THE MANY USES OF ACE'S ANTENNA
By. Chad M. Spaulding
The man you see here is one Drake Alvaro Valeri...or better known as Ace. He's the leader to those of us who work in Division 0 which is associated with Cipher Corp. But that's not why I'm showing you this awesomely hand drawn picture of the Italian mutt..The reason why I'm showing you this is because I'd like to point something out.
You see that? Those are what Ace likes to refer to as his bangs...DO NOT LET HIM FOOL YOU. These antenna are more than just mere bangs and I am going to educate you so get ready for this alright? Be warned that this is simply mind boggling and understand that you will never get an honest confession out of the fucking giant red head in regards to what I'm going to show you.
What we have here is a prime example of the freaky fucking shit that Ace does with those antenna of his. And its one of the more harmless ones too. Ever have that urge to go on a swing? Come on admit it..There's nothing wrong with that. Its the feeling of the wind in your face..of a sensation similar to flying..being free. Its what all kids associate swings with and fuck you if your to adult to ride on one. But suddenly you realize...there are no more swings?! Your neighborhood has taken them down cuz scumbags keep screwing up your park..Sad panda is sad right? NO LONGER! Ace some how managed to not only strengthen these strands but he showed us for the first of many times how he can extend them like a fucking tape measure!! Take these extensions and attach them over a thick branch sure to carry both your weight and Aces and instant swing. Just hope you don't mind cigaret smoke cuz at some point Ace will be puffing away on one.
Swings aren't your thing you say? Go suck a dick..swings are for everyone but fine. I'll indulge you..Everyone likes to jump rope right? Yet again just firmly grab those antenna near the base and pull until you reach the desired length. Now this is a double feature because while you can use just a single antenna for jumping rope but you can use both for some talented quick footed double dutch. Show off bitch show off to your hearts content..Lets try to avoid stepping on your "rope" though. Ace isn't fond of foot dirt on his hair.
So all that play has you tuckered out and hungry right? Whats that? You brought a mothafucking watermelon with you but no knife..Your a real dumb ass aren't ya..Don't worry about it though failure because Ace has got your back. What we're going to do is once more extend an antenna. Only one will be needed this time and any length is ok. I prefer to go longer. Cuz Ace is a shitty shot sometimes..especially when doing this crap blind folded..Crazy crack head. Anyways, the antenna is going to harden and sharpen so that with one simple FWAP your watermelon is cracking open like a baby's skull on a sidewalk! Wow that was morbid..anyways moving on shall we?
Alright so we got our snacks right? Perfect...wait..what? Speak up carpet muncher I can't hear shit if you don't speak up! What do you mean your hot? Hmm..well..I guess your right. Oh actually this is perfect because now I can show you a new variation of Ace's Antenna Power. Which from this point will be referred to as AP. Ok so this wont actually require you to extend the antennas which is nice because Ace told me that after a while that shit gives him a head ache..All you have to do is just wind the strands together as tightly as you can..and then let them go..Insta fan! Sit there and enjoy the cool breaze that Ace provides you as you eat your summer treats
Guess who can be the life of a party...without even getting out of his chair? Who? No not motha fuckin Betty White...though that's one funny bitch..wait..this isn't what we're supposed to be talking about. Anyways here you can see that Ace can use his AP in games such as pictionary or cheraids...talented jerk off. Beats me every time too.
Are you being harassed? Bullied? Haunted? Fear not for Ace shall save the day with his AP. Much in the same matter that we used on the watermelon both antenna are used to increase not only general reach but also accuracy...honestly Ace is just hoping he'll hit something, the bum. Regardless the ginger will chase away and defeat your monsters/bully's/boogieman..or what ever the hell's been pestering you...This will apply to pesky bartenders too.
Warning!!! If Ace has had enough of your bull shit and shenanigans like I am he'll actually escape..Now this is just a variation of his fan..only pointed upwards so as to propel himself around like a bloody chopper...GET IN THE CHOPPER GET IN THE CHOPPER NAAAAOOOO!
This is the one talent I think Ace gets the most use out of. Assisted stability when he wants to be a show off and jump from fucking one level to another. To date I've seen him go about 4 stories..pretty sure the donkey dong could go higher
Finally we have my favorite AP Romantic walk mode. See that pretty lil girl? Well as creepy as she is that little Lolita has Ace's heart all wrapped up like a bow..I think its cuz she's small..or cute or something I don't know. Anyways all she has to do is just look at him and he gives in to taking her on late night walks. But we rightly can't allow children to trip and fall right? So those antenna perk straight up before simply combusting into portable torches. The length of time they can burn is still unknown
So that's pretty much it......why are you still here...I'm done writing...GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE DUDE WHAT THE HELL!!!
