went and I've been watching the store since the start of December and never did see it become available. Is that item going to be available this year?
First of all, I have personally learned that it's best to determine whether or not a connection is worth keeping or not from the very start. This is not meant to be cruel, but I like to make sure I invest time and energy into the right kind of person before doing so. The consideration of this stems from the fact that I have low social energy and that my mental health doesn't allow for me to keep up with everything at all times as is. Choosing who is worth investing in and who isn't helps make sure that I can spend the required and deserved time on those that are worthy of it, and that I won't burn myself out by investing time and energy in people that will end up stabbing me in the back. I therefor tend to re-evaluate friendships often if I feel unsure about them at any point.
Once I have the established connection with someone, I do my best to stay in touch even though I don't always manage to. It is never personal, but I do realize that it's often taken that way and when it is then I sincerely apologize for it and will try to do better in the future. I prefer and deeply value the kind of connections where I haven't spoken to someone for a month and talking still goes just as smooth as it did a month before. The kind where you get to pick up where you left off, those are the best. That said, I do genuinely value every friendship I have started and maintained even if we can't just "pick up where we left off".
Long distance is hard, but in this day and age there's many ways to make that easier. What helps for me is voice calls, video calls, small roleplay in ooc chat such as simply *Gives you the tightest of hugs*... It makes a lot of difference. Using gifs to express yourself helps too, and sharing music to make you feel like you do have a stronger bond.
Generally, I feel like the most important thing is communication. Open communication will go a long way in working through rough patches, regardless how rough the patch may be. There are a few things I will not compromise on though, and I am rather unapologetic about ending friendships over those things. Luckily, I think most of the people I care about in life feel the same way about those topics.
Once I have the established connection with someone, I do my best to stay in touch even though I don't always manage to. It is never personal, but I do realize that it's often taken that way and when it is then I sincerely apologize for it and will try to do better in the future. I prefer and deeply value the kind of connections where I haven't spoken to someone for a month and talking still goes just as smooth as it did a month before. The kind where you get to pick up where you left off, those are the best. That said, I do genuinely value every friendship I have started and maintained even if we can't just "pick up where we left off".
Long distance is hard, but in this day and age there's many ways to make that easier. What helps for me is voice calls, video calls, small roleplay in ooc chat such as simply *Gives you the tightest of hugs*... It makes a lot of difference. Using gifs to express yourself helps too, and sharing music to make you feel like you do have a stronger bond.
Generally, I feel like the most important thing is communication. Open communication will go a long way in working through rough patches, regardless how rough the patch may be. There are a few things I will not compromise on though, and I am rather unapologetic about ending friendships over those things. Luckily, I think most of the people I care about in life feel the same way about those topics.
I've yet to RP here, but based on past experience and online friendships in general, here is my biggest advice: share interests and hobbies that have nothing to do with RP!
Having conversations that don't always revolve around RP will:
- Tell your friend you value them as a person, not just for RP;
- Help you get to know each other better (sense of humour, type of stories you like, etc.);
- Give you the chance to cheer each other up with your favourite things (I find it weirdly touching when someone sends me a meme of something I like with zero context);
- Relieve the stress that comes with being stuck with the next reply, or even wanting to end an RP; and
- Land you with unexpected sources of inspiration!
Having conversations that don't always revolve around RP will:
- Tell your friend you value them as a person, not just for RP;
- Help you get to know each other better (sense of humour, type of stories you like, etc.);
- Give you the chance to cheer each other up with your favourite things (I find it weirdly touching when someone sends me a meme of something I like with zero context);
- Relieve the stress that comes with being stuck with the next reply, or even wanting to end an RP; and
- Land you with unexpected sources of inspiration!
I have become the master of expressing tone via emojis, so the point that it's scary. But it's important, as tone is so difficult to tell for people in text. There's tone indicators like /s (sarcasm) /srs (serious) /f (fake) /j (joking) and /p (platonic) /si (sexual intent). While I do use those sometimes, I'm more likely to personally use emojis, and it works pretty well with my friends and people who know me. I usually only have to use the /indicators with strangers or people I don't know well.
Either way it's important to avoid misunderstandings and upsetting people on accident as much as we can.
Either way it's important to avoid misunderstandings and upsetting people on accident as much as we can.
Well this can be a really long discussion however the most important thing in human socializations is not to be judgmental... Strong friendships are like a tree the more a tree grows the deeper its roots go...
Being patient and willing to listen to others is another capital feature for making friends...
Being able to emphasize and sympathize unequivocally will lead you to a stately friendship.
Being patient and willing to listen to others is another capital feature for making friends...
Being able to emphasize and sympathize unequivocally will lead you to a stately friendship.
A few things I have learned over my years of RP online is to respect your writing partners headspace. It isn't because they are online that they will be replying to your RP post. They may want to chat OOC, joke around, just post silly things on twitter or on forum games. They might not even want to talk but listen to music or look for pictures. It can just be a change they need to relax and not feel that RP is their second or third job.
Definitely check in with a friend's mental health, but sometimes they might not want to be reminded or feel they are burdening you with their health. Just simply be there, hopefully they will talk and open up on their own.
Definitely check in with a friend's mental health, but sometimes they might not want to be reminded or feel they are burdening you with their health. Just simply be there, hopefully they will talk and open up on their own.
I believe that communication on OOC level is more important than IC. In fact at some point IC stuff doesn't matter at all as you get to know person more. I met many great people years ago on different websites and I still managed to keep our friendship strong. All because communication and understanding that behind the screen is another person. Sharing similar interests, spending time together in an OOC environment. For example, watching movies for example also helps a lot. And let's not forget taking care of each others mental health.
I place card face down in defense position, and end my turn.
I place card face down in defense position, and end my turn.
Communication, honesty, patience, and open-mindedness. Always know that the other person has a life outside on the Internet and has to do things from time to time. Also, check in on them every so often. It never hurts to check a friend's mental health.
Kim
December 15, 2020
3:22pm
At some point they got moved out of FOBETEO because I didn't want to publish so many ads along with the FOBETEO essays.