RP between Emroidz and Keet
Log
Keet — 10/03/2021
If a rose by any other name was just as sweet, a Walmart by any other name was just as depressing. Spacemart, as it was known in these parts, was as much a monolith among department stores as its Earthly counterpart, and, to no one’s surprise, just as notorious for its practices and clientele. Space and time had no bearing on its ability to offer rock bottom prices, however, so it was time for the Sidewinders to “Save Money” and “Live Better”!
Skipping through the empty parking lot on his way to fetch a shopping cart, their clever leader hopped straight into the child-sized seat. A throne fit for a king!
“See, it’s just like I told you! Only the cool kids shop at midnight!”
With his Ray-Bans on and his legs dangling out of the front of the trolley, Jethro was definitely looking like the coolest of kids.
“Mush, boy! Autobots, roll out!” For what other reason would the alien hit the gym if not to ferry his handsome partner around?
Should Percy not obey, or dare to go any slower than he cared to go, Red would put the chain attached to the lock to good use.. as a flail, that is, striking any thighs (or tender objects between them) without remorse.
Was it worth his forgiveness, Percy?
Was it really?
Emroidz — 10/03/2021
Far be it from Percy to look the gift horse of a blue light special or two in the mouth. Living paycheck to paycheck was one thing, but when the authorities say vigilantism doesn’t pay—although speaking metaphorically—they were right. Sidewinders didn’t do the job for the creds, they did it for the glory! (And the chicks, if you asked Kilroy. Insert Oscar rolling his eyes here.)
So here they were. Percy promised Jeth a datemart to Spacemart, and he delivered. “I think the cool kids are smoking some of Moe’s space weed on their ten,” the green Sidewinder laughed as he and Red passed two cart-hops standing out in the parking lot on their break, passing what was certainly not a cigarette between them. “You smell that?” Percy laughed and reminded Jeth of the last time they’d broken into Modry’s stash—way back when the strain was still in development. She’d come a long way since then, it seemed, as neither cart hauler was floating off into the atmosphere like a helium balloon.
Rolling his eyes as Jeth procured them a buggy only to immediately convert it into his own personal chariot, Percy assumed his role behind the handlebar. Did you really think he’d go slow, Jeth? Nope! The moment the Promethean took hold of the cart, he was hauling ass at full speed: two hands on the handlebar, two hands on the cyborg’s leather jacket-clad shoulders.
Jeth would realize just how essential the latter two were when Percy took his first turn and almost dumped him out in the process. Shopping carts were not made for cornering at top speeds, boys! Behave yourselves!
“Where’s the list I gave you?”
Two could play at this abusive game. Never just a complaint whipping boy, Percy got his shots in as he slowed to a stop and slapped Jeth’s bald head. Whap! Whap! “The list, man! The list! You were in charge of two things: pocketing the squirrel fund and the grocery list Callie left us. Don’t tell me you forgot it!” Obviously one was more irreplaceable, and therefore more forgivable, than the other: the squirrel fund being the few credits they socked away in an old coffee can to be able to afford their shoestring budget.
Keet — 10/09/2021
Oh, he smelt it, alright! Kilroy Axelrad wasn’t the most subtle as he whipped around and whiffed what could legitimately be described as a nostalgic stench for him and his.
It prompted some reminiscing of long, lifted nights and longer doped days, but most relevant of all, reminded him of a person that’d been lost to them for longer than he liked—that was to say, at all.
Unlike the circumstances of his own vanishing act, however, Modry was “hidden” in plain sight.
Unlike Jethro, she wasn’t in any hurry to return home.
“..We gotta get her back, P,” he chewed his lip, the most serious he’d been in the last five minutes.. until the cart picked up speed and he felt two strong hands planted on his shoulders.
“WoaHEEYEEYOH!” he yodeled when nearly splattered across the gum-spotted street, clutching those beefy biceps as if his half-life depended on it. If this was the end, Percy was going down with him!
“Uh.. list?!” his eyes widened behind his orange lenses long enough for the promethean’s blood pressure to skyrocket.
“..Just kidding! Oh ye of little faith, how could I forget the—” patting his pockets, any attempt at humor was fizzing out fast as he realized that maybe, just maybe.. he’d forgotten it for realsies.
The assault on his poor bald head brought poor, foolish Jethro to crocodile tears. How could you, Percy? He was trying his best!
“Ow, ow, ow! It was a prank! You don’t gotta hit me! ..Whaddya need squirrels for, anyway?!”
Speaking of which.. pulling a tenner’s worth of credsticks from his literal sock, he waved it in his face. Stinky.
“Was gonna get some cigs, but..”
There! Happy, now?
Emroidz — 10/09/2021
Percy had lost Moe to Jax long ago, but Jeth would have to mourn her in his own time. Still, to hear their stalwart leader so outspokenly serious about getting their sister-in-arms back…it did make the green Sidewinder ache a little something extra. She hadn’t been taken against her will, Axelrad—Oscar had given Callie away…and he’d done so in your stead.
Honestly, thank god for that yodel. It brought Percy back, and did so in a big way. Grabbed and gripped and groped by whatever means necessary to keep himself secured inside the buggy meant giving the Promethean arms of his seatbelt a few good Indian burns in the process. Hell, at least that kept Percy grounded enough not to burst into laughter and end up metamorphosing into a merman out of water due to the ill-timed tickling of his transformative funny bone.
Watching Jeth pat himself down looking for that list made Percy want to scream. Red had always been really good at that; some things never change. Giving his teammate one more good whap! on the dome—“Gotta have things in threes, Axelrad, suck it up.”—Green pulled his shirt collar up over his nose and treated the moist paper creds like the biohazard they were…but he still took the socked away (literally) funds off of his best friend.
“Eh, whatever. It was probably just a bunch of balanced breakfast bullshit like usual.” Yes P, heaven forbid Modry try to influence your nutrition for the better in her absence! But J, his fellow bachelor, and fratty brother-in-arms, would surely appreciate seeing his more straight laced partner-in-crime go absolutely rogue…with nothing more than two sets of shoulders’ worth of shrugging. Yes! Score! Space Totino’s for every meal (insert fist pump here).
Sighhh. Boys will be boys.
“Cigs. Yes. Yes. The cornerstone of any good diet,” said the nicotine addict before turning the chariot of crown prince Danger Donger back towards the front so they didn’t forget.
“Hey, be a pal would you and text Dante: ask the kid if he needs any supplies while we’re out. I forgot.”
The truest testament of (misplaced) trust between lovers, Percy dropped his commlink into Jeth’s lap. He needed all four arms to continue driving this aluminum freight train on squeaky, rickety wheels, it seemed. Big mistake, Perce. Didn’t you know your man was still sour about that hot Italian sausage horning in on his turf? (And we’re not just talking staying in the backend of the RIG either.)
Keet — 10/10/2021
Among Jethro’s greatest regrets in life was missing (his one chance to put a stop to) Modry’s wedding. That being said, he’d lived vicariously through the details of that damned day enough times for it to compare with any given torment he’d been subjected to while away.
Modry and Jax.
Percy and Enfield.
He shivered.
Maybe, just maybe.. there was something here that could convince Modry to come back home.. his paltry (soiled) credits were on the patio and garden department! Better a foot sock than a cum sock, right, Perce?
“Whole grains cannot sustain me! I’m a growing boy!”
What better way to encourage such development than dumping pizza rolls down his gulper eel-sized gullet? Obesity would be a comparable cake walk when his gums were weeping and teeth tumbling out!
Blinking as Percy’s commlink was surrendered sans condition or pretense, Red recognized that the techie allowing unlimited access to his device seemed to be an enormous oversight.. unless.. this was some kind of test.
