There were no words for wh Addie felt when she saw the rescue team. She managed a weak smile, then quite suddenly , she was out like a light, overwhelmed with exhaustion, and pain.
She didn't remember them getting to the transport pod, or them binding her legs to keep the mangled one secure. It was probably for the best, as the pain would have been excruciating.
Finally, she came to, blinking groggily up at the ceiling. She was..moving. on a stretcher. For a moment, she panicked, which grew as she realized there was a mask over her face. Someone grabbed her arm, trying to calm her down. Blinking several times x she realized she knew that person.
Austin. It was Austin. He was alive. They were..somewhere with other people, because the noise was suddenly incredibly loud, people talking, even laughter.
She didn't remember them getting to the transport pod, or them binding her legs to keep the mangled one secure. It was probably for the best, as the pain would have been excruciating.
Finally, she came to, blinking groggily up at the ceiling. She was..moving. on a stretcher. For a moment, she panicked, which grew as she realized there was a mask over her face. Someone grabbed her arm, trying to calm her down. Blinking several times x she realized she knew that person.
Austin. It was Austin. He was alive. They were..somewhere with other people, because the noise was suddenly incredibly loud, people talking, even laughter.
Thankfully they had brought him an extra suit. After putting it on, he grabbed Addie and kept her on his back as they fought through the remaining Infected.
On the pod, they had to deactivate Addie's armor to bind her leg. Thank God she was unconscious. Austin was able to bandage the cuts he had sustained too, which was nice.
There was a secondary SET HQ that hadn't been overrun. They kept it closer to the SET base on Mars.
The transporter pod that intercepted their calls for help was the last one from Earth. Any later and Austin's plan would have gone ignored.
They had laid Addie out onto a stretcher and were taking her towards the medical bay when she woke up. Austin squeezed her arm and smiled.
Finally. He made an effort to walk on his own despite the growing numbness in his legs. Just ignore it for now.
They were brought into a room that looked like one in a hospital. Addie was moved from the stretcher to the bed, and Austin just sat down next to her. "Hey."
On the pod, they had to deactivate Addie's armor to bind her leg. Thank God she was unconscious. Austin was able to bandage the cuts he had sustained too, which was nice.
There was a secondary SET HQ that hadn't been overrun. They kept it closer to the SET base on Mars.
The transporter pod that intercepted their calls for help was the last one from Earth. Any later and Austin's plan would have gone ignored.
They had laid Addie out onto a stretcher and were taking her towards the medical bay when she woke up. Austin squeezed her arm and smiled.
Finally. He made an effort to walk on his own despite the growing numbness in his legs. Just ignore it for now.
They were brought into a room that looked like one in a hospital. Addie was moved from the stretcher to the bed, and Austin just sat down next to her. "Hey."
Addie had had enough of the oxygen mask, so she pulled it away from her face, taking a deep, though pained, breath. Hearing his voice, she glanced over at him, and just stared for a moment. Was she dreaming?
No. It was definitely real. They were really safe. The pain was definitely real toox though, and she grimaced. Hopefully it wouldn't be long before she had some medication in her system.
"Hey.." She quietly replied, head pressing back into the pillow. She didn't know what to say. "..guess you're really stuck buying me coffee after all.."
No. It was definitely real. They were really safe. The pain was definitely real toox though, and she grimaced. Hopefully it wouldn't be long before she had some medication in her system.
"Hey.." She quietly replied, head pressing back into the pillow. She didn't know what to say. "..guess you're really stuck buying me coffee after all.."
Austin chuckled.
"I was about to ask you if you wanted some. It would be the first cup of coffee I've had in a while." He noticed her wince and added, concernedly, "How're you feeling?"
A cup of coffee sounded great right about now, but Austin knew he'd eventually have to leave Addie alone for a bit to get his own problems sorted out. He also needed to debrief and find his team.
For now, he just wanted to help her relax. That much stress and trauma would've broken some of the military guys he knew. She was probably dealing with worse stuff than he was.
"I was about to ask you if you wanted some. It would be the first cup of coffee I've had in a while." He noticed her wince and added, concernedly, "How're you feeling?"
A cup of coffee sounded great right about now, but Austin knew he'd eventually have to leave Addie alone for a bit to get his own problems sorted out. He also needed to debrief and find his team.
