The Sex Doll Fiasco (September 2020)
BEAR
Linden Miser had hired Baron Vance to act as his personal bodyguard while they were both in New Haven on business. Granted, Bear’s “business” was yet another divorce mediation with his ex-wife, but still! With the expectation of getting his ass handed to him by lawyers demanding yet more alimony for their client, honestly he could use all the extra creds he could get!
On paper, this was SUPPOSED to be a dead easy contract to fulfill: he was escorting both businessman and shipment from Point A to Point B. Serving as both chauffeur and security, Bear loaded the entrepreneur and his cargo into an unmarked vehicle and prepared for transport.
It was Vance’s understanding, however, that this shipment was already paid for in full from the distributor...when in actuality the producer of the items in question’s patience had long since run out on the deadbeat who had chosen to hire protection to skip out instead of paying his bill.
MARY
Mary had a similar way of thinking when it came to how ungodly easy this job would be. It was simple - get the target to pay up or take the cargo back to the original owner. She just did not factor in the bastard hiring a bodyguard to protect his sorry ass. The Merc wasn't intimidated; it just meant her target was scared. No heavy guns were brought to this mission; only a pistol and a pair of brass knuckles. ( Either threaten his life or beat him into submission. )
Thanks to Cyd - her handler - she knew the location of said target and cargo. New Haven's business district ( if you could call it that. ) Leaning up against the wall, left of the entrance, she surfed Spoogle when her target came out with a bodyguard. Pushing off the wall, adjusting her leather coat, she'd keep her gaze on Bear as he was overlooking the cargo's loading in the back of the vehicle. She acted as if she was crossing the street, but rounded the car from the front. The moment his attention fell onto the cargo, Mary slipped on her brass knuckles just as she yanked the vehicle's back door open. "Hey Tesh." Mary said with a smirk, reaching in and pulling him by the lapel of his suit jacket towards her. Her other hand - balled into a fist - making contact with the man's face, most likely breaking or dislocating his nose. Either way, the target's cries were immediately heard, followed by him covering his face and concealing the gushing of blood. "Where's the fucking credits, Tesh!" She grunted, knowing, she only had this shot to at least scare him before his bodyguard came in and intervened.
BEAR
“What the ACTUAL fuck?!” Bear exclaimed, as no sooner had he closed his own front, driver-side door and started up the hover car that he heard the back, passenger-side one being yanked open before he could pull out and away into traffic and Linden screaming bloody murder as that same someone started wailing on him. All he saw in the rear view was the continuous flash of brass knuckles and distinctly feminine features. Really???
Out of the car, on his feet, and racing around in an instant, you can bet Baron grabbed Mary’s happy ass by both the scruff and the back most belt loop and gave her one good heave-ho (literally, you dirty ho!). Whether she landed on her ass or her feet, it became VERY apparent that Baron didn’t discriminate when it came to WHO chose to fuck with his contract. He popped her one good one, square in the nose—no brass knuckles necessary for him—and likely left her stunned (if only because he had just fucking PUNCHED A WOMAN IN BROAD DAYLIGHT) and bleeding as, once more, he returned to his chauffeur’s seat and made quick work of getting his client out of there.
Sorry Mary, looks like this one wasn’t going to be nearly as easy as you thought! Quick, they’re getting away! Tires rolled as Bear pulled out into traffic, but couldn’t exactly make an immediate nor speedy getaway as the intersection was not clear to do so; he had no option to run the red light if the people in front of him did not...though he DID wedge himself in with a readiness to use the sidewalk as an escape route if she started shooting.
MARY
Mary's face twisted into an 'oh shit' expression, being yanked out of the car herself. "Wai-- Wait I--" But that was it - she was socked right in the nose. The sensation caused her to let out a single "Fuck!" Mary stumbled but managed to stay on her two feet with both hands covering her face, blinking a few times, composing herself as the vehicle sped off.
The woman didn't hesitate, removing one of her pistols from beneath her leather jacket, aiming it at the vehicle—Pew pew pew. A few shots contacted with the back, but she was careful not to hit the cargo, but none popped the tires. All the while, the blood was dripping from her nose.
"Fuck!" Mary groaned, becoming more agitated, now standing in the middle of the street. The sound of a honk behind her caused her to turn to face the driver, aiming her weapon. "Get the FUCK out of the car." She shouted as she rushed upon him, and if Mary had to, she yanked the stranger out the driver seat, climbing in herself. Her tires squealed, speeding off and in pursuit. The Merc a weaved through slow traffic after Bear caused a collision himself by speeding through a red light. But she managed and, she was soon on his tail. Leaning out of the driver's side window, she'd once more aim at the tires but missing. "C'MON LOUISE." Mary would shout at her beloved blaster before focusing on her driving and catching up with her target.
Pressing the gas pedal down, she'd swerve to the left, slowly coming up to driving alongside the bodyguard on the wrong side the road. Peering through the passenger side window, she'd point her blaster at Bear but didn't shoot. Her beef wasn't with him. "Can you PLEASE pull the fuck over!? I JUST WANT TO TALK WITH TESH. IMMA ONLY ASK NICELY THIS ONE FUCKING TIME."
Oh, she was pissed.
BEAR
Here Bear was, busy with some SERIOUS defensive driving, and yet that same, now bloody nosed bitch sped up to pull alongside him...and actually had the AUDACITY TO SAY PLEASE?!
“Nicely?! Lady, brass knuckles and blaster shells is a FUCKED up definition of nice!” Baron yelled out his own window as the success of his evasive maneuvering was fairly short lived. Between his lane of traffic and the oncoming that she’d just blocked off turning her stolen vehicle down the wrong-way side of the street, commuters were now an added distraction and road rage was still VERY real in the future.
Attempting to throw the car in reverse and backtrack, the heavily peppered (but not busted) back window had ZERO visibility at this point which lead Bear to back himself accidentally into a refrigerated box truck, crushing the trunk of the hover car to the point that the boot no longer latched...and, in turn, somehow sending Linden’s “precious cargo” into emergency online mode.
Suddenly two VERY animated, VERY convincing but CLEARLY synthetic sex dolls popped up and out of the trunk and began WAILING in alarm (both having their faces eternally formed in the still-classic, open mouthed “o” face for OBVIOUS reasons). At THIS point, LINDEN panicked and yelled “the twins!” And got out of the car on his OWN trying to secure the load before they managed to get out and run off, but struggled to power them back off and shove them once more back into the damaged trunk.
Seriously? Animatronic sex dolls? THAT was the shipment?
Bear groaned and readied his blaster as he exited the car and tried to shepherd both client and cargo while keeping Mary at bay. It was like herding cats, so much so that Yakety Sax might as well have been playing at this point. What an ABSOLUTE clusterfuck!
MARY
"Oh, I'm sorry, I think that was me being PRETTY FUCKING NICE." She shouted back but had to abruptly put on her brakes when the bodyguard put the vehicle into reverse. Mary watched as he sped past her, back in the direction they came from before she immediately shifted her car into reverse and followed, but yanked the steering wheel hard left to spin her occupied vehicle.
Now she was facing her target was they were still speeding backward, only to make contact with a refrigerator truck. Closing in, she'd park her car at an angle, blocking the way forward (if he decided to try and drive off again. ) Putting the car in park, she'd climb out with her blaster in hand, slamming the door. "First of all, you hit like a bitch." Mary murmured with lightheartedness as if she was attempting to give him a twisted compliment. Finally, wiping the blood from her nose, smearing it across her upper lip, before she shifted her attention towards Linden, who was now in a panic over his precious cargo. It was evident by her surprised expression; she wasn't even aware of what the shipment was - it wasn't her job to know.
Waving her pistol towards the target while she kept her distance, "Sex McFuckface over there owes my employer a lot of credits for those..." Pausing, furrowing eyebrows as she looked at Linden with slight disgust, "OR he wants his cargo back." Mary explained, "I was hired to make sure one of those things happened." Looking back to Bear, who OBVIOUSLY was just as annoyed as she was.
BEAR
Baron knew it was wrong to hit a woman, he just didn’t particularly care at this professional intersection and late lot in life. Especially not when Mary was EGGING him on saying he hit like a bitch!
Aggressively striding towards the bounty hunter, even with Sex McFuckface still trying to corral the gaping, silicone maws of “the twins” back into an otherwise useless trunk for transport, Bear came toe to toe with Mary and raised a fist again as if to double down and pop her another good one.
But then she spoke, and in doing so, informed him that his client had not been honest by ANY means when hiring him for protection. “Oh god FUCKING dammit!” The bodyguard swore, turning IMMEDIATELY on his heel and walking STRAIGHT over to where Linden was to instead knock HIM the fuck out in the middle of broad daylight and rush hour traffic.
Sighing and rubbing his forehead as he looked down at the crumpled body of his protection contract, he picked the unconscious idiot up and slung him over his shoulder before gesturing between Mary and the two sex dolls still running around with their arms waving in the air and their mouths wide open SCREAMING leedleleedleleedlelee in some god awful, literal tongue-in-cheek alarm system. “Take ‘em back then, this ain’t even CLOSE to my job description or pay grade.”
Wait, what?! Just like that...?
I mean, it was still easier said than done. Mary still had to catch and contain those two life size, animatronic sex dolls, and Bear was already walking off, leaving her and the wake of their accident behind as he at LEAST was going to fulfill delivering THIS sack of dumbass potatoes to location, as promised in HIS half of the contract, in order to get paid.
MARY
Mary's attention quickly shifted between the target and Bear who was fast approaching her, as if ready to throw down. Fine. "You wanna fucking dance old man, let's dance." She stated, shrugging off her leather jacket, holstering her blaster before she brought her fists up. Oh yes, she was ready, but while she waited for him, shared the reason why she was there - what she came to collect and that seemed to cause the bodyguard to stop in his tracks just feet before Mary , doing a complete one-eighty to charge over to Linden who was still attempting to herd the leedle twins. "Wait.. Wait. Don't-" Mary stated, stepping towards the pair, but it was too late. Linden was knocked the fuck out, which only left her with one option. "Fuck, do you always go around and punch shit?" She asked, before staring at him with a deadpan expression, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" She asked in disbelief, watching as Bear carried off her unconscious target over his shoulder.
Turning her gaze towards the two leedle twins with distraught look, watching one consistently keeps running into a wall, while the other running around in circles. Letting out a heavy sigh, she hung her head back, cursing quietly before lowering her head and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Wait.. Wait!" She grunted, clearly not liking the idea, but what choice did she have? Turning around towards the bodyguard. "If you help me, I'll pay you thirty thousand credits." Hopefully that tickled his interest. "I'm sure, it's better than whatever he's paying you."
"So how what do ya say?" She asked, as one of the dolls scurried across the road behind her.