He stared long and hard at the promethean before smiling.
“Yeah, sure!”
Forcing the straightest poker face he could muster, he peeked between text messages to spot a cheap toy vending machine touting sun bleached stickers and liquified Skittles. The greatest treasure of all, however, was one sticky, yellow hand.
“Babe—I mean—P!” Uh.. what? “Park me next to that baby!”
Just think of the hours of fun he could have slapping his promethean pal with his third gelatinous limb! ..Prior to it being launched in a fit of rage and left behind on the ceiling, that is.
Plucking a screwdriver from out of nowhere, he jammed it into the coin slot and jostled around for the lever. On turning the knob, he was rewarded with a prize as his tool clattered to the floor somewhere beneath the device.
Jethro unscrewed the capsule to find.. a temporary tattoo?!
“Oh, come on! Where’d my smillips go?!”
Rising to climb out of the seat, Jethro soon realized that his thighs had been just skinny enough to fit, yet too big to pull himself free, leaving him effectively trapped with his hands, feet, and objects inside the vehicle—like a safari, except with the animal restrained inside the land rover instead of roaming out and about.
It was truly better this way.
“I’m—I’m stuck!”
Emroidz — 10/11/2021
Percy should have been wary, and if he wasn’t wary, he should have at least been suspicious when Jethro’s texts to Dante exceeded the most basic “hey you shlong-stealing android, text me a list of whatever dumb shit you need to survive.” They weren’t friends P! They hadn’t even met yet! You’re a dingdang fool, I tell ya!
It was the cigarettes. Jeth had distracted Percy with the only thing in the galaxy that could put him into one-track mind mode. Replenishing their nicotine supply was priority numero uno!
Like any parent seeking to distract their child, the Promethean was all too happy to drop his comrade off in front of that condominium-style cluster of toy vending machines. He’d step away—doing so only after that rogue babe brought a simpering smirk to his handsome face—and procure two cartons of space menthols (the Sidewinders were smoking for two again, after all).
Upon return, however, Green found Red struggling against the kiddie seat he’d claimed as his chariot throne. “Seriously?” Percy asked as Jeth balked over being stuck. However, his tone was not one of chastisement…oh no, quite the opposite. The four-armed alien sounded downright tickled.
With an absolutely shit-eating grin, the unsympathetic Promethean reclaimed his commlink from the cyborg (its displayed text history for the moment unchecked) as he pulled up his camera over the messaging system.
“Oh yeah. That’s right. Work it, work it!” Oh no! Percy was snapping photos! “Kick those legs! The struggle is real, Kilroy. You can do it. You’re almost there. You’re so clo—I’m fucking with you man, you and those dummy thicc (100% using a Jethism against poor Axelrad) thighs of yours are definitely stuck.” He snickered and even dared to step back to the cart handle to reach down and squeeze said thighs, knowing there wasn’t a damn thing—besides kick petulantly, that is—Jeth could do about it at the moment.
He’d leave his ass wedged there too. But, at the very least, bent down to retrieve his Smillips screwdriver from beneath the space soda machine. “Here you go…” his voice dropped low in volume, “…babe.” Insert kissy face smugness here.
Keet — 10/18/2021
The more he twisted against the metal bars, the farther they jabbed into his vulnerable flesh. There was unmistakable irony regarding the Sidewinder busting out of one prison only to slither himself into another, but..
“Yeah, like you’ve never gotten s-stuck before!”
Eh.. given the promethean’s winning combination of both brains and brawn, not likely! But damn, this really hurt!
“My legs!” he huffed after exerting all the strength he could gather at once, “They’re gonna fall off!”
That’d be one way to solve their problem! Alas, Jethro was promptly presented with another.
Shit.. the evidence! White as a newly hatched kakapo chick when Percy reclaimed his commlink, Red (Pink) was lucky that the impromptu photoshoot gave him reason enough to try and snatch it back.
“People pay good money for my eight piece meal!” That was drums, breasts, and thighs!
“Cough up the dough, cheapskate!”
Determined as ever to express not an inkling of shame, Jethro owned the shit out of his likeness to a toddler in a high chair and put on a good show.. hence doubling down in lieu of retracting his previous term of endearment, even when his best friend was stupidly talented at reminding him how fragile his heterosexuality was.
“Oh, babe, yeeees! I’m soooooo close!”
Each thrust bounced the cart inch by inch along the concrete. Regretfully (yet not unpredictably), his impassioned wails reached the audience of a nocturnal alien and her wide-eyed spawn who gaped not from the comfort of a stroller, but pockets in their mother’s bulbous dewlap.
Picking his nose with the end of the screwdriver, Jethro waved in a gesture of good faith. Him taking the carton of smokes hostage in the crotch of his pants was far less honest a maneuver.
“Aight, Ozzy, you leave me no choice! My pics for your smokes! Better hurry, I haven’t washed these babies in years!”
While technically true, he hadn’t worn that pair of jeans since then, either.
Emroidz — 10/19/2021
“Just in your ass that one time.”
Hey-o! Raining verbal devastation down upon his closet case of a best friend, Percy smirked and waited for Jeth to inevitably duck for cover behind the fratty failsafe of awkward laughter. Hahaha! Good one! Definitely no truth in jest, ahahaha!
…yeah, just a joke
Seemingly in rare form tonight, try as the red leader might to turn the tides in his favor: he just kept setting them up…and the green Sidewinder, unfortunately, just kept knocking them down.
“Damn Axelrad, you really nailed that impression,” Oscar complimented the exaggeration of comrade’s passion and pleasure. Where the goal had obviously been to embarrass the Promethean, his positivity—even praise—in the moment was enough to warrant suspicion. If Percy knew Jeth as well as he thought he did, the sourpuss of a sore loser wouldn’t be able to help himself: he would have to ask for clarification!
And so, if Jeth made the mistake of asking what impression Percy was so impressed with, he’d be nailed with this next zinger:
“All the girls who’ve ever faked it with you.”
Boom! Shots fired!
Jumping out of the way as Jethro aggressively hopped that cart along, no doubt after him now, Percy laughed and waved all four hands at the extraterrestrial marsupial of a mother who was clutching her baby pockets in disgust at this point.
“Don’t worry ma’am, better Junior learns now than later!” Laughing and dodging again, should Jeth stab at him like Chucky with his booger-picking screwdriver, Percy stopped dead in his tracks only when his precious cigarettes were threatened by the infamous junk of one Kilroy “Donger” Axelrad.
“Hey man. Be cool. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
With four hands up in mock surrender, Percy showed the commlink to Jeth like a hostage negotiator might as a sign of good faith. Holding it out to Red, Green took a step forward as if to hand off the evidence…
…only to grab his partner in crime in a too-many-elbowed headlock and yank him out of his seat, freeing him—however painfully—from his toddler prison while yelling CROTCH THE STASH KILROY CROTCH IT and howling with laughter.
Keet — 10/23/2021
All the plagues of Egypt couldn’t lift a candle to the biblical beating that Percy unleashed upon an undeserving (and not at all vicious in his own right) Jethro.
The insult to his performance was but a fly in his ear to the sucker punch that was this breach of trust. Knowing damn well how he defied and delegated that part of himself to the deepest of closets, would he really.. mention that in public?
The more seriously he regarded what had been said, the increasingly obvious its validity became. So yes, Jethro laughed. He also considered suing for emotional distress.
“I.. I love you..?” he choked out, part statement and the other half question.
The cyborg was adjusting well to his new life as a centaur on wheels when Percy cut the cord. With however being the operative word, the show of force successfully wrenched him free.. but at a cost.
The snap of some unknown part was anything but reassuring, and warranted additional confusion when Jethro ran laps like a dog off the leash completely unhindered by its breakage.
