Sessions Worlds and Stuff

*LMS was sitting in the back corner of 'Av's' Dinner. hmmph. only started the place up so he could watch everyone... but, you would agree, communication is important... you just wish Av didn't promote communication in such an environment as one where he was the one considered to own the place... So many issues with Av... and, just so many issues in general... you were tired... and Av makes it hard to get any good feelings of rest... maybe you needed some one to talk to about everything... someone that Av wouldn't be able to claim any hold on, else he'd run the risk of overstepping his bounds in a way that could not ever be ignored... maybe... ... the muse Av liked to talk about... she had a friend who was a lord, right? A lord of hope... failed though... still, maybe you could just, talk... Talk to someone other than Av about the mess your life was forced to be* *you keep an eye on the 'entrance'. If they were to come, then they'd show up right over there...*

*LMS feels a strange sense of relief upon seeing them* "yes. thankyou... but, we should get into a private booth first. I'd prefer to talk without Av being so obvious about listening in." *LMS goes to lead the way into a back room, the door blocked off with a dark blue curtain* "I... Can't tell you how much I need someone to talk to about everything. Someone who won't tween and joke and mock and... Someone other than Av..."

"its. its hard to figure where or how to even begin. or if i even should... part of me hates that Av's joked at me about how i'd need to talk with someone eventually..." *sighing heavily, the seemingly perfectly ordinary human with an unsettling shadow sits down* "I hope I can talk to you about things without instantly having to bring up stuff in the past..."

"well, I guess i'll just start with what the biggest issue is... If I try to do anything that 'reality' considers unfitting, then It hits back hard, and I end up right where I started anyway... Also, beyond that, Av's managed to stick me with needing to have to do his dirty work. Av goes to do something, and he does it with the total expectation that I follow through and help him. If I don't, then that usually means that I'm letting someone down big time. someone who doesn't deserve to suffer because I wanted to spite Av... He's got me worked good... Either I do it, or he does it in such a way that it makes things ten times more complicated for whoever he's 'helping'... Can't stop, but it can't just continue either..."

"Would this friend be the Muse? If so, we've got something in common. we've both had our hearts broken apart... except in my case it was far more literal. being brought down to a tenth of a gram, and needing to collect the dead remains of the rest of your soul scattered across a tower full of shadows is probably much more for a soul to go through than just playing the game and having a family member die. ... but. I'm trying not to judge, or assume that my issues were worse. I've learned that much, even if I still can't think of anyone who's had it worse than me."

... I guess that makes sense... Though I wouldn't wish my life on anyone, even if they could handle it better... I just want to be able to do things, and try things without Av breathing down my neck about, 'this better be used to start a new beginning somewhere', or 'see, I told you you'd do things like this eventually.'. He's always right despite being so wrong. Its... mmhh... Av's a jerk. I just want to be free of him.

"well, then that'd explain why Av's my eternal punishment... I'll try and start closer to the start of it all..." ... "so, First version of me, went through the game on his own, and went on to discover how to create 'tools' capable of bringing a true, final end to different realities... It was supposed to be used to help simplify reality, give everything their clear starts, and ends, so that the mess of total self-causative timeline stuff could stop forcing tragedy to manifest around those with both extreme control over the flow and creation of time anomalies, and every case could be a closed case... however, just 1 time, the device got set off early by those within the reality, and Av's 'parents' sacrificed their lives to stop it... his mom would have been a Muse of Light, but they were totally and absolutely stripped from any possible form in a reality within this realm... not even Av can bring them back with how Law declares them gone... So, taking a step forward, Av... he went through some kind of crap I'm not sure on the exacts about, and came out of it a Lord of Void... then, he shows up and finds me, this me, before I ever entered the game... I go through the game, and he makes me team up with him to totally eradicate the version of me that had created the 'tool' made to end realities..." *he stops to get some breath. that was a bit of a story*

"yes. it is. thats why I'm telling you about it."
"He's got this idea of 'reforming' me. to make the person who had thought to permit true endings to exist to do the exact opposite and make it so that every ending is always the start of something else... I'm actually helping him with a special project right now. I hope that the end of it is the end of his forcing himself upon me... We're trying to create a space 'tree', as opposed to a space frog. its... got a little bit of what we both want in it... He gets a totally different reality that follows new rules, thus letting him see his parents again, and I, get to see a reality where the fruit grows ripe, falls down, and eventually rots away in an independent cycle. My only fear is that Av is going to do something that will negate my hopes to let those who live independently do so, and open them all wide to being able to be altered by those who can do so."