For now, he just wanted to help her relax. That much stress and trauma would've broken some of the military guys he knew. She was probably dealing with worse stuff than he was.
Addie was about to answer when suddenly, comprehension dawned on her face. She flinched.
"Austin, what the hell are you doing? Go get yourself checked out. I'm not going anywhere." She scowled slightly, pointing at the door. "I'll live. You, on the other hand, look like you're about to drop dead. Do not make me get out of this bed and drag you again." She probably would have continued ranting if the pain hadn't risen.
Finally, a nurse came in to get her hooked up to some pain medication, but Addie swatted her hand away and pointed to Austin. "He really needs to be checked out."
"Austin, what the hell are you doing? Go get yourself checked out. I'm not going anywhere." She scowled slightly, pointing at the door. "I'll live. You, on the other hand, look like you're about to drop dead. Do not make me get out of this bed and drag you again." She probably would have continued ranting if the pain hadn't risen.
Finally, a nurse came in to get her hooked up to some pain medication, but Addie swatted her hand away and pointed to Austin. "He really needs to be checked out."
Austin was surprised at Addie's sudden change of attitude, but it wasn't really that hard to understand.
"I'm gonna go get checked out in a bit. I'm fine for now."
Of course, when the nurse came in, she rolled her eyes and looked at Austin, who shrugged.
"Fine, I'll leave. Don't do anything stupid." He forced himself to stand up, and somehow walked out of the room.
~~~~
Don't worry, he didn't die.
Austin understood the situation a lot clearer now. SET thought he was dead. He went missing a while ago after being infected. The infection began to spread faster than fireteams could take it out. People began evacuating to checkpoints, and eventually escape pods were being launched into orbit and experimental teleports were being out into use. (The way Austin had gotten onto the ship the first time.)
They'd found nothing wrong with his legs, but something seriously funky was going on with his spine.
A few hours of surgery and a whole lot of meds later, Austin was in tip-top (read: very loopy and very tired) shape.
~~~~
A month or so passed, and they both began to recover. Soon, walking was relatively painless again.
Eventually they were recovered enough to the point that they each were given a room to sleep in. Cabins were scattered all over the ship because the designer was equal parts genius and forgetful.
Austin's was, naturally, on the bottom level. Customary for any SET Operative. Addie got a bigger living quarters on the second level.
~~~~
So today, Austin decided he needed caffeine. Lots of it. But this was a spaceship. He couldn't exactly drive to the nearest Starbucks. Naturally, he went looking in the ship's extensive pantry and found some instant coffee packets. Perfect.
He knocked at Addie's door, arms full of creamer, sugar, and other good stuff.
"I'm gonna go get checked out in a bit. I'm fine for now."
Of course, when the nurse came in, she rolled her eyes and looked at Austin, who shrugged.
"Fine, I'll leave. Don't do anything stupid." He forced himself to stand up, and somehow walked out of the room.
~~~~
Don't worry, he didn't die.
Austin understood the situation a lot clearer now. SET thought he was dead. He went missing a while ago after being infected. The infection began to spread faster than fireteams could take it out. People began evacuating to checkpoints, and eventually escape pods were being launched into orbit and experimental teleports were being out into use. (The way Austin had gotten onto the ship the first time.)
They'd found nothing wrong with his legs, but something seriously funky was going on with his spine.
A few hours of surgery and a whole lot of meds later, Austin was in tip-top (read: very loopy and very tired) shape.
~~~~
A month or so passed, and they both began to recover. Soon, walking was relatively painless again.
Eventually they were recovered enough to the point that they each were given a room to sleep in. Cabins were scattered all over the ship because the designer was equal parts genius and forgetful.
Austin's was, naturally, on the bottom level. Customary for any SET Operative. Addie got a bigger living quarters on the second level.
~~~~
So today, Austin decided he needed caffeine. Lots of it. But this was a spaceship. He couldn't exactly drive to the nearest Starbucks. Naturally, he went looking in the ship's extensive pantry and found some instant coffee packets. Perfect.
He knocked at Addie's door, arms full of creamer, sugar, and other good stuff.
Addie had recovered pretty well herself. The woman spent practically every morning working out, even if it was just jogging around the ship. The break had been a clean one, so it required minimum recovery ince they got her lined up.
Addie hadn't seen much of Austin since they were rescued. She figured he was busy getting back into the swing of things.