BEAR
And tickle his interest it did indeed. “Forty thousand,” the bodyguard stated gruffly to the bounty hunter, making sure his body language told her there was no room for negotiation: he had only paused, not stopped fully, and if she attempted to negotiate his terms, he was out of there. Little did she know, he was TRYING to get TWICE what Linden had agreed to pay him (and 30k would have STILL been WAY more). Greedy bastard.
If Mary agreed, it would be Miser’s unconscious body that Bear tossed in the trunk of his totaled chauffeur’s vehicle, leaving him more highly maneuverable and better prepared to herd some sex dolls with his rival-turned-business-partner. “Who the FUCK would find these HORRIFYING things sexy? Good lord that RACKET!” Bear groaned and hustled after the nearest one to him, which had gone from running around in circles to assuming VERY inappropriate sexual positions but STILL screaming LEEDLELEEDLELEE.
MARY
"Deal." Was all she said, there was no hesitation, no debate. Why? Because of two things—There was no way, she'd wrangle these leedle twins by herself, make a complete fool of herself and two; she'd still be making sixty thousand credits. To her it was a win win.
Mary scoffed, shaking her head with a casual shrug. "No idea..." She'd respond as she casually rounded one of the dolls as it was on it's hands and knees assuming the position, repeating over and over "Spank me, Daddy". The Merc crouched and sneakily came up behind it. She didn't want to spook it. Mary KNEW, just KNEW that what will transpire next will be nothing but embarrassing, but she needed to do it.
The Merc jumped onto the dolls back, pinning it against the ground, which let out this moan like "Oh yeah!" Marys knee was pressed into the dolls back between the shoulder blades, while she was searching for the off switch. Quietly, she prayed it wasn't some where that required...some searching. Searching through the dolls hair like a monkey picking out fleas, she found it. A small button that blended in to the skin tone behind the ear. Pressing it, the doll went limp and it's Leedle sounds died out. "THE EAR. Check the Ear!" Mary called out to the bodyguard, unsure if the power button was in the same place.
BEAR
Baron blinked and stared as Mary leapt upon the back of that first “leedle twin” like a goddamn spider monkey. In that time, the one he was SUPPOSED to be catching casually strode away and into a crowd of onlookers which had gathered to assess the chaos among the car collision. Listen, he KNEW he should have been paying better attention and staying focused but it was a LITTLE hard when he was hearing things like spank me daddy and oh yeah! and harder, don’t st-AWP!
Oh thank god that last one trailed off as Mary found the fucking off button at last. Still, it would take Bear a moment to come to his senses as he simply stood and...well, GAWKED at Mary full on wrangling that sex doll.
Ahem! His turn! Right!
Pushing people out of the way as he ran off in the direction the second of the robotic escapees had so casually headed (in search of someone needing pleasuring, clearly!) the bodyguard grimaced as he found an old lady fending her off with her hover-walker (complete with space tennis balls and all). The poor grandma wailed for help upon approach, as the sex doll had already dropped to its knees and was smacking its lips in a horrifyingly hungry manner.
“Uh, oh, sorry ma’am,” Bear fumbled with the back of the doll’s head, which only changed its focus in the absolute WORST of ways as a distinctly vacuum-like suction sound began whirring within that o-shaped silicon mouth. The doll would turn and Mary would hear Bear yelp as it attached itself to the front of his britches! “Ack! No! Stop!” In any other circumstance, he would have ripped its damn head off, but then neither him nor the bounty hunter he’d signed on with for a 60/40 split would get paid!
So instead, Mary got to see Bear panic, full on not-quite-right public BJ, as he continued to search the back of the doll’s head (a rather unfortunate thing to have to commit to, as it only made him appear that much more incriminating given the robot’s on-her-knees position). “My finger’s are too big, HELP ME!” Baron practically SOBBED at this point, unable to reach the button inside the doll’s ear canal with his fat, Mafioso sausage fingers.
MARY
Mary took a moment to compose herself, taking a breath with her hands on her hips as she eyed that sex doll. There were a few choice words she'd love to have with her employer. Looking towards Bear, she blinked, "..What?" She asked. "C'mon now; you're acting as if you have never fucking watched space porn." Mary huffed with a small smirk before gesturing towards the direction of his sex doll went off to. "Remember, check the ear. I'll... pack this one up..." She stated, looking down at it, before she would attempt to lift the doll, but would immediately topple over. This limp bitch was heavy. "Jesus.. fucking.." Mary grunted before she would raise with her knees and force this thing over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Staggering over to the case, she'd drop the doll into the padded container when she heard an older woman shriek ( or so she assumed. LITTLE DID SHE KNOW.)
Shutting and locking the case, she'd push her way through the small crowd surrounding the bodyguard and - oh my. She was biting her lower lip to hold back the laughter. "Uhm-" Clears throat, chuckling. "Do.. you need some alone time?" She asked, again clearing her throat as she pulled out her commlink and hit record. I mean, C'mon.. how could she NOT? It was too good and truthfully what he deserved this after he punched an innocent woman in the face.
Letting out an exaggerated sigh, she nodded, putting her commlink away upon hearing the sobs. Well, now it wasn't funny anymore. "Alright, alright!" Mary stated with a chuckle as she stepped over towards Bear, "And here I was, thinking you enjoyed this." She mused, eyeing Bear with a grin as she stood in front of him and the doll that was... doing her best in pleasuring him. OH IF ONLY HE DIDN'T HAVE PANTS. (Picture a baby frantically searching for the nipple - that's what the doll looks like - frantically searching for the D. )
Pushing aside some of the hair, she'd feel around the ear. "Almost..." She muttered. "Annnd it's.." The button was found and pressed, causing the doll to cease all movement with its face smooshed against Bears crotch." Off." Looking up at Bear, she smirked. "Was it as good for you as it was for it?" Oh, the jokes! JOKES FOR DAYS. Standing upright, she gestured to the doll. "Let's get this thing back to the truck."
BEAR
Innocent woman?! Innocent woman!? Mary was ABOUT to get popped in the nose a SECOND time when Bear realized she was not only recording his trauma, and rest assured, she’d deserve THAT one as much as the first!
By the time Mary had stuck her finger in the doll’s ear and successfully powered the damn thing down, Baron was shaking and SWEATING.(...from enjoyment?) “Ack!” Bear cried as he looked down and realized the waking nightmare that was having been assaulted by the latter leedle twin had—horrifyingly—left him with a perfectly circular holy in the front of his pants! Did that fucking thing have TEETH?! HOLY SHIT!
Even running the risk of putting the frayed front of his boxers on display, Mary’s cheeky commentary had Bear pushing that damn sex robot off of him and dumping it onto her. And she knew by now those things were HEAVY! Ever the embarrassed sourpuss, Baron crouched down at Mary crushed beneath the still-gaping, fish-mouthed doll, squinting and attempting to snatch the commlink from her hand. (If she was smart, she would have gone “live” with the video from the MOMENT she hit record and streamed that shit all over the infosphere.)
Bear, you’re about to go VIRAL!
“You’re the worst,” the bodyguard glowered at the bounty hunter before finally removing the doll’s dead weight from on top of her. How easily they handled the load was different, but their sack of potatoes strategy was the same. The “merchandise” was treated a lot more kindly than the merchant had been, set carefully into the locked cargo box rather than being tossed into the trunk. “You might as well take him too: he paid me upfront, fucking lying cheapskate. Maybe you can get yourself a bonus turning in both the product and the thief.”
He shrugged and held out his commlink expectantly: she owed him forty thousand credits, after all! However, with a tap, Mary could do more than just give Bear his share of the 60/40 split bounty, she could also exchange contact information (not to mention contaminate his space phone by airdropping that DAMN recording of him being ACCOSTED in public again).
MARY
Mary had a direct view of that perfectly round hole the doll made through the man's pants, and she just snorted. "Nice boxers? Briefs? Determined lil' shits." She murmured, clearly amused by the entire thing. However, it SEEMED he did not and pushed the dead weight of the doll on top of her. It caught her off guard, surely, causing her to stumble back, but it only made her chuckling turn into harder laughter. "Get it off--Hey NO. BACK OFF." Mary snorted chuckled, as she weaseled her commlink away from him. IF she needed to, she'd resort to biting. SHE'D DO IT.
The Merc took a breath, trying to compose herself as she was finally relieved by the weight, standing up. "Eh.. I doubt that..." She muttered, still chuckling with a small shrug as she was dusting herself off. Now there was a crowd around them, to which she decided it was time for them all to disperse. Turning to face them, she'd wave her hands as if to shoo them away. "Now.. Show's over, if ya fuckers want more, ya gotta pay..." She'd chime, still waving her hands at the crowd, who slowly started to dwindle and to the ones that hadn't, she'd threaten them. "Don't make me turn her back on. You've seen what she's done to this guy's pants!" Mary gestured to Bear's crotch, eyeing at the few with raised eyebrows. Eventually all went back to their normal duties and in the back of her mind, she was surprised none of the Gal-Feds showed up... They're more useless as the warning on the Q-tip box, or on a cup of noodles. ( NO ONE LISTENS TO THEM.)
With his help, the two carried the doll back and dumped her back into her padded container, locking it. Mary obtained Bear's help again by loading the two in the vehicle she commandeered in the short chase. With a successful return, she gathered her jacket, slipping it on and re-holstering her blaster, before her attention turned back to Bear, holding his commlink out like a kid demanding a treat. "Whoa, you'll get your credits. Gotta deliver first." She mentioned, as she now was leaning against the opened driver's door. "Now, I can tell you to trust me and I'll transfer the funds when delivered, or...." She started, head tilting to the side, eyeing him with his newly formed hole on his crotch, still chuckling, "Or... you can take a ride with me, lover boy." Mary asked, gesturing towards the passenger seat.
BEAR
“Don’t bite me you little shit!” Baron hissed and retracted his hand quickly when Mary took a chomp at it.
Groaning as his nearly-devoured crotch was used as a threat to thin and part the crowd, red-faced in both fury and shame the bodyguard followed after the bounty hunter and deposited the case now containing BOTH the leedle twins in the trunk. If Mary saw no value in bringing his contract along, Bear wouldn’t bother, leaving him to wake up all alone in the middle of the street, likely being hooked up, towed, and charged for the damage to he abandoned car he was found in long after they’d gone. Served him right too!
Bear scoffed as Mary suggested he could trust her. “Fat fucking chance, Juliet, get in the damn car,” Baron barked, temper short on the best of days. Dropping grumpily into the passenger seat and slamming the door, he’d crank some tunes and sourpuss the whole way there. But, I mean, 40k plus the 20k he’d already collected? Not a bad turnout. Maybe this chick was alright...and she could take a punch!