“Last one to the Garden Center’s got a big, fat chode!”
Aiming to catch the other off guard, he made off without either a thank you to his savior or an apology to the family disturbed his antics.
How typical.
Both the commlink and cigarettes (the latter after tumbling down his pants leg) were forgotten as he disappeared into the department store. Worth noting, however, was that Jethro wasn’t only running from his best friend..
Emroidz — 10/24/2021
As cutting as Percy’s commentary was, Jeth should know him well enough to know that—all too often—the Promethean’s love language was synonymous with verbal abuse.
And Jeth took it, even with strained laughter…so he must know, right? Callous in his candor, but not cruel enough to out his boyfriend best friend any further, Green left those three little words—half statement, half question, but all truth, even in jest—hanging there like a cloud of cartoon dust in Red’s silhouette shape the moment he took off: be it to the garden department…or right back into the closet, otherwise.
The four-armed alien didn’t give chase. Not immediately, no. Instead, he fished around in his jeans pockets, front and back, and then patted down his jacket until he heard the telltale jingle of a few more, spare cred coins: just enough for one more try. Inserting them into the machine and turning the crank, a capped bubble dropped into the dispenser and, while Prometheans were known for their good luck, let’s just say he hadn’t managed to secure that yellow sticky hand either, try as he might. So then…why was Percy still smiling as he tucked the mystery prize back into his breast pocket?
Snatching up the carton of cigarettes that had fallen down and out from Jethro’s pant leg, Percival high-tailed it, however belatedly, along the outside of the Spacemart, towards the garden center. Elongating each sprinted gate with a left, left, left, right, left and wheeeeeee!~ as he leapt onto the back of the buggy, stepping onto the bottom rack and hugging the handlebar so it carried him, the juvenile locomotion got the Sidewinder to the exterior department in record time…though still likely in second place to his leader.
“I’m a grower, not a shower, okay?” Percy called out to Jeth upon his arrival; his best attempt at heading off the chode loser commentary he knew he was in for. “Where you at, J?” P peered around the area that was usually pretty sparsely populated, even during the peak hours of the day. A rickety wheel on the cart (which shouldn’t be that big of a surprise considering the abuse it’d endured already from BOTH boys) gave away his position with every step as the tech explored further into plant and patio alike. With the greenhouse roof, bright moon beyond the slatted rafters above and breezes blowing through the open outdoor space? It was almost romantic…
Keet — 10/24/2021
That much was true; to go on at length concerning the discrepancy between intention and impact did not account for the fact that their fighting words were a give and take, and that behind every four-fisted punch Percy threw was a simpering cyborg who’d (more often than not) cast the first strike.
A humiliated Jeth was not a logical Jeth, and what little reasoning that could be employed to deny until he was blue in the face was blindsided by the possibility of someone—anyone—believing that he was—you know—that.
That Percy wasn’t lying after all certainly didn’t help, and lended credence, however irrational, to his paranoia.
With both of the floor and ceiling overtaken by crawling vines and creeping ivy, the overgrown department provided just the change of scenery he was looking for. Jethro traipsed, his eyes full of wonder, and was soon teleported back to the halls of the R.I.G. More specifically, those usurped by Modry and her army of flora.
..That’s right. Modry. How could he forget the reason he’d come here in the first place? But.. where to begin?
At the sound of Percy’s voice, Jethro whipped his head around just in time to avoid it being chomped by a carnivorous cousin of Lucy.
He didn’t respond.
Rather, tiptoeing to the wall where a hose was stationed, he unreeled the device and took aim through the shelf of potted plants. Should any movement be spotted on the other side, he’d pull the trigger..
Emroidz — 10/24/2021
Yes. That.
Was it possible that Jeth wanted to pass as straight even more than he wanted to pass as human? The clutching, clinging desperation certainly rang the same. To say Percy was used to it was a sad but simpler truth.
Pick your battles.
And prowling down each outdoor aisle with a squeak-ee, squeak-ee, squeak-ee, it was clear the Promethean felt he had more of a chance winning this impromptu game of hide n’ seek than the cyborg’s heart anytime soon.
…squeak…ee…
That was the sound of the cart coming to a slow and suspicious stop. Percy narrowed his eyes and surveilled the area. Abandoning the buggy and approaching a rack of gardening equipment, Percy had at last found Jeth’s hiding spot! However, upon leaning down to peer through the green thumb laden shelves to a level where he could loudly announce Hah! Found you motherfucker!, the green Sidewinder unwittingly put himself face first into the line of fire!
Coming, quite literally, nose-to-hose with the enemy, Percy could say conclusively he knew how those carnival games where you squirt the clown in the mouth until the balloon over its head popped felt! Sputtering, coughing, and falling backwards, the four-armed alien roared in startled embarrassment.
But even in his upheaval, Jeth wouldn’t leave Percy speechless: “Cocksucker! I should have known I’d find you with all the other hoes!”
ba-dum-dum-tch!
“You’re dead meat Axelrad!” That signature curl, flaccid and dripping, hung over suddenly menacing and predatory features as, in an instant, the Promethean was up and tearing around to the other side of the display to where his leader had camped out.
Keet — 10/30/2021
And speaking of battles, Jethro had cast the first stone once more as his shot proved true!
“Whoops, thought you were a plant!” he cackled, referring to Percy’s green hair—the very same locks he’d begged and begged the promethean to dye. It took actually dying for the stubborn Sidewinder to follow through, and now potentially regret doing so on account of his leader’s neverending torment.
As Percy circumvented the barrier between them, Jethro knew his authority wouldn’t save him this time (nor, truth be told, did it ever).
So he screamed. He screamed bloody murder.
Scrambling like the little rat man he was away—anything to be spared the retribution for his war crimes—the cyborg leapt like an Olympian sprinter over a table of succulents, only to crash and burn on the other side.
The snap that’d unsettled him earlier came back both with a vengeance and an explanation. His leg didn’t much like being violently twisted this way or that, and now his knee refused to support the rest of his body when he stood.
But he couldn’t let it end here.
“You wouldn’t hurt a guy with one leg, would you?!”
Sorry—make that one leg and two huge, pleading puppy dog eyes.
Jethro laid it on thick as he backed up, and up, and up until backing himself into a corner.
“What about.. your best friend?”
Emroidz — 10/30/2021
Percy grinned wolfishly, any laughter which might have upset his transformative balance silence by predatory inclination. “Fucking dick,” the Promethean smirked as the cyborg feigned an easy mistake when he mistook those green locks for hungry foliage in need of watering.
Like the third of a species Noah had left behind in the flood, Jeth did not go quiet into that good night, oh no. Ever the most shamelessly undignified of screamers (not always girly in octave or inflection, but certainly no less committed than a horror movie ingenue), Percy might have been concerned about the now-second snap of a hobbled knee as his compatriot bailed out…had he actually been able to hear it over all the exit-stage-left shrieking.
The four-armed alien was upon him now. Percy might as well have been licking his chops: the silent, stalking wolf to Jeth’s far-less-innocent, bleating lamb.
Having backed himself up into the cornerstone of any garden department—the pyramid of topsoil bags stacked as tall as Jeth claimed to be (and Percy actually was)—there was nowhere left for the red Sidewinder to run, even if he could run! (Hop? …slither?)
“…it’s not handicap, Kilroy, it’s handicapable,” Green teased wickedly, suggesting his suddenly crippled claim was not about to save him.
“Hmm…” Percy tapped his chin and considered Jeth’s revision thereafter, suggesting his best friend status might save him. “…nah, I’d beat my best friend’s ass too. Some other title you might wanna try out that could spare you? I’m listening.”