This particular day, Addie had just finished her daily run, and had just hopped out of the shower, when someone knocked. Thankful she had dressed, even just in a pair of rather short yoga shorts, and a tank top, she threw open the door, towel in hand trying to dry her curls.
She dropped said towel in surprise. "Austin!" She quickly scooped it up, studying him. He looked much, much better, more like the cheeky operative she had met months ago. The ballerina herself was looking better, and she actually smiled brightly. "Sorry, come in!" She stepped aside so he could come in.
Addie hadn't seen much of Austin since they were rescued. She figured he was busy getting back into the swing of things.
This particular day, Addie had just finished her daily run, and had just hopped out of the shower, when someone knocked. Thankful she had dressed, even just in a pair of rather short yoga shorts, and a tank top, she threw open the door, towel in hand trying to dry her curls.
She dropped said towel in surprise. "Austin!" She quickly scooped it up, studying him. He looked much, much better, more like the cheeky operative she had met months ago. The ballerina herself was looking better, and she actually smiled brightly. "Sorry, come in!" She stepped aside so he could come in.
[context]Austin and Addie safe, Austin brought coffee to Addie's dorm/cabin/whatever the heck the kids call em these days. They sit back with spiked coffee, reminiscing about the good ol- Uh never mind. I've been informed that this is not, in fact, a mafia film. Don't panic. Can we just scratch this from the record? Yeah this whole thing? What do you MEAN it's perman[/context]
Austin nodded and chuckled some more. "Agreed." Here, nobody worries about anything. It's peaceful.
He sipped his coffee slowly, looking over at Addie when she spoke. "Of course not. I'm supposed to be fully for and operational, but that doesn't really mean much when you're floating in space between two planets. The best I can figure- We're gonna be out here 2 and a half years. Three, tops. These voyages take a while. By the time we get to Mars you're going to be sick of me." He smiled and winked.
Austin nodded and chuckled some more. "Agreed." Here, nobody worries about anything. It's peaceful.
He sipped his coffee slowly, looking over at Addie when she spoke. "Of course not. I'm supposed to be fully for and operational, but that doesn't really mean much when you're floating in space between two planets. The best I can figure- We're gonna be out here 2 and a half years. Three, tops. These voyages take a while. By the time we get to Mars you're going to be sick of me." He smiled and winked.
Addie laughed quietly, glancing down at her coffee for a moment before lifting it for a sip. "Oh, give yourself some more credit. You're not that bad when you're yourself." She teased for a moment. "Two and a half to three years, huh? That's an awful lot of coffee, are you sure you're up to the challenge?" She teased, shaking her head in amusement.
The smile did fade, however, and she tapped her fingers on the side of her mug for a moment before she glanced over at him. "Can I be honest with you, and not get laughed at?" Austin was back to himself, right? She didn't know how he'd react to her words. "I can't stop thinking about the boys." She bit her lip, glancing down. It was the one thing that had been eating her since they were rescued; those kids were just being left to be used as labrats.
The smile did fade, however, and she tapped her fingers on the side of her mug for a moment before she glanced over at him. "Can I be honest with you, and not get laughed at?" Austin was back to himself, right? She didn't know how he'd react to her words. "I can't stop thinking about the boys." She bit her lip, glancing down. It was the one thing that had been eating her since they were rescued; those kids were just being left to be used as labrats.
Austin just laughed. (There seemed to be enough of that going around.)
"I think I might just be able to do it. With your help of course."
His smile faded as hers did. She was afraid of him laughing at her if she was honest with him. Ouch. (Thanks a lot, Addie's ex-boyfriends.)
"Of- Of course you can be honest." He said, his mood now entirely different than before. "What's up?"
She mentioned the boys and suddenly a ton of bricks fell on him. He had totally forgotten. They were probably dead or worse. And that took any pride he had and tore it into a few hundred million pieces.
He frowned. What were they supposed to do, anyway? On a massive ship to another planet? No way they were making it to Earth, let alone back off again a second time.
"I'm sorry." He looked up at her. "I-" He struggled to find the right thing to say.
I can't think about them right now?
I'm not sure they're even alive anymore?
I don't know if I can live with myself if I just constantly think about two innocent children I left for death by excruciating experimentation to find a cure for a disease that causes people to turn into completely alien monsters?
"I really don't know what we could do."
