Posted by Kim on December 3, 2020, 9:00am
We've made it all the way to the Festival of Being Excellent to Each Other (FOBETEO)! This is a time of year that we set aside to reflect on all the relationships in our lives, what they mean to us, and consider how we can improve and nurture those relationships throughout the rest of the year. All relationships benefit from this, but perhaps especially online friendships require deliberate periodic check-ins to maintain them, to help restore some of the missing context of body language and expression that inform our in-person relationships.This year is unlike any other that I've had to write a FOBETEO reflection for. Bizarrely, many of us have seen our in-person relationships beyond a small bubble transform into online relationships. Many of us have seen a sharp reduction in our support networks, either through isolation -- or even through a sharp rise in the number of deaths.
Some of us have been able to take these interesting times in stride, partially insulated through financial circumstance and/or introversion. Others of us have suffered acutely, often while trying to pretend to be okay so as to not overburden those who are still in our lives with our own troubles when they have plenty of their own.
Check on each other. Today, reach out to not just those who you know have been struggling, but also those who have kept the bravest face on. Ask them how they are doing - really doing - and listen to what they have to say.
You don't need to try to fix. Just give the gift of listening. Let them know you hear and you sympathize. Let them know what it means to you to have them in your life.
If you're anything like me, you've also experienced a counter-intuitive effect that the endless days at home have taken away any accurate sense of time passing, and despite supposedly having more time to chat, somehow doing much less of it anyway. Or perhaps for you it's not being stuck at home - it's being forced to go out, and the worry about whether you or someone you love will get sick.
I give you permission to forgive yourself for dropping relationship balls this year, and offer this script to help you start picking them up again:
"I'm sorry I haven't reached out in awhile. I've felt a bit disconnected from reality and didn't realize how much time has passed since we last talked. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate our friendship and I'd love to find a time we can talk soon."
Alter as you need to, and go forth and reconnect -- I admit freely that I've had to use some variation of this confession many times myself in the last couple of months.
Let them know you care
Part of the tradition of reflecting on how thankful we are to the RP partners of the past year is giving the gift of public recognition!
Write your RP Partners a kudos to tell them how much you appreciate their time, their brilliance, the effort that they put into creating story hooks and plot twists and special moments. Tell your friends how much you've seen them improve and that their hard work has not gone unnoticed. Tell those who were there when you were going through a hard time what a difference it made. It doesn't have to take a long time, but it's sure to mean a lot!
Every five kudos you write this week will earn you a special winter candle accolade to display proudly on your profile, available only during FOBETEO.
Remember, to be eligible, a kudos needs to contain a clear "why" explaining what makes your friend so special! Don't just say "He's awesome!", tell the world what makes your friend so awesome. Click here for the complete kudos guidelines.
Comments
can you still get candles even if you send kudos anonymously?
This is amazing, @Kim !! It gives anyone the opportunity to show gratitude towards those that we love and care about-- especially through these troubled times! Love it!🤩💙
@ Kim
Thanks for the reply.
Thanks for the reply.
@Vozhad Do it as you normally would with kudos, through their user or character profiles. 
We write it here by mentioning their names or we do it as usual on their profiles?
*stretches fingers* Time to show my friends how much I care for them!
pixl.Bee
December 3, 2020
10:22am
ah, it is now time to rain Kudos down upon the unsuspecting heads of everyone I've ever met... 
I'M SO EXCITED
Kim
December 4, 2020
1:19pm