Grabbing Jeth by his good ankle, Percy yanked him away from the potting bags and laid him out flat behind the tall stacks, perhaps unseen, but still frighteningly vulnerable. Having been responsible for years now for putting the cybernetic parts of his brother-in-arms back together, it should come as no great surprise that the android-specific-programmer was fully capable of resetting the dislocated artifice of a carbon fiber kneecap…
…but god that didn’t feel like what was happening when Percy knelt and straddled Jeth’s shin before—
crack—
crack!
With near-chiropractic precision, he popped that faux-ball right back into its socket joint easily enough.
Keet — 10/31/2021
“Handicapable of throwing hands, fool!”
Ooh, feisty! Nabbed between a rock and a hard place, the pressure brought out the bite in him.. but this slippery snake still wasn’t above begging to save his artificial skin!
“Handsome leader! Genius mechanic! Up-and-coming artist!” he rattled off the top of his naked head, perhaps the one time in his life he’d have used a thesaurus.
Not even two sturdy arms dragging him kicking and squealing out of his hidey-hole could convince him to call it quits!
“Stop, stop! I’m gonna wet my plants!”
Moe would have loved that one.. if she was there to hear it.
Nonetheless, Jethro gasped as Percy reset his knee—a reflex back from when he actually would’ve felt the split-second procedure—and tested the critical junction by hopping up in place on one foot, then the next.
“Oooh, that’s the stuff! Think you can do my neck next, big boy? I’m feeling awfully tense after leaving you in the dust!”
Chances were if Percy volunteered to do so then, he’d be giving his spine a different kind of adjustment.
Keeping his back straight and head held squarely over his shoulders, he started stretching of his own accord without a worry in the world.. did Jethro really think he’d neutralized the threat so easily?
“I thought you were legit mad for a sec there! But..” he leaned closer, “you can’t blame me for thinking you looked a bit.. thirsty!”
Emroidz — 11/01/2021
“I got two more than you to throw, bitch!” Percy jabbed at Jeth’s chin, the red Sidewinder a disadvantaged punching bag considering he was still laid out and pinned down pre-reset of dislocated knee.
All Grinch-curled smiles, even while rolling his eyes, it was clear to see that Percy had confided the absolute truth in Modry that night outside of Gold Diggers: Jeth brought out a happiness and ease to him he simply did not possess with many others.
With each word or phrase synonymous to Kilroy Axelrad, Oscar loudly announced a self-made buzzer sound. Handsome leader? RRR. Genius mechanic? RRR. Up-and-coming artist? RRR. RRR. RRR.
“Right as you are, you could not be more wrong!” The Promethean touted, somehow managing to slip the subtlest of flattery in there amidst his most exaggerated game show announcer voice.
“You would have got M with that one,” Percy wagged a finger at Jeth amusedly, unknowingly having read his thoughts at that exact moment. No sooner had he voiced the sentiment aloud, however, would the four-armed alien sag just a bit in his two sets of shoulders. If their entire existence at present here in the garden center wasn’t indication of how sorely both boys missed their sister-in-arms, the valley of seriousness between peaks of tomfoolery and shenanigans certainly was; lest they forget they were here at Spacemart on a mission!
Feigning a grab for Jeth’s ankle (sweep the leg, Cobra Kai) as he hopped around from one to the other—just enough to make him stumble, not intended to make him fall—Percy got to his feet and brushed himself off. Green flipped Red off. “Yeah. Thirsty. Right.” Ha-hah! Literally or figuratively speaking there, J? P knew what a thirst trap was, and it wasn’t being ambushed with a hose. Well, maybe not a garden hose (wink wonk). The Sidewinder then feinted again: “You only left me in the dust because I needed a sec to post those pics of you going sad-shopping-cart-Transformer to Mobi-book!”
Now. This was obviously a bluff. Why? Because in order to open a new app on his comm, Percy would have had to traverse past both open camera…and the string of perverted messages Jeth had sent to Dante pretending to be him. And if he had done that? Well, no doubt the Promethean really would have beat the cyborg’s ass…with renewed conviction!
But was Jeth smart enough to realize? Or would he out himself in a hasty, vengeful panic?
Keet — 11/07/2021
“Alright, four-arms, we get it!”
Damn Percy and his.. promethean-ness! Why did Green get brains, beauty, and brawn when he was left to contend with maybe two out of three? It was a real wonder how humans had established a foothold in the galaxy when superior species were so prevalent.
“What.. what else is there?” he panted, post fit of disobedience. Jethro had played his entire hand.
Unlike the fight for his life, his agreement towards Modry’s assumed appreciation of his punniness was less than vigorous.
“Yeah.. she would’ve, huh?”
It was all fun and games until their conjecture rubbed him newly raw. Speculation was the salt in the wound, but didn’t keep him too sore to grapple with Percy’s one-two punch.
“Come ooon! You’re not helping!” he protested, unusually invested in how he was perceived considering the deliberate extremes his performance played into.
Speaking of extremes, Jethro was ready, willing, and able to resort to great lengths to hide his trail! All he needed was to catch his stronger and smarter teammate off guard..
Welp.
“Jesus, P, you’re soaked,” he snorted, a start, before revelation struck, “wait.. don’t tell me.. your commlink..”
Stopping just short of feeling up his pockets, Jethro searched for the wet stain of water damage.
Emroidz — 11/08/2021
Don't feel too bad about yourself there, Kilroy. While the brains had certainly always been there, the beauty and the brawn were still a fairly recent development, to the point Percy obviously hadn't gotten the if you've got it, flaunt it memo with his latest dead shedding. Modesty became him even more than his chiseled abs, because that was the version of Green his Red compatriot surely remembered: never quite the aesthetic wallflower, but sure-footed and comfortable with the more boyish good looks of his previous life. (Sorry Max, Dacre was just...too hot not to kill OG Percy off )
Rolling his eyes as Jethro proved all-too-genuine (or all-too-convincing) in his naivete towards being so-much-more to his 'best friend,' the Sidewinder didn't seem crestfallen so much as tired. "Forget it." Now wasn't the time to go all in, now was the time to fold.
You could guide a horse to water, but you couldn't make him drink, Perce. Yeah, well...he sometimes wanted to hold Jeth underwater until the bubbles stopped: unrequited love certainly did that to him.
Unwilling to let the sullen effect of Modry's absence take too much of a foothold, Percy grabbed Jeth by the face (the entire face, albeit with a naturally spread-fingered consideration to that Nike swoop on one cheek, which was endearing to say the least) and kept him at a literal arm's length even beyond the no homo lack of a pat down Axelrad imposed upon himself...even when pickpocketing at this very moment would have been the most opportune use of some touchy-feeling.
"No doy, boy genius," the four-armed alien balked sarcastically, "What the hell was your intended outcome if not a fucking impromptu wet t-shirt contest there, Assholerad?" Coming a hand through his still-dripping forelock, the Promethean shook himself out like a dog upon release of the cyborg's beauty-marked face and doused him as best he could in the splash zone.
Alas, that's all it would take: a droplet of flung water in his one remaining human eye, and in the split-second it took to squint and blink his vision free, Percy was the one to pull out his commlink and give it a safety check...
...the lock screen lit up...
...the home screen appeared...
...Percy flicked through his active applications to check their responsiveness...
...and that's when he saw...
"YOU DIDN'T!" Percy's head snapped up.
If Jeth thought he was in trouble before...?
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
Oh shit.
Oh fuck. OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK!
Run, Kilroy, run!
Percy was already in motion, having snatched up the hose his leader discarded post-ambush, but looking more like he might strangle him with the length of it that turn the nozzle against its initial user.
"I WOULD NEVER USE TEXT SPEAK YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHAT!"
