Hello.
I wouldn't normally post here because groups are more of a private thing. However, because I’m a member of it and it’s a discussion partially about moderators… I think in this circumstance it's important that I toss in my ‘two cents.’
Let me first say that there's empathy for those who are struggling and use RPR as an outlet to express those feelings. Mental health is a very common occurring topic for us and we always want site users to be aware that we're here and that we care. It’s incredible that the community has become a safe place where site-users feel comfortable enough to talk about their thoughts and feelings. It’s a privilege to be considered trustworthy enough where people can feel brave enough to admit to what’s happening in their lives, what challenges they’re going through and otherwise – but it’s not that simple. What you don’t see is what happens
beyond the public eye.
I’ll explain my personal approach with these issues:
First - ensuring the protection of others potentially involved or exposed to the behavior (I.e. suicidal posts, threads, discussion about medications and their symptoms, etc). This protection can come in the form of a polite nudge to someone who is opening up a topic of discussion that might not be fitting to the general public through a polite reminder of our age rating (13-ish). It can also come in the form of outright deleting the post. Understandably, this can cause some negative reactions of feeling like they’re not cared about.
Immediately, the individual is contacted via PM and informed that they’ve been heard. They’re reassured that this isn’t a form of censorship, but an attempt to protect others (one of the main points of normalizing mental health is about discussing it… but I’ll get more into that later in my post.) In most cases, I like to demonstrate that empathy by relaying what they’ve written to them and branching-out a conversation and option to discuss it more in detail.
This could look something like:
“Hey UserName, I’ve noticed you wrote about suicide today. Please know, we care about you. I am so sorry to hear you are facing these challenges – but we must make sure young kids don’t see this information where its accessible on public areas of the site. So I had to delete your post. Please know that this isn’t me trying to make you feel like you’re thoughts aren’t important or that you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t! Would you like to talk with me about how you’re feeling? I’d really like to make sure you’re okay.”
On a personal level, I am a trained professional in my real life who is capable of handling things like this. Not everyone is – and it’s unfair to expect site users to be able to handle these situations. Including other moderators. If something goes ‘wrong’ with someone who is not experienced, could you imagine how they’d feel? That is also why it's unlikely that site users will be recommended for this group. Don't get me wrong, it's
fantastic and upon finding-out about it, I had to join for myself.
But here’s the challenging portion of showing empathy and letting someone know they’ve been heard – RPR is a roleplay community without a 24/7 crisis helpline. The communication tool we use is mainly through forum posts – text. They can not hear my voice and I can not hear theirs. While I do not mind speaking one-on-one back and forth with someone through this means of communication, it’s not the most reliable tool. Thus, It’s important to set-up an alternative line of communication with this individual. Depending on how severe it could be. Therefore, I tend to recommend some helplines, resources in their direct area (if they're comfortable discussing their location with me), or speaking to a trusted friend or family member if I am unavailable or unable to respond quickly enough to help them. A ‘safe’ course of action should their situation become worse.
Unfortunately, RPR simply doesn’t have the right tools or resources to help users on an in-depth level. Yes, we can explain we care and demonstrate empathy, yes we can offer to communicate and let them discuss their issues as opposed to ‘brushing them off.’ This isn’t the goal. The goal is to offer that demonstration of care – and move to a better, more equipped resource with trained professionals who can help.
The next ‘tricky’ part – is repeated behavior. Sometimes, despite no matter how many times you offer resources, talk one-on-one, listen to the person and do absolutely everything you can… some people do not want to help themselves or actually
want the help and are using it for attention. (For arguments sake, you never know how 'serious' someone is with attention seeking. It is an old way of thinking to not give the attention someone is craving in this context. The correct response is to
help, within reason.)
I’m writing this after my bedtime and so this post may not be very clear – but I hope it brings some perspective so there’s some understanding. In an ideal world, yes – RPR moderators could help everyone and have all the brilliant resources and be well-equipped to help site users. But it’s just not possible. I’m not saying that it ‘should’ be this way – it just is. Just like every system or organization or group out there, it’s not perfect. We try our best.
Please let me know if you guys have any other questions.