MARY
"Don't take my fucking commlink, you asshole." Mary would retort, still amused by the entire situation.
Mary smirked, clicking the roof of her tongue when he CLEARLY didn't trust her, nodding slightly, "Alright." Climbing into the driver's seat, she'd glance towards him with a smirk, "Oh relax... Just think of it this way... Free blow job." Mary suggested, biting the inside of her cheek as she drove off. "Besides, it could be worse..." The Merc started before muttering, "It can always be worse..."
The drive to their destination wasn't a long one, but she let sourpuss stew in his confusing sexual feelings. Located on the other side of New Haven, Mary pulled up to a loading dock of a warehouse. "Wait here, Romeo." Climbing out, she approached the metal door and gave it a knock. Glancing around, she's wait until the sliding peeper opened, "It's me. Your goods have been returned... Unharmed." For the most apart. The peeper slammed shut and the sound of a few locks were unlocked before this large metal door opened and a short, middle ages humanoid came out wearing a magnifying glass monocle. Bringing him to the car, with his two goons following, she'd reveal the goods to him and he visibly relaxed, nodding. "Good. Very nice." With a press of the button, her reward was transferred to her bank account which she was alerted by her commlink lighting up. "Pleasure doing business... Oh also.. maybe less teeth next time?" Mary suggested after the crates were removed from the trunk.
Climbing back into the driver's seat, she held her hand out for his commlink. Once she got it, she's transfer not ONLY the credits, but a copy of the video as well as her digits. "Done...annnd done. Told ya, I'm a woman of my word." She stated, handing the commlink back to him. "Hey...wanna see if he has one without teeth??" She teased, gesturing back to the warehouse with a smirk before asking, "need a ride somewhere?"
BEAR
“Ida gladly paid for something a lot less robotic,” Baron suggested. Woah there cowboy! This was a bounty, not a brothel! Likely walking right into yet another of Mary’s mouthy (and not in the aforementioned way either!) jokes, Baron grumbled, crossed his arms, and slid down the seat into a petulant, pouting slouch.
He’d straighten up, however, upon their arrival at the hoverport docks on the far side of town. The warehouse, despite being a dive, looked reputable enough with all the proper (albeit indistinguishable as a company that mass produced animatronic sex dolls and the like) signage. Still, Bear was keen to protect his investment—that 60/40 split, and Mary too, I guess—and had his weapon drawn below the window and ready.
Huh. I guess it really was just a return-to-sender delivery job. Collecting payment and returning to the car without issue, Mary really did make it look easy, to the point Bear couldn’t even be grumpy about it! ...he’d gotten paid, and made a decent contact who seemed able to pick up some pretty cushy contracts that she was willing to share.
However, her comment earned both a snort and a blatant, no-nonsense threat. “You’re gonna have no teeth here in a minute,” Bear told Mary, waving a fist in a classic Honeymooners one of these days, AIice! gesture. “Where’s the nearest bar? I need a fucking drink.” ...whelp, that was as close to an invite as Mary could dare hope for.
MARY
Mary smirked, but kept her gaze forward, "Good to know." She murmured.
The reason why the job was taken BECAUSE how easy it was SUPPOSE to be, but of course, nothing could EVER be easy for Mary. There always has to be a hitch and in this case, it was the active leedle twins.
After the job was said and done, reached out and playfully hit him in the shoulder after he threatened her AGAIN, "Oh you, don't threaten me with a good time." She cooed, before grinning with a nod. "Oh, I bet you do, probs need a cig too after THAT show." The Merc said, before holding her hand up in a defensive manner - she was done. For now. "To a bar!" Mary announced, kicking the vehicle into reverse, tugging on the handbrake and yanking the steering wheel hard to the right causing the vehicle to abruptly spin around to face the exit.
It just so happens; Mary did know a bar ( she knew all the bars ). It wasn't the Rusty Shovel, this was something more like a hole in the wall, 'The Blue Bell.' It was dingey, the neon sign flickered as it hung vicariously over the front door. It didn't look nice, but it had cheap beer and when there was cheap beer; Mary was there. Pulling up to the curb, she'd turn off the ignition and climb out clearly inviting herself in partaking in a drink. "You're paying right? I mean, it's the least you could do since you fucking bruised my money maker." The Merc feigned anger, becoming dramatic before she approached the door and yanked it open. "After you, lover boy." Mary asked, biting back a smile, knowing... that perfect circular hole that was located in his crotch was visible for everyone in the bar.
"Niice boxers. That a new look now-a-days?" One patron chimed up, while the others snickered.
BEAR
Grumbly as ever, Baron crossed his arms, rolled his eyes, and let Mary get away with ONE more jab so at least he didn’t have to shell out cab fare to get to where he was going.
Rest assured, Bear had not forgotten he was sporting a perfectly round hole over his fly...but he was ITCHING for a fight and obviously wasn’t going to risk a potential work contact by decking Mary again (unless, of course, she REALLY pushed her luck and deserved it). So when some drunken shmoe piped up, the now off-duty bodyguard grinned rather wickedly...before grabbing the stool-sat, slovenly regular and lifting his ass up to be hung so that his toes could only BARELY detect where the floor was beneath him. “Now I know you’re probably not used to seein’ a pecker like mine after all those years getting out of the shower n’ lookin’ down, but I didn’t point and neither should you.” Yes, he had just made an erection joke. Thank you very much.
Rather unceremoniously, Chuckles here was dumped into his equally drunken, snickering neighbor’s lap, face first so that they BOTH fell into a crumpled, embarrassing heap, likely with head-in-lap.
“First round’s on you,” Bear told Mary before taking the SUDDENLY vacant bar stools he’d just procured from the two tittering stooges and helping her step over them and pony up to the bar. See? He could be a gentleman! ...at least with the potential for free booze involved.
MARY
Mary stayed back, letting Bear release that pent up anger on the unsuspecting patron who most likely spoke in jest - fueled with who knows how many drinks. Nonetheless, she still found it EXTREMELY amusing, watching as Bear just picked up Chuckles, made a joke - which caused Mary to raise her eyebrows, biting her lower lip to hold back the laughter that was bubbling up.
Nothing was said until he spoke, and she just nodded, "Yeah, sure." She stated, again, not really in the mood to argue. Approaching the bar, she'd step - not over - but on the two drunkards to reach the bar. Bear's help was accepted in the process.
Plopping onto the stool, she'd smack the counter. "Bartender! Two of your... strongest... and cheapest liquor." She demanded with a nod before looking to Bear and his holy pants. "May I suggest pants being the first thing you buy?" She mused, chuckling as he glanced towards the Bartender, who put before them two shot glasses filled with a clear liquid - Tequila? Vodka? Both? "Thanks - Oh, leave the bottle." She gestured before holding the glass up into the air, "To never seeing another sex doll again." The 'mysterious' liquid was downed in one shot, causing Mary to furrow her eyebrows, slamming the shot glass back down onto the table, "Fuuuuck. Shit, that's good." She chimed, snatching the bottle and pouring another shot for him and herself, "Mary." Finally, the introductions were given.
BEAR
Now it was Bear’s turn to bite back laughter, as Mary not only took his hand rather daintily, but scaled the two-body heap like it was a jacket he’d laid over a puddle for her. “You know, there’s some guys who like being stepped on,” Baron baited his new colleague, finally getting back at her with some poked fun of his own. (And by getting back at her, what I mean is setting himself up for further scrutiny and ridicule.)
Promptly flipping the bounty hunter off as she made a suggestion for how he should spend their 60/40 split, the bodyguard scoffed, turned, and manspread his legs right at her. “Are you kidding? I’m thinking of turning this into the next fashion trend. It’s all in the way you wear it, right? Confidence!” Oh jeez, now she’d gone and done it: teased him so damn much that he’d had to get in on the joke himself. What? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
But hey, at least Mary’s toast was something Bear could at last agree with! “Oh yeah, I second THAT one,” Baron eagerly concurred and clinked shot glasses before throwing his own back and GARGLING spiritedly with it. Accepting the young woman’s heavy handed refill (clearly a double this time), before swishing that second one like dental fluoride, he’d next toast to her with a tip of his liquor in that general direction. “Baron Vance—Bear. Vance. Baron. I really don’t give a shit what you call me.”
MARY
Mary's eyes slowly narrowed, staring at Bear as he made a casual remark. "Oh yeah? You one of 'em? Want me to step on ya, Big Daddy." She feigned a sultry voice, winking at him before she shook her head and downed that first shot. The bounty hunter was feeling the burn when Bear turned to face her, manspreading his legs. Immediately her gaze diverted down and saw that perfectly shaped hole before abruptly turning her head away, "Jeezus." Mary chuckled, her hand raising to conceal that hole for a moment before the pour the two another shot - definitely a double this time.
The woman downed the second, pinching her eyebrows together as she felt the burn, squinting at him for a moment before clearing her throat. "Really? So I could call you, Mr. Fuck Pants and you'd be ok with it?" Mary asked smirking as she poured herself a third shot, glancing towards him with an arched eyebrow. The bottle was held up silently offering to pour him another shot.
BEAR
“Big Daddy?!” The sound that came out of Bear was somewhere between a choke and bellowing laughter. “Nah, not into being stepped on, sorry to disappoint you little lady.” Those belly laughs continued as Mary raised a hand to visually block the space between his manspread legs, like one might do when the sun was too bright.
“Did I GIVE you an option D in this multiple choice? NO. Besides, we left Mr. Fuck Pants back there in the trunk of that car. Just...call me Bear, okay?” He laughed, shook his head, and threw back another shot before eagerly holding his glass out when she offered the bottle again. “How long you been bounty hunting, Mary Mary quite Contrary?” He tittered stupidly at his own joke, suggesting he might not have as heavy a tolerance for alcohol as his burly physique suggested if he was already getting giggly. Then again, all bets were off when it came to alien liquor and humans.
MARY
Mary scoffed, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth almost in a disappointed manner. "You're missing out, just ask these two fucks." Head bobbed over her shoulder to the two drunkards. "They had no complaints when I stepped on them." The woman confirmed with a nod before stifling a laugh.
"Whoa- Hey! Listen, the option D was silent, ok? When you said you didn't fucking care, I didn't hear no stipulations." She wagged a finger at him, already feeling the relaxing affects the alcohol was having on her. His nickname brought out a small glare before shaking her head, "So fucking lame." She muttered as she grunted while stretching over the counter to grab a bowl of pretzels - something to sop up the strong ass liquor.
