Posted by Kim on December 8, 2013, 10:46pm
By popular request, let's talk about how to leave a RP the right way this FOBETEO season.Often, a RP that's going off the rails can be corrected by just having an honest talk with your friends to help them understand what your frustrations are before you call it quits. But then again, there are times when you just need out. Maybe you've gotten too busy to play reliably, or maybe you're just not feeling like you want to inhabit that particular character's brainspace anymore, but one thing is for sure: You're not going to be playing in that particular thread anymore.
I spent a lot of time pondering this question. To me, it's not much different than any other situation in life where you need to set a boundary or let someone down gently -- the only way forward is to be honest, direct, and unfailingly polite.
Anxiety about how the other person will react frequently causes us to hem and haw. For example, if you just don't feel that your styles mesh with someone else, it's tempting to try and spare their feelings by instead telling them a tale of how you're much too busy to game this month. But how much of their feelings will you have saved when they see you RPing in another thread? They will easily surmise that they were lied to, and now you have two problems, when you could have had one or zero if the situation were properly handled.
Another popular "out" is to say nothing at all, and vanish, even to the point of deleting characters out of the blue. But not only does this rarely work and complicate your life substantially as you now have to pretend to be non-existent to one or more people while still carrying on with your RP life, it can badly tarnish your reputation as someone that is good to game with.
The true trick here is the courage to be honest, and constantly reminding yourself that you can only control your actions; if you did the noble thing and your RP partner couldn't handle it, it wasn't your fault. If, on the other hand, you don't communicate clearly and your RP partner is confused to the point of insanity and passive aggressive bids for attention because they don't know where you went or that you're done with that game, you're left holding much more of the responsibility for those hurt feelings than if you'd (politely) come clean.
That's my advice for how to call off a RP -- what's yours?
Comments
I too agree with everything that has been said here. Too often I find that an RP vanishes into thin air, which makes my former RP partners assume I hold a grudge against them for doing so, which I don't I should add.
Honestly I never blame anyone when they lose interest in an RP. It happens to the best of us, but I'd prefer if we could just talk over what went wrong. Usually when that happens we both find the RP to be salvagable, and so we can continue like nothing happened and both enjoy it!
All I can really do is hope that people will be more willing to discuss the faults and errors that might have happened in an RP that made one of us lose interest, so we have a clear view on what happened instead of running away never to be heard.
Honestly I never blame anyone when they lose interest in an RP. It happens to the best of us, but I'd prefer if we could just talk over what went wrong. Usually when that happens we both find the RP to be salvagable, and so we can continue like nothing happened and both enjoy it!
All I can really do is hope that people will be more willing to discuss the faults and errors that might have happened in an RP that made one of us lose interest, so we have a clear view on what happened instead of running away never to be heard.
I agree with everything you said, Kim. 
Due to the nature of how forgetful I can be with my roleplays, my absence usually doesn't indicate I abandoned the RP; it just means it slipped my mind, and haven't been reminded by anything to check in again. Over time this means the RP vanished into nothingness.
Players who feel 'ditched' or think they roleplay ended could help things along as well though - it doesn't always have to come from the player who (wants to) quit(s). If you have an RP partner who vanished on you, instead of freaking our or sending annoyed/demanding messages about where they are and what's going on, you could try an open and super calm approach. Perhaps something like this?
There is no accusation in this message, no demand, just a friendly and understanding request for closure or perhaps a continuation of the RP. I've never had a single bad response to a message like this, so I think it works well!
Due to the nature of how forgetful I can be with my roleplays, my absence usually doesn't indicate I abandoned the RP; it just means it slipped my mind, and haven't been reminded by anything to check in again. Over time this means the RP vanished into nothingness.
Players who feel 'ditched' or think they roleplay ended could help things along as well though - it doesn't always have to come from the player who (wants to) quit(s). If you have an RP partner who vanished on you, instead of freaking our or sending annoyed/demanding messages about where they are and what's going on, you could try an open and super calm approach. Perhaps something like this?
Quote:
Hey X, You've probably been busy and forgot about it, but we had a roleplay going called (title or link here)! I had a ton of fun with it so far, but if you want or need to stop it for whatever reason, that's totally fine with me. I understand it doesn't always work out or life gets too busy! Can you let me know what you want to do with the RP when you have a moment? Thanks!
Thanks!There is no accusation in this message, no demand, just a friendly and understanding request for closure or perhaps a continuation of the RP. I've never had a single bad response to a message like this, so I think it works well!
@Contingency - I think that's a great point. People usually DO know when something is up and they are being lied to, even if it's a "white lie" such as "Everything is fine." That discrepancy between what they're being told and what they perceive as reality can be crazy making and erode trust in a huge hurry!
@virusghost18 - I've had that same experience, from both sides, of both discovering we agree that something isn't working but not knowing how to say it! It's such a relief to just talk about it.
@virusghost18 - I've had that same experience, from both sides, of both discovering we agree that something isn't working but not knowing how to say it! It's such a relief to just talk about it.
The saying "honesty is the best policy" is very true. Personally, I prefer it when people come to me directly and want to discuss things. Often times than not I have the same feelings as they do about the RP but just like them I'm just as nervous about cutting things off and risking hurting their feelings. Neither one of us in that instance would ever know if the other is as invested in the RP as the other. With honesty, kindness and being polite about things all the issues can be quickly resolved!!!
Weekly-Layout
December 9, 2013
12:01am
I definitely support the honest approach. It may be hard for someone else to hear how you feel, and it may not go as well as you'd like it to; but the important thing is to keep your integrity as a player. It will do you no good to alienate the person in question by avoiding them. Trust me, they will know right away something is up. That may lead to them feeling insecure as a player, or wondering what it is they are doing wrong, etc.; when it may not be anything serious at all (such as you don't have the time). However, if it is in fact a difference in playstyles or skill that is bothering you, politely telling them the truth gives them a chance to reassess their methods (if there is just a lack of grammar, and so on) and to gain closure for why, instead of wondering without a clue. The most important thing is that you never come off as condescending, or provide anything but constructive criticism. Be as polite as you can manage, bite the bullet, and let the person know. It's only fair.
Weekly-LayoutDecember 16, 2013
9:05pm