(Yeah, because that was the really cringeworthy part of that imposter text-exchange there, Perce. )
If a rose by any other name was just as sweet, a Walmart by any other name was just as depressing. Spacemart, as it was known in these parts, was as much a monolith among department stores as its Earthly counterpart, and, to no one’s surprise, just as notorious for its practices and clientele. Space and time had no bearing on its ability to offer rock bottom prices, however, so it was time for the Sidewinders to “Save Money” and “Live Better”!
Skipping through the empty parking lot on his way to fetch a shopping cart, their clever leader hopped straight into the child-sized seat. A throne fit for a king!
“See, it’s just like I told you! Only the cool kids shop at midnight!”
With his Ray-Bans on and his legs dangling out of the front of the trolley, Jethro was definitely looking like the coolest of kids.
“Mush, boy! Autobots, roll out!” For what other reason would the alien hit the gym if not to ferry his handsome partner around?
Should Percy not obey, or dare to go any slower than he cared to go, Red would put the chain attached to the lock to good use.. as a flail, that is, striking any thighs (or tender objects between them) without remorse.
Was it worth his forgiveness, Percy?
Was it really?
Emroidz — 10/03/2021
Far be it from Percy to look the gift horse of a blue light special or two in the mouth. Living paycheck to paycheck was one thing, but when the authorities say vigilantism doesn’t pay—although speaking metaphorically—they were right. Sidewinders didn’t do the job for the creds, they did it for the glory! (And the chicks, if you asked Kilroy. Insert Oscar rolling his eyes here.)
So here they were. Percy promised Jeth a datemart to Spacemart, and he delivered. “I think the cool kids are smoking some of Moe’s space weed on their ten,” the green Sidewinder laughed as he and Red passed two cart-hops standing out in the parking lot on their break, passing what was certainly not a cigarette between them. “You smell that?” Percy laughed and reminded Jeth of the last time they’d broken into Modry’s stash—way back when the strain was still in development. She’d come a long way since then, it seemed, as neither cart hauler was floating off into the atmosphere like a helium balloon.
Rolling his eyes as Jeth procured them a buggy only to immediately convert it into his own personal chariot, Percy assumed his role behind the handlebar. Did you really think he’d go slow, Jeth? Nope! The moment the Promethean took hold of the cart, he was hauling ass at full speed: two hands on the handlebar, two hands on the cyborg’s leather jacket-clad shoulders.
Jeth would realize just how essential the latter two were when Percy took his first turn and almost dumped him out in the process. Shopping carts were not made for cornering at top speeds, boys! Behave yourselves!
“Where’s the list I gave you?”
Two could play at this abusive game. Never just a complaint whipping boy, Percy got his shots in as he slowed to a stop and slapped Jeth’s bald head. Whap! Whap! “The list, man! The list! You were in charge of two things: pocketing the squirrel fund and the grocery list Callie left us. Don’t tell me you forgot it!” Obviously one was more irreplaceable, and therefore more forgivable, than the other: the squirrel fund being the few credits they socked away in an old coffee can to be able to afford their shoestring budget.
Keet — 10/09/2021
Oh, he smelt it, alright! Kilroy Axelrad wasn’t the most subtle as he whipped around and whiffed what could legitimately be described as a nostalgic stench for him and his.
It prompted some reminiscing of long, lifted nights and longer doped days, but most relevant of all, reminded him of a person that’d been lost to them for longer than he liked—that was to say, at all.
Unlike the circumstances of his own vanishing act, however, Modry was “hidden” in plain sight.
Unlike Jethro, she wasn’t in any hurry to return home.
“..We gotta get her back, P,” he chewed his lip, the most serious he’d been in the last five minutes.. until the cart picked up speed and he felt two strong hands planted on his shoulders.
“WoaHEEYEEYOH!” he yodeled when nearly splattered across the gum-spotted street, clutching those beefy biceps as if his half-life depended on it. If this was the end, Percy was going down with him!
“Uh.. list?!” his eyes widened behind his orange lenses long enough for the promethean’s blood pressure to skyrocket.
“..Just kidding! Oh ye of little faith, how could I forget the—” patting his pockets, any attempt at humor was fizzing out fast as he realized that maybe, just maybe.. he’d forgotten it for realsies.
The assault on his poor bald head brought poor, foolish Jethro to crocodile tears. How could you, Percy? He was trying his best!
“Ow, ow, ow! It was a prank! You don’t gotta hit me! ..Whaddya need squirrels for, anyway?!”
Speaking of which.. pulling a tenner’s worth of credsticks from his literal sock, he waved it in his face. Stinky.
“Was gonna get some cigs, but..”
There! Happy, now?
Emroidz — 10/09/2021
Percy had lost Moe to Jax long ago, but Jeth would have to mourn her in his own time. Still, to hear their stalwart leader so outspokenly serious about getting their sister-in-arms back…it did make the green Sidewinder ache a little something extra. She hadn’t been taken against her will, Axelrad—Oscar had given Callie away…and he’d done so in your stead.
Honestly, thank god for that yodel. It brought Percy back, and did so in a big way. Grabbed and gripped and groped by whatever means necessary to keep himself secured inside the buggy meant giving the Promethean arms of his seatbelt a few good Indian burns in the process. Hell, at least that kept Percy grounded enough not to burst into laughter and end up metamorphosing into a merman out of water due to the ill-timed tickling of his transformative funny bone.
Watching Jeth pat himself down looking for that list made Percy want to scream. Red had always been really good at that; some things never change. Giving his teammate one more good whap! on the dome—“Gotta have things in threes, Axelrad, suck it up.”—Green pulled his shirt collar up over his nose and treated the moist paper creds like the biohazard they were…but he still took the socked away (literally) funds off of his best friend.
“Eh, whatever. It was probably just a bunch of balanced breakfast bullshit like usual.” Yes P, heaven forbid Modry try to influence your nutrition for the better in her absence! But J, his fellow bachelor, and fratty brother-in-arms, would surely appreciate seeing his more straight laced partner-in-crime go absolutely rogue…with nothing more than two sets of shoulders’ worth of shrugging. Yes! Score! Space Totino’s for every meal (insert fist pump here).
Sighhh. Boys will be boys.
“Cigs. Yes. Yes. The cornerstone of any good diet,” said the nicotine addict before turning the chariot of crown prince Danger Donger back towards the front so they didn’t forget.
“Hey, be a pal would you and text Dante: ask the kid if he needs any supplies while we’re out. I forgot.”
The truest testament of (misplaced) trust between lovers, Percy dropped his commlink into Jeth’s lap. He needed all four arms to continue driving this aluminum freight train on squeaky, rickety wheels, it seemed. Big mistake, Perce. Didn’t you know your man was still sour about that hot Italian sausage horning in on his turf? (And we’re not just talking staying in the backend of the RIG either.)
Keet — 10/10/2021
Among Jethro’s greatest regrets in life was missing (his one chance to put a stop to) Modry’s wedding. That being said, he’d lived vicariously through the details of that damned day enough times for it to compare with any given torment he’d been subjected to while away.
Modry and Jax.
Percy and Enfield.
He shivered.
Maybe, just maybe.. there was something here that could convince Modry to come back home.. his paltry (soiled) credits were on the patio and garden department! Better a foot sock than a cum sock, right, Perce?
“Whole grains cannot sustain me! I’m a growing boy!”
What better way to encourage such development than dumping pizza rolls down his gulper eel-sized gullet? Obesity would be a comparable cake walk when his gums were weeping and teeth tumbling out!
Blinking as Percy’s commlink was surrendered sans condition or pretense, Red recognized that the techie allowing unlimited access to his device seemed to be an enormous oversight.. unless.. this was some kind of test.
He stared long and hard at the promethean before smiling.