Plopping down heavily, she grabbed a few pretzels, tossing them into her mouth chewing almost haphazardly, "Well, Smokey the bear, a while now. It was either this, or become one of those shady criminals." Munch munch, "Doing this way, I can beat the shit out of someone AND get paid for it without too much of the repercussions. I say this is a fucking win-win." She nodded, before gesturing to him, taking a sip of her shot this time - gotta pace herself. "Whatta about you? How long have you been a body guard for sex dolls?" Mary TRIED to keep a straight face, but snorted with a grin, as she downed the remaining liquid of her shot.
BEAR
Used to far heavier stuff, all the alcohol seemed to do was make Baron a little more approachable—affable, sociable, giggly—rather than complete, reckless abandon of his inhibitions. Well, that and the tragic butt dial (the result of a VERY unfortunate NAT 1 roll) that had unwittingly occurred the MOMENT he sat down on that bar stool beside Mary.
...Judax would hear EVERYTHING, which was rather unfortunate given the bouncer had recently made great, personal strides with his boss. Now, among other things, the Tarlaxian would overhear the two humans discussing sex dolls rather candidly and between drunken laughing fits.
“I don’t do this sort of thing often.” Oops, also incriminating without the proper context. How embarrassing! “Shit, after tonight, I’m going to need a WAY bigger payday to EVER agree to THIS sort of contract again.” A pause, “...then again, thanks to you, i pocketed an extra 40k and can say I ALMOST got my dick sucked CLEAN OFF.”
It was in that moment, after that PARTICULAR statement, that distant, indistinguishable YELLING came from Bear’s pocket. The old dog IMMEDIATELY recognized the voice and paled, all the color draining from his face. “Uhhhh...I gotta piss! Be back soon!” And then he promptly high tailed it to the men’s bathroom to cover his ass and HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE CALL (only after TRYING to explain himself).
Mary would get a DIFFERENT Bear back after what ended up being a VERY long potty break. He was pale and sweaty, but still laughed and gave his best effort to laugh the whole thing off. “How about a game? Shuffleboard? Darts? Pool?” Yeah, way to change the subject there, Smokey.
MARY
Mary snorted, nodding slightly as she was munching on some pretzels. Waving a finger at him, "I say that sounds like a fucking good time." She mused with a grin followed by a chuckle. The third shot was finished, but she didn't pour a forth - as much as she loved the alcohol, she needed to pace herself. It was when she was munching on the snacks, when she heard the muffled sounds of shouting coming from Bear's ass. It was a voice she didn't recognize, but in her buzzed state she thought for that moment he had a talking ass.
However, her suspicions were dashed when he pulled out his commlink and made a b-line to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Mary turned her attention towards the two drunk bastards who were still on the floor (apparently the two were too drunk to even get up.), tossing a pretzel or two at the bodies. "You two fuckers good?" She asked, getting a simple grunt as a response.
Mary nodded, finally pouring herself another shot just as Bear returned looking... like his ass got chewed out. "You good? Girlfriend or wife--" Paused, eyeing him, "-or husband reaming your ass out?" She asked with a light tone of amusement, tossing the last pretzel she grabbed into her mouth, chewing with a nod. "Sure... unless you gotta head out and be a good bottom, Smokey?" The bounty hunter asked, tone oozed sarcasm as she grinned at him while raising to her feet, to step on the drunkards to approach the dart board.
BEAR
“Wife? What? No way!” Of course THAT was the part the man picked up on first: wife was a BAD word in his vocabulary. However, given closer consideration the second time around, Bear realized that in ADAMANTLY denouncing a heteronormative relationship of any sort, he’d only opened himself up to even BIGGER and more incriminating ridicule! “G-good bottom?!” Baron sputtered drunkenly, look utterly bewildered. It was highly entertaining to watch such a myriad of emotions pass over the old man’s already pale face, not unlike channel surfing through feelings instead of TV shows.
Confusion. Anger! Embarrassment. Anger! Anger, anger, anger—wait! In a rather regrettable instant, Bear realized that anger as his chosen response only incriminated himself as it made what Mary said FACTUAL. You know, in HER mind, at least. Too little, too late, and without being the SLIGHTEST bit convincing after that full on deer in the headlights look, Baron FINALLY exhaled and feigned cool as a cucumber as best he could. “Oh har har, Mary Poppins. Just because you’re trying to feel me out for a first date doesn’t mean I owe you SHIT more than an ass beating hustling some darts. Ladies fucking first, would you?”
Flipping Mary off upon approach of the dartboard, Baron retrieved the six long-nosed, arrow-tailed tacks from where they were pinned on the target from the last game and separated them out: three for him, three for her. But as he lined up his first shot, Bear couldn’t help but stew—did he look like a fucking BOTTOM?!?! (Insert internal screaming here.)
MARY
There was no judgement from Mary - if he liked dick, cool. She liked dick too. To her surprise, he didn't retaliate with anger, but instead, he responded as calmly as his clenched ass cheeks would let him. Could one blame her? It was just so easy to rile Smokey up, but as much as she LOVED dropping jokes, she knew when to cease fire.
The bounty hunter chuckled as he accused her of scoping out a first date. Mary scoffed, taking the three red darts from him. "...And what if I am? I mean, it'll be one way to show me just... how much of a top you are." She grinned, biting back that laugh when he flipped her off, insisting she go first. "Alright alright, watch how its done, Smokes."
Stepping up, she'd lift her dart and aim for the bullseye - still slightly tipsy - she tossed it and JUST missed the bullseye, a little off center, but not bad for her first shot... while buzzed. "You're up." Stepping as side, she'd gesture to the spot she was in, watching with a smirk. "Gunna show me how a real man does it now?" Mary mused, grinning.
BEAR
To be fair, Baron Vance WAS clenched, in EVERY sense of the word. From his teeth to his butt cheeks, Mary—and Judax by butt dialed extension—had done well to put the poor, commitment-phobic (because he wasn’t homophobic, let’s make that clear!) bodyguard on edge. Sputtering all over again as the bounty hunter told him one way in PARTICULAR would prove he was a top, Bear double-fisted darts in one hand and the shot she’d poured him in the other...and almost ended up trying to drink the needle nosed game pieces instead of the alcohol, he was THAT shook!
Grumbling as Mary pulled off a rather clean shot, even while buzzed AND actively shit talking, the old dog stepped up to the plate and hucked his first dart. Not only did it BARELY land on the board, but it connected with both hard corner and cork in a way that it didn’t lodge properly and—after a moment of weakly hanging on (not unlike any semblance of pride Baron had left to his name)—fell to the ground with a shameful clatter.
Bear just stood there, staring straight ahead. He knew he’d have to turn and face her. Oh god, he could FEEL Mary’s shit eating grin ALREADY. Turning, what came out of his mouth was so drunkenly meek and laughably demoralized that if she wasn’t already giggling...she was ABOUT to be. “I’m a real man!”
It was like the poor bastard was trying to CONVINCE her at this point. Poor, poor Bear. Today had just not been his day.
MARY
Mary bit her lower lip hard, as she was DESPERATELY trying to hold back any laughter as she watched that dart - not only it didn't hit the bullseye - it didn't even stick on the board. BEAR YOU'RE MAKING IT HARD TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE. Clearing her throat, she'd lift her hand to stifle the laugh that was threatening to escape. "Wow-uh..-faulty dart?" The bounty hunter stated, attempting to come up with a reason why the throw was just so horrible.
However the moment he turned to her and uttered those words that made him sound like a child, Mary just burst out laughing. "Of course you are, Pinocchio." She sputtered through the giggles, reaching out to give his shoulder a gentle pat.
It was her turn, and she was still laughing at the imagine she had stuck in her head of his reaction and his firm exclamation. She threw, and barely did any better than he did (hers at least stuck at the edge of the board.) "Fuck, Smokey..." She chuckled, again shaking her head as she stepped aside. "I'm a real man!" Mary repeated in a mocking tone with her head bobbing from side to side before laughing once more.
BEAR
“Faulty? Y-yeah! Faulty!“ Baron leapt at the opportunity for an excuse provided by a barely-keeping-her-shit-together Mary.
Of course, her resistance was futile in the end, and that bubbling crude of inevitable giggle fits poured out, making those manly shoulders Mary patted on Bear sag even further. “I think I prefer Smokey,” the man insisted with a grumble and a glower as she took his rather egregious statement and ran with it.
At least her dart stuck to the board...for a minute, anyways. In flew his second one, just as terribly bad as the first—perhaps WORSE even as, instead of just NOT sticking into the cork, it managed to DISLODGE hers by its poor and close proximity, and THIS time TWO darts clattered to the floor again instead of just one. “Oh for FUCK sake! I call. I’m throwing in the towel. This is a sign. I should have known when I nearly got my junk chewed off that I ain’t got no better luck!”
Storming away from the dartboard, being the laughably poor sport he was, Baron slammed his hand on the counter so hard that both stepped on drunken patrons, who had remained comfortably collapsed there in a heap together since Mary walked over them jumped up and looked around, confused. “Clear the lady’s tab, on me. Gotta foster some good will here with my new colleague.” Well now! He WAS grateful to her sharing her bounty with him AFTER all. Swiping his credstick, Bear turned to Mary and waved a hand dismissively at their only-half-done game of darts. “We’re playing fucking pool next time,” he said, before offering her his hand to shake. “Can’t say it’s been a pleasure, but it’s been a pleasure.” Hah! Somehow that made PERFECT sense. “If you ever find yourself in the Laverna sector, look me up.”
Mary could have the last word, because you KNOW she thought the good little bottom was running on home to do some CYA (cover yo ass) damage control at this point in the night. And she’d be right.
MARY
Mary grinned, hand lifting to rubbing at her lips to stifle the laugh as he took his second shot. NOT ONLY he sucked, he knocked hers off. "H—hey, listen.. blame the liquor, yeah?" She attempted to cheer him up, but it seemed he had enough. Alright then. Approaching the board, she'd stab the remaining darts into the cork, glancing over shoulder towards Bear when he spoke to the bartender.
Tickle her impressed. Eyebrows were raised as she shoved her hands into her pockets while she turned around to face him. "Oh we're colleagues now?" She mused with a smirk, nodding. "Whatever the manly man wants." Mary confirmed his offer to play pool next time.
Taking his hand in a firm handshake, she nodded. "It's always a pleasure with me." Wink. "I would, if I had your number... BUT you have mine... As well as a momento of this night." Finger guns before turning to head to the exit, "If ya looking for extra credits, or for a fun time, call me." Mary rose her hand to give a slight wave before she pushed her way out of the door and headed down the street. The vehicle drove here in was left parked near the bar, dialing a number, she'd pause before speaking, "Heya. You free?" Pause. "Great. See ya in a few." And with that, she hung up with whomever was on the other line and disappeared into the night.