"I think I might just be able to do it. With your help of course."
His smile faded as hers did. She was afraid of him laughing at her if she was honest with him. Ouch. (Thanks a lot, Addie's ex-boyfriends.)
"Of- Of course you can be honest." He said, his mood now entirely different than before. "What's up?"
She mentioned the boys and suddenly a ton of bricks fell on him. He had totally forgotten. They were probably dead or worse. And that took any pride he had and tore it into a few hundred million pieces.
He frowned. What were they supposed to do, anyway? On a massive ship to another planet? No way they were making it to Earth, let alone back off again a second time.
"I'm sorry." He looked up at her. "I-" He struggled to find the right thing to say.
I can't think about them right now?
I'm not sure they're even alive anymore?
I don't know if I can live with myself if I just constantly think about two innocent children I left for death by excruciating experimentation to find a cure for a disease that causes people to turn into completely alien monsters?
"I really don't know what we could do."
As he voiced what she seemed to already know, she nodded quietly. She knew that. There was nothing they could do.
"Yeah..I know.. just.." She swallowed, then shook her head. Why did she have to bring it up? The look on his face was almost too much.
"I'm sorry. You're right, there's.. "She swallowed sharply again. She would NOT cry. She would not. "I don't think there's anything we can do either.. I don't know what we could have done differently, either." She stared down at her coffee for a few moments before pushing it aside.
"Yeah..I know.. just.." She swallowed, then shook her head. Why did she have to bring it up? The look on his face was almost too much.
"I'm sorry. You're right, there's.. "She swallowed sharply again. She would NOT cry. She would not. "I don't think there's anything we can do either.. I don't know what we could have done differently, either." She stared down at her coffee for a few moments before pushing it aside.
Austin set down his coffee mug and sighed. Addie seemed on the brink of tears.
He put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't be sorry. There's nothing we can do now. They've... They're..."
Fine? In a better place? Not being used as human test subjects by Dr. Frankenstein's evil cousin?
Austin tried to hide his frustration. He was at a loss for words. "I don't know. The best we can do now is to try not to forget. Live in a way that honors them." He rubbed his hand on her shoulder, and squeezed lightly.
He put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't be sorry. There's nothing we can do now. They've... They're..."
Fine? In a better place? Not being used as human test subjects by Dr. Frankenstein's evil cousin?
Austin tried to hide his frustration. He was at a loss for words. "I don't know. The best we can do now is to try not to forget. Live in a way that honors them." He rubbed his hand on her shoulder, and squeezed lightly.
Addie was quiet for a few minutes, but took a deep breath, and nodded. He was right. After another deep breath to compose herself, she glanced at him. "Yeah. You're right. " She reached for her coffee again.
She wanted to say something, to move it away from the downcast mood she had set, but.. how do you forget something like that? After a moment, and a sip, she glanced back towards him. "When we get to Mars, what will you be doing?"
Since he wasn't going to be rescuing ballet teachers from the Infected, she honestly didn't know what he'd be doing once they got to their new home. Or what she'd be doing, honestly.
She wanted to say something, to move it away from the downcast mood she had set, but.. how do you forget something like that? After a moment, and a sip, she glanced back towards him. "When we get to Mars, what will you be doing?"
Since he wasn't going to be rescuing ballet teachers from the Infected, she honestly didn't know what he'd be doing once they got to their new home. Or what she'd be doing, honestly.
Thanks for that elephant, Addie.
Austin followed her example and took a sip of his own coffee before answering. "I'll probably be doing training routines. Planning strategies, helping maintain the base, building new weapons tech... The works. Basic stuff. I'll get lots of off time, though. Other guys will be trying to establish contact with anybody on Earth, and monitoring via satellite, but I think it'll be calmed down there."
It seemed boring and awful, really. Home sweet home was taken over by monsters and the military's only response was to move out.
Hopefully the Infected would eventually die out, and then maybe they could move back in. Nuking the world wouldn't do much good, (although God knows people have tried; Half of North Africa was a radiated wasteland. Same with a few Middle Eastern countries and a lot of Australia.)
Depressing.
"I'll have you and my military work to keep me occupied. What'll you do?"