By. Chad M. Spaulding
The man you see here is one Drake Alvaro Valeri...or better known as Ace. He's the leader to those of us who work in Division 0 which is associated with Cipher Corp. But that's not why I'm showing you this awesomely hand drawn picture of the Italian mutt..The reason why I'm showing you this is because I'd like to point something out.
You see that? Those are what Ace likes to refer to as his bangs...DO NOT LET HIM FOOL YOU. These antenna are more than just mere bangs and I am going to educate you so get ready for this alright? Be warned that this is simply mind boggling and understand that you will never get an honest confession out of the fucking giant red head in regards to what I'm going to show you.
What we have here is a prime example of the freaky fucking shit that Ace does with those antenna of his. And its one of the more harmless ones too. Ever have that urge to go on a swing? Come on admit it..There's nothing wrong with that. Its the feeling of the wind in your face..of a sensation similar to flying..being free. Its what all kids associate swings with and fuck you if your to adult to ride on one. But suddenly you realize...there are no more swings?! Your neighborhood has taken them down cuz scumbags keep screwing up your park..Sad panda is sad right? NO LONGER! Ace some how managed to not only strengthen these strands but he showed us for the first of many times how he can extend them like a fucking tape measure!! Take these extensions and attach them over a thick branch sure to carry both your weight and Aces and instant swing. Just hope you don't mind cigaret smoke cuz at some point Ace will be puffing away on one.
Swings aren't your thing you say? Go suck a dick..swings are for everyone but fine. I'll indulge you..Everyone likes to jump rope right? Yet again just firmly grab those antenna near the base and pull until you reach the desired length. Now this is a double feature because while you can use just a single antenna for jumping rope but you can use both for some talented quick footed double dutch. Show off bitch show off to your hearts content..Lets try to avoid stepping on your "rope" though. Ace isn't fond of foot dirt on his hair.
So all that play has you tuckered out and hungry right? Whats that? You brought a mothafucking watermelon with you but no knife..Your a real dumb ass aren't ya..Don't worry about it though failure because Ace has got your back. What we're going to do is once more extend an antenna. Only one will be needed this time and any length is ok. I prefer to go longer. Cuz Ace is a shitty shot sometimes..especially when doing this crap blind folded..Crazy crack head. Anyways, the antenna is going to harden and sharpen so that with one simple FWAP your watermelon is cracking open like a baby's skull on a sidewalk! Wow that was morbid..anyways moving on shall we?
Alright so we got our snacks right? Perfect...wait..what? Speak up carpet muncher I can't hear shit if you don't speak up! What do you mean your hot? Hmm..well..I guess your right. Oh actually this is perfect because now I can show you a new variation of Ace's Antenna Power. Which from this point will be referred to as AP. Ok so this wont actually require you to extend the antennas which is nice because Ace told me that after a while that shit gives him a head ache..All you have to do is just wind the strands together as tightly as you can..and then let them go..Insta fan! Sit there and enjoy the cool breaze that Ace provides you as you eat your summer treats
Guess who can be the life of a party...without even getting out of his chair? Who? No not motha fuckin Betty White...though that's one funny bitch..wait..this isn't what we're supposed to be talking about. Anyways here you can see that Ace can use his AP in games such as pictionary or cheraids...talented jerk off. Beats me every time too.
Are you being harassed? Bullied? Haunted? Fear not for Ace shall save the day with his AP. Much in the same matter that we used on the watermelon both antenna are used to increase not only general reach but also accuracy...honestly Ace is just hoping he'll hit something, the bum. Regardless the ginger will chase away and defeat your monsters/bully's/boogieman..or what ever the hell's been pestering you...This will apply to pesky bartenders too.
Warning!!! If Ace has had enough of your bull shit and shenanigans like I am he'll actually escape..Now this is just a variation of his fan..only pointed upwards so as to propel himself around like a bloody chopper...GET IN THE CHOPPER GET IN THE CHOPPER NAAAAOOOO!
This is the one talent I think Ace gets the most use out of. Assisted stability when he wants to be a show off and jump from fucking one level to another. To date I've seen him go about 4 stories..pretty sure the donkey dong could go higher
Finally we have my favorite AP Romantic walk mode. See that pretty lil girl? Well as creepy as she is that little Lolita has Ace's heart all wrapped up like a bow..I think its cuz she's small..or cute or something I don't know. Anyways all she has to do is just look at him and he gives in to taking her on late night walks. But we rightly can't allow children to trip and fall right? So those antenna perk straight up before simply combusting into portable torches. The length of time they can burn is still unknown
So that's pretty much it......why are you still here...I'm done writing...GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE DUDE WHAT THE HELL!!!