BEAR
Linden Miser had hired Baron Vance to act as his personal bodyguard while they were both in New Haven on business. Granted, Bear’s “business” was yet another divorce mediation with his ex-wife, but still! With the expectation of getting his ass handed to him by lawyers demanding yet more alimony for their client, honestly he could use all the extra creds he could get!
On paper, this was SUPPOSED to be a dead easy contract to fulfill: he was escorting both businessman and shipment from Point A to Point B. Serving as both chauffeur and security, Bear loaded the entrepreneur and his cargo into an unmarked vehicle and prepared for transport.
It was Vance’s understanding, however, that this shipment was already paid for in full from the distributor...when in actuality the producer of the items in question’s patience had long since run out on the deadbeat who had chosen to hire protection to skip out instead of paying his bill.
Name: Linden Miser
Bounty: 100,000 CS
Terms: Safe return of cargo or forceful coercion of payment from past due debtor
Bounty: 100,000 CS
Terms: Safe return of cargo or forceful coercion of payment from past due debtor
MARY
Mary had a similar way of thinking when it came to how ungodly easy this job would be. It was simple - get the target to pay up or take the cargo back to the original owner. She just did not factor in the bastard hiring a bodyguard to protect his sorry ass. The Merc wasn't intimidated; it just meant her target was scared. No heavy guns were brought to this mission; only a pistol and a pair of brass knuckles. ( Either threaten his life or beat him into submission. )
Thanks to Cyd - her handler - she knew the location of said target and cargo. New Haven's business district ( if you could call it that. ) Leaning up against the wall, left of the entrance, she surfed Spoogle when her target came out with a bodyguard. Pushing off the wall, adjusting her leather coat, she'd keep her gaze on Bear as he was overlooking the cargo's loading in the back of the vehicle. She acted as if she was crossing the street, but rounded the car from the front. The moment his attention fell onto the cargo, Mary slipped on her brass knuckles just as she yanked the vehicle's back door open. "Hey Tesh." Mary said with a smirk, reaching in and pulling him by the lapel of his suit jacket towards her. Her other hand - balled into a fist - making contact with the man's face, most likely breaking or dislocating his nose. Either way, the target's cries were immediately heard, followed by him covering his face and concealing the gushing of blood. "Where's the fucking credits, Tesh!" She grunted, knowing, she only had this shot to at least scare him before his bodyguard came in and intervened.
BEAR
“What the ACTUAL fuck?!” Bear exclaimed, as no sooner had he closed his own front, driver-side door and started up the hover car that he heard the back, passenger-side one being yanked open before he could pull out and away into traffic and Linden screaming bloody murder as that same someone started wailing on him. All he saw in the rear view was the continuous flash of brass knuckles and distinctly feminine features. Really???
Out of the car, on his feet, and racing around in an instant, you can bet Baron grabbed Mary’s happy ass by both the scruff and the back most belt loop and gave her one good heave-ho (literally, you dirty ho!). Whether she landed on her ass or her feet, it became VERY apparent that Baron didn’t discriminate when it came to WHO chose to fuck with his contract. He popped her one good one, square in the nose—no brass knuckles necessary for him—and likely left her stunned (if only because he had just fucking PUNCHED A WOMAN IN BROAD DAYLIGHT) and bleeding as, once more, he returned to his chauffeur’s seat and made quick work of getting his client out of there.
Sorry Mary, looks like this one wasn’t going to be nearly as easy as you thought! Quick, they’re getting away! Tires rolled as Bear pulled out into traffic, but couldn’t exactly make an immediate nor speedy getaway as the intersection was not clear to do so; he had no option to run the red light if the people in front of him did not...though he DID wedge himself in with a readiness to use the sidewalk as an escape route if she started shooting.
MARY
Mary's face twisted into an 'oh shit' expression, being yanked out of the car herself. "Wai-- Wait I--" But that was it - she was socked right in the nose. The sensation caused her to let out a single "Fuck!" Mary stumbled but managed to stay on her two feet with both hands covering her face, blinking a few times, composing herself as the vehicle sped off.
The woman didn't hesitate, removing one of her pistols from beneath her leather jacket, aiming it at the vehicle—Pew pew pew. A few shots contacted with the back, but she was careful not to hit the cargo, but none popped the tires. All the while, the blood was dripping from her nose.
"Fuck!" Mary groaned, becoming more agitated, now standing in the middle of the street. The sound of a honk behind her caused her to turn to face the driver, aiming her weapon. "Get the FUCK out of the car." She shouted as she rushed upon him, and if Mary had to, she yanked the stranger out the driver seat, climbing in herself. Her tires squealed, speeding off and in pursuit. The Merc a weaved through slow traffic after Bear caused a collision himself by speeding through a red light. But she managed and, she was soon on his tail. Leaning out of the driver's side window, she'd once more aim at the tires but missing. "C'MON LOUISE." Mary would shout at her beloved blaster before focusing on her driving and catching up with her target.
Pressing the gas pedal down, she'd swerve to the left, slowly coming up to driving alongside the bodyguard on the wrong side the road. Peering through the passenger side window, she'd point her blaster at Bear but didn't shoot. Her beef wasn't with him. "Can you PLEASE pull the fuck over!? I JUST WANT TO TALK WITH TESH. IMMA ONLY ASK NICELY THIS ONE FUCKING TIME."
Oh, she was pissed.
BEAR
Here Bear was, busy with some SERIOUS defensive driving, and yet that same, now bloody nosed bitch sped up to pull alongside him...and actually had the AUDACITY TO SAY PLEASE?!
“Nicely?! Lady, brass knuckles and blaster shells is a FUCKED up definition of nice!” Baron yelled out his own window as the success of his evasive maneuvering was fairly short lived. Between his lane of traffic and the oncoming that she’d just blocked off turning her stolen vehicle down the wrong-way side of the street, commuters were now an added distraction and road rage was still VERY real in the future.
Attempting to throw the car in reverse and backtrack, the heavily peppered (but not busted) back window had ZERO visibility at this point which lead Bear to back himself accidentally into a refrigerated box truck, crushing the trunk of the hover car to the point that the boot no longer latched...and, in turn, somehow sending Linden’s “precious cargo” into emergency online mode.
Suddenly two VERY animated, VERY convincing but CLEARLY synthetic sex dolls popped up and out of the trunk and began WAILING in alarm (both having their faces eternally formed in the still-classic, open mouthed “o” face for OBVIOUS reasons). At THIS point, LINDEN panicked and yelled “the twins!” And got out of the car on his OWN trying to secure the load before they managed to get out and run off, but struggled to power them back off and shove them once more back into the damaged trunk.
Seriously? Animatronic sex dolls? THAT was the shipment?
Bear groaned and readied his blaster as he exited the car and tried to shepherd both client and cargo while keeping Mary at bay. It was like herding cats, so much so that Yakety Sax might as well have been playing at this point. What an ABSOLUTE clusterfuck!
MARY
"Oh, I'm sorry, I think that was me being PRETTY FUCKING NICE." She shouted back but had to abruptly put on her brakes when the bodyguard put the vehicle into reverse. Mary watched as he sped past her, back in the direction they came from before she immediately shifted her car into reverse and followed, but yanked the steering wheel hard left to spin her occupied vehicle.
Now she was facing her target was they were still speeding backward, only to make contact with a refrigerator truck. Closing in, she'd park her car at an angle, blocking the way forward (if he decided to try and drive off again. ) Putting the car in park, she'd climb out with her blaster in hand, slamming the door. "First of all, you hit like a bitch." Mary murmured with lightheartedness as if she was attempting to give him a twisted compliment. Finally, wiping the blood from her nose, smearing it across her upper lip, before she shifted her attention towards Linden, who was now in a panic over his precious cargo. It was evident by her surprised expression; she wasn't even aware of what the shipment was - it wasn't her job to know.
Waving her pistol towards the target while she kept her distance, "Sex McFuckface over there owes my employer a lot of credits for those..." Pausing, furrowing eyebrows as she looked at Linden with slight disgust, "OR he wants his cargo back." Mary explained, "I was hired to make sure one of those things happened." Looking back to Bear, who OBVIOUSLY was just as annoyed as she was.
BEAR
Baron knew it was wrong to hit a woman, he just didn’t particularly care at this professional intersection and late lot in life. Especially not when Mary was EGGING him on saying he hit like a bitch!
Aggressively striding towards the bounty hunter, even with Sex McFuckface still trying to corral the gaping, silicone maws of “the twins” back into an otherwise useless trunk for transport, Bear came toe to toe with Mary and raised a fist again as if to double down and pop her another good one.
But then she spoke, and in doing so, informed him that his client had not been honest by ANY means when hiring him for protection. “Oh god FUCKING dammit!” The bodyguard swore, turning IMMEDIATELY on his heel and walking STRAIGHT over to where Linden was to instead knock HIM the fuck out in the middle of broad daylight and rush hour traffic.
Sighing and rubbing his forehead as he looked down at the crumpled body of his protection contract, he picked the unconscious idiot up and slung him over his shoulder before gesturing between Mary and the two sex dolls still running around with their arms waving in the air and their mouths wide open SCREAMING leedleleedleleedlelee in some god awful, literal tongue-in-cheek alarm system. “Take ‘em back then, this ain’t even CLOSE to my job description or pay grade.”
Wait, what?! Just like that...?
I mean, it was still easier said than done. Mary still had to catch and contain those two life size, animatronic sex dolls, and Bear was already walking off, leaving her and the wake of their accident behind as he at LEAST was going to fulfill delivering THIS sack of dumbass potatoes to location, as promised in HIS half of the contract, in order to get paid.
MARY
Mary's attention quickly shifted between the target and Bear who was fast approaching her, as if ready to throw down. Fine. "You wanna fucking dance old man, let's dance." She stated, shrugging off her leather jacket, holstering her blaster before she brought her fists up. Oh yes, she was ready, but while she waited for him, shared the reason why she was there - what she came to collect and that seemed to cause the bodyguard to stop in his tracks just feet before Mary , doing a complete one-eighty to charge over to Linden who was still attempting to herd the leedle twins. "Wait.. Wait. Don't-" Mary stated, stepping towards the pair, but it was too late. Linden was knocked the fuck out, which only left her with one option. "Fuck, do you always go around and punch shit?" She asked, before staring at him with a deadpan expression, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" She asked in disbelief, watching as Bear carried off her unconscious target over his shoulder.
Turning her gaze towards the two leedle twins with distraught look, watching one consistently keeps running into a wall, while the other running around in circles. Letting out a heavy sigh, she hung her head back, cursing quietly before lowering her head and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Wait.. Wait!" She grunted, clearly not liking the idea, but what choice did she have? Turning around towards the bodyguard. "If you help me, I'll pay you thirty thousand credits." Hopefully that tickled his interest. "I'm sure, it's better than whatever he's paying you."