“Yeah, sure!”
Forcing the straightest poker face he could muster, he peeked between text messages to spot a cheap toy vending machine touting sun bleached stickers and liquified Skittles. The greatest treasure of all, however, was one sticky, yellow hand.
“Babe—I mean—P!” Uh.. what? “Park me next to that baby!”
Just think of the hours of fun he could have slapping his promethean pal with his third gelatinous limb! ..Prior to it being launched in a fit of rage and left behind on the ceiling, that is.
Plucking a screwdriver from out of nowhere, he jammed it into the coin slot and jostled around for the lever. On turning the knob, he was rewarded with a prize as his tool clattered to the floor somewhere beneath the device.
Jethro unscrewed the capsule to find.. a temporary tattoo?!
“Oh, come on! Where’d my smillips go?!”
Rising to climb out of the seat, Jethro soon realized that his thighs had been just skinny enough to fit, yet too big to pull himself free, leaving him effectively trapped with his hands, feet, and objects inside the vehicle—like a safari, except with the animal restrained inside the land rover instead of roaming out and about.
It was truly better this way.
“I’m—I’m stuck!”
Emroidz — 10/11/2021
Percy should have been wary, and if he wasn’t wary, he should have at least been suspicious when Jethro’s texts to Dante exceeded the most basic “hey you shlong-stealing android, text me a list of whatever dumb shit you need to survive.” They weren’t friends P! They hadn’t even met yet! You’re a dingdang fool, I tell ya!
It was the cigarettes. Jeth had distracted Percy with the only thing in the galaxy that could put him into one-track mind mode. Replenishing their nicotine supply was priority numero uno!
Like any parent seeking to distract their child, the Promethean was all too happy to drop his comrade off in front of that condominium-style cluster of toy vending machines. He’d step away—doing so only after that rogue babe brought a simpering smirk to his handsome face—and procure two cartons of space menthols (the Sidewinders were smoking for two again, after all).
Upon return, however, Green found Red struggling against the kiddie seat he’d claimed as his chariot throne. “Seriously?” Percy asked as Jeth balked over being stuck. However, his tone was not one of chastisement…oh no, quite the opposite. The four-armed alien sounded downright tickled.
With an absolutely shit-eating grin, the unsympathetic Promethean reclaimed his commlink from the cyborg (its displayed text history for the moment unchecked) as he pulled up his camera over the messaging system.
“Oh yeah. That’s right. Work it, work it!” Oh no! Percy was snapping photos! “Kick those legs! The struggle is real, Kilroy. You can do it. You’re almost there. You’re so clo—I’m fucking with you man, you and those dummy thicc (100% using a Jethism against poor Axelrad) thighs of yours are definitely stuck.” He snickered and even dared to step back to the cart handle to reach down and squeeze said thighs, knowing there wasn’t a damn thing—besides kick petulantly, that is—Jeth could do about it at the moment.
He’d leave his ass wedged there too. But, at the very least, bent down to retrieve his Smillips screwdriver from beneath the space soda machine. “Here you go…” his voice dropped low in volume, “…babe.” Insert kissy face smugness here.
Keet — 10/18/2021
The more he twisted against the metal bars, the farther they jabbed into his vulnerable flesh. There was unmistakable irony regarding the Sidewinder busting out of one prison only to slither himself into another, but..
“Yeah, like you’ve never gotten s-stuck before!”
Eh.. given the promethean’s winning combination of both brains and brawn, not likely! But damn, this really hurt!
“My legs!” he huffed after exerting all the strength he could gather at once, “They’re gonna fall off!”
That’d be one way to solve their problem! Alas, Jethro was promptly presented with another.
Shit.. the evidence! White as a newly hatched kakapo chick when Percy reclaimed his commlink, Red (Pink) was lucky that the impromptu photoshoot gave him reason enough to try and snatch it back.
“People pay good money for my eight piece meal!” That was drums, breasts, and thighs!
“Cough up the dough, cheapskate!”
Determined as ever to express not an inkling of shame, Jethro owned the shit out of his likeness to a toddler in a high chair and put on a good show.. hence doubling down in lieu of retracting his previous term of endearment, even when his best friend was stupidly talented at reminding him how fragile his heterosexuality was.
“Oh, babe, yeeees! I’m soooooo close!”
Each thrust bounced the cart inch by inch along the concrete. Regretfully (yet not unpredictably), his impassioned wails reached the audience of a nocturnal alien and her wide-eyed spawn who gaped not from the comfort of a stroller, but pockets in their mother’s bulbous dewlap.
Picking his nose with the end of the screwdriver, Jethro waved in a gesture of good faith. Him taking the carton of smokes hostage in the crotch of his pants was far less honest a maneuver.
“Aight, Ozzy, you leave me no choice! My pics for your smokes! Better hurry, I haven’t washed these babies in years!”
While technically true, he hadn’t worn that pair of jeans since then, either.
Emroidz — 10/19/2021
“Just in your ass that one time.”
Hey-o! Raining verbal devastation down upon his closet case of a best friend, Percy smirked and waited for Jeth to inevitably duck for cover behind the fratty failsafe of awkward laughter. Hahaha! Good one! Definitely no truth in jest, ahahaha!
…yeah, just a joke
Seemingly in rare form tonight, try as the red leader might to turn the tides in his favor: he just kept setting them up…and the green Sidewinder, unfortunately, just kept knocking them down.
“Damn Axelrad, you really nailed that impression,” Oscar complimented the exaggeration of comrade’s passion and pleasure. Where the goal had obviously been to embarrass the Promethean, his positivity—even praise—in the moment was enough to warrant suspicion. If Percy knew Jeth as well as he thought he did, the sourpuss of a sore loser wouldn’t be able to help himself: he would have to ask for clarification!
And so, if Jeth made the mistake of asking what impression Percy was so impressed with, he’d be nailed with this next zinger:
“All the girls who’ve ever faked it with you.”
Boom! Shots fired!
Jumping out of the way as Jethro aggressively hopped that cart along, no doubt after him now, Percy laughed and waved all four hands at the extraterrestrial marsupial of a mother who was clutching her baby pockets in disgust at this point.
“Don’t worry ma’am, better Junior learns now than later!” Laughing and dodging again, should Jeth stab at him like Chucky with his booger-picking screwdriver, Percy stopped dead in his tracks only when his precious cigarettes were threatened by the infamous junk of one Kilroy “Donger” Axelrad.
“Hey man. Be cool. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
With four hands up in mock surrender, Percy showed the commlink to Jeth like a hostage negotiator might as a sign of good faith. Holding it out to Red, Green took a step forward as if to hand off the evidence…
…only to grab his partner in crime in a too-many-elbowed headlock and yank him out of his seat, freeing him—however painfully—from his toddler prison while yelling CROTCH THE STASH KILROY CROTCH IT and howling with laughter.
Keet — 10/23/2021
All the plagues of Egypt couldn’t lift a candle to the biblical beating that Percy unleashed upon an undeserving (and not at all vicious in his own right) Jethro.
The insult to his performance was but a fly in his ear to the sucker punch that was this breach of trust. Knowing damn well how he defied and delegated that part of himself to the deepest of closets, would he really.. mention that in public?
The more seriously he regarded what had been said, the increasingly obvious its validity became. So yes, Jethro laughed. He also considered suing for emotional distress.
“I.. I love you..?” he choked out, part statement and the other half question.
The cyborg was adjusting well to his new life as a centaur on wheels when Percy cut the cord. With however being the operative word, the show of force successfully wrenched him free.. but at a cost.
The snap of some unknown part was anything but reassuring, and warranted additional confusion when Jethro ran laps like a dog off the leash completely unhindered by its breakage.