Austin followed her example and took a sip of his own coffee before answering. "I'll probably be doing training routines. Planning strategies, helping maintain the base, building new weapons tech... The works. Basic stuff. I'll get lots of off time, though. Other guys will be trying to establish contact with anybody on Earth, and monitoring via satellite, but I think it'll be calmed down there."
It seemed boring and awful, really. Home sweet home was taken over by monsters and the military's only response was to move out.
Hopefully the Infected would eventually die out, and then maybe they could move back in. Nuking the world wouldn't do much good, (although God knows people have tried; Half of North Africa was a radiated wasteland. Same with a few Middle Eastern countries and a lot of Australia.)
Depressing.
"I'll have you and my military work to keep me occupied. What'll you do?"
Addie nodded, listening. It really didn't sound that interesting, and she actually felt bad that he was going to be stuck with such a less-than-interesting job. But, she paused mid-sip as he mentioned off time. At least he'd get to relax some, he definitely deserved it.
For a few moments, silence prevailed again. Both of them seemed to be thinking back to Earth. Despite the horror they had been through and witnessed, it still tugged at her heartstrings to think about their home.
However, she was quickly pulled from her thoughts by his voice again.
Her and his military work, hmm?
At his questioning, she thought for a moment, then shook her head. "I'm...not sure, to be honest. I might try to do what you suggested, teach to some of the kids, but.. After this."She gestured down to her leg. "Not sure how good I'll be for a while, so.." She shrugged.
For a few moments, silence prevailed again. Both of them seemed to be thinking back to Earth. Despite the horror they had been through and witnessed, it still tugged at her heartstrings to think about their home.
However, she was quickly pulled from her thoughts by his voice again.
Her and his military work, hmm?
At his questioning, she thought for a moment, then shook her head. "I'm...not sure, to be honest. I might try to do what you suggested, teach to some of the kids, but.. After this."She gestured down to her leg. "Not sure how good I'll be for a while, so.." She shrugged.
Austin nodded as he heard her talk about her idea, trying to ignore the fact that he had left behind two children for his own safety.
"That sounds good," he smiled at her suggestion. "I'm sorry about your leg." He remembered a kid he knew who got caught in a bear trap. He always walked with a slight limp. That worried him with Addie. She had snapped her leg.
But he couldn't focus on much for long before his thoughts turned back to the events that had happened back on Earth.
There were nine children. A group of five men. An old lady. A troubled, tortured soul.
They all just died. Many of them easily preventable deaths.
Austin and Addie had met someone who was working to find a cure. Maybe he was behind it all?
And then they had gotten together, or something like that. Afterwards he had pushed her away multiple times and they nearly both went crazy. (He most likely still is.)
Austin couldn't just swallow that. He needed to talk to someone about it. About all of it.
He took a shaky breath. "I need help with something."
"That sounds good," he smiled at her suggestion. "I'm sorry about your leg." He remembered a kid he knew who got caught in a bear trap. He always walked with a slight limp. That worried him with Addie. She had snapped her leg.
But he couldn't focus on much for long before his thoughts turned back to the events that had happened back on Earth.
There were nine children. A group of five men. An old lady. A troubled, tortured soul.
They all just died. Many of them easily preventable deaths.
Austin and Addie had met someone who was working to find a cure. Maybe he was behind it all?
And then they had gotten together, or something like that. Afterwards he had pushed her away multiple times and they nearly both went crazy. (He most likely still is.)
Austin couldn't just swallow that. He needed to talk to someone about it. About all of it.
He took a shaky breath. "I need help with something."
Addie glanced up from her coffee mug, concerned at the sudden change in his tone. She scooted her chair over to sit in front of him, one hand setting her mug aside, the other moving to touch his arm briefly.
"Austin, what's wrong?" Her brows furrowed, and she watched him closely.
Whether she would admit it or not, the guilt was heavy on her shoulders as well, though likely not on the same scale. People she had known for years, children she had known since they were born, taught every week, had been ripped to shreds, or worse. She didn't know how to deal with it, really, so truthfully, she wasn't dealing with it at all.
Then there was the whole thing with them. If there was a thing with them. Sure, they had kissed a few times, but had that actually been something, or was she just the last woman alive and he didn't want to miss out?
When he didn't respond right away, the hand from his arm lifted to his cheek, fingertips just touching his skin. "Austin?" She spoke quietly, concern evident in her tone.
"Austin, what's wrong?" Her brows furrowed, and she watched him closely.