"So how what do ya say?" She asked, as one of the dolls scurried across the road behind her.
BEAR
And tickle his interest it did indeed. “Forty thousand,” the bodyguard stated gruffly to the bounty hunter, making sure his body language told her there was no room for negotiation: he had only paused, not stopped fully, and if she attempted to negotiate his terms, he was out of there. Little did she know, he was TRYING to get TWICE what Linden had agreed to pay him (and 30k would have STILL been WAY more). Greedy bastard.
If Mary agreed, it would be Miser’s unconscious body that Bear tossed in the trunk of his totaled chauffeur’s vehicle, leaving him more highly maneuverable and better prepared to herd some sex dolls with his rival-turned-business-partner. “Who the FUCK would find these HORRIFYING things sexy? Good lord that RACKET!” Bear groaned and hustled after the nearest one to him, which had gone from running around in circles to assuming VERY inappropriate sexual positions but STILL screaming LEEDLELEEDLELEE.
MARY
"Deal." Was all she said, there was no hesitation, no debate. Why? Because of two things—There was no way, she'd wrangle these leedle twins by herself, make a complete fool of herself and two; she'd still be making sixty thousand credits. To her it was a win win.
Mary scoffed, shaking her head with a casual shrug. "No idea..." She'd respond as she casually rounded one of the dolls as it was on it's hands and knees assuming the position, repeating over and over "Spank me, Daddy". The Merc crouched and sneakily came up behind it. She didn't want to spook it. Mary KNEW, just KNEW that what will transpire next will be nothing but embarrassing, but she needed to do it.
The Merc jumped onto the dolls back, pinning it against the ground, which let out this moan like "Oh yeah!" Marys knee was pressed into the dolls back between the shoulder blades, while she was searching for the off switch. Quietly, she prayed it wasn't some where that required...some searching. Searching through the dolls hair like a monkey picking out fleas, she found it. A small button that blended in to the skin tone behind the ear. Pressing it, the doll went limp and it's Leedle sounds died out. "THE EAR. Check the Ear!" Mary called out to the bodyguard, unsure if the power button was in the same place.
BEAR
Baron blinked and stared as Mary leapt upon the back of that first “leedle twin” like a goddamn spider monkey. In that time, the one he was SUPPOSED to be catching casually strode away and into a crowd of onlookers which had gathered to assess the chaos among the car collision. Listen, he KNEW he should have been paying better attention and staying focused but it was a LITTLE hard when he was hearing things like spank me daddy and oh yeah! and harder, don’t st-AWP!
Oh thank god that last one trailed off as Mary found the fucking off button at last. Still, it would take Bear a moment to come to his senses as he simply stood and...well, GAWKED at Mary full on wrangling that sex doll.
Ahem! His turn! Right!
Pushing people out of the way as he ran off in the direction the second of the robotic escapees had so casually headed (in search of someone needing pleasuring, clearly!) the bodyguard grimaced as he found an old lady fending her off with her hover-walker (complete with space tennis balls and all). The poor grandma wailed for help upon approach, as the sex doll had already dropped to its knees and was smacking its lips in a horrifyingly hungry manner.
“Uh, oh, sorry ma’am,” Bear fumbled with the back of the doll’s head, which only changed its focus in the absolute WORST of ways as a distinctly vacuum-like suction sound began whirring within that o-shaped silicon mouth. The doll would turn and Mary would hear Bear yelp as it attached itself to the front of his britches! “Ack! No! Stop!” In any other circumstance, he would have ripped its damn head off, but then neither him nor the bounty hunter he’d signed on with for a 60/40 split would get paid!
So instead, Mary got to see Bear panic, full on not-quite-right public BJ, as he continued to search the back of the doll’s head (a rather unfortunate thing to have to commit to, as it only made him appear that much more incriminating given the robot’s on-her-knees position). “My finger’s are too big, HELP ME!” Baron practically SOBBED at this point, unable to reach the button inside the doll’s ear canal with his fat, Mafioso sausage fingers.
MARY
Mary took a moment to compose herself, taking a breath with her hands on her hips as she eyed that sex doll. There were a few choice words she'd love to have with her employer. Looking towards Bear, she blinked, "..What?" She asked. "C'mon now; you're acting as if you have never fucking watched space porn." Mary huffed with a small smirk before gesturing towards the direction of his sex doll went off to. "Remember, check the ear. I'll... pack this one up..." She stated, looking down at it, before she would attempt to lift the doll, but would immediately topple over. This limp bitch was heavy. "Jesus.. fucking.." Mary grunted before she would raise with her knees and force this thing over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Staggering over to the case, she'd drop the doll into the padded container when she heard an older woman shriek ( or so she assumed. LITTLE DID SHE KNOW.)
Shutting and locking the case, she'd push her way through the small crowd surrounding the bodyguard and - oh my. She was biting her lower lip to hold back the laughter. "Uhm-" Clears throat, chuckling. "Do.. you need some alone time?" She asked, again clearing her throat as she pulled out her commlink and hit record. I mean, C'mon.. how could she NOT? It was too good and truthfully what he deserved this after he punched an innocent woman in the face.
Letting out an exaggerated sigh, she nodded, putting her commlink away upon hearing the sobs. Well, now it wasn't funny anymore. "Alright, alright!" Mary stated with a chuckle as she stepped over towards Bear, "And here I was, thinking you enjoyed this." She mused, eyeing Bear with a grin as she stood in front of him and the doll that was... doing her best in pleasuring him. OH IF ONLY HE DIDN'T HAVE PANTS. (Picture a baby frantically searching for the nipple - that's what the doll looks like - frantically searching for the D. )
Pushing aside some of the hair, she'd feel around the ear. "Almost..." She muttered. "Annnd it's.." The button was found and pressed, causing the doll to cease all movement with its face smooshed against Bears crotch." Off." Looking up at Bear, she smirked. "Was it as good for you as it was for it?" Oh, the jokes! JOKES FOR DAYS. Standing upright, she gestured to the doll. "Let's get this thing back to the truck."
BEAR
Innocent woman?! Innocent woman!? Mary was ABOUT to get popped in the nose a SECOND time when Bear realized she was not only recording his trauma, and rest assured, she’d deserve THAT one as much as the first!
By the time Mary had stuck her finger in the doll’s ear and successfully powered the damn thing down, Baron was shaking and SWEATING.(...from enjoyment?) “Ack!” Bear cried as he looked down and realized the waking nightmare that was having been assaulted by the latter leedle twin had—horrifyingly—left him with a perfectly circular holy in the front of his pants! Did that fucking thing have TEETH?! HOLY SHIT!
Even running the risk of putting the frayed front of his boxers on display, Mary’s cheeky commentary had Bear pushing that damn sex robot off of him and dumping it onto her. And she knew by now those things were HEAVY! Ever the embarrassed sourpuss, Baron crouched down at Mary crushed beneath the still-gaping, fish-mouthed doll, squinting and attempting to snatch the commlink from her hand. (If she was smart, she would have gone “live” with the video from the MOMENT she hit record and streamed that shit all over the infosphere.)
Bear, you’re about to go VIRAL!
“You’re the worst,” the bodyguard glowered at the bounty hunter before finally removing the doll’s dead weight from on top of her. How easily they handled the load was different, but their sack of potatoes strategy was the same. The “merchandise” was treated a lot more kindly than the merchant had been, set carefully into the locked cargo box rather than being tossed into the trunk. “You might as well take him too: he paid me upfront, fucking lying cheapskate. Maybe you can get yourself a bonus turning in both the product and the thief.”
He shrugged and held out his commlink expectantly: she owed him forty thousand credits, after all! However, with a tap, Mary could do more than just give Bear his share of the 60/40 split bounty, she could also exchange contact information (not to mention contaminate his space phone by airdropping that DAMN recording of him being ACCOSTED in public again).
MARY
Mary had a direct view of that perfectly round hole the doll made through the man's pants, and she just snorted. "Nice boxers? Briefs? Determined lil' shits." She murmured, clearly amused by the entire thing. However, it SEEMED he did not and pushed the dead weight of the doll on top of her. It caught her off guard, surely, causing her to stumble back, but it only made her chuckling turn into harder laughter. "Get it off--Hey NO. BACK OFF." Mary snorted chuckled, as she weaseled her commlink away from him. IF she needed to, she'd resort to biting. SHE'D DO IT.
The Merc took a breath, trying to compose herself as she was finally relieved by the weight, standing up. "Eh.. I doubt that..." She muttered, still chuckling with a small shrug as she was dusting herself off. Now there was a crowd around them, to which she decided it was time for them all to disperse. Turning to face them, she'd wave her hands as if to shoo them away. "Now.. Show's over, if ya fuckers want more, ya gotta pay..." She'd chime, still waving her hands at the crowd, who slowly started to dwindle and to the ones that hadn't, she'd threaten them. "Don't make me turn her back on. You've seen what she's done to this guy's pants!" Mary gestured to Bear's crotch, eyeing at the few with raised eyebrows. Eventually all went back to their normal duties and in the back of her mind, she was surprised none of the Gal-Feds showed up... They're more useless as the warning on the Q-tip box, or on a cup of noodles. ( NO ONE LISTENS TO THEM.)
With his help, the two carried the doll back and dumped her back into her padded container, locking it. Mary obtained Bear's help again by loading the two in the vehicle she commandeered in the short chase. With a successful return, she gathered her jacket, slipping it on and re-holstering her blaster, before her attention turned back to Bear, holding his commlink out like a kid demanding a treat. "Whoa, you'll get your credits. Gotta deliver first." She mentioned, as she now was leaning against the opened driver's door. "Now, I can tell you to trust me and I'll transfer the funds when delivered, or...." She started, head tilting to the side, eyeing him with his newly formed hole on his crotch, still chuckling, "Or... you can take a ride with me, lover boy." Mary asked, gesturing towards the passenger seat.
BEAR
“Don’t bite me you little shit!” Baron hissed and retracted his hand quickly when Mary took a chomp at it.
Groaning as his nearly-devoured crotch was used as a threat to thin and part the crowd, red-faced in both fury and shame the bodyguard followed after the bounty hunter and deposited the case now containing BOTH the leedle twins in the trunk. If Mary saw no value in bringing his contract along, Bear wouldn’t bother, leaving him to wake up all alone in the middle of the street, likely being hooked up, towed, and charged for the damage to he abandoned car he was found in long after they’d gone. Served him right too!
Bear scoffed as Mary suggested he could trust her. “Fat fucking chance, Juliet, get in the damn car,” Baron barked, temper short on the best of days. Dropping grumpily into the passenger seat and slamming the door, he’d crank some tunes and sourpuss the whole way there. But, I mean, 40k plus the 20k he’d already collected? Not a bad turnout. Maybe this chick was alright...and she could take a punch!