“Last one to the Garden Center’s got a big, fat chode!”
Aiming to catch the other off guard, he made off without either a thank you to his savior or an apology to the family disturbed his antics.
How typical.
Both the commlink and cigarettes (the latter after tumbling down his pants leg) were forgotten as he disappeared into the department store. Worth noting, however, was that Jethro wasn’t only running from his best friend..
Emroidz — 10/24/2021
As cutting as Percy’s commentary was, Jeth should know him well enough to know that—all too often—the Promethean’s love language was synonymous with verbal abuse.
And Jeth took it, even with strained laughter…so he must know, right? Callous in his candor, but not cruel enough to out his boyfriend best friend any further, Green left those three little words—half statement, half question, but all truth, even in jest—hanging there like a cloud of cartoon dust in Red’s silhouette shape the moment he took off: be it to the garden department…or right back into the closet, otherwise.
The four-armed alien didn’t give chase. Not immediately, no. Instead, he fished around in his jeans pockets, front and back, and then patted down his jacket until he heard the telltale jingle of a few more, spare cred coins: just enough for one more try. Inserting them into the machine and turning the crank, a capped bubble dropped into the dispenser and, while Prometheans were known for their good luck, let’s just say he hadn’t managed to secure that yellow sticky hand either, try as he might. So then…why was Percy still smiling as he tucked the mystery prize back into his breast pocket?
Snatching up the carton of cigarettes that had fallen down and out from Jethro’s pant leg, Percival high-tailed it, however belatedly, along the outside of the Spacemart, towards the garden center. Elongating each sprinted gate with a left, left, left, right, left and wheeeeeee!~ as he leapt onto the back of the buggy, stepping onto the bottom rack and hugging the handlebar so it carried him, the juvenile locomotion got the Sidewinder to the exterior department in record time…though still likely in second place to his leader.
“I’m a grower, not a shower, okay?” Percy called out to Jeth upon his arrival; his best attempt at heading off the chode loser commentary he knew he was in for. “Where you at, J?” P peered around the area that was usually pretty sparsely populated, even during the peak hours of the day. A rickety wheel on the cart (which shouldn’t be that big of a surprise considering the abuse it’d endured already from BOTH boys) gave away his position with every step as the tech explored further into plant and patio alike. With the greenhouse roof, bright moon beyond the slatted rafters above and breezes blowing through the open outdoor space? It was almost romantic…
Keet — 10/24/2021
That much was true; to go on at length concerning the discrepancy between intention and impact did not account for the fact that their fighting words were a give and take, and that behind every four-fisted punch Percy threw was a simpering cyborg who’d (more often than not) cast the first strike.
A humiliated Jeth was not a logical Jeth, and what little reasoning that could be employed to deny until he was blue in the face was blindsided by the possibility of someone—anyone—believing that he was—you know—that.
That Percy wasn’t lying after all certainly didn’t help, and lended credence, however irrational, to his paranoia.
With both of the floor and ceiling overtaken by crawling vines and creeping ivy, the overgrown department provided just the change of scenery he was looking for. Jethro traipsed, his eyes full of wonder, and was soon teleported back to the halls of the R.I.G. More specifically, those usurped by Modry and her army of flora.
..That’s right. Modry. How could he forget the reason he’d come here in the first place? But.. where to begin?
At the sound of Percy’s voice, Jethro whipped his head around just in time to avoid it being chomped by a carnivorous cousin of Lucy.
He didn’t respond.
Rather, tiptoeing to the wall where a hose was stationed, he unreeled the device and took aim through the shelf of potted plants. Should any movement be spotted on the other side, he’d pull the trigger..
Emroidz — 10/24/2021
Yes. That.
Was it possible that Jeth wanted to pass as straight even more than he wanted to pass as human? The clutching, clinging desperation certainly rang the same. To say Percy was used to it was a sad but simpler truth.
Pick your battles.
And prowling down each outdoor aisle with a squeak-ee, squeak-ee, squeak-ee, it was clear the Promethean felt he had more of a chance winning this impromptu game of hide n’ seek than the cyborg’s heart anytime soon.
…squeak…ee…
That was the sound of the cart coming to a slow and suspicious stop. Percy narrowed his eyes and surveilled the area. Abandoning the buggy and approaching a rack of gardening equipment, Percy had at last found Jeth’s hiding spot! However, upon leaning down to peer through the green thumb laden shelves to a level where he could loudly announce Hah! Found you motherfucker!, the green Sidewinder unwittingly put himself face first into the line of fire!
Coming, quite literally, nose-to-hose with the enemy, Percy could say conclusively he knew how those carnival games where you squirt the clown in the mouth until the balloon over its head popped felt! Sputtering, coughing, and falling backwards, the four-armed alien roared in startled embarrassment.
But even in his upheaval, Jeth wouldn’t leave Percy speechless: “Cocksucker! I should have known I’d find you with all the other hoes!”
ba-dum-dum-tch!
“You’re dead meat Axelrad!” That signature curl, flaccid and dripping, hung over suddenly menacing and predatory features as, in an instant, the Promethean was up and tearing around to the other side of the display to where his leader had camped out.
Keet — 10/30/2021
And speaking of battles, Jethro had cast the first stone once more as his shot proved true!
“Whoops, thought you were a plant!” he cackled, referring to Percy’s green hair—the very same locks he’d begged and begged the promethean to dye. It took actually dying for the stubborn Sidewinder to follow through, and now potentially regret doing so on account of his leader’s neverending torment.
As Percy circumvented the barrier between them, Jethro knew his authority wouldn’t save him this time (nor, truth be told, did it ever).
So he screamed. He screamed bloody murder.
Scrambling like the little rat man he was away—anything to be spared the retribution for his war crimes—the cyborg leapt like an Olympian sprinter over a table of succulents, only to crash and burn on the other side.
The snap that’d unsettled him earlier came back both with a vengeance and an explanation. His leg didn’t much like being violently twisted this way or that, and now his knee refused to support the rest of his body when he stood.
But he couldn’t let it end here.
“You wouldn’t hurt a guy with one leg, would you?!”
Sorry—make that one leg and two huge, pleading puppy dog eyes.
Jethro laid it on thick as he backed up, and up, and up until backing himself into a corner.
“What about.. your best friend?”
Emroidz — 10/30/2021
Percy grinned wolfishly, any laughter which might have upset his transformative balance silence by predatory inclination. “Fucking dick,” the Promethean smirked as the cyborg feigned an easy mistake when he mistook those green locks for hungry foliage in need of watering.
Like the third of a species Noah had left behind in the flood, Jeth did not go quiet into that good night, oh no. Ever the most shamelessly undignified of screamers (not always girly in octave or inflection, but certainly no less committed than a horror movie ingenue), Percy might have been concerned about the now-second snap of a hobbled knee as his compatriot bailed out…had he actually been able to hear it over all the exit-stage-left shrieking.
The four-armed alien was upon him now. Percy might as well have been licking his chops: the silent, stalking wolf to Jeth’s far-less-innocent, bleating lamb.
Having backed himself up into the cornerstone of any garden department—the pyramid of topsoil bags stacked as tall as Jeth claimed to be (and Percy actually was)—there was nowhere left for the red Sidewinder to run, even if he could run! (Hop? …slither?)
“…it’s not handicap, Kilroy, it’s handicapable,” Green teased wickedly, suggesting his suddenly crippled claim was not about to save him.
“Hmm…” Percy tapped his chin and considered Jeth’s revision thereafter, suggesting his best friend status might save him. “…nah, I’d beat my best friend’s ass too. Some other title you might wanna try out that could spare you? I’m listening.”