Whether she would admit it or not, the guilt was heavy on her shoulders as well, though likely not on the same scale. People she had known for years, children she had known since they were born, taught every week, had been ripped to shreds, or worse. She didn't know how to deal with it, really, so truthfully, she wasn't dealing with it at all.
Then there was the whole thing with them. If there was a thing with them. Sure, they had kissed a few times, but had that actually been something, or was she just the last woman alive and he didn't want to miss out?
When he didn't respond right away, the hand from his arm lifted to his cheek, fingertips just touching his skin. "Austin?" She spoke quietly, concern evident in her tone.
Austin almost said his default "nothing, I'm fine," but held his tongue.
He licked his lips slowly and looked up at Addie, her asking his name a second time and bringing him back to reality.
"I need to talk to you," he said hesitantly, and then adding "about what happened. All of it." He swallowed. Would she really be comfortable talking about that? What would they even talk about?
Austin didn't care. He needed support- once again.
"I've been trying to ignore most of it, but I'm failing at it. It's killing me just dwelling on it all night almost every night."
He licked his lips slowly and looked up at Addie, her asking his name a second time and bringing him back to reality.
"I need to talk to you," he said hesitantly, and then adding "about what happened. All of it." He swallowed. Would she really be comfortable talking about that? What would they even talk about?
Austin didn't care. He needed support- once again.
"I've been trying to ignore most of it, but I'm failing at it. It's killing me just dwelling on it all night almost every night."
Addie's deeply concerned expression turned to a sympathetic one. She nodded, sitting back and lowering her hand to rest in her lap.
"I don't have anywhere to be, or anyone to see.. Just..dive in." She managed a small smile.
Truthfully, she hadn't been sleeping well herself. The thought of bringing everything up, remembering it all made her chest feel tight. But Austin needed someone to listen. And since she had been with him through it all, who better to listen than her?
So, once again, she swallowed her own discomfort, her own wants, and sat quietly, waiting for him to just let it out.
"I don't have anywhere to be, or anyone to see.. Just..dive in." She managed a small smile.
Truthfully, she hadn't been sleeping well herself. The thought of bringing everything up, remembering it all made her chest feel tight. But Austin needed someone to listen. And since she had been with him through it all, who better to listen than her?
So, once again, she swallowed her own discomfort, her own wants, and sat quietly, waiting for him to just let it out.
Austin looked up and smiled in response for the briefest moment. Addie's expression seemed pained- At least to him. She wasn't comfortable talking.
"I'm sorry," he began, slowly. "I'm just... It's been months since it all went down. I should be over this." What are you getting at? "What I," he stopped and corrected himself: "What we went through down there- the road trip, everything, it was hell. I thought I was invincible going in, and by the time we crawled out I thought I wouldn't live another hour." Still not getting to the point, buddy.
Austin sighed. "I don't know how I can just be expected to function normally anymore. I don't sleep without nightmares of," he faltered. "Nightmares of seeing people ripped apart, coming to life as horrible creatures. I see a monster behind every door...."
He grew quiet and hung his head, clasping his hands together with his forearms resting on his knees.
Shameful, really. There he was, a spec-ops agent who had been trained for the worst, giving his inner thoughts to his tentative girlfriend like she was his therapist.
Austin spoke again, softly.
"Sometimes I forget where I am- and I panic. I couldn't find you last night. I thought I had failed..." His voice cracked and he swallowed again.
"I'm sorry," he began, slowly. "I'm just... It's been months since it all went down. I should be over this." What are you getting at? "What I," he stopped and corrected himself: "What we went through down there- the road trip, everything, it was hell. I thought I was invincible going in, and by the time we crawled out I thought I wouldn't live another hour." Still not getting to the point, buddy.
Austin sighed. "I don't know how I can just be expected to function normally anymore. I don't sleep without nightmares of," he faltered. "Nightmares of seeing people ripped apart, coming to life as horrible creatures. I see a monster behind every door...."
He grew quiet and hung his head, clasping his hands together with his forearms resting on his knees.
Shameful, really. There he was, a spec-ops agent who had been trained for the worst, giving his inner thoughts to his tentative girlfriend like she was his therapist.
Austin spoke again, softly.
"Sometimes I forget where I am- and I panic. I couldn't find you last night. I thought I had failed..." His voice cracked and he swallowed again.