MARY
"Don't take my fucking commlink, you asshole." Mary would retort, still amused by the entire situation.
Mary smirked, clicking the roof of her tongue when he CLEARLY didn't trust her, nodding slightly, "Alright." Climbing into the driver's seat, she'd glance towards him with a smirk, "Oh relax... Just think of it this way... Free blow job." Mary suggested, biting the inside of her cheek as she drove off. "Besides, it could be worse..." The Merc started before muttering, "It can always be worse..."
The drive to their destination wasn't a long one, but she let sourpuss stew in his confusing sexual feelings. Located on the other side of New Haven, Mary pulled up to a loading dock of a warehouse. "Wait here, Romeo." Climbing out, she approached the metal door and gave it a knock. Glancing around, she's wait until the sliding peeper opened, "It's me. Your goods have been returned... Unharmed." For the most apart. The peeper slammed shut and the sound of a few locks were unlocked before this large metal door opened and a short, middle ages humanoid came out wearing a magnifying glass monocle. Bringing him to the car, with his two goons following, she'd reveal the goods to him and he visibly relaxed, nodding. "Good. Very nice." With a press of the button, her reward was transferred to her bank account which she was alerted by her commlink lighting up. "Pleasure doing business... Oh also.. maybe less teeth next time?" Mary suggested after the crates were removed from the trunk.
Climbing back into the driver's seat, she held her hand out for his commlink. Once she got it, she's transfer not ONLY the credits, but a copy of the video as well as her digits. "Done...annnd done. Told ya, I'm a woman of my word." She stated, handing the commlink back to him. "Hey...wanna see if he has one without teeth??" She teased, gesturing back to the warehouse with a smirk before asking, "need a ride somewhere?"
BEAR
“Ida gladly paid for something a lot less robotic,” Baron suggested. Woah there cowboy! This was a bounty, not a brothel! Likely walking right into yet another of Mary’s mouthy (and not in the aforementioned way either!) jokes, Baron grumbled, crossed his arms, and slid down the seat into a petulant, pouting slouch.
He’d straighten up, however, upon their arrival at the hoverport docks on the far side of town. The warehouse, despite being a dive, looked reputable enough with all the proper (albeit indistinguishable as a company that mass produced animatronic sex dolls and the like) signage. Still, Bear was keen to protect his investment—that 60/40 split, and Mary too, I guess—and had his weapon drawn below the window and ready.
Huh. I guess it really was just a return-to-sender delivery job. Collecting payment and returning to the car without issue, Mary really did make it look easy, to the point Bear couldn’t even be grumpy about it! ...he’d gotten paid, and made a decent contact who seemed able to pick up some pretty cushy contracts that she was willing to share.
However, her comment earned both a snort and a blatant, no-nonsense threat. “You’re gonna have no teeth here in a minute,” Bear told Mary, waving a fist in a classic Honeymooners one of these days, AIice! gesture. “Where’s the nearest bar? I need a fucking drink.” ...whelp, that was as close to an invite as Mary could dare hope for.
MARY
Mary smirked, but kept her gaze forward, "Good to know." She murmured.
The reason why the job was taken BECAUSE how easy it was SUPPOSE to be, but of course, nothing could EVER be easy for Mary. There always has to be a hitch and in this case, it was the active leedle twins.
After the job was said and done, reached out and playfully hit him in the shoulder after he threatened her AGAIN, "Oh you, don't threaten me with a good time." She cooed, before grinning with a nod. "Oh, I bet you do, probs need a cig too after THAT show." The Merc said, before holding her hand up in a defensive manner - she was done. For now. "To a bar!" Mary announced, kicking the vehicle into reverse, tugging on the handbrake and yanking the steering wheel hard to the right causing the vehicle to abruptly spin around to face the exit.
It just so happens; Mary did know a bar ( she knew all the bars ). It wasn't the Rusty Shovel, this was something more like a hole in the wall, 'The Blue Bell.' It was dingey, the neon sign flickered as it hung vicariously over the front door. It didn't look nice, but it had cheap beer and when there was cheap beer; Mary was there. Pulling up to the curb, she'd turn off the ignition and climb out clearly inviting herself in partaking in a drink. "You're paying right? I mean, it's the least you could do since you fucking bruised my money maker." The Merc feigned anger, becoming dramatic before she approached the door and yanked it open. "After you, lover boy." Mary asked, biting back a smile, knowing... that perfect circular hole that was located in his crotch was visible for everyone in the bar.
"Niice boxers. That a new look now-a-days?" One patron chimed up, while the others snickered.
BEAR
Grumbly as ever, Baron crossed his arms, rolled his eyes, and let Mary get away with ONE more jab so at least he didn’t have to shell out cab fare to get to where he was going.
Rest assured, Bear had not forgotten he was sporting a perfectly round hole over his fly...but he was ITCHING for a fight and obviously wasn’t going to risk a potential work contact by decking Mary again (unless, of course, she REALLY pushed her luck and deserved it). So when some drunken shmoe piped up, the now off-duty bodyguard grinned rather wickedly...before grabbing the stool-sat, slovenly regular and lifting his ass up to be hung so that his toes could only BARELY detect where the floor was beneath him. “Now I know you’re probably not used to seein’ a pecker like mine after all those years getting out of the shower n’ lookin’ down, but I didn’t point and neither should you.” Yes, he had just made an erection joke. Thank you very much.
Rather unceremoniously, Chuckles here was dumped into his equally drunken, snickering neighbor’s lap, face first so that they BOTH fell into a crumpled, embarrassing heap, likely with head-in-lap.
“First round’s on you,” Bear told Mary before taking the SUDDENLY vacant bar stools he’d just procured from the two tittering stooges and helping her step over them and pony up to the bar. See? He could be a gentleman! ...at least with the potential for free booze involved.
MARY
Mary stayed back, letting Bear release that pent up anger on the unsuspecting patron who most likely spoke in jest - fueled with who knows how many drinks. Nonetheless, she still found it EXTREMELY amusing, watching as Bear just picked up Chuckles, made a joke - which caused Mary to raise her eyebrows, biting her lower lip to hold back the laughter that was bubbling up.
Nothing was said until he spoke, and she just nodded, "Yeah, sure." She stated, again, not really in the mood to argue. Approaching the bar, she'd step - not over - but on the two drunkards to reach the bar. Bear's help was accepted in the process.
Plopping onto the stool, she'd smack the counter. "Bartender! Two of your... strongest... and cheapest liquor." She demanded with a nod before looking to Bear and his holy pants. "May I suggest pants being the first thing you buy?" She mused, chuckling as he glanced towards the Bartender, who put before them two shot glasses filled with a clear liquid - Tequila? Vodka? Both? "Thanks - Oh, leave the bottle." She gestured before holding the glass up into the air, "To never seeing another sex doll again." The 'mysterious' liquid was downed in one shot, causing Mary to furrow her eyebrows, slamming the shot glass back down onto the table, "Fuuuuck. Shit, that's good." She chimed, snatching the bottle and pouring another shot for him and herself, "Mary." Finally, the introductions were given.
BEAR
Now it was Bear’s turn to bite back laughter, as Mary not only took his hand rather daintily, but scaled the two-body heap like it was a jacket he’d laid over a puddle for her. “You know, there’s some guys who like being stepped on,” Baron baited his new colleague, finally getting back at her with some poked fun of his own. (And by getting back at her, what I mean is setting himself up for further scrutiny and ridicule.)
Promptly flipping the bounty hunter off as she made a suggestion for how he should spend their 60/40 split, the bodyguard scoffed, turned, and manspread his legs right at her. “Are you kidding? I’m thinking of turning this into the next fashion trend. It’s all in the way you wear it, right? Confidence!” Oh jeez, now she’d gone and done it: teased him so damn much that he’d had to get in on the joke himself. What? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
But hey, at least Mary’s toast was something Bear could at last agree with! “Oh yeah, I second THAT one,” Baron eagerly concurred and clinked shot glasses before throwing his own back and GARGLING spiritedly with it. Accepting the young woman’s heavy handed refill (clearly a double this time), before swishing that second one like dental fluoride, he’d next toast to her with a tip of his liquor in that general direction. “Baron Vance—Bear. Vance. Baron. I really don’t give a shit what you call me.”
MARY
Mary's eyes slowly narrowed, staring at Bear as he made a casual remark. "Oh yeah? You one of 'em? Want me to step on ya, Big Daddy." She feigned a sultry voice, winking at him before she shook her head and downed that first shot. The bounty hunter was feeling the burn when Bear turned to face her, manspreading his legs. Immediately her gaze diverted down and saw that perfectly shaped hole before abruptly turning her head away, "Jeezus." Mary chuckled, her hand raising to conceal that hole for a moment before the pour the two another shot - definitely a double this time.
The woman downed the second, pinching her eyebrows together as she felt the burn, squinting at him for a moment before clearing her throat. "Really? So I could call you, Mr. Fuck Pants and you'd be ok with it?" Mary asked smirking as she poured herself a third shot, glancing towards him with an arched eyebrow. The bottle was held up silently offering to pour him another shot.
BEAR
“Big Daddy?!” The sound that came out of Bear was somewhere between a choke and bellowing laughter. “Nah, not into being stepped on, sorry to disappoint you little lady.” Those belly laughs continued as Mary raised a hand to visually block the space between his manspread legs, like one might do when the sun was too bright.
“Did I GIVE you an option D in this multiple choice? NO. Besides, we left Mr. Fuck Pants back there in the trunk of that car. Just...call me Bear, okay?” He laughed, shook his head, and threw back another shot before eagerly holding his glass out when she offered the bottle again. “How long you been bounty hunting, Mary Mary quite Contrary?” He tittered stupidly at his own joke, suggesting he might not have as heavy a tolerance for alcohol as his burly physique suggested if he was already getting giggly. Then again, all bets were off when it came to alien liquor and humans.
MARY
Mary scoffed, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth almost in a disappointed manner. "You're missing out, just ask these two fucks." Head bobbed over her shoulder to the two drunkards. "They had no complaints when I stepped on them." The woman confirmed with a nod before stifling a laugh.
"Whoa- Hey! Listen, the option D was silent, ok? When you said you didn't fucking care, I didn't hear no stipulations." She wagged a finger at him, already feeling the relaxing affects the alcohol was having on her. His nickname brought out a small glare before shaking her head, "So fucking lame." She muttered as she grunted while stretching over the counter to grab a bowl of pretzels - something to sop up the strong ass liquor.
