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The first person I told about the Strings was my best friend.
Joseph Barr.
I had fully been expecting him to call me crazy and run away.
By some miracle that’s not what happened.
And maybe that’s part of the reason I fell for him.
Oh boy, did I fall for him.
Head over heels landing flat on my face I fell for that boy.
There’s no String connecting us.
I understood what that meant.
I understood we were never going to be together.
It killed me.
There’s something about knowing.Knowing that no matter what happens it’s impossible. Knowing that no matter what happens, he’ll never love me back. Something so angering and frustrating. Like who decided that? Who gets to decide what happens to us? Who looked at me as a baby and thought, hey, you know what? I’m gonna make her life extra hard!
All those times he asked me if I saw his soulmate anywhere, it was like a knife to the chest.
A slash to the heart, and another, and another, until there was a big, gaping hole where my heart belongs. It left me wanting to scream in his face: "I’m right here! I am right freaking here!"
Of course, I never did.
So on that day that I met the boy on the bus, I knew what that meant.
I didn’t like it, hated it even.
Over all these years, I’ve never stopped loving Joseph, the boy who’s destined to love someone else.
A secret I’ve never told anybody: I know who Joseph's soulmate is.
She goes to our school, and the first time I saw her, I steered us both in the opposite direction.
It’s selfish, beyond selfish.
It’s stupid, mean, and cruel.
Who does that?
Deny someone the person they’re supposed to love forever?
I think I would probably do it again. Take him away from that girl, as sick as it makes me feel, because a part of me never wants to let go.
The rest of me knows I’ll have to one day.
Funny how things like this work, hey? We think we’ve got a choice, we think we get to choose who we’ll end up with.
The truth is, we never have any control over it at all.
Most people don’t even know it.
“This seat taken?” I ask, smiling.
“Yeah, sorry.” I say, suddenly glad that Joseph takes the bus.
I nod understandably and move on, sitting in an empty seat in the back.
At the next stop I climb on and sit down next to Charlott, smiling like I always do.
“Hey, Charlie.” I say.
I sigh, “not Charlie, Charlotte.” He knows I hate being called Charlie.
“Char.” I half say half ask.
I smile, “okay, Char’s fine.”
The bus stops again and we all get off.
Someone knocks into me and I trip into Joseph, who catches me.
My heart starts to race and I’m sure I’m blushing.
“Sorry,” I mutter.
“No worries,” I say, smiling. “You always have been a bit of a klutz.”