Grabbing Jeth by his good ankle, Percy yanked him away from the potting bags and laid him out flat behind the tall stacks, perhaps unseen, but still frighteningly vulnerable. Having been responsible for years now for putting the cybernetic parts of his brother-in-arms back together, it should come as no great surprise that the android-specific-programmer was fully capable of resetting the dislocated artifice of a carbon fiber kneecap…
…but god that didn’t feel like what was happening when Percy knelt and straddled Jeth’s shin before—
crack—
crack!
With near-chiropractic precision, he popped that faux-ball right back into its socket joint easily enough.
Keet — 10/31/2021
“Handicapable of throwing hands, fool!”
Ooh, feisty! Nabbed between a rock and a hard place, the pressure brought out the bite in him.. but this slippery snake still wasn’t above begging to save his artificial skin!
“Handsome leader! Genius mechanic! Up-and-coming artist!” he rattled off the top of his naked head, perhaps the one time in his life he’d have used a thesaurus.
Not even two sturdy arms dragging him kicking and squealing out of his hidey-hole could convince him to call it quits!
“Stop, stop! I’m gonna wet my plants!”
Moe would have loved that one.. if she was there to hear it.
Nonetheless, Jethro gasped as Percy reset his knee—a reflex back from when he actually would’ve felt the split-second procedure—and tested the critical junction by hopping up in place on one foot, then the next.
“Oooh, that’s the stuff! Think you can do my neck next, big boy? I’m feeling awfully tense after leaving you in the dust!”
Chances were if Percy volunteered to do so then, he’d be giving his spine a different kind of adjustment.
Keeping his back straight and head held squarely over his shoulders, he started stretching of his own accord without a worry in the world.. did Jethro really think he’d neutralized the threat so easily?
“I thought you were legit mad for a sec there! But..” he leaned closer, “you can’t blame me for thinking you looked a bit.. thirsty!”
Emroidz — 11/01/2021
“I got two more than you to throw, bitch!” Percy jabbed at Jeth’s chin, the red Sidewinder a disadvantaged punching bag considering he was still laid out and pinned down pre-reset of dislocated knee.
All Grinch-curled smiles, even while rolling his eyes, it was clear to see that Percy had confided the absolute truth in Modry that night outside of Gold Diggers: Jeth brought out a happiness and ease to him he simply did not possess with many others.
With each word or phrase synonymous to Kilroy Axelrad, Oscar loudly announced a self-made buzzer sound. Handsome leader? RRR. Genius mechanic? RRR. Up-and-coming artist? RRR. RRR. RRR.
“Right as you are, you could not be more wrong!” The Promethean touted, somehow managing to slip the subtlest of flattery in there amidst his most exaggerated game show announcer voice.
“You would have got M with that one,” Percy wagged a finger at Jeth amusedly, unknowingly having read his thoughts at that exact moment. No sooner had he voiced the sentiment aloud, however, would the four-armed alien sag just a bit in his two sets of shoulders. If their entire existence at present here in the garden center wasn’t indication of how sorely both boys missed their sister-in-arms, the valley of seriousness between peaks of tomfoolery and shenanigans certainly was; lest they forget they were here at Spacemart on a mission!
Feigning a grab for Jeth’s ankle (sweep the leg, Cobra Kai) as he hopped around from one to the other—just enough to make him stumble, not intended to make him fall—Percy got to his feet and brushed himself off. Green flipped Red off. “Yeah. Thirsty. Right.” Ha-hah! Literally or figuratively speaking there, J? P knew what a thirst trap was, and it wasn’t being ambushed with a hose. Well, maybe not a garden hose (wink wonk). The Sidewinder then feinted again: “You only left me in the dust because I needed a sec to post those pics of you going sad-shopping-cart-Transformer to Mobi-book!”
Now. This was obviously a bluff. Why? Because in order to open a new app on his comm, Percy would have had to traverse past both open camera…and the string of perverted messages Jeth had sent to Dante pretending to be him. And if he had done that? Well, no doubt the Promethean really would have beat the cyborg’s ass…with renewed conviction!
But was Jeth smart enough to realize? Or would he out himself in a hasty, vengeful panic?
Keet — 11/07/2021
“Alright, four-arms, we get it!”
Damn Percy and his.. promethean-ness! Why did Green get brains, beauty, and brawn when he was left to contend with maybe two out of three? It was a real wonder how humans had established a foothold in the galaxy when superior species were so prevalent.
“What.. what else is there?” he panted, post fit of disobedience. Jethro had played his entire hand.
Unlike the fight for his life, his agreement towards Modry’s assumed appreciation of his punniness was less than vigorous.
“Yeah.. she would’ve, huh?”
It was all fun and games until their conjecture rubbed him newly raw. Speculation was the salt in the wound, but didn’t keep him too sore to grapple with Percy’s one-two punch.
“Come ooon! You’re not helping!” he protested, unusually invested in how he was perceived considering the deliberate extremes his performance played into.
Speaking of extremes, Jethro was ready, willing, and able to resort to great lengths to hide his trail! All he needed was to catch his stronger and smarter teammate off guard..
Welp.
“Jesus, P, you’re soaked,” he snorted, a start, before revelation struck, “wait.. don’t tell me.. your commlink..”
Stopping just short of feeling up his pockets, Jethro searched for the wet stain of water damage.
Emroidz — 11/08/2021
Don't feel too bad about yourself there, Kilroy. While the brains had certainly always been there, the beauty and the brawn were still a fairly recent development, to the point Percy obviously hadn't gotten the if you've got it, flaunt it memo with his latest dead shedding. Modesty became him even more than his chiseled abs, because that was the version of Green his Red compatriot surely remembered: never quite the aesthetic wallflower, but sure-footed and comfortable with the more boyish good looks of his previous life. (Sorry Max, Dacre was just...too hot not to kill OG Percy off )
Rolling his eyes as Jethro proved all-too-genuine (or all-too-convincing) in his naivete towards being so-much-more to his 'best friend,' the Sidewinder didn't seem crestfallen so much as tired. "Forget it." Now wasn't the time to go all in, now was the time to fold.
You could guide a horse to water, but you couldn't make him drink, Perce. Yeah, well...he sometimes wanted to hold Jeth underwater until the bubbles stopped: unrequited love certainly did that to him.
Unwilling to let the sullen effect of Modry's absence take too much of a foothold, Percy grabbed Jeth by the face (the entire face, albeit with a naturally spread-fingered consideration to that Nike swoop on one cheek, which was endearing to say the least) and kept him at a literal arm's length even beyond the no homo lack of a pat down Axelrad imposed upon himself...even when pickpocketing at this very moment would have been the most opportune use of some touchy-feeling.
"No doy, boy genius," the four-armed alien balked sarcastically, "What the hell was your intended outcome if not a fucking impromptu wet t-shirt contest there, Assholerad?" Coming a hand through his still-dripping forelock, the Promethean shook himself out like a dog upon release of the cyborg's beauty-marked face and doused him as best he could in the splash zone.
Alas, that's all it would take: a droplet of flung water in his one remaining human eye, and in the split-second it took to squint and blink his vision free, Percy was the one to pull out his commlink and give it a safety check...
...the lock screen lit up...
...the home screen appeared...
...Percy flicked through his active applications to check their responsiveness...
...and that's when he saw...
"YOU DIDN'T!" Percy's head snapped up.
If Jeth thought he was in trouble before...?
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
Oh shit.
Oh fuck. OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK!
Run, Kilroy, run!
Percy was already in motion, having snatched up the hose his leader discarded post-ambush, but looking more like he might strangle him with the length of it that turn the nozzle against its initial user.
"I WOULD NEVER USE TEXT SPEAK YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHAT!"
(Yeah, because that was the really cringeworthy part of that imposter text-exchange there, Perce. )