Plopping down heavily, she grabbed a few pretzels, tossing them into her mouth chewing almost haphazardly, "Well, Smokey the bear, a while now. It was either this, or become one of those shady criminals." Munch munch, "Doing this way, I can beat the shit out of someone AND get paid for it without too much of the repercussions. I say this is a fucking win-win." She nodded, before gesturing to him, taking a sip of her shot this time - gotta pace herself. "Whatta about you? How long have you been a body guard for sex dolls?" Mary TRIED to keep a straight face, but snorted with a grin, as she downed the remaining liquid of her shot.
BEAR
Used to far heavier stuff, all the alcohol seemed to do was make Baron a little more approachable—affable, sociable, giggly—rather than complete, reckless abandon of his inhibitions. Well, that and the tragic butt dial (the result of a VERY unfortunate NAT 1 roll) that had unwittingly occurred the MOMENT he sat down on that bar stool beside Mary.
...Judax would hear EVERYTHING, which was rather unfortunate given the bouncer had recently made great, personal strides with his boss. Now, among other things, the Tarlaxian would overhear the two humans discussing sex dolls rather candidly and between drunken laughing fits.
“I don’t do this sort of thing often.” Oops, also incriminating without the proper context. How embarrassing! “Shit, after tonight, I’m going to need a WAY bigger payday to EVER agree to THIS sort of contract again.” A pause, “...then again, thanks to you, i pocketed an extra 40k and can say I ALMOST got my dick sucked CLEAN OFF.”
It was in that moment, after that PARTICULAR statement, that distant, indistinguishable YELLING came from Bear’s pocket. The old dog IMMEDIATELY recognized the voice and paled, all the color draining from his face. “Uhhhh...I gotta piss! Be back soon!” And then he promptly high tailed it to the men’s bathroom to cover his ass and HANG UP THE FUCKING PHONE CALL (only after TRYING to explain himself).
Mary would get a DIFFERENT Bear back after what ended up being a VERY long potty break. He was pale and sweaty, but still laughed and gave his best effort to laugh the whole thing off. “How about a game? Shuffleboard? Darts? Pool?” Yeah, way to change the subject there, Smokey.
MARY
Mary snorted, nodding slightly as she was munching on some pretzels. Waving a finger at him, "I say that sounds like a fucking good time." She mused with a grin followed by a chuckle. The third shot was finished, but she didn't pour a forth - as much as she loved the alcohol, she needed to pace herself. It was when she was munching on the snacks, when she heard the muffled sounds of shouting coming from Bear's ass. It was a voice she didn't recognize, but in her buzzed state she thought for that moment he had a talking ass.
However, her suspicions were dashed when he pulled out his commlink and made a b-line to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Mary turned her attention towards the two drunk bastards who were still on the floor (apparently the two were too drunk to even get up.), tossing a pretzel or two at the bodies. "You two fuckers good?" She asked, getting a simple grunt as a response.
Mary nodded, finally pouring herself another shot just as Bear returned looking... like his ass got chewed out. "You good? Girlfriend or wife--" Paused, eyeing him, "-or husband reaming your ass out?" She asked with a light tone of amusement, tossing the last pretzel she grabbed into her mouth, chewing with a nod. "Sure... unless you gotta head out and be a good bottom, Smokey?" The bounty hunter asked, tone oozed sarcasm as she grinned at him while raising to her feet, to step on the drunkards to approach the dart board.
BEAR
“Wife? What? No way!” Of course THAT was the part the man picked up on first: wife was a BAD word in his vocabulary. However, given closer consideration the second time around, Bear realized that in ADAMANTLY denouncing a heteronormative relationship of any sort, he’d only opened himself up to even BIGGER and more incriminating ridicule! “G-good bottom?!” Baron sputtered drunkenly, look utterly bewildered. It was highly entertaining to watch such a myriad of emotions pass over the old man’s already pale face, not unlike channel surfing through feelings instead of TV shows.
Confusion. Anger! Embarrassment. Anger! Anger, anger, anger—wait! In a rather regrettable instant, Bear realized that anger as his chosen response only incriminated himself as it made what Mary said FACTUAL. You know, in HER mind, at least. Too little, too late, and without being the SLIGHTEST bit convincing after that full on deer in the headlights look, Baron FINALLY exhaled and feigned cool as a cucumber as best he could. “Oh har har, Mary Poppins. Just because you’re trying to feel me out for a first date doesn’t mean I owe you SHIT more than an ass beating hustling some darts. Ladies fucking first, would you?”
Flipping Mary off upon approach of the dartboard, Baron retrieved the six long-nosed, arrow-tailed tacks from where they were pinned on the target from the last game and separated them out: three for him, three for her. But as he lined up his first shot, Bear couldn’t help but stew—did he look like a fucking BOTTOM?!?! (Insert internal screaming here.)
MARY
There was no judgement from Mary - if he liked dick, cool. She liked dick too. To her surprise, he didn't retaliate with anger, but instead, he responded as calmly as his clenched ass cheeks would let him. Could one blame her? It was just so easy to rile Smokey up, but as much as she LOVED dropping jokes, she knew when to cease fire.
The bounty hunter chuckled as he accused her of scoping out a first date. Mary scoffed, taking the three red darts from him. "...And what if I am? I mean, it'll be one way to show me just... how much of a top you are." She grinned, biting back that laugh when he flipped her off, insisting she go first. "Alright alright, watch how its done, Smokes."
Stepping up, she'd lift her dart and aim for the bullseye - still slightly tipsy - she tossed it and JUST missed the bullseye, a little off center, but not bad for her first shot... while buzzed. "You're up." Stepping as side, she'd gesture to the spot she was in, watching with a smirk. "Gunna show me how a real man does it now?" Mary mused, grinning.
BEAR
To be fair, Baron Vance WAS clenched, in EVERY sense of the word. From his teeth to his butt cheeks, Mary—and Judax by butt dialed extension—had done well to put the poor, commitment-phobic (because he wasn’t homophobic, let’s make that clear!) bodyguard on edge. Sputtering all over again as the bounty hunter told him one way in PARTICULAR would prove he was a top, Bear double-fisted darts in one hand and the shot she’d poured him in the other...and almost ended up trying to drink the needle nosed game pieces instead of the alcohol, he was THAT shook!
Grumbling as Mary pulled off a rather clean shot, even while buzzed AND actively shit talking, the old dog stepped up to the plate and hucked his first dart. Not only did it BARELY land on the board, but it connected with both hard corner and cork in a way that it didn’t lodge properly and—after a moment of weakly hanging on (not unlike any semblance of pride Baron had left to his name)—fell to the ground with a shameful clatter.
Bear just stood there, staring straight ahead. He knew he’d have to turn and face her. Oh god, he could FEEL Mary’s shit eating grin ALREADY. Turning, what came out of his mouth was so drunkenly meek and laughably demoralized that if she wasn’t already giggling...she was ABOUT to be. “I’m a real man!”
It was like the poor bastard was trying to CONVINCE her at this point. Poor, poor Bear. Today had just not been his day.
MARY
Mary bit her lower lip hard, as she was DESPERATELY trying to hold back any laughter as she watched that dart - not only it didn't hit the bullseye - it didn't even stick on the board. BEAR YOU'RE MAKING IT HARD TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE. Clearing her throat, she'd lift her hand to stifle the laugh that was threatening to escape. "Wow-uh..-faulty dart?" The bounty hunter stated, attempting to come up with a reason why the throw was just so horrible.
However the moment he turned to her and uttered those words that made him sound like a child, Mary just burst out laughing. "Of course you are, Pinocchio." She sputtered through the giggles, reaching out to give his shoulder a gentle pat.
It was her turn, and she was still laughing at the imagine she had stuck in her head of his reaction and his firm exclamation. She threw, and barely did any better than he did (hers at least stuck at the edge of the board.) "Fuck, Smokey..." She chuckled, again shaking her head as she stepped aside. "I'm a real man!" Mary repeated in a mocking tone with her head bobbing from side to side before laughing once more.
BEAR
“Faulty? Y-yeah! Faulty!“ Baron leapt at the opportunity for an excuse provided by a barely-keeping-her-shit-together Mary.
Of course, her resistance was futile in the end, and that bubbling crude of inevitable giggle fits poured out, making those manly shoulders Mary patted on Bear sag even further. “I think I prefer Smokey,” the man insisted with a grumble and a glower as she took his rather egregious statement and ran with it.
At least her dart stuck to the board...for a minute, anyways. In flew his second one, just as terribly bad as the first—perhaps WORSE even as, instead of just NOT sticking into the cork, it managed to DISLODGE hers by its poor and close proximity, and THIS time TWO darts clattered to the floor again instead of just one. “Oh for FUCK sake! I call. I’m throwing in the towel. This is a sign. I should have known when I nearly got my junk chewed off that I ain’t got no better luck!”
Storming away from the dartboard, being the laughably poor sport he was, Baron slammed his hand on the counter so hard that both stepped on drunken patrons, who had remained comfortably collapsed there in a heap together since Mary walked over them jumped up and looked around, confused. “Clear the lady’s tab, on me. Gotta foster some good will here with my new colleague.” Well now! He WAS grateful to her sharing her bounty with him AFTER all. Swiping his credstick, Bear turned to Mary and waved a hand dismissively at their only-half-done game of darts. “We’re playing fucking pool next time,” he said, before offering her his hand to shake. “Can’t say it’s been a pleasure, but it’s been a pleasure.” Hah! Somehow that made PERFECT sense. “If you ever find yourself in the Laverna sector, look me up.”
Mary could have the last word, because you KNOW she thought the good little bottom was running on home to do some CYA (cover yo ass) damage control at this point in the night. And she’d be right.
MARY
Mary grinned, hand lifting to rubbing at her lips to stifle the laugh as he took his second shot. NOT ONLY he sucked, he knocked hers off. "H—hey, listen.. blame the liquor, yeah?" She attempted to cheer him up, but it seemed he had enough. Alright then. Approaching the board, she'd stab the remaining darts into the cork, glancing over shoulder towards Bear when he spoke to the bartender.
Tickle her impressed. Eyebrows were raised as she shoved her hands into her pockets while she turned around to face him. "Oh we're colleagues now?" She mused with a smirk, nodding. "Whatever the manly man wants." Mary confirmed his offer to play pool next time.
Taking his hand in a firm handshake, she nodded. "It's always a pleasure with me." Wink. "I would, if I had your number... BUT you have mine... As well as a momento of this night." Finger guns before turning to head to the exit, "If ya looking for extra credits, or for a fun time, call me." Mary rose her hand to give a slight wave before she pushed her way out of the door and headed down the street. The vehicle drove here in was left parked near the bar, dialing a number, she'd pause before speaking, "Heya. You free?" Pause. "Great. See ya in a few." And with that, she hung up with whomever was on the other line and disappeared into the night.