*grits his teeth slightly, before relaxing* "I was afraid you might agree with him somewhat, but it is a relief that you think he's dangerous... And the other me didn't cause that disaster. it was some other being, some 'ant', who played with something they shouldn't have, and they set the device off early... you ever see a universe thats entered thermodynamic chill? or a reality that has had the possibility of life torn from it by some terrible power? thats what the devices were made to close the book on. not on worlds that still possessed any sign of life. doom was only supposed to come after life had nothing left to give to a universe. is that bad? to wish to help put to rest what was dead? because thats all the other me ever wanted. and he was punished for the actions of another, just like how I was punished for the actions that were considered to be his. and I would much rather leave the 'ants' alone, rather than either stomp on them, or put honey out for them. I've seen what Av has done to this kid in a session involving another lord. Av gave them all kinds of unknown support, and then all at once, he just stopped. whats an 'ant' to do when the only food they've ever understood is taken?"

"thankyou. I'm glad you were able to come up with the right words for that. that helps so much."
"but, I'm also not forgetting that Av's thing is Void. he could help without helping, already in a future he doesn't inhabit..." *shakes his head*
"I don't want to talk about Av."
"I just want to find a way to just, get some real feeling of rest, not needing to think about what Av has planed out for me, knowing that i'll do it to minimize his impact and help someone. I might want to not interfere with the 'ants', but I'm not one to watch someone else tip-toe around them, getting way to close for comfort."

... "yes... One person should not have so much active power on others. I don't want to let these 'stories' be 'edited' by Av unchecked. he needs a censor to prevent his worst from being let out for public viewing... Even if leaving him unchecked would be the fastest way for him to take the route down the, 'over-active lord' path, history has proven with both that dream bubble popping monster, and... with my other self, that lords can cause extreme amounts of irreversible harm before reality cuts them down to size using the very actions they are supposedly responsible for. I guess in lieu of a muse inspiring Av into less active measures, I'm here now to take total control over keeping him in check... it sucks... Times like these when you think about exactly how powerful Muses really are even in comparison to a Lord."

"well its not been much of a plan so far, since it mostly involves needing to react to what Av does. And short of forcing something, such as finding a new Muse or something for him, I'm having a very hard time coming up with another plan... ... maybe... hmm. Maybe the problem is that i've been trying to keep him in check all by myself... Av knows me, my weaknesses, triggers, limits... ... I. ... I don't want to say it. not directly at least.

*deepest sigh* yes... I'll admit it. I can't get what I think is right done alone... And the moment I try and get someone's help, it will no longer be trying to do what I think is right, but trying to do what me and they think is right... but, I think I'm realizing I'll have to accept that, no matter how much life has hammered self-sufficiency into me... I'd just like to take a moment to thank you for talking with me... its brought up some old hurts, and some raw hurts, but its been helping...

"going to be tough finding a properly united group... but I hope that maybe your Muse would eventually be willing to lend some aid..." *he briefly smirks* "groups do better huh... guess that explains what the last guy started doing back 'home' once I 'left'..." *he sounds a bit... less upset. thats good*

"well, I was willing to seek a more direct audience with you, being a fellow 'boot', but i'm not going to force anything with the Muse. Av has left the option open to her, and if she chooses to pop into my office, then i'll talk with her then."

"Yes, and there are a few things there. most namely a certain subsystem that is trying to learn how to re-create the conditions about Ribbon's soul so he can do that to try and protect Onponn as best it can. we've had to start, VERY simple in the work of heart science."

"What? No. That's Av just saying I'd do it if she asked. I know that I wouldn't trust Av to set things right without any sick twists like her mother becoming her child, and she becoming her mother's sprite." "No no, it's only an option to ask."

I'm guessing Av would put her fears to rest in time. If anything, I bet he wants her to talk to me more than I'd want to.

Yep... ... Thankyou for having had this talk with me. I feel like i'm understanding myself alot better now. And that can only be good. Not knowing myself only leaves a space void of acceptance in me that Av would be more than happy to take advantage of."

... "I guess we're done here. If you want to leave, Av's got the door."